whatever

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i'm going to finish the book before summer, im going to finish the steps, im going to move to la in the fall....

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today was the last day of renfrew iop and feeling weird about it, like part sad because i don’t want to leave everyone, part happy to move, part like disassociating because i can’t even process the feedback from everyone and this major transition. I’m feeling grateful though for the whole experience though because treatment was so hard and recovery is really hard but my life felt so bleak for so long after i stopped drinking and i have like one shred of hope for a future now.

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cozy night w norman on the couch

[vindieselsfacebook-blog]

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finally made it to the biltmore, a lot of oasis karaoke at the wedding, i think i briefly developed a southern accent this weekend

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for easy access

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rainbow while i was doing a heave ho walk over the pulaski bridge

prob the first and last time i will drink celsius and zyn

world series and ciggs

labubu cake at a stressful party

art deco details

tommy gaming in jigsaw make up

kiki being a lil angel

accidental memorial for palmi feat the bean bean bag i made at renfrew

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5 months of leave coming to a close…thanks to BCBS for probably 100k in residential stay fees

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tommy planned trip upstate, some ls were taken but ultimately lots of lols. needless to say i will never rent an EV again

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home finally

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prayers to fully surrender this time

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also not like i don’t hate myself now i was just more unaware of it then lol

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when i read what i wrote on here in 2022 i feel incredibly cringed out by myself and crazy judgmental but also deeply sad because i was so sick and lowkey hated myself so much and too prideful to ever ask for help

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my eyes about rolled out of my head when i read “the chronic pain of envy” at the meeting today

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i feel like joan didion in goodbye to all that when she talked about being a bitch because she didn’t like new york anymore