SICK JOKE SICK JOKE @emptydarko - Tumblr Blog

i've reached the fucking bottom again i physically can't pretend anymore i feel sick to my stomach and i thought talking to you would make me feel better but it just reminded me that i'm annoying and toxic and not good enough for you and that you're eventually going to realise that haha

you know what really terrifies me? i don't even know how much my life has already been ruined. i don't know how many things are not worth trying because i am already incapable of them. i wonder sometimes, especially recently, if it's even possible for me to have a fulfilling relationship for so many reasons. like, how could i explain to someone i was dating that, sorry, i kind of just have to leave and go home for four nights even though i don't want to because well i just do and no i can't say no like an adult because well i just fucking can't okay? i feel like they'd just laugh at me and leave me for being so pathetic. literally all i want is to feel safe with someone and feel like i have somewhere to turn when everything else is bad but then they'd be able to leave me just as easily and everything would get just so much fucking worse

i literally don't know how i'm supposed to get any work done when i can't even think for too long without crying i'm so fucking tired and everything i do is wrong i don't know what to do other than cry and cry until i'm nearly sick i can't even remember what happiness is