Medieval artists who had never seen the animals they were painting or who were working without references is one of my favorite things that has ever happened.
An owl? Stoic, Frollo-lookin’ monk thing.
Elephants doubled as angry funnel horses.
“What the hell does a lion look like?”
“I don’t know, like some sort of cat…man.”
“What does that mean?”
“Just…okay, it’s got curly bits on its head. And…braces? Also, what is a tail? I don’t know. Just…stick it on there and use my face as a reference, Brother Geoffrey.”
Cats remain miserable and possibly bred with some sort of dragon.
Or ferrets. And squirrels.
“…What are you painting?”
“Damn it, Brother John, you know I hate it when you pop up behind me while I’m illuminating manuscripts.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Ugh. Now I messed up its nose.”
“What…what is it?”
“Fuck if I know.”
“So the dudes in Portugal, right? They went to the Americas and apparently, there are these, like, giant lizard…things living in the rivers. Crocodiles.”
“Thou shittest me.”
“I shit thee not. They crawl around on all fours and they’re…big…lizard…things. They want it in the next bestiary.”
“Ohh, this is so going in the next bestiary. Here, wait, let me doodle a thumbnail while it’s still fresh in my mind. Okay. Big lizards. So they’ll have tails, yeah?”
“Yeah. Better give them monkey feet and people hands, too.”
“What about the face?”
“Just use mine for reference, Brother Geoffrey.”
“You know that crocodile thumbnail you drew?”
“I just talked to one of the Portuguese guys who went to the Americas and I showed them your drawing.”
“And? What did they say?”
“It’s totally wrong. It’s too friendly-looking.”
“Yeah. They said you’re not even close. No monkey feet or people hands and the face is all wrong.”
“I just drew it based on your description.”
“Okay, but now I’m telling you I talked to the guys that actually saw a crocodile and they told me that your drawing is wrong. They need you to redo it.”
“I drew it exactly the way you described it.”
“I know, but the guys said the drawing is wrong and that you need to redo it. They want it scarier. No people hands and don’t use my face for its face. It eats people, they said. It comes out of the water and eats people. You should have drawn it eating people.”
“You didn’t tell me it ate people!”
“FINE. Okay, fine. You want it eating people? FINE………………………………………..HERE. How’s this? This work for you?”
“Is….is that me? It’s eating me? The fuck, Brother Geoffrey?”
“I used your face for reference.”
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