hiya :)

18/ she|her

[emofreak3405]

Okay, for others who live with family how do yall hide not eating from them?? Pls I need advice if anyone has any. My mom is nosey

[emofreak3405]

I started a new medication that made me gain weight 😀 looks like I'm coming back to yall <3

[emofreak3405]

cant wait until I get a job again. it's so much easier to starve when you're busy. I've been applying like crazy and have a few interviews. I feel kinda shitty for wanting to use a job as means of weight loss but it works so well for my adhd ass

[emofreak3405]

I binged so much that my ribs hurt and I feel like the ultimate failure. I know I keep telling myself I need to get back on track since my "recovery" but holy shit I really need to. it's not even just the way I look anymore like why am such a pig that I eat until I feel pain?? starting tmr I'm weighing myself every morning and staying under 500 cals and if I go over I need to work it off before I can go to bed. I need to fix the horrors I've done to my body.

[emofreak3405]

I've never been as aware of my body as I am right now it's driving me insane. like looking in the mirror literally makes me feel so angry at myself that I get light headed.

[emofreak3405]

why can't I lose weight as fast as I gained it. I'm so disgusted with myself I don't even want to leave my house. I feel trapped in my own body and I just want to escape. I need to be small

[emofreak3405]

was with my boyfriend today so had to eat a bit more than yesterday :/

[emofreak3405]

today's cals :)

[emofreak3405]

I weight myself this morning and good news is most of the 4 pounds that I gained from last week was from my period 🙌 I'm now 2 pounds down from my actual start weight which is less than what was intended but at least it's something

[emofreak3405]

literally so disgusted

this high res thing just isn't gonna work for me. it kinda helps me not binge but it makes over eating go over my head. starting tmr I'm going back to my old method.

[emofreak3405]

this feels shitty to say but my sister is trying to lose weight and I'm kinda excited to secretly compete with her. I feel so bad because she doesn't deserve me comparing our bodies and food intake even without her knowledge but I feel like this is going to light a fire under my ass

[emofreak3405]

OMG I JUST ATE A SANDWICH WITH SPURDOUGH BREAD WITHOUT REALIZING HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN IT OMG

[emofreak3405]

I hope I can get back to where I was before i attempted recovery someday. I used to be able to eat 500 cals a day and feel fine but now I can't even eat less than 1200 without binging. I want my old ed back. I know it'll take time and a lot of willpower to get back to that place I just wish I never let go.

[emofreak3405]

today's calorie intake (high res)

[emofreak3405]

I weighed in this morning and somehow gained 4 fucking pounds this week. starting today I'll be posting my daily calorie intake to try to keep me in check because what the actual hell did I do to myself this week???

[emofreak3405]

if I don't lose 2 pounds this week I'm gonna start posting my daily calorie intake again. I might need the accountability

[emofreak3405]

I wish my boyfriend would stop feeding me. I know he's doing it out of love but I know he can see that I'm fat so why can't he let me starve