milo

confused trans boy. made this account to write down my emotions, thoughts, and to help cope with my gender dysphoria. May occasionally post art,  my art account is aliaumba (ig,yt,da). 

[gay-herobrine]

PRISMARINE DOES CHANGE ITS FUCKING COLOR?! I THOUGHT I WAS JUST GOING MAD

this is it sped up by 2000%

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oh my god-

[buzzfeedlgbt]

(x) Art by Chucha Marquez for BuzzFeed LGBT

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if it says buzzfeed thats a huge red flag. 

[swevani-deactivated20170107]

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im trans and transphobic you fucking exclusionist i exist too

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i love this song, mostly because i can relate to this way too much

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help

i dont want to be associated with the degeneracy of the trans community. or lgbt commmunity in general. gos fucking dammit i want to go to conversion therapy. i dont want to feed further into my delusions but the idea of being female disgusts me, i should probably just suck it up or kill myself. anyone know any ways to cure dysphoria? i dont fucking care if its harmful. i dont want to make my mother dissapointed and sad because of me. 

its all in my head

its all just in my fucking head and i want to get this devil out of me no matter the pain.

[vile-things]

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tag urself im oral sucking

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am i going insane?

why do i hate my body so much? why do i wish do be someone i will never be? play pretend on the internet, where there are just as many delusional degenerates as me? why do i feel the need of approval from a psychologist that yes i am trans? isnt this whole thing fucking insane? does it sound sensical to you, that a mentally ill person goes on hormones to reassure their delusions? to chop up their body to their wish? why the fuck isnt there a way to suppress this and to live normally without having to go through all this shit? why? 

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thoughts

this whole transgender thing makes no sense. why does it happen? its a fucking mistake. im a mistake. im a degenerate. i deserve to die, right?

unfortunately the world isnt perfect so people like me exist. there were people in the past that tried to fix this. unfortunately the degeneracy didnt perish. 

perhaps i was brainwashed by the intrnet into thinking im a boy. perhaps all the people i met that are also trans are as delusional and unsure of themselves as i am. 

i cannot express how much i wish i was cisgender hetero male.

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vent

so uh im reading this book, and suddenly i feel worthless again. i feel like a blob of fat. disgusting. i dont even dare look into a fucking mirror thats how disgusted i am. i o not know how the fuck im supposed to fix this but im thinking about starving myself. ims such a fucking pussy ia cant even go to any sports because they always split boys and girls. it sucks. maybe this whole tranny thing is made up and i should just fucking kill myself. im over 50 kg and im only 13. i feel disgusted only typing that. i should be at least 40 kg preferably less tho.i dont know. just dont tell me taht “oh its dangerous”. well the mere thought of my body makes me want to slit my wrists. but nobody will see this anyway.

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uh

havent posted here in a while, i know nobody gives a shit but i kinda use this as a diary anyway. or journal. or vent account. well anyway ive been to a psychologist after the therapists ive been to, and the local trans group. cant quite say im better, but were moving soon so that makes me really happy, ill finally be able to transition, at least socially. maybe one day i will look back on this account, who knows where ill be then. ill go to art school after thos year. cant wait. 

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I got my binders and I fucking love them 

Thanks dad

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Questioning, again

Dysphoria is fucking weird. One time, I cry in the shower when I catch a glimpse of my body in the mirror, the next, I question if I’m trans at all. I feel like I am nobody, when I try to convince myself I’m cis. When clearly I’m fucking not lmao. “but, I was always a feminine child! You didnt mind being in dresses! You didn’t show enough signs in your childhood to actually be trans! The transgenders are brainwashing you! You are just a girl. Just a girl pretending to be a boy. You will never be a boy! You are a fake, pathetic girl that hates her body.”My mom used to tell me these things because she was misinformed and didnt realise how toxic her words are. But I also hate myself quite a lot so some of these are just from my head. I feel like my dysphoria intensified over the years but only now do I feel intense body dysphoria. Yea uh rant over I guess

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I’m in Africa lmao

yea uh im in africa

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sicco mode

Been kinda sick lately. I feel like I need to vent a bit. I dont even know anything anymore. I’m going to a therapist soon so they should understand me better. I try to run away from the idea that I’m probably trans. I keep doubting and invalidating myself. “oh you didnt always feel like this” “oh you’re just faking it” “you’re being brainwashed by the media”. It’s almost an escape from coming to terms with my feelings. Whenever I’m around people, I feel weird. It feels as if people are talking to this shell they think I am. I hate it when I’m with my male friends and they see me as someone who I am not. My heart twists on the inside, I bite my lip trying to stay silent and not cry. I poke my pencil into my skin distract me then I sharpen it again with my pocket knife. It’s probably just a phase, I’m just being delusional, I dont deserve to transition. Eventually, I’ll go back living the lie they all told me was the truth. 

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hi there

I’m confused. I dont know what is going on. 

Something feels wrong. Whenever I look in the mirror, I feel disconnected, hurt. My body makes me feel horrible sometimes. I feel really dosconnected from my gender assigned at birth. Photos from the past make me cringe. I feel helpless. I told a friend or two about these feelings. Thankfully, they are both supportive. Heck, one even calls me he/him pronouns, it makes me so happy. I think I’m trans, but I havent alaways be like this. I didn’t feel dysphoric about my body, and I’m concerned the internet is making me think I’m trans. I think I have imagined myself as a guy before, but mistook/misinterpreted it for attraction. I also like guys, and being both trans and gay seems like I’d be bullied/unaccepted from people around me. But I cant stand being a girl. No, that isnt me. It hurts when they call me that/when they treat me as such. It kinda started this year, although I probably hinted at it before. Good thing that Wagner and supportie friends exist.