This I Promise You

Welcome to my thoughts. 24. College Student. Be different. 

[erikalisbeth-blog]

& It’s Been Awhile

Looking back at all this posts really makes me want to laugh.  

I was an idiot for letting guys decide on my happiness.

I am happy to announce that I am with none of those guys who took me for granted, and have been with a loving, caring, amazing person for the last 2 and a half years.  Sounds cliche, but it’s real life.

Update on Self Harm Challenge:

I made myself a promise, that I publicly posted that I would keep.  That has not been the case.  I do not cut as often as I used to, but although I am in a great relationship, there are things that still get to me.  & the only refuge I seek is seeing that glorious red.  & just look at how I describe it! I have not cut in all of 2016 though, so for that I am proud.

Poems:

I ashamed to say that I completely stopped writing.  I feel as if I reached a peak, in which everything I wrote was not good.  And of course, school and work got in the way.  & Netflix! Such a distraction.  I want to get back into it though.  Maybe set aside sometime while my bf is at D&D. (I know, what a dork).

The Road Ahead:

Totally just stole that from Supernatural, with absolutely no shame!  I am trying to get into pharmacy school currently.  I have sent in applications, supplemental applications, fees, transcripts, PCAT scores. I have done what I can for this cycle. I’m leaving it all to God.  

I’ve also gotten more into running.  I have ran two 10k’s and 1 half-marathon just this year alone.  I plan to run another 10k in October and another half-marathon in November & Feb/April 2017, to hopefully qualify for the Chevron Marathon in 2018.  That’s right.  26.2 miles, baby! I call it my “26 for my 26th” challenge.

It feels good to be alive.

Embrace it.

Peace, love, & bubblegum,

erikalisbeth.

[rooneyredcarpet]

[erikalisbeth-blog]

love

[erikalisbeth-blog]

Contagious

"Come here."

That's all I needed.

That's all it took to get me there.

Your eyes stripping me bare.

Do I dare?

Your lips crash into mine.

There's no one that compares.

Proves that it's a sign that only you can take me there.

Your taste, I loved it.

Your feel, I savored it.

I rejoiced at the wetness of your tongue...

05.06.13

[the-solomonwise-deactivated2013]

You ever see a couple and find yourself thinking, “I want that”. There’s a couple in particular who comes to mind as I type this. What they have is beautiful. Not perfect, I’m sure, but perfect for them. That’s what makes it beautiful. I want that for myself. I want us to be perfect for one another, not by societal norms, but because we see ourselves as perfect for one another. I don’t want our relationship to be built on materialism or perfect looks. Those things are phony. They’re just majority opinion of what makes a relationship. And frankly, those things just aren’t true. I want us to be connected truly; that’s internally, because the inner us is who we really are. I want that. I want to light up when I see you and you see me. I want to know your scent so that my eyes don’t have to be open to know when you’re around. I want your smile and embrace to be my reason for coming home. I want there to be no need for butterflies because you’re just that comfortable with me, and I with you. I want you to occupy my thoughts, and I yours. Bestfriends and partners, that’s what I want for us. It’s quite simple. It’s beautiful.

[tempories]

[abnormalitys]

[sequinedsadness]

[erikalisbeth-blog]

YUP.

[erikalisbeth-blog]

3

Who might you be?

[erikalisbeth-blog]

I Got It Bad

The other day, I was thinking of this guy I used to really like before you.  Every time I would see him, I would get chills up my spine and I would start shaking.  Every time.

And I was wondering whether I have ever felt that way around you.

It had been two months since I last saw you.  Since I last spoke to you in person.  

I wasn't sure over what the chills meant.

But today, I finally saw you.  I got those chills.  I got the nervous shaking. 

My heart was beating so fast.

And those hugs...

I got it bad.

[erikalisbeth-blog]

Him

I want him so badly. Every second of every day, I crave him.

I want him with me, not her.

I want to feel his skin on mine and feel his lips on mine.

I want to be able to have him fully and completely...

Because he can most definitely have me.

[erikalisbeth-blog]

Memories--

Remember when you carried me at the beach?

Yeah, I even fell asleep on your shoulder.

You meant so much to me back then,

And even more now that we're older.

Remember the first time you said you loved me?

Yeah, those words really scared me.

But I let myself enjoy your warmth,

And now my heart isn't with me.

Remember the first time we kissed?

Yeah, you stole it from my lips.

I wouldn't change it for a thing,

Your arms stayed wrapped around my hips.

Remember when I pulled you on top?

Yeah, you gave me hickeys on my lips.

My body was entangled with yours,

And all my insecurities were stripped.

Remember the last time we kissed?

Yeah, my heartbeats were coming fast.

Your breath upon my neck,

Just wishing that night would last.

Remember when I let you drive?

Yeah, you drove my heart into a wall.

I would have given you everything,

My heart, my body, my all.

All these memories just live inside of me.

You...

I can't even describe you.

I've tried so hard to find the words,

But what should I do?

My heart is on the line, just wishing you were mine.

I've cried so many times, but you were never less than fine.

What does that mean?

Was it all just in my head?

Was I dreaming awake,

When you're with her instead?

Please tell me it's not true.

Please tell me you remember too.

Please tell me "us" means "you and me."

Just please don't tell me that you're nothing but a memory.

03.30.2013

*will edit later.

[erikalisbeth-blog]

Tonight

That moment when you're waiting for him to call you baby, while he throws the word around like nothing.

I just want you to call me baby...

Claim me. Take me as yours.  I promise I already am.

[erikalisbeth-blog]

Memories

Remember when I let you drive?

Yeah, you drove my heart into a wall.

I would have given you everything,

My heart, my body, my all.

[erikalisbeth-blog]

I hate how you expect me to leave everything for you and you left me for everything.

the love of my life.

[erikalisbeth-blog]

Self Harm Challenge Day 4

4. Do you consider yourself addicted? Why or why not?

I honestly do.  I literally have 7 scars that I made just because I wanted to feel it.  That feeling is why I want to recover. As soon as I have made one cut, I feel the need for another.  That's why I have scars on my left wrist at all! I made them all in one night.  It scares me... but it feels so good.

[erikalisbeth-blog]

Self Harm Challenge Day 3

3. What is your motivation to recover?

My future.  There are so many things that I want.  I may never look like the type of girls that you like, but I can and will always strive to be the best to please myself, my parents.  I cannot let a guy define me.  He has caused 6 of my scars.  That's 6 too many.  

I don't want to cut anymore, I don't want any more scars.  I want to find other ways to vent.  I need to take care of my body.  I want to get married.  I want to have kids.  I want to live.

[erikalisbeth-blog]

Self Harm Challenge Day 2

2. What part of your body is most affected by it?

My wrists are.  I have 7 on my left and 6 on my right.  I always said that I didn't regret them, but what if I didn't have them? It would be different.  I just can't seem to fully regret them though, because they are my battle wounds... they show me how low I can get and I can aim to only get better, not worse.

But I also have 5 scars on my stomach too.