feel free to talk to me today!! i have the day off and i'm spending it doing nothing but writing and answering you all!! can't wait to hear from you :))
There’s no worse feeling than love unrequited. From the dull ache that never goes away to being haunted by words unsaid or never sent, one-sided love is its own brand of heartbreak. So, of course, it would manifest as a disease. Sure, flowers blooming in one’s chest from love sounds romantic, but the tone changes when that metaphor becomes real. Those flowers can overtake a person’s lungs, leaving them no room to breathe. Not to mention, options are limited. In the best-case scenario, it was all a misunderstanding, and the love wasn’t one-sided. Otherwise, the patient is forced to choose between surgically removing the flowers, along with the love and memories of their love interest, or letting their love suffocate them, taking it to the grave.
When the members of Stray Kids are forced to live this as their reality, both as the patient and the love interest, how do they handle it? Will they stick to their choices, or will they be forced to live their life in regret?
Chan:
❉ Forget-Me-Nots | meaning: true love, faithful devotion
When Chan falls for a collaborating producer, it’s not because of their looks. It couldn’t be; he’s never formally met them, but he knows them. He knows the work ethic they have, which is strikingly similar to his. He knows their habits. He knows how well they communicate, even if only through email. So, when he starts coughing up Forget-Me-Nots, he’s not even surprised that it went that far.
Minho:
❉ Ivy | meaning: everlasting love
Minho likes to consider himself close friends with Twice’s choreographer. In fact, he sees them as so close that he refuses to believe there could ever be anything more between him. He never thought Hanahaki was something he’d go through, but between the way he closes himself off and keeps people at a distance, coughing up Ivy leaves was rather inevitable.
Changbin:
❉ Pink Cyclamen | meaning: deep affection, bittersweet, all good things must end
Everyone knows that Changbin takes amazing care of his body, so it’s no surprise that he sees a massage therapist weekly. It becomes a routine. So much so that he’s shocked, and a little sad, to see them miss a few sessions. When he overhears their coworkers discussing how ill they are, he makes it his mission to keep a check on them. That’s what a good friend would do, right? Little does he know, he’s only worsening their condition.
Hyunjin:
❉ Red Anemone | meaning: grief, death, forsaken love
Hyunjin had thought everything was fine between himself and his close friend, even after he’d rejected their love confession. Everything had seemed normal for the longest time. So, how does he handle it when regret hits him head-on?
Jisung:
❉ Butterfly Weed | meaning: heartbreaking sense of solitude or rejection
Jisung has had feelings for Minho ever since they met; it was just too easy to fall for the older man. He’s raved and ranted to his best friend about it more times than he could count. Except he doesn’t know that it’s silently killing them. He doesn’t see them hiding the bloodied Butterfly Weed petals. They’ve gotten too good at hiding their feelings just to keep seeing him happy.
Felix:
❉ Yellow Tulips | meaning: hopeless affection
Unrequited is always painful, sure, but at least most people can believe at one point or another that they have a real chance. When a fan’s affection for their favorite idol makes love bloom in the wrong way, they know they can’t give up his music, the comfort he brings, no matter how hopeless their love is. So, what else do you do on your deathbed besides living out your biggest dreams? When they book flights and buy tickets to Stray Kids’ next fanmeet, all just to meet him in person one time, Felix gets an experience he’ll never forget.
Seungmin:
❉ Wisteria | meaning: love, admiration, endearment
There’s one skzigi that Seungmin just can’t stand. They’d delivered one sarcastic remark, and he’d been giving it back tenfold ever since. They worked fine with the other members, so he just couldn’t understand why they couldn’t give him that same treatment. That still didn’t confuse him half as much as he started coughing up Wisteria petals.
Jeongin:
❉ White Chrysanthemums | meaning: grief
Jeongin’s childhood best friend had always been special to him. Neighbors for as long as they could remember, they were inseparable. That is, until he moved to Seoul to follow his dream of becoming an idol, leaving them both mourning their time together. When he starts coughing up white chrysanthemum petals, he’s completely unaware of his best friend doing the same thing back in Busan.
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a/n: i knowww i need to work on meddling skzoos but i've just lost all of my motivation 😭 this is my last ditch effort because angst is my comfort zone lolllll also ik hyunjin's little blurb is like super duper short but i fr couldn't say anything else or it would spoil the entire plot. i hope the descriptions make sense 😭 i feel like i'm horrible at writing summaries but they must be done. also just a psa that these will be one-shots! no sequels for any of these fics
just gonna tag you @cloudyminni bc i'm fairly certain you sent it
(if i'm wrong that's EMBARRASSING but oh whale)
AHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! i'm so glad you enjoyed Let Me Be Your Reason 🤧 i literally ALWAYS worry that i'm not good with descriptions so i'm glad it was clear for you 😭
thank you for reading my love!! i love hearing from you!! 🩵
a/n: as previously stated at some point or another on this blog... i'm from the south (aka the south eastern u.s.). that being said, here are some headcanons that no one asked for! being from the south, i looove country music (which can be pretty unfortunate), and one of my fav sub genres of country music is male yearning. therefore, here are some headcanons about songs like that that i associate with each skz member. it's less about the song itself than the angst. the headcanons are still enjoyable, even if you aren't a country music enjoyer! enjoyyyyy :)
content/warnings: maybe angst bc breakup themes (??), country music (??), should all be gender neutral but pls let me know if it's not! (i know the songs aren't gn but the headcanons themselves should be), lmk if i missed something!
main masterlist | stray kids masterlist
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✦ Chan as Tomorrow by Chris Young
⟼ I'm not gonna lie, what really says Chan to me in this song is the inner fight with himself. He knows the relationship isn't working out, that the two of you just aren't meant to be in the first place, so he reasons with himself. He tells himself over and over again, this is the last time. Just one more night, and he'll be stronger. But he's not strong, not when he comes to you. He's lying to himself, and he knows it. For now, though, that's what he'll settle for, loving you like there's no tomorrow, no time when he has to finally force himself to let you go.
✦ Minho as I See You by Luke Bryan
⟼ I'm not entirely sure what exactly about this song says Minho to me, but maybe it's the freedom in the relationship. He sees you in all kinds of ways, but it's always in the scenarios that made him feel free, because that's just how it was when you two were together. He let his inhibitions go. He was his truest self, and now, he just can't. He searches for someone who could make him feel that way, but he only ever sees you.
✦ Changbin as The One That Got Away by Jake Owen
⟼ Changbin just says whirlwind romance to me. I can just really see him finding someone on a whim, knowing they have limited time together. It would give him a sense of security at first; he knew there was a cut-off date. There wasn't any actual commitment, and that made things easier. That is, until you were gone, headed back to wherever you belong, and he was left with an aching heart. He wishes he would've begged you to stay, that he would've told you how he really felt, but he didn't. Now, he's just stuck hoping, as the years pass, that maybe you'll make another trip, that you'll come back for him, that he was as important to you as you were to him.
✦ Hyunjin as Austin by Blake Shelton
⟼ It's the waiting in this one for me. That's what screams Hyunjin. He knew he'd found his person when he met you, and when you needed to leave to find yourself again, he understood. He also understood that he'd never find anyone else, that he'd never want anyone else. So, he made sure his voicemail always left room for you, his love, to know that you're welcome back whenever you're ready. And when he finally gets that call, he's sure he's never been happier.
✦ Jisung as Just to See You Smile by Tim McGraw
⟼ Do I think Jisung would be a self-sacrificer? Yes. Yes, I do. Your smile brightens up his day, makes him feel warmer than any ray from the sun ever could. Why would he not do anything he could to keep it on your face? You'd never even know the things he so happily gave up to make you happy. He'd do anything, even if it broke his heart. Just like when you told him you'd found someone else after being on a break with him for a while. He'd smiled, told you he was happy for you, knowing he was lying through his teeth, but you'd smiled at him, grateful for his understanding. It had eased the ache in his chest, and he'd do it all over again. He can only hope your new lover shares his sentiment.
✦ Felix as Don't Take the Girl by Tim McGraw
⟼ I just know that Felix loves with everything in him, and a childhood love just makes so much sense for him to me. From when he was little, even to now, he'd give up anything if it meant keeping you. Back then, it was his favorite action figures, his taekwondo medals. Eventually, it turned into things most adults value: money, his car, a family heirloom. But when it came down to a medical emergency, all he could do was hit his knees, beg anyone who could hear to take him instead of you.
✦ Seungmin as You Look So Good In Love by George Strait
⟼ I think it's the accountability in this song that says Seungmin to me. He sees you with someone else, sees how good you look, how well you're doing, and of course, he regrets letting you go. But that's the thing, isn't it? He'd set you free, so he owns up to it. Maybe this guy does something for you that he never did. Maybe he stole stars from the sky because he knew they shine even prettier on you. Either way, Seungmin wishes you still wanted him, but he knows he didn't do enough to keep you.
✦ Jeongin as She Wouldn't Be Gone by Blake Shelton
⟼ Maybe it's just because he's the youngest, but I could see Jeongin accidentally taking someone for granted, forgetting to do the small things. He never picked you flowers, never even stopped at a store to buy you any. You'd told him, too. You'd told him that you couldn't do it anymore, that something needed to change, or else you'd be gone. He didn't believe you'd actually do it, but now he's begged and pleaded with everyone you know, trying to find out where you've gone. He knew now that he didn't love you as loudly as he should've, that if he had, you'd still be right here, in his arms.
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a/n: hope this is good y'all 😭 hopefully they make sense too?? idk i always get nervous when posting stuff like this (or in general). anywho let me know what you thought! 🩵
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a/n: PLEASE READ!! i just wanted to take a moment to say how special this fic is to me. i took "self-insert" to a new level when i started feeling down and decided to write this as a way to get my feelings out. so, consider this fic a love letter to anyone who hasn't experienced love yet. whether you're 16 or 25 or 42 or whatever your age might be, you're beautiful. you deserve love. you'll find that person one day. don't be too hard on yourself. you're perfect as is. much love, and i hope you all enjoy this one. - tiny🩵
a/n 2: pretty, PRETTY please leave me some feedback? yes, i mean actual words. likes are nice, but they don't tell me what you thought about my writing. your words, however, do! please, make use of the comments, reblogs, my inbox, or my feedback form (completely anonymous) to share your thoughts with me. that's what keeps me writing!
Summary: Romantic love wasn't something you'd ever experienced, even at 27 years old. You'd never even so much as held hands with someone, so why in the world would you ever believe an idol has taken interest in you?
Pairing: bang chan x reader
Word Count: 5.8k+
Content/Warnings: hurt/comfort, oblivious!reader, insecure!reader (no specifics mentioned), loser!chan, simp!chan, reader wears makeup (only mentioned once), reader has poor self-esteem, food mentions, other member bullying chan, should be gn!reader but pls let me know if i've messed that up, mostly proof read, let me know if i've missed anything please!
bang chan masterlist | main masterlist
Being single had never bothered you. It was simply something you’d grown used to. Romantic attention wasn’t something you’d ever been familiar with, and you’d made peace with that a long time ago. You didn’t experience the innocence of teenage love, the exploration during your college years. You just didn’t really get approached like that.
It used to bother you a lot more than it does now. You’d be out at a bar with your friends, or sometimes even just walking around campus, and they’d get approached. Some attractive guy would come up, ask for their number, and either score or take the L. It used to weigh heavily on the way you viewed yourself.
You just couldn’t figure it out. Was it the way you looked? You’d tried to fix it with makeup, but maybe you weren’t good enough at it, or the products weren’t enough. Was it your personality? You’d tried to fix that, too, not speaking until spoken to, always being polite, never showing your personality until you truly trusted someone.
You didn’t think you were ugly, but statistics can be hard to deny… How had you made it well into your twenties without so much as being asked for your number? There’s no way you could be that repulsive, right?
That’s why you’d just… let it be. It was easier to accept that you’ll be an old, lonely cat lady one day than to dwell on anything and everything that could possibly be “wrong” with you. Besides, you’re happy. You lead a good life; you have a steady job and a decent apartment. You’d found out that you have a bit of a green thumb, and now, you find joy in the plants you call your “babies”. You even left all of the “fixing yourself” nonsense behind. You’re loud and colorful, and you don’t hide who you are.
That doesn’t stop the thoughts from creeping in sometimes, though. It’s usually late at night as TikTok has a way of reminding you of your insecurities during your pre-bedtime scrolling, and it’s significantly more difficult to fend off those thoughts when you can’t distract yourself like you can during the day. All there is to do in those moments is close the app and stare up at the ceiling, wondering if you’d ever find the love you used to dream about so innocently.
Romanticism still comes easily, thankfully. You can still admire couples when you see them; elderly couples in particular always warm your heart. You don’t hate roses, or Valentine’s Day, or those heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, or anything else that would fall under “romantic and cheesy.” You find it sweet, endearing even. You’re still able to see the light in those things, and sometimes, you’re still able to hope that someone would want to be romantically cheesy with you one day.
But you’d never let any of those doubts or hopes take up too much of your time, right? No, you have a life to live, a job to do. You still get up every day, go to work, enjoy the little things, spend time with your friends… You don’t dwell, ever.
So, here you are, walking into the JYPE building once more. Another day, another dollar, or at least that’s what they tell you. Styling idols isn’t too strenuous of a job, though; at the very least, it’s something you enjoy deeply. The majority of the idols are incredibly nice, and sometimes, you’re lucky enough to be paired with an absolute sweetheart.
That’s the risk you face every day, though. You never know which group you’re paired with until you get there. This week’s culprits are still yet to be discovered as you walk into the meeting room, slumping into your chair before taking a slow sip of your coffee. You’d been up way too late last night, and now, your head is pounding. Apparently, trashy TV is your weakness when it gets juicy. You force yourself to sit up a bit straighter as your boss moves her attention toward you.
“You’re getting bumped up to a lead role for the next couple of weeks since Jiwoo is out. We’re sticking you with Stray Kids. They have an upcoming comeback, and the first music video shoot and photoshoots are approaching quickly. Be swift.”
She fixes you with a look, and you nod obediently. “Yes, of course.”
You make quick work of gathering your things once the morning meeting is over, and you head to the floor you were directed to. They sent two of the younger stylists with you to assist with the project, but for the most part, you’re running the show.
You love it, honestly. This was what you’d originally gotten your fashion design degree for, to run your own company. Working with idols wasn’t bad, though, and the scenery in Seoul was to die for. You were more than content with this gig.
When you arrive on the correct floor, your two associates disperse, finding some of Stray Kids’ staff, or Skzigi, to get a clearer picture of the comeback. You, however, are off to find the members. This will be your first time working with the group, but you’re familiar with who they are. Basically, everyone who works at JYPE is; they’re difficult to avoid.
After searching for a minute or two, you notice one of them at the snack bar. Short, common for the group, with long, bleached hair, fair skin, and the kindest eyes you’ve ever seen. Felix, you think is his name. You approach him calmly; he seems nice enough anyway.
“Excuse me… Hi, I’m your lead stylist for the upcoming comeback. I was just wondering if you could point me in the direction of your other members, maybe your leader…” The last sentence comes out as more of a question, but you speak with a friendly but professional smile.
He returns it easily and twice as brightly. “Yeah, of course! They’re right over here. I’ll show you. I’m Felix, by the way, or you can call me Yongbok. You’ll hear both.”
You return the favor by sharing your name as well. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m excited to work with you all.”
“Good! We’re pumped for this comeback. Chan can relay the details better than me, but the vibe we have going is sick,” he nods eagerly.
“I can’t wait to see it,” you grin back. Soon enough, he’s leading you into the room where almost all of his fellow members await. It looks like Chan, the leader, is out at the moment, but Felix still introduces you to everyone.
They take to you kindly, and you get to work making notes of their sizing and preferences. Changbin isn’t comfortable showing a ton of skin, but he doesn’t mind showing off his arms. Seungmin and Minho specifically asked to be fully covered. So far, no crazy requests and entirely respectful conversation. You could get used to working with this group.
“Yah! I’m sorry, Skzigi got confused about our lunch orders, and I was trying to help them out. Have I missed any-” He pauses when he notices your presence. This must be Chan. “Oh. I’m, um… I’m Bang Chan, or Chan, o-or Chris, or you know what, just call me whatever you want,” he chuckles awkwardly. You have to stifle a laugh when you notice how red his ears are as he brings a hand up to scratch the back of his neck.
You offer your name in return once more before continuing, “It’s nice to meet you, Chan. I’m the lead stylist for this comeback, so I was just getting some measurements and preferences from the other members. Once I finish up with Jisung, I’ll get you.”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course, no worries,” he nods, ears still crimson. You think you hear Felix snickering at him, but you pay the noise no mind as you finish taking Jisung’s measurements. Soon enough, you’re measuring Chan while he’s informing you of his stylistic preferences, his arms sticking straight out in a T pose.
“I’m not really a fan of anything too restricting,” he starts. “I don’t mind showing skin, though. As long as it’s nothing crazy, anyway.”
You let out a snort without thinking about it. “Don’t worry. If you weren’t at least mostly covered, I’d lose my job, and I rather enjoy it.”
You finish measuring him just then, and he turns to face you as he lets his arms down. “Good. Maybe we’ll just have to keep you around as our stylist, then.” He quirks a brow up as he talks, and there’s a slight lilt in his Aussie accent that anyone else would interpret as flirtation. You pay him no mind, though, too busy scribbling down his last few measurements along with the preferences he’d mentioned.
“Sounds great,” you chuckle softly. “You guys have been great to work with, and we’re just getting started.” You sigh a bit as you realize what time it is. “It’s almost lunch time… Are you cool with pausing for now and talking more about the concept after?”
He deflates just the slightest bit, but once again, you don’t pay attention to it. “Yeah, no, that sounds great. Go eat,” he nods, motioning toward the door to sell his compliance with your idea.
“Perfect. See you all in an hour or so.” With that, you’re gone, already halfway to the cafeteria downstairs with your associates.
“Mate, you fumbled bad,” Felix snickers, clapping a hand onto Chan’s shoulder.
“Wha- I didn’t fumble! There was nothing to fumble. We’re at work,” Chan argues defensively.
“Yeah, and I’m the maknae,” Minho huffs with a smug smirk.
Chan sets his sights on him instead of Felix, giving Minho a firm glare. “No one asked you.”
The younger members continue to relentlessly tease their leader for his failed attempt at flirting, and downstairs, you’re still none the wiser, enjoying lunch with the two associates you’re working with.
The next day, you’re going over some options with the guys for their music video outfits. You’d already finished with six of them, and now, it’s Chan’s turn.
“You want me to wear that?” He points to the picture of the jacket you’d picked for him. There are lots of buckles, and it has both a deep V-neck and an open stomach. You can see why he’s a bit worried, but you can’t help but mess with him.
“What? You said you’re cool with showing some skin…”
“Yeah, but that’s…” He trails off, unsure of what word he’s even looking for because you do kind of have a point.
“Relax, Chan,” you giggle. “I’m messing with you. It’ll be open, and I’m thinking one of these two tops will be under it, depending on your comfort level.” You show him two pictures, each showing a different top for the outfit. One is solid but fitted with an interesting pattern, giving him some actual coverage while still keeping the outfit interesting. The other is almost completely sheer, offering a more visually pleasing contrast; it would be your choice.
“Oh, thank goodness,” he sighs in relief. “Honestly, though, I’m leaning toward the one that’s kind of see-through.”
“Perfect. We’ll get everything sent here ASAP, so we can start making adjustments. Can you send Hyunjin in on your way out?”
“Oh… That’s it?” Chan asks, playing with his fingers subtly. He doesn’t want to leave, doesn’t want his opportunity to talk with you one-on-one to end, but he’s trying not to be obvious.
“Unless there was anything else you needed to discuss.” You turn your head toward him, waiting expectantly for him to add something.
“Ah, no. No, I think that covers everything… See you tomorrow, I guess.” He gives you one last nod as he exits the room, head hanging low. When he makes it to the room next door, where all of the guys are waiting, he looks to Hyunjin and nods toward the meeting room. “You’re up.”
Chan lets out a huff as he plops into one of the open seats, and he chooses to ignore the look that Jeongin and Changbin share. It’s better for his sanity to pretend he didn’t see it. He pinches the bridge of his nose for a second. He’s got to stop letting this silly work crush get to him.
Meanwhile, Hyunjin has already made it into the meeting room with you and is approving his outfits for the music video. Once it’s set in stone, he reclines back in his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him.
“So… I’m your last meeting, right?” Hyunjin wonders aloud.
“Yep. Now, I can grab some lunch and head back to my office to request the pieces we decided on.” You smile, relieved, as you drop your pen on top of your notebook.
“Why don’t we grab something together?” Hyunjin offers nonchalantly.
“No offense, but I’d rather not be seen outside of a work environment with an idol.” You huff out a laugh, fully turning in your seat to look at him properly.
“So, we’ll order something to be delivered here,” he shrugs.
“You’re set on this, huh?” You’re struggling to hide the grin on your face. These guys seemed determined to become your friend by the time this comeback is finished.
“Very much so. Let me treat you for how quickly you’re pulling this together for us. You’re already a day ahead of where the other stylists are usually at by now.”
“Alright, alright. We can have something delivered, I guess, but I’m working until it gets here.” You reopen your laptop with a slight shake of your head. It’s hard to tell him no.
Hyunjin doesn’t bother hiding his smile. He quickly shoots off a text to the Stray Kids group chat, telling them not to wait up for him, before ordering some food for you both, asking for your preferences along the way.
Before you know it, the food’s been delivered, and you’re both halfway through two orders of tteokbokki and gimbap. The conversation has been flowing well, and you’ve found that your personalities mesh well.
“So, are you ever gonna acknowledge Chan’s flirting?” Hyunjin asks with a smirk, nudging his food around with his chopsticks.
You blink at him slowly before letting out an abrupt laugh. “Yeah, maybe when it actually happens.”
Hyunjin’s face scrunches in confusion. You’re messing with him, right? “Uh… It’s definitely happening.”
You let out another brief laugh. “When?”
The thought seemed preposterous to you. No one ever flirted with you. Now, all of a sudden, an idol wants you to believe his fellow idol, no, his leader, has been flirting with you over the past two days? Fat chance.
“Literally every time he speaks to you,” he deadpans like it was obvious.
“Why would Chan flirt with me?” It was a genuine question, yet you couldn’t seem to stop yet another laugh from escaping with it.
“Because you’re hot.” Hyunjin seems flabbergasted, completely thrown off by you not seeming to see his leader’s interest in you.
“Pfft, I’m cute at best. Definitely not hot,” you wave him off. Now, you know he’s crazy.
Hyunjin blinks before leaning in closer, now close enough to rest a hand on your shoulder as he looks at you in concern. “You’ve looked in a mirror before, right?” he asks softly, like it was entirely serious.
You chuckle quickly, “Yes, Hyunjin, I’ve used a mirror.”
“Oh, so, you’re just lying for fun, then. Cool,” he huffs, dramatically flopping back against his chair.
“Wha- No, I’m not! I’m not saying I’m ugly or anything. I know I’m not. I’m just not hot. That’s not a word people use to describe me,” you shrug casually.
Hyunjin’s jaw drops again. “It’s a word I’m using to describe you right now!”
“Well, you’re wrong, or just too nice.”
He frowns, realizing just how serious you are about it. “Why on Earth are you so convinced you aren’t a certain level of attractive?”
“Hot girls get approached,” you shrug. That’s the simplest way you could put it.
“So, what…? You don’t get approached often, so you think you can’t be hot?” His brows are furrowed, genuinely confused.
“I don’t get approached at all,” you correct him.
Hyunjin has to take a deep breath to keep himself from losing his cool. Chan has been trying to approach you every time he’s seen you over the past two days. Are you blind? “That doesn’t have to mean anything, though,” he argues. “Maybe you’re just-“
You cut him off, “Too intimidating? Right, because I’m so scary.” A scoff escapes your lips.
He opens his mouth to respond, but he quickly closes it again. You have a point. You aren’t intimidating. You look sweet. It was one of the first things he’d noticed about you.
“Look, Hyunjin, you aren’t gonna tell me anything I haven’t been hearing for years. I’m intimidating, or I’m not missing out on anything. Or, my personal favorite, it’ll happen when I least expect it. Well, I promise, I couldn’t expect it any less. I don’t get asked out, and I’ve made my peace with that.”
He can only stare while you talk; he knows he won’t be able to change your mind. You seem set in stone on this, but maybe if he couldn’t change your mind, Chan could.
“Alright, I get it. Just know, I think you’re beautiful and hot and whatever other synonym you can think of. Now, finish your tteokbokki before I steal it.” He points to your food with his chopsticks, brow raised threateningly, and suddenly, the atmosphere feels a little lighter again.
Lunch goes more smoothly after that. No more expressing your biggest insecurities or airing out your self-esteem issues. Just two coworkers, or maybe friends, sharing a meal.
Hyunjin decides to keep his cards close to his chest. It’s not really his place to air out your business, but when Chan finally admits just how into you he is and lets out his frustrations about you being unable to take a hint, Hyunjin knows he has to help out his friends.
“I just don’t get it! I flirt so well with STAY. It can’t be any different, right? It’s never been different. Are they just genuinely not into me?” Chan is currently pacing the living room of Hyunjin and Changbin’s dorm, and the other two can’t do much but watch him spiral.
“I mean, honestly, there’s no way anyone is that oblivious. I’ve done everything except directly ask them out.” He runs a frustrated hand through his short, bleached hair. Hyunjin, however, finally has enough. He won’t admit to knowing anything, but he’s to give Chan a push.
“Then, maybe that’s exactly what you should do,” the taller man shrugs from his spot on the couch.
Chan whips around, glaring at him for a moment. “You can’t be serious. Why would I do that?”
“Why wouldn’t you do that?” Hyunjin raises a brow at his friend.
“They haven’t responded to flirting! I’ll just get shot down!” Chan waves his hands around like that’ll help get his point across.
“Exactly. Maybe they’re just bad at realizing when people are flirting. At least if you ask them out, you’ll know for sure if they’re oblivious or just not into you,” Hyunjin reasons.
Chan looks to Changbin for help but finds none.
“He’s got a point,” Changbin nods. “That’s the only way to know for sure.”
“I hate you both,” the eldest sighs. He knows they have a valid point, though. He’s just scared. He’s never let himself get so worked up over liking someone. What’s he gonna do if you say no?
He lets the thought sit for a few days, but when the last day of the music video shoot comes, he knows he’s almost out of time. Who knows when you’d get paired with Stray Kids again?
He catches you just after he’s changed back into his normal clothes, a loose-fitting zip-up over a black tank top, paired with some comfy shorts.
“Hey… I just wanted to say thanks again for all of your hard work. You really showed up and showed out for us, and I appreciate that a lot,” he speaks softly, playing with the zipper of his jacket.
“Oh! Thank you. I mean, you guys were just so great to work with. You made it easy,” you smile back as you pack up your things. Your work was done, which means you were free to go home for the night.
“Would, um… Would you let me take you out to dinner? Just as a thank you. I mean, you handled our chaos really well, and you got everything done so quickly-“
You cut off his rambling by resting a hand on his bicep. He’s pretty sure it short-circuits his brain. “You really don’t have to do that,” you assure him.
“I don’t think you understand how badly I do need to do it,” he responds dumbly, still reeling from the slightest touch from you.
“Then, I guess dinner would be nice,” you chuckle. “Just let me know when and where.”
His eyes light up. “Really? I, uh, I mean, that sounds great. I’ll text you,” he nods as he starts backing away, trying not to look too excited.
“Chan?” You stifle a laugh. What’s up with this dude? Maybe Hyunjin was right… No. No way.
“Hmm?”
“You need my number to text me.”
“Right! Yeah, yep, totally knew that. I was just testing you…” His ears are bright red as he types his number into your phone. “There. I texted myself, so I’ll text you. About dinner. Not anything else. Unless you want me to! I mean- I’ve gotta go…” He gives one last awkward wave before disappearing in the other direction.
When he finds Hyunjin, he nearly tackles him into a hug. “I could kiss you!”
Hyunjin hesitantly returns the hug, confused by the sudden affection but not against it. “I mean, I won’t say no, but I’d like to know why…”
Chan slaps his arm lightly as he pulls back, still smiling widely. “They said yes! I asked them out to dinner, and they said yes! You were right!”
That makes Hyunjin grin. “I told you! You just have to be more upfront with some people.”
“Ugh, I have so much to do. I’ve gotta book reservations, and be sure to find quiet places so that no one will see us… Oh, my god. What am I gonna wear? I can’t look stupid,” Chan rambles, one hand on his hip while the other has a grip on his hair.
“You sound stupid right now,” Hyunjin deadpans. “Dude, you’re, like, incredibly well-dressed. Just be normal. It’s a date, not your wedding.”
“But what if it leads to my wedding?”
After bugging Hyunjin for who knows how long for advice about this date, Chan texts you all of the details. Now, you’re sitting in the back of an Uber, stressing yourself out over what this dinner means.
Is it a date? No, why would it be a date? He literally said it was just as a thank you for your hard work. But what if it is? You’ve never been on a date… You’ve never even held hands with someone.
What’s the protocol for dates? How are you supposed to act? Are you meant to kiss him after? Would he be expecting that? Is that how you lose your first kiss, at 27 years old, after one date with an idol you barely know? You suppose it’ll happen at some point, hopefully anyway. At least Chan seems like a nice enough person; he’s not a bad option for a first kiss.
He’s not a bad option for a first anything. He’s sweet and thoughtful and caring, and he makes you laugh, sometimes when he doesn’t mean to. He’d be a great first date. He’d be a great first kiss. He’d be a great boyfriend. He’d be a great first- No.
Nope, you’re not letting your mind go that far. This is a dinner between coworkers, associates. Nothing more. You’ve let Hyunjin get into your head with his nonsense, but you’re smarter than that. You won’t get your hopes up.
Before you know it, you’ve arrived at the restaurant, and suddenly, your nerves are tenfold. You walk in, looking around for him, when you realize the restaurant is completely empty. You spot him at a table toward the back, away from any windows, and you approach slowly.
“You know this is kinda creepy, right?” you ask when you get close. Without wasting a second, he gets up and pulls out your seat for you before returning to his own once you’re settled.
“Well, not until right now…” He chuckles sheepishly, finger tracing a small wrinkle on the tablecloth.
“Why is it so empty, anyway?” You laugh softly.
“I, uhh… I rented it out.”
Your eyes go as wide as the saucers on the table. “You- What? The whole restaurant?”
“Hyunjin mentioned you saying something about not wanting to be seen with an idol out of the workplace, so I thought this might make things a bit more comfortable for you,” he admits.
You’re stunned into silence for a moment. “Chan… That’s too much-“
“It’s not, not if it makes you more comfortable.” His hand reaches out to rest on top of yours on the table, and all you can do is stare at him for a moment, touched deeply by his words.
“Thank you,” you whisper earnestly.
He smiles shyly, leaning back a bit but leaving his hand on yours. “Hey… I’ve gotta make a good impression on the first date, right?”
You pale, removing your hand from under his. No. No, no, no. This can’t be a date. You didn’t mentally prepare for a date. Hyunjin was telling the truth? He couldn’t have been. This is some kind of joke, right?
“What?”
Chan panics a bit inside at your reaction, but he forces himself to remain calm outwardly. “This is a date… U-Unless you don’t want it to be. It can just be dinner.”
“I just… Why would you ask me on a date?” You look at him in genuine confusion, and his heart shatters as his head goes through a million reasons why you might not have ever expected him to ask you out.
“Why wouldn’t I?” he asks softly, his voice cracking slightly halfway through.
You let out a scoff. Why do they keep asking that? “I’m not… I don’t get asked out, Chan. I-I’ve never done this.”
“Done what? Had a boyfriend? That’s normal. Plenty of people wait until later in life to find someone-“
“It wasn’t on purpose. I’ve never been asked on a date. I didn’t have a high school sweetheart. No one’s ever had a crush on me, even in middle school. I’m not… Why would you be the first?” You frown deeply as you speak, gesturing toward him vaguely at the end.
“What is that supposed to mean?” His brows furrow, and he leans forward in his seat again.
“You’re… you. You’re an idol. You’re hot. You could have literally anyone-“
“I want you.”
“You shouldn’t.”
The air gets heavy after that, and after gathering his thoughts for a moment, he speaks up again, voice gentle, “Why do you think that?”
You’re not sure why, but you find yourself being honest with him. “I told you… I’ve never, ever, received romantic attention, even just for a hookup. I’ve seen guys flirt with my entire friend group and glance over me like I wasn’t an option in the first place. I’ve been told more than once by people I’m close to that they couldn’t imagine me in a relationship. I haven’t ever had a reason to think I’ll find love, but the universe has given me plenty of reasons to assume I won’t.”
His heart breaks for you all over again. Why would anyone say that to someone else? He, of all people, knows how your mind can twist mindless comments into something that can tear you apart. Gingerly, he reaches out, taking your hand into his once more, covering it with his other hand.
“Let me be your reason,” he says softly, eyes pleading with you.
“What?” The word comes out like a breath, soft, airy, with a tinge of confusion.
“Let me be the reason to assume you’ll find love. I don’t care how slow we take things. I don’t care if we have to start as friends. I don’t even care if I’m not the one you marry. Just let me prove that you can be loved like anyone else,” he proposed.
It knocks the air out of your lungs for a second. He said it with such conviction, like he needed it as much as you did, and he’s still staring at you like you’re the only thing that matters to him. Maybe you are right now.
“Chan-“
He cuts you off, “Please.”
You hesitate only a moment longer. “Okay…”
“Yeah?” His brows shoot up to his hairline in hope.
“Yeah. If you really want to try, then I do, too. I trust you enough to know that this isn’t some kind of prank or something.” It was true. You hadn’t known Chan long, but you could tell he wasn’t that type of person.
“Thank you. I won’t waste this, okay? Starting tonight. Let me show you a real first date.” His hands squeeze the one of yours they’re holding.
“Alright…” you smile softly, forcing yourself to relax into this. It wouldn’t be easy, but you could see how genuine he is. He deserves a chance.
By the time dinner ends, you’re feeling much lighter. He was a perfect gentleman, and he’d proven to be a professional at making you laugh. You manage to get to his car without being seen; he’d convinced you to let him drive you home. You weren’t surprised to see the sleek, black luxury car he brought you to, and you were somehow less surprised when he opened the passenger door and helped you in.
The drive was nice, filled with the same easy conversation that took place during dinner. He puts the car in park when you arrive at your building, and he shifts in the driver’s seat to look at you properly.
“I had a really nice time, Chan, even with the dramatics at the start of dinner…” You try to joke away your slight embarrassment, looking down at where your hands hold your purse in your lap. You can feel a blush coating your cheeks, but you don’t care too much.
“It wasn’t that dramatic,” he grins. “I enjoyed myself, too. Thank you for giving me this opportunity.”
You feel your heart burst with warmth as you look back up at him. “Thank you for wanting it.”
“Can we do this again sometime?” he asks softly, reaching his hand out to brush a strand of hair behind your ear.
“I’d really like that,” you murmur in return.
You escape that night without a first kiss, but five dates in, neither of you wants to wait anymore. Safe to say, Chan was successfully capturing your heart, tearing down your walls brick by brick until you had no choice but to let him in completely, and he was doing it with a smile.
Tonight’s date is on the couch in your apartment. Two pints of ice cream and one bowl of popcorn sit on your coffee table, all half-eaten, as you and Chan watch a movie. Well, you’re technically on movie number two, but that’s neither here nor there. Chan’s been playing with your fingers for half an hour now, and you can feel him staring at you every few minutes.
“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” you snort.
“‘Cause you’re pretty…” he replies, a dreamy look in his eyes. What a loser. You wanna keep him forever.
“Stop,” you push him away playfully.
“No, come back!” He doesn’t hesitate to lean closer, dramatically wrapping his arms around you like he wouldn’t be able to live otherwise. “Don’t leave me…”
He pouts up at you with those boba eyes and plump lips, and all you can think about is kissing him. He’s just so perfect, so attentive and caring, so attractive. It’s so not fair that you don’t know how to kiss.
“I’m not leaving you,” you roll your eyes, pretending to be grumpy about it. Your eyes flick back down to his lips, and he catches it this time. It makes his dart down to look at yours, too.
“Can I kiss you?” he murmurs.
“I’ve never-“
“I can show you. It’s not hard,” he tries.
“That’s what everyone says,” you argue.
“Because it’s not,” he laughs. “Please? You just have to follow my lead. I won’t even open my mouth if you don’t want to.”
“…Okay. Just go slow, alright?” You fix him with a look.
“Slow,” he nods, already leaning in.
You do as he said, following his lead. You close your eyes, and before you know it, his lips are pressed against yours. It’s soft, gentle, a test. When you lean into it, he tilts his head, kissing you more deeply, more confidently.
He pulls away after a moment and just looks at you, silently asking if you’re okay with more. When you nod, he cups your cheek to pull you back in, and when you get comfortable again, he lets his tongue glide against your lower lip. You’ve read enough books to know that’s your cue to open your mouth, so that’s what you do.
When he presses closer, letting his tongue brush against yours, you lose yourself in the kiss, in him. Maybe this is everything it’s cracked up to be; you’re pretty sure you could kiss him all day.
Eventually, you both need air, so he pulls away slowly. “How was that?”
“Really good,” you grin. “It was good for you, too, right?” You had to be sure.
“It was amazing. You’re a natural.”
“Maybe I just have a good teacher,” you flirt.
“Ooh, kissing and flirting. That teacher must be pretty good, then,” he teases you back.
You laugh with him, lightly shoving him again because, of course, he’d be all about hyping up your “teacher”.
“You really don’t mind, though? Being my first… well, everything?”
“Do I mind being the person to show you how it feels to be loved? No… not at all,” he replies in earnest. This is his favorite thing ever; of course, he doesn’t mind it.
“Are you ever gonna stop making this sound so romantic?” you chuckle.
“It is romantic, first of all, and second of all, no.” His grin is cocky, but you find yourself endeared by it anyway.
It wouldn’t be easy, but you already knew you’d be keeping him around for every first you’ll ever have from now on. You still have some self-esteem issues to work through, and you still struggle with your inexperience in romantic relationships. He’ll be there through every bit of it, though, and he’ll enjoy every second.
He’s found his person, and soon enough, you’ll know for certain you’ve found yours, too.
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