Not sure who in the fandom needs to hear this but I would rather Ayo Edebiri be living her best, unbothered life on a Broadway stage than have her doing The Bear promo (incl having her beautiful mug plastered on a billboard with JAW) if the latter means she’s gonna cop intense racist backlash from n@zi keyboard junkies and the parts of the fandom that are fawning over Gary cos they get hard over stories of dysfunctional white masculinity.
Americans, have you not watched the news? Have you made it out the other side of that fascist hellscape while the rest of us were asleep?
The Bear isn’t going after awards anymore. It’s the last season and they don’t give a fuck (as well they shouldn’t). Ebon gave an interview recently and spoke about The Bear and talked about how the path to psychological wellness doesn’t make great entertainment. This show is first and foremost about Carmy’s healing journey (read: his journey unlearning white supremacist capitalist patriarchy). And we have years of analysis on here establishing that Claire is antithetical to Carmy’s healing.
Maybe this fandom is just full of folks who, like Carmy, are really bad at math 😞
was it casual when you thought of her in the middle of a panic attack and it calmed you down? was it casual when she walked back into your life and the sun collected around her until she was the light at the end of the tunnel? was it casual when you said you were gonna get a star for her? how ‘bout after you said you didn’t need the star? was it casual when you drew the entire menu for her? the same muse you create dishes based off of? all the color and vibrancy she brings to your life mirrored in the arts? was it casual when you called her The Bear? was it casual when you gave her the dream you and your brother shared, all the most broken pieces of yourself, because you knew they’d be safe with her until you could pick them up and stitch them back together again? was it casual when your anger at her not telling you about Shapiro’s offer had less to do with her leaving and more to do with her not recognizing how great she is? was it casual when you had this epiphany realizing she was even better than YOU?
(and how casual would it be if you knew that all that you two are hinges on the first meal you made where you truly expressed yourself IN SPITE OF the people above you?)
So, one of the bases of creating an efficient character arc is to give the character something they want, and something they need. In the pursuit of getting what they want, the theme of the show and obstacles will show them what they need. Most of the time, they need healing from an emotional wound that prevents them from growing into the ultimate version of themselves, capable of winning the challenges of the story. I will try to explore Carmy's wound and, more importantly, the lie that created that wound.
In 'The negative trait thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, it reads:
"Wounds are often kept secret from others because embedded within them is the lie-an untruth that the character believes about himself."
When I started therapy (disclaimer: this is not professional advice; I am just talking from how I interpreted all of this), I was introduced to the concept of "limiting beliefs:" lies we have told ourselves about our own nature or the nature of the world. The most difficult beliefs to leave behind are those established in our early childhoods, and we told ourselves those lies to make sense of the world, to make peace with realities we were not equipped to comprehend yet.
Some examples of lies people belive:
"I am too stupid to learn anything; my teacher said so"
"It was my fault that I was molested."
"I am a bad person for wanting a different life."
When people believe these lies, they will act accordingly, maybe attracting situations that hurt them but keeping the lie active in their lives. They may self-sabotage or create bonds with people who also believe the lie, even if it doesn't seem this way.
In some cases, people may develop complete personalities or behaviors to prove the lie wrong, but deep down, they still believe in the lie. Carmy falls into this last category. This is where we find the most contradictory parts of his personality, how he can act shy and insecure in some instances and appear confident and even aggressive in others.
Long post underneath.
THE RESENT OF A MOTHER:
We can only assume here because I think Storer is gonna let us know more about this soon, but I think I got an idea of this wound when I saw the only moment Carmy was alone with Donna on "Fishes."
I have a lot of things to say about Donna herself, but let's begin with the obvious: the conversation in this scene had little to do with the dinner itself. This was a woman stating that she felt alone and not valued, probably due to being abandoned by her husband and having to overwork herself at the beef to support her 3 kids, all while being a single mother. We don't know if this feeling of abandonment is something she has carried since childhood, but in the state of current womanhood, it wouldn't be uncommon. The work of women (especially mothers), particularly the emotional labor, is rather invisible and not valued at all.
But again, this is something she has used as fuel to resent her kids, who, at the end of the day, didn't ask to be here. Her anger has to go somewhere since she cannot direct it toward the people that ctually caused it. To get to the point:
THE BEARZATTO SYBLING DYNAMIC
Carmy said, "You are not alone; I am here with you." (This kind of comes back to telling Syd she was not alone at the end of the season.) This scene is about a kid trying to communicate to his mother that he loves her and trying desperately to connect with her, to get her to express her affection for him as well.
It tells me that growing up, he felt like he had to "earn" her affection. Donna likes to make her kids feel guilty about her unhappiness, so the kids feel that they are constantly walking on shells because they think their mother hates them, or at least that she resents them and that it is their responsibility to fix it.
In the scene, Carmy asked,
"What is so hard, Mom?"
I think what he was actually asking is, "What is so hard about being with us, to love us? What did we do to you that made you resent us this way?" He is asking because he wants to know, to finally understand. Why do you drink, Mom? Why do you yell? Why do you say such hurtful things?
When she answers, "Nobody makes things beautiful for me," you can see in his face the disconnection. He knows he can't do anything about that.
Then, a crucial part in the scene occurs when Donna calls him "Michael, " which indicates that the only one of her children who could make her feel happy was Michael, or at least that is how the other two kids felt. You can see the hurt in Carmy's eyes in the scene because this answer dismisses his effort to connect to his mother in his own right. She asks him to just leave. He offers to wait to connect with her. Then, it comes to the most chilling moment on the scene, the "we have a problem" using his full name, with resentment in every word. She hugs him while crying, kisses him, and then slaps him.
This is rejection. There is a book called "The Five Wounds of the Soul": wich are Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. I think Carmy's wound is rejection, for never earning his mother's love, particularly comparing himself to Michael.
Michael took responsibility for the Beef, finally giving their mom a break. It was Michael's job to make sure everyone was having a good time, to compensate for the discomfort that caused being in Donna's presence, to make sure all of them stayed as a family, which was Donna's intention, so Michael thought he had to make that happen for her. Therefore, Michael is the only one of her kids who succeeds and makes her happy. We know Donna rejects Natalie and Carmy. About Natalie, we can write another whole essay.
THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIVES
According to this scene, I think Carmy thinks that her mother didn't love him because he is not Michael; in fact, he is the most "not like Michael" someone could be. He was shy and stuttered and didn't have friends or girlfriends, comparable to Michael's ability to control every room he was in. Carmy was sensible and no macho alfa as Michael presented himself to be. Carmy left home and the family business, and both Michael and Donna expressed that they feel like he thinks he is better than them. Michael admitted later to admiring Carmy's work in Copenhagen, but Donna never did. carmy grew up having to live with the crumbles of Donna's attention that Michael left behind, wondering every day what was so wrong with him that made her reject him, and wondering what he could do to change that.
The lie that Carmy belives, could be sumarize this way:
I need to earn people's love. I need to always go the extra mile, doing the most possible at all times to earn people's love.
This all goes back to his trauma with Michael. It goes back to his career as a chef and how he became the best. He didn't need to succeed on a larger scale in the culinary industry to earn Michael's respect and love; he needed to be the best in the world, so he did that. He judges his own social abilities, comparing them to Miachae's. He left that promising career only because of Michae's death. He got the girlfriend Michael wanted for him (not saying it was the only reason, but it was there).
PART 2: WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAD TO DO WITH SYDNEY?
Well, what does a person who feels they always need to do the most? They do the most. I want to bring you back to the moments Carmy had to develop menu ideas with Syd on s1 and s2.
When Syd suggested items for the menu in s1, he gave her an inconclusive, not enthusiastic "maybe."
When she had to actually cook the thing for him to approve, he tried to make her feel small about it. He felt the need to remind her that she was "impatient and green," according to her previous bosses. He commented about her possibly ruining the flow by using time to cook her recipe. Yikes all around, but the core here is that he was treating her like an enemy, like competition, while she was trying to save the restaurant with what they had on hand to use the most efficient solution.
Then, when Carmy tries the dish and feels stunned by it, he has to make an ambiguous excuse on the fly and just finishes every chance of them using the recipe by saying, "is not ready yet"
And what does he do next? He goes to show the crew a recipe that is extremely complicated for the level they are operating at currently—they said so themselves. I think the recipe is a variation of Donna's butter chicken recipe. To put a nail on that coffin of his intentions to earn her love and approval at the end of it all.
But why does he do all this? Because he needs to be the hero, subconsciously, he is still that small kid begging for acceptance and love; he must go the extra mile. He cannot accept Sydney's help and partnership, because that will take away from him earning what he wants on his own merit.
In S2, he seems unenthusiastic about starting the menu in the first place. Then Claire comes along, and he tries to make it work with Syd and the menu, but I think he subconsciously thanks the universe for not having to go to his core wound. That is what self-sabotage is. That is why he bailed on the food tour with Syd, using such a stupid excuse as helping somebody else move out and never mentioning it again. He never asked her what she liked or what ideas she thought of. For most of the creative process, Syd is alone, working on her own creative crisis. The menu ends up being like two recipes they made in collaboration and then all of his family's traditional recipes. It is two of Syd's recipes and the rest of Carmy's. Then, desserts Marcus did on his own. The collaboration was superficial at best.
All of this creates the core theme of the show. The Bear was once a chaotic place (like their childhood home) that needs to evolve into an efficient, peaceful place built on love, support, and mutual collaboration like a functional family should be. Sydney is the member of this found family that forces Carmy to confront his core wound and learn he can actually be good enough while still accepting help. Therapy probably will play an important part in this theme, alongside with Carmy learning there was nothing wrong with him in the first place, that earning your parent's love is not something a kid can do.
Thankyou for reading. Gif and images are not mine.
"Syd wants to control Carmy!" "But Claire's the peace!" I'm begging you to please think for more than five seconds
Not being able to see two characters in a romantic light is okay, however going out of your way to simplify and by extension, mischaracterize the characters, is just reductive and disingenuous. And the sentiment that a romance would ruin the show is demeaning because it implies that romance removes depth and narrative value from both the characters and the story. One of the key points of The Bear is development. So who's to say one relationship can't develop into something different than what it is currently?
FYI this is NOT a safe space, any Sydney hate will NOT be tolerated and I will genuinely kill you
Okay so I’ve rewatched S4 and Goodbye and even though I really like Sydney and Carmy’s conversation, it does bother me a little that Carmy doesn’t know what he means to Syd yet. Imo he did a good job letting her know just how talented and valuable she is and how he has so much faith in her right. But he’s genuinely surprised that she’s this upset he’s leaving and even says “I thought you’d be psyched!” Like he’s misread this situation so hard and has no clue Sydney is mainly there for him.
She tells TJ and Donna just how great and earnest she thinks he is and how it’s an honor to even work with him but for some reason (maybe her avoidance or fear) she never tells Carmy any of it, not even the real reason she came to the bear and I can’t stop thinking about it. Carmy looks genuinely surprised and out of his depth when Sydney starts crying in that alley so now he knows his presence vs absence is a big deal to her but I still don’t know if he understands WHY or just how much Sydney sees him for he is as not just a competent chef but someone who’s worth following even into uncertainty and chaos because in Sydney’s words “he wants to make things better.”
That was why she stayed in s4 and why she came back in s1, his vision and his sincerity and kindness are all rare qualities and she sees him beyond the chaos and hurt and misunderstandings, and I don’t think he understands because in his warped view of himself he still thinks his worth is mainly linked to his skill level and thinks Sydney is mad that he is “not good enough”, when she’s really mad because she’s not collaborating with the man she respects and admires the most.
And IDK even if Carmy retires, I want him to at least know his legacy and the positive impact he’s had on people and how that’s changed their lives for the better, starting with Syd but also everyone in that restaurant that now has the skills and career because he funded their education and got them to stage at some of the best restaurants in the world with his brother’s money. I’m just so sick of everything being about his flaws and mistakes when he deserves compassion and appreciation too. And I want it to come from Sydney because she’s the bear and the beating heart of this show and I think it would mean alot to him coming from her.
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