Star Trek sketch [1]: why cross the universe when you can cross multiverses - duh
"i know where you are here, why you all are here for...” said the movie trailer (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRVD32rnzOw) and setting the premise that opens to the sketch and set -
note to self: this movie shares the same director of fast and furious. Star Trek+ fast and furious = potentially parody both mocking the fanaticism involved in both franchise.
‘- - is to traverse into that open portal to bring into this dimension, that stern and ever wise leader mentioned in the oracle’s prophecy." -
"This is Captain Kirk and my second in command, Commander Spock of the Star fleet USS Enterprise. By order of The Federation, we have here..." -
" - a god damned situation!,' Dr. McCoy interrupting and continued - so you show yourself! Before I - -"
'Number two, did you hear that?', said a voice from the other side of the portal.
'Affirmative commander Riker. my in-bedded radio module is transmitting several waves in a form of a simple signal. An FM radio-frequency, akin to that of a humanoid in close proximity of... records show, of Scrambler motorcycles. A relic from the 20th century. Might I suggest I enter first, with the Captain's consent?' - spoke another.
'Make it so Data', a third voice affirmed.
The Star fleet crew was frozen in their shock as they had not expected whoever they or it was, behind the portal, the most taken aback being Spock who, accustomed to predict the future logically, stood and waited in-front of his crew members, in front of his beloved Captain Kirk who noticed the change in his dearest of-friend's composure.
Then the beings on the other side stepped through. Spock who in his newly found fear had forgotten, in that moment of seeing the portal opening up, where he was. His mind, he realized, was being examined and read by someone telepathically! Someone named Deanna. A counselor of some sort. This fact he knew through reflecting upon his mind reader’s thoughts - like two individuals on opposite sides on an open window separating them, looking at each other - the core of their inner-being.
Was this not, the great Counselor Troi? A character whom he recognized from reading, when he was a child, the many Pulp novels; being completely immersed and absorbed into countless issues and volumes of cheap fiction in paperback form, no doubt smuggled into Vulcan from the only place in the universe that produces it - Earth.
It was thoroughly illegal on his home planet. It is considered as contraband and classed as a Prima-V [a] dangerous substance of the second highest caliber capable of poisoning the minds of Vulcan young-lings. Spock did not know why it was so. To him it seemed harmless as it mostly chronicled, throughout its albeit short lifespan, - the adventures of one particular Space ship and its crew, obviously modeled after Earth's own USS fleets and according to the premise of the Earth created smut - its finest ship and ditto for its crew. The ambition and lifestyle to which until present day is still taboo within Vulcan-esque (centric?) society. --- (cont.)
--- (cont.) Matter of fact - this work of fiction, embodied in him a sense of rebellion against his own race, although not completely isolated from it, having descended from both the Human and Vulcan - a freakish concoction which made the hybrid child, in the earlier period of his already long life, confused and conflicted throughout his adolescence and all the way through his childhood and young adult life. It was this fictitious drug he had succumbed to - lead by the ever respected Capt- -
"Captain Jean - Luc Picard,' said the bald man swiftly interruption Spock's growing realization of the worst and weird about to simultaneously happen. 'Of the USS Enterprise. You must be...'
'I must be dreaming because there is only one captain and that is me you Klingon imposter!' - Kirk shouted back without a moment's hesitation whilst everyone else, still in the daze at what was transpiring at that very moment, in a flash took out a phaser he had hidden under the sleeve of his leather jacket and who earlier had set to stun. Kirk shot the sinister individuals thereby pacifying them into a frozen state.
Spock was himself stunned at the sudden exchange, looking at the faces of those that had just been frozen, a bald man, a yellow android, a tall middle aged man with brown handle bars for facial hair and two boys, one with a visor over his eyes and the other a blonde and intelligent looking although effeminate creature.
And in Spock's shock in examining the terrified look etched in their faces - like so many others his dearest friend had brought out in the past, much under the same spontaneously created condition, he was frozen as was his ability to deduct what was logically the right thing to do.
In was in this final moments that he heard Dr. McCoy say 'Beam us up Scot, we've got the these bastard Klingon humanoid shape shifter things in the shitter now'. Spock sprang to life and shouted at them to stop but it was too late as they had already began to materialize back in the safety confines of the Enterprise - further secured in the safety of the vantage point on the bridge where - after the good Captain Kirk ordered Mr. Sulu to "blow it kingdom come" - could see the planet they had all within just a few seconds before, his team had been on, was now be obliterated into a blinding supernova - thanks to the latest photon torpedo installed, no doubt at the order of the charismatic captain himself (no need to consult Spock beforehand, as customary).
- 'bet those Klingon freaks didn't think about our superior weapons charging capabilities, with the hyperdrive acting as both conductor and a coiled... eh Spock! Mr. Spock?' chided the captain to his second-in-command, as he stumbled into the elevator, as if in a stupor, his back turned against the bridge so they could not see his face and the tip of his Vulcanesque ears growing hotter and redder
[?] with each button he hurriedly pressed, echoed, each panicked click reverberated and bounced back and forth against the eleven or so faces, and eleven or so pair of eyes that followed him until the elevator door finally closed, each one breathed a sigh of rel until one slightly flabbergasted bridge member finally broke the awkward silence and said ,‘guy could really do us a favor and lighten the fuck up.’
*p.s. Dear Lorne Michaels,
please hire me as a SNL staff member. I can write, I attempt to act, I’m ready to make a complete ass of myself on live television. I can even clean the toilets if you want me to. Unclog the lower pipes and use my plunger. I’m talking about being Kate McKinnon bottom bitch here - just so we clear on that. Also I helped Noel Kristy become a cast member, a few seasons back by you know, hyping her to hell and back when her youtube account had less than 1k view - I was there. And now i’m ready to take her place so please give this kid who, all his life, despite his best efforts, looking more like Christ Farley and more likely ending up like John Belushi although really being more of a Murray or a Carey would be more than dandy. Oh yes, in fact, i’ll be the dandiest of them all! The biggest nobody, with roles however small, I’d take it all.
Until further notice,
yours until your notice.
(can’t a man dream damn it?)
2087
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