just me & my misery

23 | she/her | @Emma_Swan3 on AO3 🖤

[emmasdelusions]

Let’s be real…sometimes the anticipation and absolute delusion of what could happen in a show is way better than what we actually get. So yeah, I am absolutely sucking the life out of every single teaser frame. What the hell, why not?

Sydcarmy stuck in a storm together, let’s goooo

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[yapper1020]

HELLO??? THEY'RE SO CUTIE I LOVE THEM SO BAD

[emmasdelusions]

I’m gonna miss them so much oh my god😭😭😭

[pairingbrainrot]

🥴🫠

[emmasdelusions]

I always catch myself pausing to stare whenever those screenshots pop up in my feed

THE CHEMISTRY AHHHH😩

[melonatures]

[bioloyg]

tags by @ambeauty

[ambeauty]

[emmasdelusions]

i’ve been quietly working on a 40k+ sydcarmy fic for the past two months and… yeah. this one has me by the throat. I’ll post the first chapter once I’m gone with the whole thing. just felt like sharing some details in here, for those who need that post season 4 slowburn ❤️

KOMOREBI — when sunlight filters through the tress, the interplay between the light and leaves.

After stepping away from the chaos he once called purpose, Carmy doesn’t know what to do with stillness. Sydney doesn’t try to save him from it. She just teaches him how to sit in it.

And how to notice that even calm can feel like something alive.

[emmasdelusions]

Thanks @aerishey for tagging me to list fictional women I love ❤️ some of my absolute favs:

• Emma Swan — Once Upon A Time

• Daenerys Targaryen — Game of Thrones

• Ellie — The Last of Us

• Irene Adler — Sherlock Holmes

• Katniss Everdeen — The Hunger Games

I'm tagging @bellacosmos @waywardangel-wilds

[emmasdelusions]

i’m tired your honor.

no like actually i am so tired.

because how do you create one of the most insane, magnetic, slow-burn, eye-contact-should-be-illegal dynamics on television and then act like it’s not there?

THE WASTED POTENTIAL OF IT ALL???

syd and carmy are not subtle. this is not delusion. this is not “shippers reaching.” the tension is baked into the framing. the blocking. the symbolisms. the way they stand too close. the way they can’t look at each other without looking like they’re about to either kiss or combust.

and this is an ORIGINAL show.

there is no book canon. no “sorry we have to stay faithful to the source material.” no constraints. just vibes. and yet somehow we’re pretending the most electric relationship on the screen is… what. a fucked up friendship? a professional relationship?

also. even IF - and that’s a big if - this dynamic wasn’t originally planned and it just organically happened because the actors have great chemistry… then why on earth would you not lean into it???

that’s literally the dream. that’s the jackpot. actors accidentally generating electricity so strong the audience can feel it through the screen.

they’re handing you a fully assembled emotional arc on a silver platter. like here. ready-made. tension included. longing included. narrative depth included.

and you’re just… not taking it?

how do you look at that kind of lightning in a bottle and go “no thanks ❤️ anyway here’s Claire.exe loading again like we didn’t already uninstall this storyline.”

be serious.

i have shipped characters since i was… not to even mention. i have been in the trenches. i have survived queerbaiting. i have survived ships that never even touched hands. i thought i had built resilience.

but THIS? this feels like watching someone fumble the easiest touchdown of their life.

Chris Storer what are we doing. what is the vision. because from down here it looks like you wrote accidental soulmates and then got scared of your own creation.

and don’t even get me started on “it’s not that kind of show.” what kind of show is it then. because it sure as hell keeps filming them like it’s that kind of show.

we’re not asking for bridgerton kind of shit, we’re not asking for a wedding episode. we’re not even asking for violins and soft lighting.

we’re asking for payoff. for acknowledgment. for ONE crumb. a moment. something that says “yes, we see it too.”

why does it feel like modern tv is allergic to giving audiences joy?

anyway. if they never even let them explore it for five minutes i will be here. laughing at their stupidity.

is anyone else exhausted or am i spiraling alone?

[aerishey]

A Recipe for the Fall of Carmen Berzatto

One too-long day, a very-well-ignored message, a phone call with her dad, a few more shameful orgasms, and a good (terrible) night’s sleep later, Sydney is doing prep at The Bear the next day. What she should actually do is go to the office and finalize the June menu, but she’s gonna avoid the office as long as she can, obviously. Also, the carrots need to be diced perfectly for the mirepoix, so. —Chapter 9: Porcini

[emmasdelusions]

This was spectacular give me 14 of them right now!

Everybody go read this bombshell of a fic!

[chefkids]

s5 episode 9 26:17

[emmasdelusions]

“My sous-chef in an ideal situation is like my wife. I’ll go further. My sous-chef in an ideal situation is closer to me than my wife… I spend a lot more time with my sous-chef. Having a sous-chef with excellent cooking skills and a criminal mind is one of God’s greatest gifts.”

I keep thinking about this passage from Kitchen Confidential and how much it fits Carmy. We see him acknowledging the book in S4, so it’s pretty clear he read it — and honestly, this explains so much about the way he looks at Sydney and the space she occupies in his life.

For Bourdain, the sous-chef isn’t just a work partner. It’s someone you rely on completely, the person who stands next to you in the chaos, the one you trust without thinking. There’s an intimacy to that connection that goes way beyond labels.

And then there’s this part:

“I could look across the room at Steven, raise an eyebrow, make an imperceptible movement with my chin, and the thing — whatever the thing was — would be done.”

That’s Carmy and Sydney to the bone. The glances, the instinctive sync, the way they move around each other like they’re speaking a language only they know. It’s not romantic in the traditional sense, but it is a form of closeness that matters deeply to people who live their lives in kitchens.

Which also makes it make sense why Carmy is so hesitant to cross that line with her, even though it’s obvious he cares. When the sous-chef bond is the one steady thing in your world, you protect it. You don’t risk breaking it.

And now I can’t help wondering:

maybe stepping away from the restaurant is exactly what might shift something for him.

If the kitchen isn’t the thing holding that boundary anymore… maybe he’ll finally let himself get closer to her in a different way.

[missamyshay]

muse

[emmasdelusions]

👨‍🍳Hot Take on Carmy in Season 5 (AKA Why He’s Miserable and It’s Not Just About “Losing Passion”)

Okay, hear me out — Carmy in season 4 isn’t just sad or “burned out.” He’s miserable. He’s colourless. He’s stuck in grayscale while everyone else is living in 4K. And it’s not because he stopped loving cooking — it’s because cooking started feeling like losing.

Everyone keeps saying he’s uninspired and doesn’t care anymore… but that’s bullshit. We’ve seen him get inspired — by Sydney’s bandanas, by the way she plates food, the way she moves in the kitchen. So the problem isn’t inspiration.

The problem is competition.

Carmy feels like Sydney doesn’t need him — not because he’s over cooking, but because he can’t stand losing to her. She’s faster. Softer. More natural. And he hates the feeling that she might actually be better. He doesn’t want to be second in his own kitchen. And we’ve seen this before — he was competitive with Luca too. It’s how the industry raised him.

He was programmed this way: be the best or be nothing.

So when he tells Syd her dish “isn’t ready”? Nah. It was ready. It was too good. And he couldn’t handle putting her above him.

Control is his religion. He’s a control freak with trauma layered like a mille-feuille — industry abuse, insane chefs, his brother’s death, his parents, the whole enchilada.

He’s not quitting cooking forever. He’s trying to find something else he can be good at, something that doesn’t hurt. But he will come back — because cooking is his art, his language, his heartbeat. I can literally see a scene next season: Carmy cooking something slowly, quietly, no rush, no chaos — just love for the craft. Healing through creation.

And then — Claire (sigh…)

He didn’t go back to Claire because he loves her. He went back because she’s easy. Because she’s safe, untouched by kitchens and chaos. She wants him the way he is. She doesn’t ask him to be better. She doesn’t challenge him. She just lets him exist as he is — broken, quiet, cooking or not cooking. She brushes off his trauma like dust on his jacket.

But Sydney? Whole different thing.

With Sydney, it’s:

“Don’t let me down again.”

“Try to be less miserable.”

“You’re supposed to fucking be here.”

With her it’s growth. It’s accountability. It’s partnership. It’s healing, but the painful kind — where someone looks you in the eye and says fix it.

Sydney doesn’t let him rot. She pushes him. She meets him at eye level. She sees his trauma but doesn’t let it become an excuse. (Remember during their fight when Syd says, “I’m sorry you had to go through this shit,” and he literally begs her to stop?) That’s the difference — she doesn’t let him hide from it. She won’t let him stay small. Also she believes the kitchen isn’t a battleground — it can be a collaboration.

Where I think this is going:

• Carmy heals. Slowly. I pray to God that therapy is involved.

• He finds out about making the best meal for Sydney. I feel like there is a reason multiple characters know about it but not him yet. I think it might be a big thing for him that shifts something.

• He falls back in love with his craft.

• He learns that working (and being) with someone (especially someone who challenges you) isn’t losing — it’s love.

• And as soon as he realises that? Claire won’t make sense to him anymore.

• I even think Claire might not want him to return to cooking — because it makes him chaotic and harder to love. And that might be exactly what breaks them.

Because in the end? I don’t see Carmy and Claire together. I see Carmy choosing the heat, the mess, the growth. I see him choosing colour again.

[writercultureis]

writer culture is going through every comment you've ever had while kicking your feet and giggling

[emmasdelusions]

im not gonna say anything. no im not.

[waywardangel-wilds]

A moment of silence for every time Sydney has stared at Carmy, and his reaction has been a genuine, flustered, and/or scared "What?"

[emmasdelusions]

I hate them

[eloiscbridgerton]

THE BEAR 4.08 – Green // 1.08 – Braciole

[cyberbearism]

Writing fanfiction for this show is so hard especially Sydcarmy stuff bc these two freaks communicate through food and industry specific terminology and professional sociolect man I'm sitting here learning about the ins and outs of the service industry and fine dining meanwhile I've never cooked anything more complicated than a steak in my life. I couldn't give less of a shit about microgreens and scallops and caviar and truffles if i tried.