You’d think I was missing out on something major.
"Much of what I've described throughout this article seemingly comes down to prioritizing myself. However, narcissism isn't simply about getting what you want, it's about making sure you're so important that you'll never be degraded, forgotten about, or otherwise mistreated again. Although this attempt to assert importance typically results in varying degrees of self-serving behavior, it also makes most of us incredibly emotionally dependent on other people. Very few of the activities I undertake are because I truly love them. More often than not, I do things in hopes that others will love them, and therefore love me (or at least the pieces of me inserted into my work). I've dabbled in everything from art to videos to Internet subcultures in hopes of finally having my big break, typically just to fail almost immediately. I have a very low tolerance for being unseen, so if I go days without receiving the attention that others have gotten over the span of years, it'll feel as if I'm being willfully ignored; these days will subsequently be filled with embarrassment, indignation, and demotivation until I eventually leave the project behind entirely. There's ultimately very little that I do just because I feel anything for it, arguably to the point of anhedonia: I don't like taking care of myself, I don't like talking to people, and—with a few exceptions—I don't like many hobbies. The only interests I really have are writing, animals, fashion, listening to music, and a handful of fictional stories and characters, but I'm almost entirely empty beyond that."
