Emeritus

Mathematician. I used to be the pope. But now I'm not so sure anymore.

[endofunktor]

My Conversation with the Box Merchant

Imagine a Box Merchant. They’re a very friendly person selling boxes.

Our conversation goes like this.

They present to me two nicely made large boxes.

“Most people fit either this blue box or this red box.”

“Thanks, but I don’t want to be put in a box.”

They proceed to pull out some really intrecately-carved small boxes, with beautiful colours and nice engraving.

“We also have these. There really is a box for everyone!”

I look at all the colourful boxes and I don’t want to insult the Box Merchant or the people who find happiness by buying one or several of these. But ultimately I go:

“Thanks a lot. But I really don’t want to be put into boxes.”

The Box Merchant thinks for a while, then pulls out another box, mostly blank.

“I guess this one is for people who don’t like boxes.”

Bemused, I refrain.

“These are all nice boxes, but really, I don’t want to be put in one.”

The Box Merchant, now visibly confused, explains to me:

“People are going to put you in a box anyway. Best to choose your favourite.”

I think for a while and then I go:

“No. I will not aide people in putting a box around me. I will not give them any directive. If to be put in a box is unavoidable, so be it. I will not be compliant.”

[codexnoirmatic]

Golvorg Hypermaiden

[catasters]

[tragbarerpanzrabwehrkomplexfagot]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

How did it get up there

[piratekayte]

It’s difficult to tell - typically light fixtures are installed using some combination of screws and brackets to affix them to the wall, but in this case the actual point of connection is obscured by a cat.

[probablybadrpgideas]

"It's good to have an idea where this NPC's story is going. Which is apparently France."

[penny-anna]

what if on Taskmaster one of the contestants died in the middle of filming a task but after doing enough of the task for it to be deemed complete so since there was nothing in the rules to say you had to be alive throughout they allowed it. & then all the other contestants bombed so badly that the dead person won the task and in the studio Greg was there like 'wow you all managed to do worse than Christine and she was dead for most of it'

[penny-anna]

they don't sub in a replacement contestant for the studio shows so one of the chairs is just empty and sometimes when contestants are arguing their case on something they're like 'I think if Christine was still with us she'd take my side' and Greg would be like 'for fuck's sake stop bringing up Christine'

[penny-anna]

also everyone (Greg included) would dunk on Alex for 'killing Christine' with the task and Alex would keep nervously laughing it off and be like 'legally speaking we weren't responsible for what happened to Christine'

[penny-anna]

the interstitials for the season occasionally feature randomly inserted shots of Christine's lifeless body lying on the ground

[penny-anna]

obviously it would already have been announced that Christine died filming Taskmaster but during the show they wouldn't say which task it happened in so every time there's a Christine segment it'd be like is this the one where she died 🤔 let's watch and find out

[truetgirl]

Car Trunk vs Car Boot: A clear win for US English, trunk was already a thing in which you stored items, frequently for transport.

Crisps vs Chips: I gotta admit, the Brits have this one. They're thin slices of potato that have been made crispy. No chipping of any materials involved.

Car Park vs Parking Lot: Equally matched. What's a car park? A place to park cars. What's a parking lot? An otherwise empty lot where you can park.

Elevator vs Lift: Both equally fail to address that the damn thing also goes down.

[emmy-noethers-rings]

Motivating example: Ok so latex complaints. When you type not equals and the empty set, the lines aren't parallel.

Lemma: This is fixable.

Proof: A silly little application of $\neq$ \rotatebox[origin=c]{22}{$\varnothing$}

Remark: There are other options. If you dare.

[emmy-noethers-rings]

After consulting with my esteemed colleagues, we have the following results.

Corollary:

[desmos-calculator]

wasn't parallel to the sides of the post, fixed that for you though!

[crabanarchy]

They say ooooh be a good boy for daddy and you'll get a reward. But then the reward is just gay sex. This is bullshit. I wanted a skateboard

[crabanarchy]

Then they say if you're a bad boy daddy will punish you. But what's the punishment? More gay sex! You can't escape it. This whole damn place is in the pocket of Big Sex

[algebraic-dumbass]

2 + 2 = ????

it's 2 + 2 because addition is commutative

[almondmilkbitch]

superbat is a bad ship name. it should be manman

[anistarrose]

my only religious belief is that there is no afterlife except for the ublock origin team who are going to heaven and the youtube anti-adblock team who are going to hell

[dreamingnemleria]

[stephenroot]

New type of guy just dropped.

[real-language-facts]

lifetime ban from the boba shop for ordering a kiki tea

[drethelin]

It was worth it though

[probablybadrpgideas]

Unrelated to RPGs, but I had a dream where I had the rules of heaven explained to me, and here they are:

Any animal you put salt on goes to heaven with you when you die (there are lots of slugs in heaven).

If you insult a Pokemon even once, believe it or not? Straight to hell.

(Incidentally, Hell recently stopped tormenting people because they're trying to find the soul of Walter White from Breaking Bad. The demons thought it was a documentary and the damned don't want to correct them, you know?)

Heaven has a library with every book and a library with every magazine. When you die, you have to choose which you want before you can go to Heaven.

Every ten years you get vacation days and can go to either earth or hell. They recommend earth but it's your choice really.

The damned also get vacation days. Please don't bother the damned souls while they're up here, they have it bad enough already.

God is a horse. Please don't bring it up, he's pretty sensitive about it.

If you have issues with Heaven, don't worry! There's a basement and if you complain, you get to go in the basement until you stop complaining.

Contrary to popular belief, heaven doesn't last forever. It lasts for an average of 10 billion years (depending on how much technology you want in your heaven house). At the end, you turn into a cake and everyone eats you.

Please remake your setting's celestial planes in accordance with these rules, thank you.

Pencil

[status-quo-hater]

I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.

He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense

[status-quo-hater]

Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.

My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.

Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.

He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM