erika l. caner

[erikalcaner-blog]

So, Spotify Year in Music is finally here. Apparently I am really into Katy Perry (that wasn’t a surprise), English rock bands and, surprise, Christian Hip Hop. That’s what I call being eclectic. 

To finish the year I am sticking to the powerful Christian and the Queens, Queen B, and Mr. Wonder.

[nobaddatesjustgoodstories]

#ocadoandchill

This week the lovely man left for America, so in a frankly pitiful attempt to take my mind/heart/soul off of him I went back to Tinder, which kind of felt like taking a job in Sports Direct when you used to manage a football club. 

So my first foray back in to dating and it lasts a total of 32 minutes and ends with the most alarming text message I’ve ever received. 

We meet at the tube station after he declined my suggestion to meet at a pub, and he asks if we can go for a coffee as he’s not drinking. 

“Sure” I say, “there’s a lovely independent coffee place over the road.”

“Nah, there’s a Costa just here. Saves crossing” he replied. 

Like seriously? I put on eyeliner for this and now I’m in a Costa bloody Coffee.

 After 25 minutes of ‘normal’ conversation we have the following exchange:

 Him: “Have you had dinner yet?" 

Me: "No I came straight from work." 

Him: "What would you say if I offered to cook you dinner?" 

Me: "Ermmm…right now? 

Him: "I only ask because I’ve got an Ocado delivery coming tonight." 

Me: "I’d have to say no. I couldn’t possibly go back to the home of someone I’ve literally just met, sorry." 

Him (talking over me): "lots of nice fresh vegetables and good fish." 

Him: "OK well I’d better go. Need to be home for the delivery." 

Me:….

The birth of #OcadoAndChill

So we walk back to the station, say our goodbye’s, then this happens:

Yes you do decide yourself what to do with your money, and last night you decided to spend it on a coffee. I don’t come with a money back guarantee. Dates aren’t commodities. 

I actually felt angry, because as you’ll know if you read this blog often, I am a massively big believer in women always offering to pay for dates.

His response is just beyond me!

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Who said romance was dead?

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all day, every day

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(via The Disease of Being Busy | On Being)

How did we end up living like this? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we do this to our children? When did we forget that we are human beings, not human doings?

[erikalcaner-blog]

to follow. right now. you’re already 5 min late.

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[humansofnewyork]

“I think if you want to accomplish something big, you need to be a bit shaken. And we’ve gotten a bit too comfortable here. So we’re going to move to California and see what happens.”

[erikalcaner-blog]

“When someone you love walks through the door, even if it happens five times a day, you should go totally insane with joy.”

[lavernecox]

On May 29, 2014, the issue of timemagazine magazine which proclaimed the “Transgender Tipping Point” was revealed with me on the cover. June 1, 2015 a year and 3 days later, Caitlyn Jenner’s vanityfair cover was revealed proclaiming #CallMeCaitlyn I am so moved by all the love and support Caitlyn is receiving. It feels like a new day, indeed, when a trans person can present her authentic self to the world for the first time and be celebrated for it so universally. Many have commented on how gorgeous Caitlyn looks in her photos, how she is “slaying for the Gods.” I must echo these comments in the vernacular, “Yasss Gawd! Werk Caitlyn! Get it!” But this has made me reflect critically on my own desires to ‘work a photo shoot’, to serve up various forms of glamour, power, sexiness, body affirming, racially empowering images of the various sides of my black, trans womanhood. I love working a photo shoot and creating inspiring images for my fans, for the world and above all for myself. But I also hope that it is my talent, my intelligence, my heart and spirit that most captivate, inspire, move and encourage folks to think more critically about the world around them. Yes, Caitlyn looks amazing and is beautiful but what I think is most beautiful about her is her heart and soul, the ways she has allowed the world into her vulnerabilities. The love and devotion she has for her family and that they have for her. Her courage to move past denial into her truth so publicly. These things are beyond beautiful to me. A year ago when my Time magazine cover came out I saw posts from many trans folks saying that I am “drop dead gorgeous” and that that doesn’t represent most trans people. (It was news to be that I am drop dead gorgeous but I’ll certainly take it). But what I think they meant is that in certain lighting, at certain angles I am able to embody certain cisnormative beauty standards. Now, there are many trans folks because of genetics and/or lack of material access who will never be able to embody these standards. More importantly many trans folks don’t want to embody them and we shouldn’t have to to be seen as ourselves and respected as ourselves . It is important to note that these standards are also infomed by race, class and ability among other intersections. I have always been aware that I can never represent all trans people. No one or two or three trans people can. This is why we need diverse media representstions of trans folks to multiply trans narratives in the media and depict our beautiful diversities. I started #TransIsBeautiful as a way to celebrate all those things that make trans folks uniquely trans, those things that don’t necessarily align with cisnormative beauty standards. For me it is necessary everyday to celebrate every aspect of myself especially those things about myself that don’t align with other people’s ideas about what is beautiful. #TransIsBeautiful is about, whether you’re trans or not, celebrating all those things that make us uniquely ourselves. Most trans folks don’t have the privileges Caitlyn and I have now have. It is those trans folks we must continue to lift up, get them access to healthcare, jobs, housing, safe streets, safe schools and homes for our young people. We must lift up the stories of those most at risk, statistically trans people of color who are poor and working class. I have hoped over the past few years that the incredible love I have received from the public can translate to the lives of all trans folks. Trans folks of all races, gender expressions, ability, sexual orientations, classes, immigration status, employment status, transition status, genital status etc.. I hope, as I know Caitlyn does, that the love she is receiving can translate into changing hearts and minds about who all trans people are as well as shifting public policies to fully support the lives and well being of all of us. The struggle continues…

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the love of your life

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Barcelona, my love.

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Oh, beautiful innocence... 

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Happiness is about perspective

An aging master grew tired of his apprentice’s complaints. One morning, he sent him to get some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master told him to mix a handful of salt in a glass of water and then drink it. “How does it taste?” the master asked.

“Bitter,” said the apprentice.

The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake.

The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?”

“Fresh,” remarked the apprentice.

“Do you taste the salt?” asked the master.

“No,” said the young man.

At this the master sat beside this serious young man, and explained softly, “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

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Don’t blame depression for the Germanwings tragedy | Masuma Rahim

Pilot Andreas Lubitz might have suffered from depression, but that doesn’t explain what he did. We are at risk of further demonising those with mental health problems

[erikalcaner-blog]

Perfect album for a rainy day