Just Another Black Girl

Que pasa amigos? Words of the heart, so often unexpressed at the cost of being cool... Enna 25, anime watching, poetry reading, hopeless romantic.

[ennathebarbiedoll]

1. JillErykahtro 2. Cross My Mind 3. Next Lifetime 4. Easy Conversation 5. In Love With You (b.blend) 6. Didn't Cha Know 7. Crown Royal 8. Time's A Wastin' 9. A Long Walk 10. On and On 11. Epiphany 12. Kiss On My Neck (Hesi) 13. Honey Molasses 14. Otherside Of The Game 15. Whatever (Live) 16. Cleva 17. It's Love (b.blend) 18. Try 19. Bump It 20. Love Of My Life (Ode To Hip Hop) 21. Love Rain (Coffee Shop Mix) 22. Think Twice 23. Whenever You're Around 24. Sometimes 25. I'm Not Afraid 26. Soldier 27. Slowly Surely 28. Back In The Day (Puff) 29. Golden (Remix) 30. Me (Live) 31. I Want You 32. The Way 33. Do You Remember 34. Green Eyes

[thegoodvybe]

[ennathebarbiedoll]

This morning I woke up and found myself reading about appeal of unrequited love. Funny enough it spoke out loud to the younger me who once begged a man to give me a chance to love him in the hope that he would reciprocate those feelings.

I read it, I laughed and related to just that. The article read, and I’m paraphrasing here that unrequited love highlights the parts that you hate most about yourself... that it has absolutely nothing to do with the person you “love” because you probably never even took the time to know if the person is anything you think of them to be.

Funny that, isn’t it. Because immediately it made me think of him and all the others. Believe me, there were others. I could swear after 6 and half years. He was a stranger to me and I knew absolutely almost nothing about him. Just who he was when we first met, when we dated- though that was short lived and bits and pieces. However, the rest even old memories of us were nothing but a mere fantasy.

All my energy went into proving to him that I was someone, that I existed even though the image of me slipped through my fingers to the point where I would look in the mirror unrecognisable. I created this image of who he was and put him on a pedestal so high, God could probably high-five him. That wasn’t entirely his fault; but he was so high most of the time he’d give me the most bored uninterested expression and let my imagination run with it. Only to correct me here or there when my emotions span out of control.

Still, I blabbed to all my girlfriends and watched his image tarnish like cigarette smoke to fresh lungs over time. And here I am at a fork in the road. Faced with a decision whether or not to pick up the phone precisely two months after I told him I didn’t recognise him and that I wasn’t sure of his place in my life. Now all those things still ring true.

Of course all the things in my mind could and possibly be completely different to anything he probably wants to tell me but I no longer thrive at the thrill of addiction. To the sex we had, the intimacy or just chasing him to lock me down. I’m getting older and I’m just starting to find myself. I’m saying that, I know it looks as though my mind is made. I can’t help but to be curious.

What does he want from me. Particularly at this very moment, that he would need me. What if my gut feeling is right about his place in my life or am I still partly delusional still playing into that fantasy hoping that something good can still come of it. Am I settling for a vision that a child can see or have I got potential to score higher in the grand scheme of things?

Personally I have learned never to question God but watch mysteries unravel. Life is definitely more beautiful that way. I just can’t see what’s real and what isn’t anymore. My deal with the world only ever lasts so long. There’s no real point here to be honest. I am glad though I can look back and see the growth, life after that relationship or lack thereof. I know that the focus should only have ever been on me and what I thought was missing. Well I found it and I’m much happier for it. But going forward honestly I still want to get to know him for him so I can clearly make a real decision. Is it not fair to give a true second chance to someone that you’ve given yourself?

[ennathebarbiedoll]

2017

Well, it's been quite a while. Hasn't it? After much needed break. Here I am, grown and mature. A lot more calm, if you will. I finally feel more at peace within me than ever and I wish I had taken a moment to assess my condition a lot sooner. However, everything serves a purpose in life and everything I went through, all my reactions did just that. I couldn't be anymore proud of myself for getting through it. I won't act like it was easy, I rode a rollercoaster paved with addictions, unhealthy dependencies etc. I had a very strong support system that helped me through it. They haven't given up on me; though I test their patience from time to time. I'm learning that every single day is a work in progress and YOU have to be your biggest supporter, best friend, constructive critic and build yourself up instead of the opposite. I'm truly grateful for the vision ahead and I'm excited to be able to share it. Hopefully I could do some good and give back ❤️ Thank you

[dangdfeng]

some panoramas, they’re not very good but at least i got the colors

[i-wildest-dreams]

[i-wildest-dreams]

[i-wildest-dreams]

[ennathebarbiedoll]

Not that great with responses If I’m honest But words I pen to paper Come a lot easier I wish I could take a peek into your mind. Go on the magical journey through all the neural pathways that make all your memories, The universe within you Maybe I’ll understand a bit better. I may not always have the right things to say. But come rainy days, I’ll be your warmth and shelter If you want to get wet, That’s cool too I’ll dance on every step in the rain with you. I’ll hold you, late at night when you’re left lost in your train of thought. Everything will be alright I assure you.

Trying times don’t last Past their season. With every storm The clouds move and make way for the sun and a clearer sky. Your brighter day is on its way. I’ll hang right in there with you until your storm passes. You never have to feel like you’re doing it all on you own 😘

[paramore]

“… Music isn’t fragile. Knowing how the body works doesn’t take away from the pleasure of living. Music has been around as long as people have formed communities. It’s not going to go away, but it’s uses and meaning evolve. I am moved by more music now than I have ever been. Trying to see it from a wider and deeper perspective only makes it clear that the lake itself is wider and deeper than we thought.” - David Byrne

[jenngietzen]

[cozyyoshii]

[mermaidspawn-deactivated2022050]

[greekgoddessbby-deactivated2018]

[ennathebarbiedoll]

That should teach him

Oh I was so livid, more so than ever before I tore every last stitch of his clothes Lying to me About I was with the boys When all the while He was fucking those hoes Oh i was so mad, He was all in my head Giving me hell Fucking around with stupid girls &I hope to God for his sake It wasn't in my bed But it don't matter anyway Cause I punctured His basketball to shreds I'd buss the windows of his car If he had one But he doesn't, too bad I didn't see that he was just a bum All my friends tried to tell me But I didn't listen How dare this nigga try test me

[dwaynethegeekisdead-deactivated]

These ladies are amazing! I’ve seen some very offensive Memes about them, that pissed me off. How could you insult all this awesomeness?

If anyone knows who they are I would love to credit them and tell them how much I love their Cosplays.

[ennathebarbiedoll]

You wanna walk away? Be my guest. It’s your right to do so; I don’t owe you anything nor do you owe me anything to stay. If you can’t address your problems with me you’re seriously better off fucking off because I’m too grown and preoccupied with my own life to try and figure out wtf is wrong. I don’t read minds. This applies to absolutely everyone.