She Wore a Smile Like a Loaded Gun

A HALO OF SOFT HAIR, LAUGHTER THAT ECHOED THROUGHOUT THE HALLS, FLOWERS ETCHED ACROSS HER RIBS, QUICK HANDS, JEAN JACKET LITTERED WITH COLOURFUL PATCHES, LEATHER COMBAT BOOTS, FIRM BELIEVER IN CORDUROY AND THE MAGIC OF COLOUR, HAZEL EYES THAT BEGGED FOR HONESTY

[emmesvcnce]

( zoey deutch / cisfemale / she/her ) — was that EMMELINE LYANNA VANCE passing through diagon alley? yes, i think so… people around them say they remind them of wild hair whipping with the wind, laughter that echoed throughout the halls, flowers etched across her ribs, quick hands, leather combat boots, firm believer in corduroy and the magic of colour, hazel eyes that begged for honesty which i suppose seems to fit that RAVENCLAW - HOGWARTS ALUMNI. they’re actually pretty IMPULSIVE, ADAPTIVE, and CANDID for a TWENTY-FIVE year old, but i wonder if it serves them well when working as a HIT WIX at the MINISTRY OF MAGIC. have you heard that rumor has it that PUREBLOOD is with the ORDER OF THE PHOENIX now? i wouldn’t have guessed… but this is a conversation we should be having somewhere else. ( ally / 26 / EST / she/her )

𝐁𝐈𝐎 & 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒.   𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐒.

[emmesvcnce]

oftristans​:

      the  brief  silence  sits  there  for  just  a  moment  ,  cheeks  threatening  to  warm  up  when  that  same  elation  burns  bright  in  her  eyes  too  despite  the  winter  air  that  pricks  at  his  skin .  she’s  a  breathtaking  sight  always  ,  but  there’s  something  much  more  alluring  about  the  slight  timidness  that  is  retiring  her  usual  confidence  and  tristan  wonders  what  emmeline  is  thinking  in  that  moment .  the  witch  was  the  firecracker ,  the  first  to  throw  a  quip  to  rough  tristan’s  usual  straight  edges  but  tristan  sees  right  through  her  words  just  then  -  

    ❝  a  crime  to  you  or  to  the  pancakes  ?   ❞   he  asks  with  a  teasing  tone ,  moving  to  follow  her  down  the  path  with  no  hesitance  just  like  tristan  always  did .  the  smile  that  is  on  his  lips  only  falters  for  a  moment  at  her  question ,  though .  it  was  most  definitely  an  innocent  question  to  ask  ,  but  also  feels  like  a  test  .  the  kiss  still  burned  in  his  memories  -  no  need  to  deny  that  even  now  as  he  casts  a  quick  glance  at  her  -  but  then  guilt  settles .  he  hadn’t  meant  for  her  to  feel  abandoned .    ❝ i  have  been  okay ,  ❞   tristan  finally  says but  it  still  doesn’t  feel  like  enough . 

      so  it’s  with  a  sigh  that  he  stops  and  reaches  out  for  emmeline .  his  hand  catches  along  the  sleeve  of  her  jacket  and  manages  to  pull  her  towards  him .  they  aren’t  pressed  against  each  other  like  they  had  been  at  the  black  lake  but  she’s  close  enough  for  him  to  differentiate  the  smell  of  london  air  and  her  perfume .  ❝ how  have  you  been ,  emmeline ?  with  everything  -  ❞  he  doesn’t  divulge  further ,  his  eyes  probably  speaking  for  him  in  that  moment  before  tristan  carries  on .   ❝  i  know  you  must  have  had  a  stressful  last  week .  ❞ 

“you’re here for the pancakes, are you not?” she joked, but she felt it -- she would have to be the farthest thing from self aware to not notice that it didn’t have the same teasing ring to it -- she would bounce off of each other so easily and oh rowena, she had wanted to see him and she wanted them to be well them, but that flatness in her tone or the way that sheepish smile stretched her lips - it felt like armour to her heart. “i’m happy to hear that” honest and him being well was what returned that brightness to her gaze - as much as she wanted him close - the idea of him up in the castle safe, away from this chaos is what helped her sleep at night.

she had let the wind sweep away her -- focused on the bustle and anything that was his blues that tended to hold her captivated, she hadn’t realized that he had reached out for her, not until she felt herself falling into step close, the warmth she thought he radiated was not wishful thinking - but she felt that as he kept her close to his side and with that -- off went her resolve. “i’m okay” she promised, looking at him rather earnestly because how could she not be? she hadn’t been the one accused let alone the one that had more to lose in that moment - her heart had gone out to sirius, “a few sleepless nights is a small price to pay”

maybe it was stressful in a way, but so was her career - it hadn’t been what kept her up at night, and she knew that it was selfish - her own personal problems had no place in the stress that had been created till sirius was acquitted. she had expected relief and the hope that her days would become business as usual, but as she woke up the next morning and again the following day, she didn’t need to be introspective to know that the heaviness in her heart was because of the unpredictability of them. she always knew where she stood with him - that’s what had comforted her in the past, but now everything was different -- she had made them different, “did i ruin us?” words spilling before she could stop herself - there went her pride, and here came her fear. stopping as she looked up at him, “we’re different - i feel it, and i thought it was okay -- it seemed okay when we were writing and then we weren’t, and we didn’t talk about it” she was rambling -- but she didn’t feel like she could stop, not till it was all out, “i’m sorry -- i’m sorry i crossed a line, i shouldn’t have -- we’re clearly not the same, and i want us to be -- what do i need to do to make this okay?” tone cracking as she finally stopped hiding. 

[emmesvcnce]

oftristans​:

closed . / @emmesvcnce​

      he  had  always  been  a  floo  away  ,  and  it  always  took  just  a  letter  to  find  emmeline  but  tristan  had  somehow  found  a  way  to  busy  himself  since  the  last  time  he’d  seen  her  .  she  still  crept  into  his  mind  at  the  slightest  mention  -  the  skin  that  she’d  touch  when  they  were  last  together  still  sore  from  the  burn  tristan  felt  now  there  was  some  confirmation  that  she  too  felt  something .  but  when  he  finally  receives  the  paper  and  reads  its  headline  does  tristan  finally  move  to  send  the  emmeline  a  quick  owl  - it  had  been  a  rather  small  piece  of  parchment   but  it  was  all  he  had  on  his  person  at  the  time  and  several  inked  words  of  i  hope  you  are  free  this  weekend .  

 and  when  he  does  finally  see  her  days  later  ,  every  and  any  kind  of  emotion  that  he  had  forced  down  came  back  in  full  swing  .  hands  are  in  each  pocket  of  his  cloak  ,  eyes  settling  on  her  person  when  she  opens  her  door  and  all  he  can  truly  manage  at  that  time  is a  :  ❝ hey . ❞  it’s  breathless  but  satisfied  ,  almost  as  if  he  had  been  holding  it  since  she  had  left  from  hogwarts  two  weeks  ago .  the  pair  have  been  incredibly  busy  ,  that  much  tristan  knows  and  there  had  been  no  ill  intent  in  the  way  that  he  had  stopped  writing  her  back  .  tristan  soaringly  knew   that  emmeline  must  have  had  her  hands  caught  with  sirius  black  -  and  somehow  that  felt  more  important  than  entertaining  whatever  moment  they  had  .  it  had  been  a  kiss  that  followed  an  outburst  -   ❝ i  haven’t  forgotten  your  invitation  for  pancakes.❞           

the mess that was the last few weeks was never something she would ask for, but it was certainly enough to keep her mind off of him. sirius black acquitted of all charges -- a headline and news that seemed to allow everyone to take a second to breathe. it was that very morning where she finally sat down and the reality of the worry she hadn’t realized she harboured since her visit to the castle came crashing down. despite the quick back and forth with tristan -- something that had kept her heart at ease, it all stopped and with that the balloon of that alternate reality she felt like she was living in popped. she had spent a day moping -- pathetically so as she tried to focus on work, and yet when she finally let the disappointment take over -- there was that quiet whisper, the one that fed into her insecurities -- why was she surprised?

that’s what she was good at - readjusting her expectations, when she didn’t have any -- there was less of a chance of her getting hurt, it had been her mantra over since childhood, now shouldn’t be any different and because life enjoyed sending her in a tailspin, she got his owl soon after-- i  hope  you  are  free  this  weekend. a promise that he was keeping and that’s what friends do, wasn’t it? she had done the same before she had changed things and as much as she wanted kick herself for overstepping, she knew deep down that avoiding him was not something she wanted. as much as her heart wanted more, she wasn’t in the business of listening to it despite recent events and more than anything, emmeline couldn’t lose him - he was one of her closest friends, so all she could do was write him back.

a fling of the door and it was as if her heart had discovered a different beat, “hey” she breathed out, a small smile stretched her lips as she she buttoned her coat, “of course you haven’t -- it would be a crime” she joked soft, closing the door behind her as she gestured for her to follow in step, “it’s not too far of a walk” she promised, letting the silence reign for a moment “it sounds silly to ask, but how have you been?” 

[emmesvcnce]

lovencharity​:

“Yes,  but  I  have  to  say.  Being  here  on  weekdays  is  quite  different.”  She  grinned.  “Less  crowded  and  somehow  still  as  chaotic  as  having  half  the  school  blundering  for  a  table.”  Words  filled  with  a  certain  delight,  as  if  she  was  telling  a  story  with  a  surprise  ending.  

“And  I’d  never  even  been  around  people  my  own  age  for  more  than  an  hour.”  It  was  likely  even  a  little  bit  of  a  confession.  Nearly  done  with  her  drink,  Charity  set  it  on  the  table  before  her,  pulling  as  the  sleeves  of  her  sweater  in  all  the  warmth  of  the  familiar  setting,  only  added  to  by  such  as  face  as  Emmeline.  “You  should  tell  them  that.  It’s  much  easier  than  you  think.”  Her  nose  wrinkled  slightly,  this  wasn’t  her  usual  political  activity  and  she  was  positive  the  ministry  was  starting  to  liken  her  for  a  certain  reputation.  “Find  the  lot  that  are  in  the  same  case  as  you.  Sort  of  get  the  feeling  the  ministry  doesn’t  want  to  be  loosing  people  at  the  moment.  And  you  just…sort  have  to  tell  them.”  Part  of  her  longed  for  something  of  a  commute,  instead  of  sleeping  where  she  worked.  A  part  time  residence  really  only  made  sense.  “And  yet,  I  could  almost  envy  you  for  it  you  know.  You  get  to  have  somewhere  to  go  or  see  different  faces.  I  believe  I  could  count  my  daily  conversations  and  with  whom  on  just  one  hand.”

“sounds like it’s all about the company and if this is where you keep yourself entertained, then it’s your energy darling” warmth was what spread through her as she reminisced, bustling tables, laughter that was so loud that she was sure she could hear the ruckus from honeydukes - that’s what they said about the good times, wasn’t it? you don’t realize you were in them till they were all but a memory. 

“-- and that’s how you stay young, love” she joked softly, “you know me, communication and i don’t have the best relationship” shrugging slightly, emmeline found herself finishing off her own pint. “i can’t just put up signs asking for a chat, believe it or not - repressing the loneliness seems to be a basic requirement of the job --” sympathetic smile etched at her lips as she wrapped her arm around hers, learning into her, “sorry Char --” she whispered, here she was complaining about what she had and yet she still got a change of scenery, “i bet tristan can keep you sane --” she pointed out, grin stretching her lips, “get into a debate about the effectiveness of the bubble head charm and that will keep you busy for days” 

[emmesvcnce]

evanrcsiers​:

he rubbed a hand over his eyes before shaking it off. the headache was slowly subsiding but evan did tend to make a scene of himself and halloween was no exception. “oh just agreeing to a stupid dare that involved getting on a table.” he shakes his head now, a small laugh escapes his lips. “hm, maybe the universe is just saying we’re lucky.”

not that evan asked the universe for anything—after the last couple of years he felt like had been dealt with a shitty hand of cards, no thanks to his father and what he had gotten up to. he knew that it was unfair to blame everything on him but then all he had was himself and he was trying to be better than him. “okay,” he says, looking at her for a moment, he had put his life in emmeline’s hands, he didn’t know if she had felt the same way that she did, regardless of the war, he had trusted her and that was a far bigger thing to him than anything else. “i got your back.” he says, drawing his hand, holding it in the robe pocket as he started the walk towards knockturn alley. 

"you got on a table? tell me you didn’t take a tumble and if you did get on there -- tell me you got something worthwhile” if emmeline was on a table making an utter fool of herself, she hoped her drinks were at least covered for the night. “the universe has a funny sense of humour - lady luck won’t be so kind soon enough, but i’ll take it” 

maybe it was his tone or the quiet promise that came with him following, but he hadn’t said anything she hadn’t already known, this job rarely warranted for trust, “don’t get all sentimental on me, rosier” gentle smile at her lips, “have you found anyone to come home too or are we still doing the solitude thing” 

[emmesvcnce]

oftristans​:

       ❝  you’d  be  so  surprised  how  easy  it  is  - ❞   he  immediately  refutes  ,  head  slightly  turning  to  the  side  as  if  her  accusation  was  foolish  .  in  no  version  would  emmeline  ever  be  any  sort  of  too  difficult  .  every  rough  edge  she  had  offer  was  something  tristan  had  come  to  adore  and  just  like  breathing  ,  it  became  instinct  to  look  for  her  .  but  she  catches  his  cheek  before  tristan  can  even  move  once  more  ,  holding  him  firm  with  a  purpose  that  he  does  not  understand  just  yet  as  her  gaze  fiercely  captivates  his  consciousness   .    emmeline  holds  him  as  if  this  was  moment  was  fragile  -  a  glass  that  could  break  at  any  moment  and  it  was  true  -  she  is  suddenly  leaning  forward  and  it’s  a  miracle  that  tristan  doesn’t  tear  away  . 

    all  of  his  attention  is  fixed  on  her  ,  heads  lightly  pressing  together  as  they  were  just  moments  ago  in  a  fit  of  rage  directed  towards  the  world  that  was  burning  around  them  .  but  this  time  , it  was  about  them  or  for  them  -  the  serenity  that  brings   to  his  mind  that  always  ran  on  full  speed  is  what  eventually  draws  him  to  close  that  last  bit  of  space  .  he  finally   decides  to  kiss  her  back  and  it’s  just  as  gentle  at  first  -  hands  only  respectfully  moving  on  her  body  to  adjust  for  the   height  difference  that  had  once  been  just  a  joke  between  them  for  years  .  this  moment  was  easy  ,  so  tranquil  ,  so  needed  -  which  was  a  spectacle  when  many  things  around  them  were  falling  apart  .  tristan  is  almost  tempted  to  feel  selfish  -  how  could  he  indulge  in  a  moment  like  this  ?   but  he  passes  just  as  quickly  as  it  came  as  his  own  body  reacts  to  the  kiss  .  there  was  much  more  he  wanted  to  say  -  and  do  -  but  with  every  ounce  of  strength   left  in  him  ,  he  is  regretfully  the  first  tear  away  .  

      ❝   i  don’t  regret  that  -  ❞   he  says  fiercely  ,  needing  emmeline  to  know  that  nothing  in  him  thought  the   kiss  was  a  mistake  .  just  like  she  had  her  own  imperfections  ,  he  had  his  .  she  was  one  to  always  fix  it  all  ,  though  -  ❝ you  are  easily  the  one  that  matters  ,  emmeline  .  you  -   ❞    he  is  not  even  exactly  sure  what  to  say  then  .  she  was  many  things  to  him  and  yet  ,  the  one  .  ❝  i  do  not  think  i  would  ever  be  able  to  lose  you  .   ❞ 

  the  cold  does  meet  him  first  when  she  steps  back  .  ❝   i  still  have  a  sordid  habit  of  calling  her  professor  and  she  absolutely  despises  that  -    ❞    he  adds  with   a  laugh  ,  hand  extending  towards  her  this  time  and  while  it  was  to  provide  some  balance  along  the  uneven  path  ,  it  was  also  mixed  in  with   the  desire  to  feel  her  touch  once  more  before  she  left  .  ❝  it’s  not  as  frightening  as  having  to  hear  some  folk  call  dumbledore  by  his  first  name  -  even  the  thought  frightens  me  .  ❞  

as stubborn as she was -- this was a time she didn’t care to be wrong, and maybe if she could see herself through his eyes she’d feel differently, yet looking at him now and the conviction that came with his quick disagreement, by rowena - she believed him.  fingers stroking his cheek, a gentleness she hadn’t known she was capable of till him, maybe it was the surprise in his gaze or how for the first time since she realized he had her she wasn’t terrified -- sharing a breath seemed natural as he drew closer, nose grazing against his as she waited - lips parted in anticipation, a second - the longest moment of her life that nearly had her drawing away and almost had her doubting herself before she felt his lips against her. the soft gasp -- eyes that were embarrassingly open for a second as she allowed herself to process before she stepped into his warmth, like a radiant sun -- he was better than a summer day and all she could truly focus on as she sought her peace.  

heavy breath that slipped -- it wasn’t regret that she felt as he finally drew back, no it was a question of how she had gone the last five years without doing that, how that even though it had only been moments ago - she already missed him. as she willed her eyes open, crooked smile at her lips as she found her bearings, arms still clutching to his sides for her dear life as she pressed one final kiss against his jaw before dropping to her heels, “i could never regret you” she stated simply, it was as if her heart beckoned for her to confess that she didn’t want them to be just a kiss -- one stolen moment of peace in a world of noise and pain and as she looked at him and the perfection that was this moment of time, her fear caught up to her. it had winded her as she tried her best to listen and not retreat into the shell that had hid her heart from him for so long, “to you --” she murmured, “ask anyone else and they will disagree” there was no self-deprecation in her statement, but she did want was for her to understand that she will not simply lean on him - she wanted him to lean on her.

“i matter to you” there was a time she dare not believe it but looking at him, she would have to be blind to deny her - ask her in a few hours if it had been a figment of her imagination and she may have been loss, but right now she had clarity, “just like you matter to me” finger poking into his chest gently, “tristan mckinnon -- there hasn’t been a moment in which you haven’t mattered to me, i won’t lose you” definitive was what that was and deep down she knew that even if they crumbled - if they never made it pass this moment and it became buried in a lifetime of hellos and meaningful glances that never became more, this would have still been enough. she wouldn’t have regretted it - she could never regret him and the selfish part of her, the part that didn’t care if she set her own heart on fire - she knew deep down she would be anything he needed them to be, even if it was just friends. it was a bitter pill she would force herself to swallow --

smile widening -- his laugh tended to have that effect on her, “i can only imagine - she’s a prickly woman, brilliant but if you don’t keep up, she won’t let you hear the end of it” she warned, brow raised for a mere second as saw his outstretched hand, “you refuse to let chivalry die, don’t you?” she mused, sly smile tugging at her lips as she took his hand, entwining their fingers as her other clutched his bicep as she drew herself close to his side. happy to bask in his closeness. she couldn’t help the shiver that fell over her as her nose wrinkled with disdain, “i refuse --” she huffed, shaking her head, “i might not be able to call him headmaster, but i refuse to call him” looking around playfully before she whispered, “albus-- i believe he has four names just before his last, i still won’t use any of them”

[emmesvcnce]

constantmoody​:

It  was  a  map  before  him,  points  lighting  up  like  little  sentinels  across  the  least  protected  wixen  villages.  The  gold  light,  that  was  a  good  one  -  calming.  Those  red  lights,  however,  gave  a  leap  in  his  heart.  It  had  been  a  few  months  since  he  last  ‘caught’  a  red  light  on  his  map.  And  in  the  silence  of  his  office,  his  face  drew  closer,  and  closer  to  the  glow  where  he  stared  long  enough  to  no  longer  be  sure  of  the  color  where  the  tan  parchment,  black  lines,  and  golden  shimmer  bonded  into  a  grey-ish  mode.  

Leanly  he  had  swiveled  behind  his  own  chair,  one  hand  pressed  to  the  desk  with  the  other  already  holding  his  wand  out  to  the  door.  Not  even  a  freaking  knock,  rude  bastards.  That’s  what  he  had  convinced  himself  of  by  now.    “I  told  ye  to  introduce  yourself  when  coming  into  a  room.”  He’d  make  it  a  freaking  law  if  he  could,  but  even  as  his  shoulders  were  lax  the  wand  stayed  pointed  outwards.  “Do  ye  think  I’m  holding  office  hours  or  something?”  The  edge  was  gone,  and  he  quickly  flicked  his  wand  downwards  rolling  the  map  and  enchanting  it’s  space  back  to  the  drawer.  “Come  back  later,  please.” @antemortemstarters​

she wasn’t in the best of shape -- what had meant to be a quick shadow had turned into her being on the receiving end of a stinging hex, she had thought she kept enough of a distance -- it was a rookie mistake, one that she was above and yet pondering whether she’d make it to the vance estate tonight for that dinner invitation that she had reluctantly accepted, all in the favour of a fresh start had her distracted in that moment and more vulnerable than she’d care to admit -- 

the red scorching mark was swelling far too quickly and instead of fumbling into mungos, sinking into her familiar bed, she couldn’t help but find herself in front of his office and maybe it was because she didn’t want to be coddled or be close to someone who actually felt like family than the blood that was surely starting supper without her, “if you can’t tell it’s me, should i be offended?” she breathed out shaky as she leaned against the door. “i would come back later, but i don’t think i’m going to make it back to the lift and i’d rather not be found on the cold marble - it’s embarrassing” 

[emmesvcnce]

lovencharity​:​

She  felt  no  older  than  seventeen,  funny  as  students  owing  her  twenty  four  inch  essays  sat  nearly  across  from  them.  But  she  grinned  softly,  “could  be  the  wood  barrel  it  comes  out  of  as  well.”

Behind  the  sip  of  her  drink,  Charity’s  answer  was  split.  The  city  must  miss  her,  too.  Playing  hooky  for  eternity,  in  all  that  went  into  making  her  decision  in  the  end,  was  moot.  “Perhaps  you  should  engage  with  the  mystery  of  it.  You  never  know  what  you’re  going  to  get.  Did  you  ever  expect  you  would  have  gotten  me,  thirteen  years  ago.”  The  glass  on  the  table,  leaving  a  rim  of  wet  on  already  stained  wood,  made  her  wonder  how  many  other  times  she’d  maybe  sat  in  this  spot  and  never  thought  too  much  on  it.  “Perhaps  hitwix  need  to  have  a  base  up  here,  or  more  of  one.”  As  lightly  as  it  was  said,  maybe  the  suggestion  held  more  weight.  

“never really thought about that” maybe it was aging a certain way in the barrel, either way it was simply magical - “rosemerta will never worry about an empty table”

"you were certainly a mystery, one i didn’t have much of a say in, but the difference is - i wouldn’t change a thing and it was one of the few times i didn’t care for a choice” she couldn’t help the fondness laced in her words -- “it does get a tad lonely” she admitted softly, it was something that had been hitting a bit too hard as of late and she wasn’t sure if it was because she was getting older with every passing day, or the quieter it was getting after hours - everyone rushing to get home, because they had someone waiting for them. “if they did --” weary smile toying at her lips, “my life would certainly be much easier - catching that portkey at that godawful hour is something else - a floo network set up would be much easier”

[emmesvcnce]

evanrcsiers​:

“no,” he agrees, but he rubs his temples, he’s been nursing the same cup of coffee from this morning, but any movement made him ache. “oh, i just remembered some stuff from last night,” he almost laughs, shaking his head again. “listen, we can only go up from here, yeah?” 

he thinks for a moment, “i mean we don’t have to move. i’m perfectly fine sitting on this bench.”

sitting back - allowing herself a moment before she dragged them both up and tried to do their actual job, “what did you remember?” curious, she wasn’t having a difficult time piecing together the night, she was well past the days she’d wake up with out clue of the mischief she had been up to -- but she had a tendency to miss the good stuff, “that would mean that this is rock bottom --” she sighed, “always thought it would feel worse” 

“we should move” hating herself as the words slipped out with as much reluctance she had in her, if they were both on the same side, something was clearly wrong, “you need to be the voice of reason, evan”

[emmesvcnce]

jamespartha​:

“Emmeline Vance, I’m disappointed in you,” James says with a mournful sigh, shoving his itchy fingers deep into the pockets of his jacket instead. “I quit too, in theory. As you can see, it’s going extremely well,” he continues with a sheepish smile. Perhaps he’ll nip out to a muggle newsagent on his lunchbreak… but spending actual money on cigarettes would definitely count as failing. “I’m fine,” he insists, offering her a smile that he hopes will hold up to inspection. “Though all the concerned questions are starting to make me paranoid. Is it my hair? Have I got not-coping hair?”

“just what i need to hear - truly, your people skills are unmatched, james” grin stretching her lips as she gave him a pat, “considering neither of us are smoking right now - i would say it’s going well” shrugging, “you got to celebrate the little things - me not having one? bloody fantastic - the old me would have suggested we hunt a pack down, but i’m going to say this is a sign” 

“your hair is infuriatingly pretty --” she sighed, it was her turn to be mournful, “what do you put in it? mine hasn’t been doing too well - the stress isn’t helping and i was referring to sirius” it was no secret amongst the order that he was laying low, alongside with regulus -- the technicalities was what she was lacking  and with what was going on - the less she knew, the better. “we worry about our friends - i think that’s normal, isn’t it?” 

[emmesvcnce]

oftristans​:

     for  a  moment ,  it  feels  like  emmeline  is  speaking  directly  to  him  :  sometimes  it’s  okay  to  be  selfish ,  she  says   and   it  repeats  in  his  mind  once  and  twice  more  .  it’s   a  proverb  that  tristan  had  never  allowed  himself  to  live  by  ever  -  her  next  words  are  like  a  test  to  make  sure  he  was  ready  to  jump  ,  and  it’s  by  some  higher  grace  that  tristan  even  speaks  again  and  his  voice  is  so  still  .  ❝ i  simply  think  it’s  one  that  i’ve  answered  time  and  time  again  .  an  answer  so  obvious  if  you’d  been  paying  attention  -   ❞  a  confession  that  is  so  cryptic  but  tristan  hopes  that  emmeline  can  see  through  it  .  he’s  trying  ,  and  he  wants  to  say  something  else  and  oh  ,  did  he  ever  spend  so  many  nights  recreating  a  moment  like  this  in  his  dreams .  but  comes  the  crippling  fear  that  tristan’s  said  too  much  when  emmeline  is  rendered  speechless  ,  and  the  words  he’s  quickly  prepared  to  draw  back  any  sort  of  implication  is  entirely  wiped  as  she  steps  forward  -  ❝  i  would  never  want  to  betray  that  trust  .  ❞  he  manages  as  her  lips  warm  the  skin  of  his  jaw  ,  that  very  hand  that  first  moved  to  latch  onto  her  now  moving  to  cradle  her  chin  and  gently  encourage  it  up  so  her  gaze  was  fixed  on  him  .  tristan  wanted  to  see  her  reaction  ,  especially  as  it  lit  her  eyes  and  crinkled  the  corner  of  her  lips .  

      his  grip  doesn’t  let  go  ,  but  it  does  slack  .  not  long  ago  emmeline  had  been  the  one  to  claim  that  they  were  a  team  and  tristan  believed  it  to  be  true  even  now  when  it’s  silent  .  the  only  heaviness  weighs  in  their  chests  ,  but  the  vulnerability  was  something  that  felt  easy  with  emmeline  .  ❝ i  cannot  promise  that  i  will  always  heed  my  own  advice  ,  but  what  i  can  say  that  you’d  be  the  first  to  know  .  i’d  try  for  you  -  ❞   that  had  to  be  enough  ,  right  ?   ❝   i   am  not  perfect  myself  ,  emmeline  .   ❞   it’s  a  half  apology  for  what’s  to  come  ,  but  also  a  warning  since  he’d  chosen  to  be  angry  ,  to  be  sad  and  every  other  emotion  in  the  middle  with  her .  

     the  relief  envelopes  him  with  warmness  when  their  foreheads  are  pressed  together .  he  stays  there  ,  eyes  closed  for  another  moment  -  we’ll  think  of  something  ,  repeating  in  his  mind  like  a  broken  record  .  others  had  said  the  same  to  him  before  but  this  was  no  false  hope  ,  this  felt  like  the  closet  to  truth  tristan  had  gotten  in  months  .  emmeline  vance  and  tristan  mckinnon  would  figure  out  something  together  -   ❝ we  should  probably  head  back  to  the  castle ,  ❞  tristan  says  finally  with  a  sigh  until  he  finally  steps  away  with  her  ,  hands  now  slipping  back  into  the  sides  of  his  robes  like  they  were  beforehand  .  ❝  i’d  hate  for  you  to  be  late  for  your  portkey  home  .  ❞ 

she had always seen his beauty -- truly, even when she was reluctantly completing her charms work right across - he had always been there to ogle at, of course her own stubbornness and need to make things as difficult as she could didn’t allow herself to appreciate how beautiful he was - but it was the kind of pretty that wasn’t just what she couldn’t tear her eyes away from, it was his kindness and honesty that had set her a flame. being this close wasn’t helping her keep a clear mind. she knew proximity had little to do with active listening, but the closer he was - the more captivating he became. a wry smile toyed at her lips -- just like any scolding, she had it coming and if she had allowed herself to dream more than understanding that he couldn’t deny her either would be much easier to believe, “must be exhausting --” she whispered, coy glint in her gaze, she felt no guilt and for the first time, she felt like she deserved this moment, "i pay attention to you --” it was hard not too, “it’s easier to believe that it’s not real than be faced with any other possibility” it was cowardly, one of her least favourite things about herself. “i know” she whispered fiercely, her own hand had made it’s way to grasp his cheek - earnest gaze never wavering from his, how could she not give him her undivided attention when he treated her like she was something precious and in that moment - she decided to fall.

nervous was what she was as her gaze dropped to his lips for a mere second before she glanced once more time at those blue pools she’d swim in any day before she gained the confidence she needed, her lips brushed against his tentative, as sweet as all first kisses were -- he was everything she had dared to not wish for, but there was an edge of hesitance as she waited for him. she wanted to give him a choice - she had chosen him in this moment, despite the fears that whispered -- despite knowing that she was lucky enough to have his friendship and doing this threatened that, this was something else entirely, it was a risk - and he was worth it to her.

“that’s all i want” she promised, and she meant it - she was no stranger to saying one thing and doing another, they were all human and she knew it was easier to listen than be the one to burden, but she’d carry any weight he had in a heartbeat - she didn’t doubt that tristan was so busy being everyone’s rock -- her anchor, “i want to take care of you” she admitted softly, “i don’t want you perfect, golden boy” she mused, bathing in the irony, a name that she had once called to irk him, but that’s what he had become - her golden boy, everything good came from.

the sigh that slipped from her lips was heavy - forehead pressed against, she wanted to drink this all in because she knew she wouldn’t get another second of peace for quite sometime, it was bittersweet -- she wouldn’t do a moment differently, she stepped away from him, that smile that was painfully hopeful etched at her lips as she gave him a nod, “can’t be making an enemy out of minerva --” her name slipped from her lips and she was already wincing, “i know she wants us to call her that, but that just doesn’t seem right”

[emmesvcnce]

evanrcsiers​:

@emmesvcnce​​

“in hindsight,” he sighs, rubbing his temples, “going out last night was a very bad idea.” especially since they both worked today. he had told himself that he wouldn’t stay out late and ended up staying out late anyway. he takes another drink of his coffee before placing a cigarette in his mouth. “okay, i say we trail the guy for now since he keeps coming and disappearing from our radar.” 

“being miserable in the aftermath isn’t going to do us any good” she sighed, her shades shielding her from the bright sun that she was wishing away - at least the rain didn’t make her want to gauge her eyes out “hell - if i’m the optimistic one, i can tell you that it’s going to be a day” 

“he’s going to end up in knockturn alley anyway -- do we really have to move?” 

[emmesvcnce]

she was already in town, it would be a crime to not to see Charity -- “i’ve got to say nothing beats three broomsticks’ butterbeer, and i know what people say - it’s the same stuff everywhere, but this tastes like nostalgia”

“professor burbage, any chance i can convince you into ditching the kids for a lovely flat in the south of london? if i have to live with a stranger - that’s how i go mad” she knew that it was a wasted effort, charity was meant to teach and her need for some friend time, it didn’t change that. 

@lovencharity​

[emmesvcnce]

jamespartha​:

@antemortemstarters​

“Don’t suppose you’ve got a cigarette for me, have you? I’m gasping.” Never mind that James officially quit smoking over a year ago, auror training has been really fucking stressful, and that, coupled with his new concerns over the wellbeing of one Sirius Black, have rendered him in dire need of some nicotine. One won’t do any harm, right?

“i quit --” she admitted rather reluctantly, she had been trying to make a few changes and she didn’t have much space in her life for that vice, “james -- how are you holding up?” leaning against cobblestone, concern washed over her - he wasn’t radiating calm or that carefree spirit she had seen over the years. 

[jesssicaday]

ZOEY DEUTCH  on access daily 2019

[emmesvcnce]

oftristans​:

       a  small  sound  of  amusement  was  his  only  immediate  response  ,  tristan’s  head  falling  forward  slightly  ,  chin  dipping  against  his  shoulder  with  a  breath  of  victory  that  emmeline  vance  thought  of  herself  as  highly  as  he  did  .  ❝  the  small  witch  tends  to  get  what  she  wants  ,  then  ?  ❞   it’d  be  a  lie  if  he  denied  her  noticeable  step  forward  ,  but  tristan  doesn’t  dare  move  away  or  acknowledge  it  directly  in  fear  that  emmeline  would  somehow  disappear  into  thin  air  .  this  moment  was  as  tangible   as  the  mist  humid  in  the  air  -  hands  only  falling  to  catch  against  the  pocket  of  her  cloak  to  keep  himself  steady  .     ❝ and  do  you  think  i’ve  ever  felt  the  same  ?    ❞   tristan  asks  with  a  pause  ,  his  gaze  joining  hers  when  they  fall  to  the  hand  that  is  pressed  against  his  chest  almost  wondering  if  thats  what  caused  the  electrical  impulse  .  ❝ so  if  that’s  true …   what  you  just  said  -  ❞     the  warmth  from  her  body  radiates  off  her  person  like  a  furnace  ,   warming  up  the  bits  of  him  that  had  iced  any  possibility  of  wanting  to  indulge  any  kind  of  feeling  ,  especially  when  it  came  to  emmeline .  tristan  wanted  to  imagine  that  her  skin  burned  for  him  ,  even  in  the  cold  winter  air .  she  was  the  kind  of  weakness  that  would  cause  him  to  fall  on  any  sword  ;  swallowing  any  kind  of  rationality  before  he  could  even  admit  that  he’d  fallen  .  ❝ i’ve  missed  you  -  and  i  think  i  will  continue  to  miss  you  when  you  leave  again .  ❞   now  the  fingers  that  have  latched  onto  her  pull  a  bit  ,  testing  her  reaction  before  he  even  dares   anything  else  .  ❝  so  you’ll  never  have  any  grounds  to  doubt  me  again  . ❞ 

    he  probably  was   a  tad  homesick  ,  more  so  when  the  night  swallowed  his  private corridor  and  all  tristan  was  left  was  memories  to  shovel  through  as  company .   emmeline  had  a  tendency  to  haunt  them  the  most  ,  and  it’s  in  his  nightmares  that  her  face  constricts  like  this  -   ❝ of  course  i  know  we  are  on  the  same  team  , ❞  it  sounds  even  more  ridiculous  when  he  repeats  after  her  cause  like  she  had just  said  not  long  ago  ,  they  were  a  team  and  he  had  to  calm  her  storm  .  ❝  you’re  practically  having  to  chase  ghosts  ,  emmeline  .  you  realize  that  ?  no  practiced  person  could  even  be  better  than  you  at  that  .  ❞   the  cracks  in  her  demeanor  felt  like  a  private  moment  that  tristan  hadn’t  meant  to  invade  ,  but  he  understood  -  he  understood  what  it  was  like  to  be  frustrated  ,  and  angry  and  annoyed  and  tired  and  …  ❝  listen  to  me  ,  ❞   a  plead  for  emmeline  to  listen  ,  to  open  her  eyes  so  he  can  get  through  to  her  .  ❝  this  isn’t  on  you  .  this  is  bigger  than  us  two  ,  so  if  the  only  thing  we  can  do  is  complain  or  talk  ,  then  we  keep  doing  that .    ❞ 

   but  for  some  reason  ,  even  just  talking  felt  wrong .  like  it  somehow  only  added  to  the  seemingly  complacent  group  of  people  he’s  been  sworn  to  protect .  he’d  tell  her  that  he’d  fight  alongside  her  then  there’s  the  sensible  consequence  of  rushing  in  blindly  that  has  tristan  holding  his  ground  .  to  wear  his  heart  on  his  sleeve  was  dangerous  but  he’d  trust  it  with  emmeline  -  even  in  her  madness  .  ❝  we’ll  think  of  plan  ,  then  .  us  two  -  cause  there  has  to  be  something  ,  right  ?  ❞ 

“more often than i should --” emmeline wasn’t sure what she could have done to deserve his unconditional support, she used to think he humoured her and yet if she looked closely, she couldn’t find a lie and by rowena, she had tried, “i think i’ve learned that sometimes it’s okay to be selfish --” she murmured, if there was ever a moment she had been selfless - it was when she spared him for those brief months of her mess, all he had to do was seat himself across from her and save her the embarassement of being stood up by her own parents and like a flood - he cracked through her resolve. “tristan --” soft and beckoning, “don’t ask me questions i can’t answer --” don’t give me a reason to hope for anything, was what she had all but said -- she had always thought that’s what she would want - being important to someone, but with him she had learnt that was the farthest thing from the truth - she just wanted to be important to him. “i think only you can speak to that -- “ gaze fixed on where her hand lay, she wouldn’t ask him to tell her if that was the case - he would if he wanted too. she’s like to think that she wasn’t someone to underestimate another - that’s how you make careless mistakes, yet here she had underestimated that had her heart in his clutches - so easy to dismiss his boldness. she was sure that he would laugh it off that when he uttered the one thing she had craved to hear the most, “oh” was what she had breathed out, she didn’t have to fake a stumble as she was pulled into him -- “i believe in you more than i believe in myself --” raw as she stood on her toes to brush a kiss against his jaw, gentle -- something she wasn’t sure she had been capable of till him and yet it felt more intimate than a kiss and for once she had stopped thinking, “there isn’t a day that i don’t miss you” and it killed that in less than a few hours - she would have to leave him again.

faith was something she had taken for granted, by merlin - she hadn’t realized how much she wanted to believe that things could be different, he was her siren when he beckoned her to look at him, because how could she not? “i don’t like feeling useless” and she knew she wasn’t the only person in her department feeling lost -- “i know we’re meant to follow the rules, what’s the point if we’re still losing lives --” it never seized to amaze her how quick he could soothe her soul and despite the cracks being there -- she didn’t feel alone. “you’re the brightest man i know, but i need you to remember what you just said to me --” as much as he was her voice of reason - her calm, she didn’t doubt that he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, “this is bigger than us - so, if you need to complain - if you need to get angry - i need to know that you will come to me, i won’t be the only one taking --” the fierceness in her gaze was unwavering.

"yes --” she promised, a weary smile before she rested her forehead against his, fingers loosening her grip on him as she allowed herself closer to him than she was used too, “we’ll think of something”

[emmesvcnce]

oftristans​:

      it  is  incredibly  easy  to  hold  that  very  same  smile  on  his  lips  -  even  when  a  single  finger  pressed  against  his  chest  forces  him  to  stop .  head  playfully  rolls  to  the  side  so  he  can  size  up  the  shorter  witch  ,  eyes  bright  with  humor  but  also  a  hint  of   disbelief  that  emmeline  was  always  so  quick  to  dismiss  herself  .   ❝  i  will  only  agree  that  you’re   necessary  ,  ❞    he  would  have  said  that  she  was  necessary  to  him  -  that  she  was  simply  the  most  balancing  force  in  his  life  at  the  present  time  even  if  tristan  had  always  sworn  to  be  so  independent .   they  always  say  time  moved  fast  when  you  kept  yourself  busy  ,  but  tristan  wasn’t  sure  when  emmeline  had  ever  become  such  a  strong  force  for  him  .  maybe  it  was  always  like  that  with  her  ;  so  natural  ,  so  delicate  -   ❝   and  if  i  told  you  that  i  did  miss  you  ,  what  then  ?   does  that  allot  me  some  unrefundable  pass  to  see  more  than  just  some  holiday  ?  ❞  his  right  arm  raises  then  ,  fingers  barely  grazing  the  clothed  skin  of  the  arm  that  she’s  got  stuck  on  him  still .  it  was  another  one  of  those  instances  when  tristan  spoke  before  thinking  ,  words  thick  with  emotions  that  he’s  compelled  himself  to  bury  .  ❝ cause  i’ll  say  it  then  .❞ 

        even  with  the  mundane  imagery  that  he  has  painted  in  his  own  mind  of  the  muggle  diner  ,  it  still  vastly  fascinates  him  -  there  was  many  times  that  he’d  willingly  ventured  into  areas  populated  with  muggles  and  there  truly  wasn’t  much  difference  about  them  which  only  felt  so  villainous  to  wonder  why  anyone  could  ever  place less  worth  on  their  existence .  ❝   sounds  like   i’ll  have  very  little  time  to  even  miss  some  of  the  food  they  usually  have  at  the  leaky  cauldron  -  ❞  he  says  though  that  wasn’t  necessarily  a  difficult  feat  anyway  .  ❝  but  at  least  i  can  still  look  forward  to  a  very  sweet  meal  regardless  .   ❞   no  matter  the  fact  that  the  company  alone  was  enough  reason  to  even  justify  braving  such  a  brand  new  feat  ,  but  no  ,  tristan  was  going  because  he’d  been  invited  …  ❝ you  survived  me  ?  sounds  a  lot  more  unlikely  than  the  opposite  .  i  somehow  survived  you  -  ❞   tristan  refutes  with  a  shake  of  his  head  ,  more  so  due  to  the  irony  that  for  some  reason  he  was  still  so  drawn  to  her  now  .  they  were  still  friends  ,  no  more  needless  help  or  class  to  keep  them  coming  back  to  each  other  .  it  was  purely  for  selfish  reasons  now  . ❝  we  made  a great  team  even  back  then  ,  i  think  . ❞  

    tristan  is  not  necessarily  sure  what  he  had  expected  to  hear  .  he  knew  that  it  was  bad  ,  but  to  hear  someone  with  an  inside  perspective  sound  so  defeated  -   ❝ that’s  the  thing  ,  emmeline  ,  ❞  a  frustrated  sigh  dews  from  his   lips  as  his  back  straightens  .  ❝ sure  ,  we’re  managing  for  now  .  but  the  cost  -  we’re  paying  too  much  as  we  wait  . ❞   he  hadn’t  even  thought  about  regulus  for  days  ,  a  mission  that  was  on  such a  need  to  know  basis  that  tristan  could  only  form  opinions  as  an  onlooker .  for  someone  who  was  so  used  to  moving  ,  tristan  felt  like  he  was  doing  nothing  here  at  hogwarts .  ❝ you  shouldn’t  have  to  wait  until  more  people  are  hurt  or  missing  to  tell  me  ,  emmeline  .  the  children  here  ,  emmeline  …  in  just  a  month’s  time  ,  they  will  be  visiting  their  families  .  and  for  some  of  them  ,  they  might  not  have  the  same  faces  waiting  for  them  anymore . ❞  no  part  of  him  even  blames  emmeline  for  this  ,  he  needs  her  to  know  that  .  she  and  any  other  ministry  worker  was  doing  their  best  ( or  so  he  would  like  to  think  )  .

looking at him - she might even get a brief taste of what it was like to be important to someone, it was the kind of feeling that was addicting but left you raw and unhinged the second it was gone.  she had spent a better part of her childhood starved of that affection and here he was soothing that wound without even realizing it, “-- and that’s because someone needs to get their hands dirty, no one suspects the small witch” glint in her gaze - it was easier when people underestimated her - emmeline vance, hit wix extraordinaire, yet no one saw the steel underneath until it was too late. she knew that there was a world of things happening around them - she was sure the birds were chirping just a moment ago - the wind rustling the fall leaves, chipping away at those trees as if it was never too early to get a start on winter but none of it matters, his question had her far more still than she knew herself capable of. she was searching for a lie - because it had always seemed too good to be true, his kindness - he need for her company but in moments like this was undeniable - just like he was. she was conscious of the fact that she had taken another step closer, gaze dropping to his chest as she rested her palm against it instead. as if hearing his heart would help - if it beat as erratic as she was feeling than perhaps she wasn’t such a fool for what she was about to say next, “you never needed a pass --” she murmured, “i have never been able to deny you and that’s simply because i don’t want too - i have no intention of starting now” raising her gaze finally to meet his -- challengingly, “go on then”

“well, if you’re missing leaky cauldron food despite a feast three times a day, i can’t help but worry you’re a bit too homesick, i promise -the food is still quite mediocre” smile widening, she had frequented the popular pub far too many times a week, truly - she was on a hunt for a new place before she grew tired of it. “brilliant - pop on over any sunday, it’s been my day off as of late and i can’t see them pulling a fast one on me anytime soon” hours were as unpredictable as their current times - all she could do was roll with it. the gasp that left her lips would be of offence if she was capable of it with him, “i was an angel --” she could barely say it without the chuckle that followed, “alright - i was an absolute nightmare - but that’s why we were brilliant, you were always the calm to my storm” she shrugged, a genuine smile etched at her lips.

“you think i don’t agree with you?” she whispered fiercely, “that it’s ridiculous that’s so many have to die for them to realize it’s time to do something - as if we need further proof before we can take action, one life should be enough and it shouldn’t have come to that and here we are and it’s not stopping --” she was at her wits end and this was the first time she had allowed herself to let it all go. eyes shutting tightly -- it hurt to think of the children, “i don’t know what to do --” she admitted honest, blinking away the moisture gathering in her eyes, “we’re hitting dead ends at work - anytime we get a proper lead - someone disappears and with our other job” fingers gripping his shirt gently, “they haven’t decided on what to do and i can’t force their hand when i don’t have a plan” exhausted was what she was. she had joined the order for a reason and she didn’t doubt the good they were doing - but they weren’t as aggressive in their tactics and this is why they were currently backed into a corner.