Notes from an Advanced Yoga Training with Sri Dharma Mittra
This piece is comprised of notes and journal entries from the 500 Hour Life of a Yogi Teacher Training that I did with Dharma Mittra. It contains private thoughts, musings, insights, quotes, and bits of wisdom, and is intended to convey a general sense of the trajectory of the transformation I experienced whilst undergoing this training, as well as to give an idea of the nature of this training for those who may be interested in doing it as well.
Module I
Preface:
Upper East Side Manhattan
6 July 2019
Perhaps in a couple year’s time I’ll realize that the greatest tragedy/travesty of my life has been not recognizing and loving myself for who I really am—not really knowing who/what I am. It is a great tragedy to obscure the gift of oneself for the sake of trying to fit in or please others, thereby failing to nourish one’s true gifts and joys. In realizing this, there comes the turn. The turn away from misguided illusion and ignorance (of one’s true self or true gifts) and scattered energy, towards focus, towards a life guided by intuition and one’s love and interest. And perhaps that realization does not come later; perhaps it comes NOW. (”Perhaps” is rhetorical--it does come Now!)
Dharma Yoga Center, New York City
7 July 2019 - Sunday
It’s the first day of the 500-Hour Dharma Yoga Life of a Yogi Teacher Training. This is the first of two week-long modules to be completed for this training. The days are long, from 7am to 9pm or so everyday. I am excited by the intensity of it, I enjoy doing intense things, challenging myself, and pushing myself to the limit because I want to be the best that I can be.
Early this morning, I was trying to hail the bus, but a cab thought I was hailing it instead and pulled in, blocking the bus from stopping and causing me to miss it. Not familiar with where I was going, I just decided to take the cab. It was much more expensive than the bus, but nice to experience the New York City cab, no?
I arrived at the Dharma Yoga Center in the Flatiron district of Manhattan. I was early, so I waited outside the door with the handful of others who had arrived early. I was very nervous, standing awkward and quiet, glancing around shiftily in the blue morning light.
Days at the training begin with pranayama and, often, spiritual talks by Dharma. Dharma gave his talk which involved the yamas. Then, since today was the first day, we all introduced ourselves briefly to the group—there are around 70 of us! The days are then filled with asana classes as well as workshops concerning the other aspects of Dharma Yoga and teaching, including anatomy, philosophy, giving hands-on assists, etc. I am taking notes in this colorful notebook that is a children’s scrapbook from the 90s, but I am finding that I mostly do not want to take too many notes—mostly I want to just absorb what I am coming into contact with here. I turn off my phone during the day and leave it in my bag.
While I’ve done some Dharma Yoga before, it has not been my main practice. So during this training I am familiarizing myself with Dharma Yoga and the things about it that make it unique or different from what I’m used to.
I am coming into this training with an understandably skeptical mind. Having experienced abuse at the hands of an older man who was my yoga teacher, and being aware of rampant sexual abuse in the yoga communitiy, I enter this training with an open heart, yet a commitment my own inner truth. A true teacher would not need to battering-ram their way into my heart like a manipulator would, because their truth will align with mine, and then I won’t need defenses. However, I have a commitment to myself that if anything seems awry, I will not allow toxic people in, I will not stay near people who are harmful. I will take what rings true to me and burn the rest.
8 July 2019 - Monday
A Strong Attachment
The 200 hour training I did with that older man (whom I was in a relationship with for nearly 5 years) was how I got attached to him. That practice was a practice that attached me strongly and deeply to him. I am attached to him like he is my guru and the one I love, a bond that feels unbreakable. My practice at that time was so much, if not all, for him. He gave me a lot of inspiration to push so far. I wanted him to love me, to feel good enough that he would love me.
In comparing my first training with the 500 hour I am now doing with Dharma, I can see what depths of the practice I was not really focusing on, the ones that are for my self, for self-realization. When I started yoga, I was interested in peace and the physical benefits—I was interested in finding freedom from my suffering, from my internal anguish. I didn’t want to suffer anymore, from depression, from the beliefs in my mind about the ugliness of my body and my soul. I could not love myself so I wanted to become someone whom I could love and whom I believed others could love.
I got embroiled in that 200 hour training and in that man in some ways because I needed love. That man took what he never should have taken.
10 July 2019 - Wednesday
“Without good health, your senses cannot function well.” Dharma Mittra
During this training, participants are required to live a vegan lifestyle. This is one of the aspects of this training that drew me to it - it’s thoroughness in terms of ahimsa (compassion or non-harm) and the practice of true Yoga.
14 July 2019 - Sunday
“Whatever action you are taking that is unpleasant, there is some ignorance behind it that is causing you to produce that action.” Dharma Mittra
Inter-module Period
The inter-module period from July to September is filled with daily practice that includes asana, pranayama, mediation, an ahimsic diet plan, daily journaling about the yamas, om japa coloring, and practice teaching of Dharma Yoga II.
My journalings are largely focused around my unhealthy relationship with my former yoga teacher. I am using this training to try to go deeper, to get at the deeper wound that must be causing me to be unable to get out of this harmful situation. For years, this has felt like something I could not get out of even though I tried hard as hell.
Module II
Dharma Yoga Center, New York City
2 September 2019 - Monday - Day two of the second module
“Everything is infinite. Whatever you are passing through is perfect. No one is more special than the other.” Dharma Mittra
—The most important yama is Ahimsa (compassion). The most important niyama is Iśvara Pranidana (Surrender)
“Impurities lead to inability to realize truth, self-knowledge.” Dharma Mittra
“If you have not self-realized, you are still subject to your karma.” Dharma Mittra
3 September 2019 - Tuesday
“All beings love love.” Dharma Mittra
“In consciousness, life is tingling everywhere.” Dharma Mittra
“Everyone is looking for love.” Dharma Mittra
Everything is god in different vibrations. When you see god in everything, you achieve Yoga.” Dharma Mittra
—Compassion is the foundation of self-realization, Yoga, freedom from suffering.
—Self compassion—being too hard on yourself can lead to a crash.
“When you find yourself you will act according to your condition.” Dharma Mittra
“Without prana, nothing would move.” Dharma Mittra
—When awakening the kundalini, going to self-realization, if you do not practice yama and niyama, it can be dangerous.
“There is infinite knowledge. You just need the right instrument to perceive it.” Dharma Mittra
—The ego is the one seeking for enlightenment. The Atman does not need purification, etc.
—Bliss is for the ego. Atman doesn’t need bliss.
—When the mind becomes pure enough the answers are already there.
4 September 2019 - Wednesday
On Imagination:
“Imagination is power. Keep imagining. You can go as far as you believe.” Dharma Mittra
“Everything that has your ego involved has a limit.” Dharma Mittra
—Dharma Mittra paraphrased: If your imagination cannot leave the solar system, you are going to get stuck here for a while.
“What is better than meditation? Renouncing any expectations of the outcome of any action.” Dharma Mittra
“YOU trigger your own enlightenment, not a guru.” Dharma Mittra
—About the Yoga Sutras, the levels of realization: Bliss is a lower level of Samadhi. Innter peace is higher.
Post-Module Internship Period
The post-module internship period, similar to the inter-module period, consisted of two months of daily practice of asana, pranayama, meditation, ahimsic diet, om japa coloring, yama journaling, teaching Dharma Yoga II and III, karma yoga (selfless service), and more.
As I write, I am completing the last bit of material I need to fulfill all the requirements. I will then submit my materials for review, and hopefully soon will be certified in Dharma Yoga.
Reflection
This training was one of the most intense undertakings I’ve ever experienced. The intensive nature of the modules exhausted the body and the mind, breaking them down and making it more easy for Spirit to shine through. Furthermore, the intensive nature of the modules caused me to not fully realize how deeply I was being affected by what I was going through until later, and indeed, I am still only beginning to understand how it impacted me and to feel the changes. It was a deeply transformative experience.
Throughout most of it I was still in the abusive relationship I mentioned earlier. However, as the New Year dawned, I was able to get away from him. I was with him for nearly five years. Many factors went into my ability to finally break free, however, certainly a large contribution was made by the Life of a Yoga Training with Dharma Mittra. Through this training, I was able to redefine Yoga, and myself, and myself in relationship to Yoga. I was able to find a legitimate teacher rather than one who would use me for his own gain.
I was able to learn more advanced asana, which is the playful part of Yoga for me. This training not only deepened my own practice and made me a better Yoga teacher, it allowed me to go deeper within myself and to connect more fully with my true self. The more I was able to connect with my true self and remain present, the more capable I became of staying clear of harmful people in my life.
