lost in transmission

she/it // annoying girl trapped in the body of a freakish man creature // 23 // psychosocial little freak having a protracted online breakdown

[starryhoundbloo]

Shout out to my mom who explains my transition as "Having a daughterpillar turn into a Boyterfly". It doesn't erase the fact I was an adorable little girl, and also affirms my gender now. I love my mother.

[mendaxmultorum]

this fucked up thing walks up to ur doorstep talking about "your skin" and begging to hit wyd

[emptymoder]

im so sick of this i wish i was a woman

[beardedmrbean]

[theman]

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

[tattooedzombigirl]

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

[imanutcase-10]

Then bring me luck

[thirddeadlysin]

the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work

[ropuszysko]

listen i am in the trenches rn i am not risking fucking up even more bc i skipped a tumblr chain post.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

<3 Help me out here potato of luck <3

[emptymoder]

50 posts!

killing myself at 100

[emptymoder]

hot gamer tip if you imagine youreself at 80 still failing to transition you get so instabtlt nauseous you almost throw up in bed

[emptymoder]

i hate seeing other girls do the whole pathetic loser desperate to improve and make friends schtick. i hate it so much. they always get the kind people reaching out and found family along the way and beautiful lives. when i do it i just get ignored or told to fuck off. i feel like no matter how i act society refuses to have me. i just wanted to feel safe and to love someone. i just wanted to be a woman. ill never get any of that i dont think.

please forgive my tone, its unproductive unfair and hypocritical. but im tired of being rational and coolheaded. im fucking sick. i just want to be seen. i want to scream and have someone say they heard it. no. i want to scream and know i didnt ruin everything by doing it. but those are more things ill never get.

i waste my words, i use them too often. as a result they mean nothing to anyone. i hope the posts featuring me after my suicide get some likes at least. another life lost that could have been prevented if someone just showed her that she could be a girl. what a fucking joke. nobody cares about that girl, not when shes alive. nobody would even make that post. id be "honored" by family as a man they barely knew. my family who abused me every day of my life, family ive come out to as a woman three times. maybe my wife would do something for me, but it wouldn't mean anything to anyone else and theyll kill themselves so ill just be forgotten.

i wish i could just be a normal girl. i should be worrying about normal shit like my next job or buying clothes to be cute and femme. but i have to be a man all day every day just to come home to a household where i do the same.

i wish I could be a trans girl

i wish others saw me as their kind. i feel excluded in any space and im inevitably thrown out. im not perfect, but im not stubborn. i want to change, i change so much. its never enough, ill never be enough

i wish i could be any sort of girl. instead im just an ugly loud man who cant wear clothes it likes or be comfortable because i have to hide my DD cups. instead im an aggressor coming to ruin womens spaces, trans or cis.

i wish i was a girl

[emptymoder]

i hate seeing how much better others get along when im not there. everyone gets to be a better puppy, they do a better job at sharing each others hearts and bodies, everyone leave interactions happier. maybe theres a reason my life is the way it is. maybe i deserve this hell, because no matter how much i change ill still be Me, and I'm inherently the worst

[emptymoder]

i dont understand people who feel less suicidal after discovering they're trans. is it not incredibly isolating? how can you relate or fit in in any space ever again? being trans is almost like a curse. it means ill never be happy because ill never be a woman

[emptymoder]

i hate seeing how much better others get along when im not there. everyone gets to be a better puppy, they do a better job at sharing each others hearts and bodies, everyone leave interactions happier. maybe theres a reason my life is the way it is. maybe i deserve this hell, because no matter how much i change ill still be Me, and I'm inherently the worst

[emptymoder]

i hate being alone. i hate knowing even if only for a short time nobody loves me or will give a fuck. i wish i wasnt impossible. i wish i knew how to be someone others want to be around. its lonely.

[emptymoder]

this is a deeply embarrassing problem to admit but is it normal for there to be a gap in between my boobs. i keep telling myself it will go away when they grow to their final size but i have graduated to ddd/g cups and theres still like 2-4 inches between them. and every other pair of boobs ive seen has them 1 inch apart (give or take) and much closer to one another. its emberassing cuz my shirts always sag between them n its ugly :/

[emptymoder]

this is a deeply embarrassing problem to admit but is it normal for there to be a gap in between my boobs. i keep telling myself it will go away when they grow to their final size but i have graduated to ddd/g cups and theres still like 2-4 inches between them. and every other pair of boobs ive seen has them 1 inch apart (give or take) and much closer to one another. its emberassing cuz my shirts always sag between them n its ugly :/

[emptymoder]

cringe ass faggot openly weeping because shes too big, ugly, and manly to ever be seen as a cute puppy pet (try not to cringe challenge 100% FAIL)

[depsidase]

[emptymoder]

and I still cant come out. i have no support system or community and itll kill me

[emptymoder]

i wish i could be a silly stupid thing, a pet like a dog or small animal you want to keep around. or even a person others want around and will chase the affections of. ive always felt wanted by nobody and been the punching bag of any friend group im in. what do i do wrong?

[emptymoder]

i wish i was cute or small. i have having to top i hate having to dom sometimes i hate penetration i jusy wanna be a cute thing people enjoy. i want to be a little pet to someone i want to be loved unconditionally. i want to be these things without being a let down or ashamed. but ill never get any of those things, im too insufferable to get close to and too ugly to be cute