how do I write a toxic relationship that transforms the characters into the worst versions of themselves?
Ooh, interesting! This is such an uncommon, almost abstract, idea and I'm very intrigued to see how you'll bring it to life!
Thank you for your ask!
How to Write A Toxic Relationship (Except It Doesn't Get Better)
Toxic relationships can be complicated because the word 'toxicity' is broad. It stretches from abuse and manipulation to backhanded comments and hurtful secrets.
What makes a mutually toxic relationship difficult, however, is that it's well, mutual. It's not one-sided. Both characters are getting hurt but in theory, they're okay with that.
1. Show the Love -- Why do they stay?
This sounds kind of dumb, I know, but if your characters are in a relationship, they were (and hopefully are) attracted to each other. That's why they haven't left yet.
They can't leave because they think they love each other--and while they may not be wrong, it's typically a twisted form of attachment, hence the toxicity.
2. Their Relationship is a Game
Push and pull dynamics are completely normal between close people. It's a way of teasing and poking casual fun, but turns from light nudges to forceful shoves.
Your characters think their relationship is like a game. Not in the sense it's un-serious, exactly, but in the sense that they're free to do whatever they wish with basic reasoning. They act there are no borders.
As a result, you'll see a lot of manipulation, lies, fights, and general deceit because they go too far and they don't think it's a bad thing. Maybe it's fun--they like seeing their significant other mad. Maybe they thought it was necessary--the argument after was just a needed sacrifice.
They more they do it the more they think it's okay. The more they think it's okay the more their relationship deteriorates.
3. What Are Their Red Flags? How Does it Impact the Relationship?
Individually, what are your characters' toxic traits? Personally, the one I see most is excessive protectiveness, which eventually grows into a need for control.
This may be how most things play out: your character has some flaws, but as they develop in concentration, the simple imperfections become a bright, screaming red flag their loved one can't escape.
Start by identifying where such characteristics began--what they initially looked like--and then figure out what they look like in the end. Additionally, make sure to apply them in the relationship. If there's a character who raises their voice when mad but does not do it to their significant other, then yeah, it could be a toxic trait, but that's mainly outside of the relationship.
I can't say there's a recipe for this subject specifically--people change naturally, and sometimes for the worst. However, words that hit unnecessarily hard, unforgettably painful events, and decreasing trust (as a result of the previous clause) can contribute to such change, speeding it up and/or intensifying it.
Lastly, connect these things to your characters' relationship. How does their bond change along with the partners? Between a growing lack of trust and distance, their relationship will morph, and you have to decide how.
4. There is No 'Good Guy'
If you want to write a mutually toxic relationship, both characters are going to be villains. They're going to hurt each other equally, and that's the truth.
You can most definitely have a relationship that's toxic with only one toxic partner, but that doesn't make the other a "good person" exactly. Of course, they're not evil for suffering through the situation, but in such a complex bond, there's no real "good guy." Both sides make hurtful mistakes and do stupid things--some of which hurt their lover and some of which hurt themselves.
My point is: everyone kind of sucks. They're all damaging one another, and that's the twisted beauty of this trope.
5. Why Do They Think This is Okay?
Question time! Do your characters think this kind of relationship is normal? Why? Is there some complicated, backstory reasoning behind this or are they just inexperienced and unknowledgeable?
Even if they think this is wrong, why haven't they left? Is it because they still have hope? Because they're still in love? Or is it because they're too scared to leave?
In my opinion, the most toxic relationships tend to be when both parties think that the toxicity is normal and/or unpreventable because they don't make an effort to change.
Conclusion
I think what you're looking for is simply character development, but instead of positive growth, their constant exposure to each other's toxicity amplifies their negative emotions, causing even more toxic behavior to occur and more toxic traits to form.
I don't think there's any linear way to create this dynamic--change is something that's natural and subtle until the difference becomes too obvious to ignore.
If this isn't what you wanted, feel free to let me know! I struggled a bit forming this post, honestly, so I'm not super proud of this, but I hope this helps a bit, at the very least!
Thank you for your ask!
Happy writing~
3hks
