Epic Yani is Epic

Officially an Adult child Yes sir, I'm one of a kind.

[epicyaniisepic]

My First [and last(?)] Midyear

I had a lot of regrets because I didn't take any courses last Midyear. But nevertheless, I am happy with the things that happened during my Midyear. :)

1. I was enlisted in two courses this Midyear, PI10 (about Jose Rizal and his works) and CMSC123 (Data Structures - one of the major subjects I failed last semester). Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get PE, but I think lack of PE made me focus on other things like my exercises in the laboratory.

2. My roommates and I are able to get courses this Midyear! Yaaay, all for one, one for all. :)

3. I am able to watch my org mates graduate last July 4, 2015.

4. I passed both of my courses. :) It was hard but I am glad I passed. 

5. I received my albums (MADE A and LMR). :)

All in all, there are still too many to mention but these are just the gist of what happened during my Midyear. I hope I can be as studious next semester. :) Fighting! <3 

[shinwoos]

#25thCNUDAY - happy birthday to our beautiful angel! i hope you will have a lovely day, spending it with the people who love you. i wish you all the joy and happiness in the world, you deserve it so much. shin dongwoo, i love you with all my heart. and thank you for making my world more brighter. happy birthday. ♥

[epicyaniisepic]

Semester Reflections

I was sloth lazy this semester. I was lost, confused, distraught, and lonely.

Ever since, I've always not liked my degree. I tried my best surviving it, but this semester really did not work out for me. I met new people that take the same degree as I am, I thought I would blossom with them because I really want to improve. I have never been that confident with myself (I look confident but I’m not), and being with these people, I felt that I don’t belong intelligently which led my insecurities to eat me up alive this whole semester. 

A lot of things happened that made my self-esteem lower by the day:

The fact that I haven’t finished exercises within laboratory classes

I broke up with my boyfriend of three years

I became too much inclined with organization life

I always sleep. LEGIT (ask my room mates about this)

I am too lazy to do anything at all, even watch Korean Dramas!

I fell in love with a fucking “fling”.

I lost for a lot of positions in my organizations

The comparison I feel between my brother’s success and my success

The regret and the loneliness I feel after I broke up with my boyfriend

Now that the semester was over, I was thinking over a lot of things. I am shocked that I wasn’t even that affected over my 2 failed major subjects. I am too reckless to even care. I don’t know what happened. Actually, I don’t know what to do in my life. I have always been dependent of others emotionally. 

I don’t know... I am supposed to be graduating in 2 years. 2 years is only a short amount of time especially when you’re in college. It’s scary. This freaking fact engulfs me into nothing. It makes me over think things. It makes me panic. It’s scaring the shit out of me. 

[epicyaniisepic]

greenbox

I was in the neighbourhood, reminiscing about the blogs I followed, and I found a very innovative way to use pizza boxes. I decided to share this cool stuff to just let other people know about it as well. The company was known in the United States and I think they are trying to get known universally. I think it’s better to just give you the link to the video so that you can see how cool and witty a simple pizza box has become. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQBjJjpkjl0

Isn't it cool? A pizza box that serves as 4 plates and a to-go container! It’s f-ing cool if you ask me, even if I'm not a pizza fanatic. Another cool part about it is that it saves the environment - you can save having plates and having another to-go box just by folding and ripping the half of the pizza box. 

I hope these kind of boxes can also reach our country and other neighbouring countries as well. 

[blondejongin]

[epicyaniisepic]

Congratulations EXO on your wins + Triple and Qradruple Crowns for Call Me Baby!

[epicyaniisepic]

Totally broke[n]

I ended it because I realized that I forgot to love myself first. I ended it because I am becoming dependent on him. I ended it because I became numb at everything.

The next was unexpected. It was dumb. It was naive. It was stupid.

The moment it disappeared without any reason at all (even though I know why), I realized that maybe it was not meant to be. I remembered the reason why I ended the previous one - to find and love myself first.

I probably made the greatest mistake of my life. Yes, I probably think because I never felt this lonely and alone in my life but I have a feeling it’s for the best even though I am totally failing two of my major subjects. 

I am still lost, though.  But maybe these are all for the best.

[epicyaniisepic]

I feel so bad right now. Maybe this was what I don’t deserve.

[epicyaniisepic]

Intensity VI

It was unexpected.

I ate with my room mates at Hanbok. Then I went to Teato Jeri’s to attend an orientation because my orgmate invited me to. I ate again and I spilled the beans about the latest news about myself. My orgmate asked why didn’t I told this, seeing this as a major part of my life. I told my orgmate that I don’t want this to become a big deal so I didn’t let people know (by now, I think about only 15 people know about this). Went home to wait for 10pm because nobody comes early at a party.

As expected, 10pm was too early to start a party. Anyway, I just drank and enjoyed the mixed drinks. Maybe I enjoyed the mixed drinks too much seeing I finished a pitcher just by myself.  Then I participated in a drinking game. I guess I was so drunk that I can’t walk straight anymore.  All the feels were too much. Everything was just so blurry. But I don’t want to forget what happened. That night was the start of the explosion of all the feels. Do I sound crazy? Yeah, maybe I am. Maybe I threw up a little. Nope. I threw up a lot. Maybe I always drank too much, I don’t know why but this time, it’s embarrassing yet it is not.

I am so confused in all ways. 

[epicyaniisepic]

Before this semester started, I changed my hair color again :) I dyed my hair last academic year too, but this time, it’s a darker shade of brown so I am quite satisfied by it. Though I really really really want to dye my hair maroon.

[epicyaniisepic]

My theme is somewhat not that attractive. I am not good in color harmony but I tried my best. I really just want a new theme so that I can start posting again.

[epicyaniisepic]

Changes

Today, I have checked my blog posts from the very start. I want to erase a lot of stuff and start again but that would defy why I started blogging in the first place - to reminisce the good and bad moments in my life. Here's what I've noticed and what will I change or keep on doing in my blog because I missed blogging.  Thank you inaanak. <3 You inspired me to blog again <3

Before:

I was so frustrated with this certain guy that is very vague in what he is feeling towards me. As I was reading my posts back then, I can't help but feel ashamed of myself. I am chasing towards this certain guys who doesn't even know who he likes himself. But nevertheless, we're still together so never mind that.

I have a lot of selfies and gifs of my selfies. Yes, I accepted the fact that I was vain but I didn't realize that I was this vain. Maybe, I was just confident before because I was thinner than my current body weight but yeah. I was vain before.

I post a lot of rants, may it be a reblogged post or a post I wrote myself. I never thought I was this immature. Good thing I matured a little, or did I really?

I reblog a lot. I reblog if I want to rant. I reblog the things that I had a phase ever since like One Direction, quotes from the movies I know and didn't know as long as I felt giddy at the moment I saw that gif or photo or I just like the quote or I just liked the artist for that matter. I reblog things about stuff that might help in my life at the time (probably). I reblog about cartoons that I watched before. Lastly, I reblog stuff about K-pop.

I tell a lot about myself before. I want to blog more about my life but I never had the chance to do so. I guess, blogging became a less priority before and I want to blog again so I guess I will be blogging a lot now. Hopefully. 

I like to edit photos. This kind of edit involves: 1. adding a filter 2. putting some quote or border or make it into some kind of collage Now that I saw that editing photos is what I do since before, maybe I want to dig in deeper in editing photos. 

I post a lot about love. Now, I still have a boyfriend but I don't think I am that hopeless romantic as before. I don't know why. Maybe this "long distance" thing made me numb? I don't know.

I post photos of my friends especially my friends during my second semester of my freshman year. Most are gone now, like shifted to another course, graduated, has different schedules. Everything, really, has changed.

The gradual change of my posts from normal posts about life and stuff about movies and random stuff to Korean-related was alarming. I laughed when I saw my first blog post about Big Bang. Omfg. I can't even. 

Now: 

I want to continue blogging but before I start on blogging again, I want to change my layout first. 

I want to continue posting photos especially on what happened and what will happen this year, 2015. I can feel that this year would be special and different than last year. :) I will continue on blogging about myself. 

I will avoid selfies.

I will avoid rants as much as possible. 

I will lessen my reblogs on K-pop, hopefully. 

This will serve as my resolution for my blog. Hopefully, this will help me in the future like what my future posts did to me today. :)

[infinitblaq]

[irenechofan]

The MCs arw too tall….😆😆

[joonroy]

joonyoung u ok

[meatballacheekbone-deactivated2]

There is an interview in english of JoonYoung and i want quote here:

———

“I can feel my mood deteriorating as I move from one schedule to another,” said Jung. “I might confidently say that my emotions fluctuate high and low more so than anybody.” This type of honest answer is what reporters...

[rvd444]

Truth or Dare (to drink fish sauce): When was your last kiss?

[meatballacheekbone-deactivated2]

LOL that’s my boy

[epicyaniisepic]

Misunderstood and Everything Else

Anyway, I think I can't even express myself here any more. 

I just feel all sorts of things. I feel left out. I feel lost. I feel distraught. Everything negative. I feel it. I tried to suppress it. I tried to express it. I tried to tell my family about it. 

Unfortunately, they just misunderstood everything. I don't want to explain any more. I'm too tired to explain everything to them. 

[thevixxforest]