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Anastasia Lisitsyna

Saul Leiter

Saint Symphorien de Lay

What I want is worship that transcends my body.

I am attracted to people who listen carefully. People who notice things. Who remember. Who pay attention to shifts in my breathing, my tone, my silences. People who become curious about my feelings instead of intimidated by them. Who know to put a firm but soothing hand around my throat when I need to come back to them.

The highest compliment I can give someone is my attention.

I like to be taught. I don’t want desirability imposed on me by someone who hasn’t studied me deeply enough to hold it responsibly. I like to be held intellectually and emotionally as much as physically.

And maybe that’s why the softest words stay with me longest.

Not the promises about how someone will ruin me by going down on me for hours. But the moments where desire melts into care.

When they say: Let me help hold you together.

I think about this a lot. About how erotic it is to feel emotionally handled with gentleness. What it’s like to have someone observe your anxiety spike and instinctively move closer instead of away. I melt.