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Atzi, from Atzi.

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New cover for Atzi, exclusive high resolution version for the like 6 people who follow me on tumblr. Thanks to the artist Sporktown!

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Mini-reviews May 2025

I reviewed eight things this week.

Recommendations: A Minecraft Movie, Parasite

Conditional Recommendations: Atzi, Cyberpunk Edgerunners

Also Reviewed: The Dark Knight, Kubo and the Two Strings

A Minecraft Movie

At one point during the movie, one of the characters says, "Why am I here?"

I thought it was a really funny line because it's actually a complete encapsulation of one of the movie's big flaws, that being that so much of the movie is so pointless.

It's so bad. This movie is one of the worst I've watched this year, but at the same time, it might have been the most enjoyable movie I have seen in a while.

Unordered thoughts:

The best parts of this movie are the totally baffling parts, the parts where it was obvious everyone involved... basically just shitposted as their work on this movie. It's most striking in any scene where Jack Black and Jason Momoa are together; Momoa particularly is obviously here to have fun and play A Type Of Character (and he plays it well).

Jack Black is painfully unfunny and watching him try to be appealing as a comedian is so cringe inducing. It made me want to kill myself.

The best part of this movie was the fujobait.

The live action Minecraft world works surprisingly well in accordance with the mood of the movie. It doesn't at all capture the feeling of Minecraft, mind you.

The random subplot where the lady dates a villager that goes absolutely nowhere and is never resolved is the funniest stuff. It reminds me of when in one of the Sonic movies the plot completely slows down to a crawl for this baffling wedding scene that goes nowhere and is altogether pointless.

The movie is, again, not good, and there's so much pointless corpo nothing mixed in, but it's a really entertaining movie and it made me start laughing so hard about halfway through that I can't not fully recommend it.

Parasite

Parasite is really good! They told me it was kino and it was. It has strong direction, amazing acting, good writing, and so much tension when it does its famous genre shift at the 50% mark.

I liked how all of the characters had a point---the theme of social stratification pervades the entire film and everyone shows it in a different way.

I also liked the final question at the end of which family was the parasite. Were the Parks parasites, for benefitting from the suffering and labor of the poor without even noticing it? Were the Kims parasites, for literally acting as a parasitical entity monetarily on the Parks?

I thought about the movie a lot after I finished it. It's movies like these that I enjoy the most.

Atzi

Atzi is a new and short web serial about the most disaster girlfailure girl I think I've ever read about, and also she's a lizard. I was initially uncertain when it got recommended in the main discord I was in, but after reading it I can give a tentative recommendation, on some terms.

Atzi is really fast paced and also really slow simultaneously. It takes forever to get to the point where she starts to loop, but the moment-to-moment events of the plot go by schizophrenically quick.

The prose is pretty rudimentary and definitely not the sort of stuff I pause to chew on after reading a particularly good sentence.

The overall concentration of ideas, and the worldbuilding, is pretty rote so far. The appeal is how the eponymous Atzi interacts with it which is admittedly quite entertaining sometimes.

The fic banks really hard on you liking the main character, who is just an utter goblin, just an utter disaster, just a walking failure. Other characters are pretty weak and their voices are flat; if you don't like Atzi you will not like Atzi.

I famously a yuri hater, and I was scared it'd be ... obnoxiously so; thankfully it's not and it's more in service of characterizing Atzi as the goblin disaster failure she is. While Atzi is horny, the fic really isn't.

I don't think this is the sort of fic I'd seek out on my own, but I see the appeal for a certain subset of webfiction readers.

Cyberpunk Edgerunners

Edgerunners was pretty good. It's a gorgeous production and the final episode particularly was a genuine 10/10, but it has this slump for a good part of the runtime where its problems become really obvious.

My biggest problems with it come down to its pacing being super weird (the timeskip kind of was really unnecessary in my opinion). None of the emotional beats really landed for me until the end which was pretty solid, though not enough to get me to cry at all; it just felt like it was lacking so much development up to that point.

On top of that, the goofiness of the action and how cartoony particularly every car scene looked grated on me the more it went. I liked it a lot at first but I genuinely think that it gets more cartoonish as it goes on until the last episode, to the point where it seems kind of like it doesn't want to take itself seriously?

The animation is of course absolutely beautiful and I want more hypergory uber-well-animated anime like it, but it did just get ridiculous by the end, to the point where my immersion was being broken.

The music is also phenomenal.

The Dark Knight

By far my least favorite Nolan film. It's a rote action film about Batman. It has hype moments and aura, but it's not something I'd watch by myself, and the biggest thing I appreciated about it was how Batman was basically just a crazy person dressed up in a weird suit in what is essentially modern day Pittsburgh.

Kubo and the Two Strings

Stop motion adventure film I saw when I was really young and recently rewatched. It's okay; certain scenes are gorgeous but the overall quality of the writing wasn't it and it has nowhere near the level of awe and power as Coraline (one of its contemporaries).

The coolest part of this movie is how it kills off two of its three main characters out of the blue three quarters of the way through, and it doesn't ever bring them back or anything, they're just dead. It was also unexpectedly bloody for a PG-rated film. I enjoyed what I watched, but it did bore me enough to call an intermission to talk to friends online twice.

I didn't really read this much this month so there was very little stuff to review that I had thoughts on... my kobo is coming in soon though so I'll be back on the grindset

[snugglesquiggle]

here's something that i read today and liked: Atzi. lesbian lizard girl scraping by with little pick-pocketing and buglary. oh, and she's about to wind up in a time loop

something i found really refreshing about this story is how chipper the main character is. is that the word? she's not the brightest, or the luckiest, but she's not only willing to try anyway, but believe she deserves to succeed. it's weird reading about a protagonist who's simultaneously so opinionated yet manages to be so endearing

she's just downright cute! the story goes out of its way to say "lizard" and not "kobold", but like. you can't listen to this girl's internal narration and not immediately pick up on the vibe.

(she's also pretty horny, too - i swear every other woman she encounters has her swooning, but i mean. same.)

the main character is a thief, and i think it's a pretty big point to its credit that first proper "job" she undertakes had me on the edge of my seat as she sneaks around

really interested in seeing where the story goes from here, i've got my eye on it

Atzi | Royal Road

Atzi is the last person who should be stuck in a timeloop. But a timeloop means pretty women to seduce! Wealth to spend! Magic power to stea

Atzi is the last person who should be stuck in a timeloop. But a timeloop means pretty women to seduce! Wealth to spend! Magic power to steal! This lizard may be easily distracted, talentless, and lonely, but she's still a looper. A shame she must contend with selfish gods warring, mad mages casting apocalyptic spells, skeletons, demons, and a hole in the sky. The world destroyed, again and again, when all she wants to know… is why her crush killed her.

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Yay!

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Click for Atzi, a web serial -> Atzi!

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Atzi - Chapter 1 - Atzi

Sostra. A grand city built atop a swamp, full of people and life. The heart of an empire.

It was to the rumbling sounds of cart traffic outside that Atzi awoke. Even in the shantytown in which she lived, she could hear their comings and goings across the distant busy streets.

“Blugeh…”

The stream of sunlight from her poorly made wooden roof told her it was the afternoon. She didn’t want to wake up yet, but just like every other day, she was forced awake by things outside her control. Stupid sun, if you weren’t so warm, she thought. But you were warmer back home.

Atzi slowly pulled herself up, dropping off the scratchy shawl that made for her blanket, and gave a big yawn. Her red hair lay limp on her face. Scratching between her dark silver-blue scales, she thought, I should eat… no, get a drink.

She heard clucking from outside. What the hells is that noise? Atzi picked herself up and peered out through the tiny shack’s singular window - really more of a square hole. From out it she saw a chicken, scratching at swampy mud, looking for worms.

She leaned out her window and hissed at it with everything she could muster. Splatters of her saliva mixed with poison went flying. The chicken ran off bawking, fleeing further into the poor muddy streets.

Annoying. Atzi was hungry. Sleepy. Most of all, bored. Things had been so boring these past few years. If only she had another chance-

Atzi shuffled over to the pillar of wood that supported her roof. There laid all else she owned, a single outfit and an empty coin pouch. She grabbed her fraying linen pants and stepped into them, only taking care to position her tail and stick it through the hole. The fabric strained where it met the base. Stupid clothes must have shrunk in the heat.

Then she took her shirt in her claws and threw it on. Only after she got dressed did she run her claws through her messy hair, naturally avoiding her two small horns as she styled herself into something vaguely ‘neat’.

Decent, she slinked outside. Peering left and right, the coast looked clear.

“Greetings of the Saintess, neighbor!”

Atzi groaned.

She had known this guy for as long as she’d lived in this shack. Well, known was a strong word. Mostly he just talked religion, and she didn’t even know his name. The one thing she did know about him was that he had a real job, at which he made real money, and the only reason he lived in the slums was he always donated all his money to the Saintess’s temple. What a sucker. Who would want to live here if they could live in a nice place? Weirdo!

“Yeah, yeah, saintess.” Atzi responded, groggily.

Her neighbor smiled at her, his arms folded into his cheap robe sleeves. “Are you excited for the upcoming godscouncil?” he asked, green eyes glinting.

“The festival? Yeah, ‘course. Everyone is.” Atzi dug a clawed toe into the mud, wanting nothing more than to escape the conversation. Well, and food, and beautiful women, and-

“No no, not the festival! That’s just something people put on. The council is what matters.”

Yeah right. The gods are too scary and powerful to care about any of us. You’re just scammed by the priestesses! Even if they are pretty. “Sure.”

He leaned forward and put a hand to his mouth, as though sharing a great secret. “All the gods will be here for the election. Also, I hear every god’s temple will be choosing new priests among the faithful. I hope the Saintess chooses me.”

She gave a fake smile. “Yeah, I hope she chooses you, too.” And I never need to deal with you again!

He bowed slightly. “Thank you for your kindness. May the Saintess bless you!” His smile was bright and wide as he wandered off.

“Thanks be to the Saintess,” Atzi muttered sarcastically. Who could actually enjoy worshipping something so far beyond us? Haven’t done me any favors.

She slinked onward. She was still hungry, but the conversation had her wanting a drink already.

It was then she heard a frenzied clucking. Atzi glanced over towards the direction she’d seen the chicken run. Is the stupid thing following me?

Cluck cluck cluck! A chaotic flock of chickens sprinted towards her!

Panicked, she yelped and fled down the street. “Stupid birds!”

“Damned things, get back here!” Chasing the chickens was a dark-haired man. Though he looked more like a boy, no older than his teens, and covered in dirt. An unlucky chicken farmer.

As Atzi ran, she thought, If this guy’s chasing them… maybe if I catch some he’ll let me keep one. A fresh chicken all to myself!

She spun around, sliding to a halt.

Atzi snatched her claws and coiled her tail towards the approaching feathered beasts. Five of the six ended up in her clutches, two in each claw and one in her tail. Captured, they immediately became docile. Tamed by fear. The last one angrily pecked at her foot, painless from her scales.

Atzi shouted with pride, “Stupid birds!”

The chicken farmer caught up with her, panting. “Oh thank the gods.”

Atzi looked up at him, cursing that she was shorter than even someone so young looking. “I caught your chickens. That was really nice of me, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, yeah, real nice.” He reached towards his back and pulled off a large sack. He fluffed it open and placed the chicken still pecking at Atzi’s foot into it. “In the sack.”

You better not cheap out on me! She deposited the chickens in her claws. The farmer looked up at her. Atzi swished the one still wrapped up in her tail from side to side, enticingly. “I’m really hungry… especially after catching all those chickens…”

He sighed. “Well, at least you didn’t try to extort me for them.” He dug into his pocket and flipped Atzi a single bronze coin.

Yes! Atzi snatched the coin out of the air, grinning. She uncoiled her tail from ‘round the final chicken, and it began running away once more. “Hey!” The farmer yelled.

Atzi wasn’t listening, already dancing her way towards the market streets for a meal.

Maybe some pork chops. Or roasted beetle kebab! With beer! She salivated as she walked. When Atzi was excited, so were her poison glands, spurting through her mouth and mixing with her drool. Her purple-tinted saliva sizzled against gravel and mud.

There was a point just between the market street and the slums, where the careful stonework of most of Sostra collapsed into loose limestone chunks, embedded in the mud. Atzi stepped claw over claw up the slanted stone, traveling with all the poor people. I’m not poor, just not rich yet.

Just thirty more feet, the shortest jaunt, and she would be in the market proper.

Atzi took a ninety degree turn towards her favorite gambling hall.

Doubling my earnings is so smart. Then I can eat two hot meals! Atzi thought, confidently striding in.

The place was much nicer than the slums. Most importantly, the woodwork held together. There were only a few people present, as like most places like this, it would become more active in the evening and night.

Atzi approached the dark wooden front desk, giving a toothy grin to Sphira, mistress of the gambling hall.

Sphira smiled back politely, even as she wore the dead eyes of someone all too used to customers. Her black dress accented her curves. She looked pretty good for a middle-aged woman, in Atzi’s estimate. When I’m rich, maybe we could…

“Hello, Atzi. Come to try your luck?” Sphira asked, brushing a strand of dyed red hair behind her ear.

Is she into me?

Atzi laughed. “Of course. Is there a dice game going?”

Sphira pointed to a low corner table. Atzi appreciated the grace with which she did so.

“Thanks,” Atzi said. Maybe she is into me. Maybe this time I really go for it and try- wait, no, I haven’t bathed in ages, there’s no way. But next time, definitely next time.

Atzi stalked over to the table, glancing at the two people present. There was Frank of course, the large-in-all-senses dealer. Hate that stupid ‘Oh I’m so sorry you lost everything’ act he does. Joke's on you buddy, this time I’m winning! He sat shaking dice in a cup for a single woman… wearing a city guard’s outfit.

Atzi froze up, inspecting the guardswoman from afar. Is she anyone important? she thought.

She had short black hair and a few scars. Retired military or adventurer, then. She was too young to have been in the war, though, looking about Atzi’s age.

Atzi continued moving so she didn’t look suspicious. It'd been years, so she doubted any regular guard would know her face. The reward wasn't enough to sit and memorise it from the posters, but she'd pissed off some of the higher-ups enough that she couldn't risk being seen by them. She walked slowly as she turned over their appearances in her mind.

No, she doesn't look like anyone I know. She approached with her head low, just in case. Besides, it’s just one game. Then I’ll have one more coin and can walk away a winner. Atzi sat down as Frank tossed two dice under the cup, shook the cup around in his hands, and then slapped the cup on the table. “Even or odds?” he asked towards the guardswoman.

“Odds!” the guardswoman shouted. She stared intently at the cup.

Atzi slid her coin across the wooden table, to place a bet of her own, but Frank held out a hand to stop her. She wiggled in her cushion impatiently. Hurry up, then!

The dealer lifted the cup. Two singular dots. Snake eyes.

“Sorry,” Frank meekly apologized to the guardswoman as he scooped up the three bronze in front of her.

“Godsdamnit!” the guardswoman cursed. Her scarred cheek twitched in annoyance.

Atzi rolled her eyes. What a sore loser.

“Odds on next,” said Atzi, sliding forward her coin again. C’mon seven, my lucky number! She saw it all the time when she played this game, so it had to be. Her tail swished behind her excitedly. She had to wipe a dribble of poison from her lip so she wouldn’t be yelled at again, smearing it against her other arm.

The guard flicked out three more bronze coins. She looked beside her, giving Atzi a scowl and stink-eye. “Odds,” she said as well.

Atzi gave an awkward, stilted laugh, avoiding the guardwoman’s gaze. Just an ordinary lizard, don’t mind me.

Frank gave a gentle smile. “Let’s see if you’re both lucky.” He tossed the dice into the cup and shook it again.

Atzi gripped the edge of the table as she trailed the motion of the cup up and down. She didn’t just want to avoid looking at the guard, she didn’t just want to win, but she wanted to be on the lookout for any tricks. She thought she knew every scam there was, and refused to fall for one herself.

Only idiots get cheated.

Frank lifted the cup. A five and one.

“Oooof.” Frank shook his head sorrily.

Atzi’s expression dropped. “M-my hot meal…”

The guardswoman grunted in annoyance.

Frank collected the coins quickly, looking pained as he swept away Atzi’s hot meal. If you’re so sorry, then give it back! I need to eat, damn it!

She couldn’t argue, though. Besides the fact she knew it wouldn’t get her anywhere, there was a scary looking private guard leaning against a distant wall. If she caused a disturbance, she could end up injured. Plus, what if this bitch tells her bosses about me? she thought about the guard next to her. With no other choice, Atzi groaned and stood up.

As she slinked away, she overheard the guardswoman say, “Great, now that my bad luck charm is gone-”

Atzi wanted to explode at her. I'm not a bad luck charm! I just got unlucky! It’s not my fault! Instead she kept silent. Now what am I gonna do for food? I guess steal something…

She barely heard Sphira wish her a good day as she walked outside.

The Sostrian Empire had nine gods. Only one was really in charge. The same stupid one Atzi’s stupid neighbor wouldn’t shut up about. The Saintess.

“Fuck you, Saintess!” Atzi shouted, middle finger lifted in the direction of her temple, the religious district raised higher than the rest of Sostra.

Passersbies pointedly ignored her. Blasphemy wasn’t illegal, just taboo. Most wouldn’t tempt fate. Atzi wouldn’t either on a usual day, but today… she was sick of it all.

I’m grabbing the biggest coin pouch I see.

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The cover of Atzi, a web serial I'm writing!