Thematically, it always comes down to the idea that any progress, no matter how small, is still progress. That said, takeaways from last night’s phone call:
I’ll need a day job; really just something to structure my day around. Give me a reason not to wake up at 9 or 10, only to go out to read for the day.
I still want to be a climate journalist. That requires me to read a lot of climate pieces and really get familiar with the system. The journalists you follow on Twitter are a good start, same with the podcasts you follow.
One thing can spurn the other. My job, hopefully, will keep me active. My natural inquisitiveness will keep me going with the other thing.
This still isn’t the endgame; climate journalism is a long-term goal for me. Most positions require I have an extensive portfolio anyway. Now, I just need to get my shit together, interview people, have a solid outline to pursue, and just fucking do shit.
Some of you might know the police stole my car (without a search warrant) near the end of May. This was a couple days before they broke into my partner and I’s apartment using pepper balls, a couple of beanbag shotguns, MULTIPLE police cars, and an armored personnel carrier with an officer mounted in the gunner seat.
[Image ID]: Two GIFs. The first shows three police officers forcing me to back up in the hall of my home. One is holding a shield, another is behind him with a bright orange shot gun. The officer on the left is (young?) bald white man flickering his eyes between me and the ground, nametag says E. Kingery.
The second GIF is taken from the floor, when I was handcuffed and my phone was forced out of my hand. The man with the orange shotgun points his finger to the camera, realizing it is still recording. The two officers from the first GIF are standing aside. [End image ID]
[Image ID]: Two photos from my balcony. I sweeped the pepper ball shards into my mop bucket. There was still chemical powder covering the floor up to my door, which makes us cough a LOT. [End image ID]
[Image ID]: Officer Kingery is holding a shotgun with six shells, pointed towards the floor. My partner’s dog is coming up towards him (she was fine). [End image ID]
At first they charged my girlfriend with a misdemeanor, then moved her case to mental health court (WHICH NO ONE KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT) all with our car in the cops’ garage. A few days ago, we got a letter saying that as of Aug 19th the state of Washington is charging each of us with five counts of malicious mischief (which is a felony for property damage, basically). This is all happening whilst we’re organizing a rent strike, dealing with a separate case (don’t get me started on how confusing this legal stuff is), getting our medications in order, dealing with empty eviction threats from our landlord, setting up community aid, removing fascist propaganda from our town, and whatever other organizing effort we can spare (which is never enough). Because of our new charges, our wonderful, experienced, and life-saving lawyer needs to be compensated for his hard work. Unfortunately, that will cost us $5,000 each, for a grand total of $10,000 just for our basic legal fees.
Thankfully, wonderful friends and comrades have organized a gofundme to help pay for the costs. There’s so much happening right now, and everyone is in dire need. That being said, if you can donate even a small amount towards our legal fees we can continue to do activism and NOT END UP IN A COVID INFESTED PRISON!
On May 31, police broke into political organizer Nadelyn's home in Belling… Savannah Hawley needs your support for Help Human Rights Activis
TL;DR Irresponsible police officers give us felony charges after jacking our car. Lawyers are expensive and we need to pay ours, $10k. We’re disabled trans white working class women.
What I need more than anything right now is a pep talk. An opportunity just fell right into my lap, even though I gave up hope that I’d ever be a successful writer. I want to take it, but much like most things in my life, I’ll just end up screwing it up like I usually do.
I could resign myself to being mediocre. It’s always the least complicated option, never involves trying too hard, it’d be more stable. And it wouldn’t be the first time giving up on my (hopes? dreams? I’ve wanted to be a writer for a whole few months after all. And they were pandemic months, they barely count.) And just... it would be so easy. Spare myself the idea of becoming important, distance myself from trying, it’d be great.
im not going to be on tumblr tomorrow (still might check dms), for my own safety and wellbeing. but before i log off, i want to say a couple things
9/11 was a tragedy. everyone knows and sees that. just because i am muslim does not mean that i am going to justify 9/11. whatever bin laden’s motivation was, he did a disgusting thing and killed thousands of innocent people
just because 9/11 was an attack by someone who calls themselves muslims doesnt make all muslims terrorists. i cannot believe this is a sentence i have to type, but here i am. muslims - true muslims - do not condone violence. against anyone. i can go into all the details and the what-ifs and everything, but i dont have the energy for that. just know that violence is strictly frowned upon (note: this does not include self-defense. if somebody is attacking you and you are unable to get away, then fight back. again, there’s no debate on that).
check up on any muslims you know. your friends, neighbours, coworkers, acquaintances, even people you don’t like all that much. we are incredibly stressed out, especially if we live in a western country. just a quick text to see if they’re okay tomorrow will mean a lot
do not think that because you don’t live in america, you’re exempt from this. any western country has this problem, even if you live in a relatively okay area. i do. my friend (who lives in the same area as me) went to walmart and had a hijab on. she was nearly run over (intentionally, the guy was glaring at her and her mother the entire time) while trying to get to the store. she only realized when she got home that it was 9/11. i live in a safe area of canada. this should not be happening. but it is.
if you are in any way, shape, or form, islamophobic, get the hell off my blog
also if you’re not muslim you’re not allowed to use the word jihad
it literally means struggle in the way of Allah (SWT). somebody who struggles with wearing hijab vs fitting in is going through jihad. somebody who hijacks a plane is not
until y’all can behave you don’t get to use it, make jokes regarding it, or use it to refer to any terrorist attacks
For the person commenting on not taking a pay cut, he HAD to change his lifestyle to be able to afford to pay his employees a living wage. He talked to accountants and they helped him break the numbers down based on data about the cost of living and various factors about the commute, housing issues, etc. All inspired by his best friend going nearly into debt over medical costs meanwhile he had several houses, a jet, and drank champagne daily.
He sold stock, houses, and changed his spending and as a result, his employees were overall happier and the way they worked improved. They all bought more shit and had more kids and did all the consumption people want for us while also enjoying their work and their boss enough to band together and buy him a fucking Tesla as a thank you.
And you know what he realized after taking his pay cut? He didn’t need the champagne or the girls or the “lifestyle” of being a billionaire. He feels fulfilled in his work and with the people he’s surrounded himself with and he feels that he’s made a step in the right direction that other businessmen and billionaires should follow.
Please read the article and his statements on twitter because it’s eye-opening to see that you CAN be successful doing things ethically.
I’m really trying to make something of myself with what I’ve got. My college experiences consisted of 1 1/2 years that essentially went nowhere, especially with my shitty GPA. That leaves my last year. During my last year of college, I was largely separate from the rest of my college. I was still taking bio classes and such, but I was leaning closer to political discourse and journalism, etc. So that’s what I want to make my career of: being part of the discourse, writing a lot, journalistic shit. Been researching as much about it as possible, but I haven’t actually made any progress due to some mental blocks. It’s time I bring those to light.
Back when I was younger, I wrote a lot. I was (and still am) one of those guys who thinks himself into depression and anxiety. Several years later, I would be diagnosed with both, but I digress. I had a lot of thoughts, and since tumblr was big when I was in high school, I wrote them out whenever I could. In retrospect, I was refining a skill that I would’ve used much later in life. Which is why it is currently so devastating to remember this.
Obviously, I didn’t grow up under the best circumstances. I saw my old tumblr as the only place I could vent any frustration and organize my thoughts. But we only had one computer in the house, and at the point, I was the youngest of three. Any time I could get on a computer was spent on tumblr, which failed to escape my brother’s notice. So one day, after he caught me using the computer, he stood behind me and made sure I wouldn’t be able to vent any frustration or organize any thoughts again. Forced me to delete my tumblr.
Now, I’m an aspiring writer and aspiring journalist, and I can’t put any words to a document without hearing my brother say, “no one wants to hear what you think.” For anyone reading this, this took place more than ten years ago. A year of therapy couldn’t break this mental block. Neither could more than a year of really trying to be kind to myself for once. It’s the reason I’m just blindly applying to freelance writing gigs, rather than setting actual things in motion. I’m sure it’s the reason I’ll probably never actually work in this field. All because when a particular asshole didn’t need to be so abusive, he went ahead and decided it was the right move.
Shouldn’t have listened to Childish’s recent album.
Got me thinking too much about the nature of the relationships we’re born with and those we develop from a natural affinity for people. It’s telling that I was born and raised to see my familial bonds as the most important. I dropped those beliefs a few years ago when I decided I could have a more permanent, more healthy relationship with myself.
*cut bc I’d rather not see my thoughts typed out*
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