maryeilismacdonaldâ:
Mary drank half the glass of water reluctantly, not daring to look at Emmeline until she put the glass down and knew she had to. âI didnât mean to hurt you,â she said at last. âIâm sorry if I did.â
Em had gotten about halfway through the article by the time Mary spoke, though hadnât really been paying attention to it. âYeahâ she sighed âI knowâ She closed the paper and put down her toast. âI know I didnât tell you about my addiction until I was over it, whether you knew or not before that. But it really was the hardest thing Iâve ever done, and that you just-â she pressed her hand to her forehead, in an attempt to clam herself and not start yelling âYou told me it didnât count, you called me a spoil sport, I- Fuck Maryâ she sighed, dropping her head in her hands
Hearing her own words repeated back to her made it feel worse, she could barely even force herself to keep looking at Emmeline because she knew she had beyond fucked up. âI know,â she said quietly. âI didnât- I wasnât thinking straight. You know I didnât mean it. Iâm proud of you.â Youâve done what I canât.
âYou may not have meant it but you still said it, which meant thatâs what you think in some aspectâ Em said, her voice strained in her throat, she hated getting emotional. âI just- sometimes-â she stopped herself and took a breath âI understand you lost more than anyone should lose in their lifetime, and in a short amount of time. But-â Em had to take another breath, she could feel tears pricking at her eyes. âIâve lost people too. I donât speak to my dad anymore because of this stupid war, and Mar- Marleneâ she had to repeat because her throat got caught. âI loved her, and I know you were with Charlie longer and went through more, Iâm not trying to belittle that at all, but I loved her, Iâve never loved anyone like that before.â She looked down in her lap, quickly wiping away the few tears that had escaped. âShe got me off drugs, she made me promise I wouldnât touch it again. Thatâs why I just canât. Itâs the last promise I can keep to her. Itâs my last connectionâ
Mary shifted uncomfortably, she had thought those things sometimes, but it was the kind of thoughts she knew were wrong and she knew she was wrong. She was silent for a long time, her stomach churning uncomfortably. Maybe it was last nightâs activities- or it was the guilt of it.
Em tried to swallow the frog in her throat, âI mean itâs not like I donât want you to talk about Charlie, or Iâm saying youâre not allowed to still be upset. I, I just want you to recognise youâre not alone in those feelingsâ she said, putting her plate in the sink. âIâm going to go back to bedâ
âNo, donât,â Mary loomed up at her. âI know. Iâve been⊠really selfish.â She sighed and looked down for a second before her eyes moved back up to Emmeline. âI just- maybe itâd be easier to be alone in those feelings, so I try to.â
Emmeline stopped in her place when Mary finally spoke, she honestly thought for a moment that she was going to stay silent for the rest of the day. âItâs not that youâve been selfish Mary, youâre going through shit. I get it.â Em sighed, pushing her hair back over her head, a nervous tick of hers. âIâm just saying- last night specifically, you just donât think sometimes. Staying sober is the last thing I can keep of when Marlene was a part of my life.â















