LEMONADE & LEMON DROPS

Is not about what life hands you, its what you do with it that counts. Stories from my life as a professional working in college sports, a wife and mother. At the end of the day it comes down to one question: did you make lemonade or do you just need a stiff drink? Either answer is acceptable here.

[justnotsports]

#MoreThanMean - Women in sports ‘face’ harassment

Online harassment of women in sports is a troubling, ongoing issue.

#MoreThanMean hopes to open guys’ eyes – by having them open their mouths. The video shows what happens when real sports fans read real online comments made about women sports reporters … right to their faces.

In reading the statements out loud to women journalists, guys are forced to experience, sometimes for the first time, the shocking online harassment happening to women in sports day in, day out. It serves as proof most sports fans would NEVER say these things to another person – so we shouldn’t type this garbage, either.

We filmed this last week with Sarah Spain and Julie DiCaro - both of whom display amazing poise and dedication. The piece was conceived by Just Not Sports, and directed by Chad Cooper and One Tree Forest Films.

People are encouraged to share the video with hashtag #MoreThanMean to raise awareness about online harassment of women sports reporters.

You can hear a dedicated episode about online harassment with Julie DiCaro & Sports on Earth’s Andrea Hangst here: bit.ly/1WR5evU 

[erinkraebber]

I am a women in sports and this video speaks to me loud and clear. While my job may be more ‘behind the scenes’ than these particular ladies, the message is powerful. We have enough issues with women bashing other women that we certainly don’t need to promote anyone else doing it, especially at the level of some of these comments.

The men reading the tweets were visibly shocked, upset and puzzled by comments from their fellow man, which is what really makes this effective. Social media is a mouth piece for anyone and everyone with no consequence. It gives every single individual a public voice, makes everyone a journalist and makes everyone a target. I appreciate the viral effort with this video and hope people see it for what it is- why are people so mean?

[erinkraebber]

Cubicle Etiquette

If you work in an office setting that includes many people in cubicles that can hear anything and everything you do, please try to avoid cutting your nails during work hours.

[erinkraebber]

Coming to America: Bark Like a Dog

I used this clip Sunday to talk about the incarnation... If you've seen Coming to America. Eddie Murphy plays an African Prince next in line for the throne. ...

The other night we tried a new method to get the girls involved with clean up time at home. They wanted to play ‘Simon Says’ so we used it to our advantage and gave them simple instructions that involved putting away toys in the living room and putting things back into their bedrooms. Lately, listening and following directions has been a major issue and has led to lots of raised voices and frustration for mom.

With the ‘Simon Says’ format, the girls were cleaning up quickly, doing it the first time they were asked and laughing. They had no clue our whole goal was to get them to pick up their stuff. All was going great until I left the room to put something away in the bedroom. Then I hear jumping and two girls making dog sounds.  Basically in the 30 seconds I walked away, husband turned this game into a scene from Coming To America. The girls were still happy and laughing, thinking dad was being so silly. I just had to laugh and shake my head.

Side note, they were on to us by night number two of the ‘Simon Says’ clean up game and are back to their less-cooperative selves. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

[erinkraebber]

Deep Thoughts: Career Evaluation

I need to shine. I need the opportunity to have the ownership and the influence on projects that have measurable outcomes. I want there to expectations that I can surpass and projects that I can use my knowledge and skills to make the best they can possibly be. When I say I need to shine, I don’t mean that I need to receive pats on the back and acknowledgement of a job well done on a daily basis. While I am happy to be the President serving in the spotlight when its needed, the truth is that I am a fantastic Wizard of Oz. I make things happen and feel satisfied when I am making the event/project/program the best it can be. No one will be tougher on me than I am on myself when it comes to my responsibilities

[erinkraebber]

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving

Albert Einstein

[erinkraebber]

Kids of working moms are better off

A Harvard Business School study finds that daughters of working mothers succeed more in the workplace and their sons grow up to contribute more around the house.

Again, the way one person does it may not be the best way for everyone but damn if if doesn't make me smile to read something positive about my way!

[erinkraebber]

Travel Stress

May 21: Atlanta for partner meetings

May 27-June 2: Oklahoma City for Women’s College World Series

June 2-4: Sarasota, FL for Golf Championship and meetings

June 14-17: Orlando for NACMA convention

June 22-25: Myrtle Beach for family vacation

June 29-30: Atlanta for partner meetings

I am starting to really feel the pressure and guilt of this much travel in one short time period. I love the work and can’t wait for family vacation but even just a day trip is a major stressor. Packing, travel apps, airport travel before dawn, arranging kids schedules, flight delays and more are really starting to wear on me. My youngest daughter’s new favorite phrase is “Mommy home?” because I have seen them so little over the last several weeks. The guilt over leaving them with my husband for days on end is crushing, more so than I have felt up to this point. I feel guilty for attending a professional conference and then in turn, for even thinking of taking any time to do anything away from them while I am home. I'm worried that I am not even looking forward to our family vacation because I am focused on the next trip that needs to be scheduled and how to manage it. 

This has hit hard all of a sudden and I'm freaking out just a bit. How do professional women handle constant travel? I understand that travel with my job responsibilities is cyclical and not constant but its tough to explain that to the three I leave behind at home or even my own conscience right now. Parenting and spouse guilt is real and this is just one example: today I feel like the worst mother/wife ever because summer is short and my travel schedule continues to fill. I haven't even unpacked from last week and I'm going to spend the weekend doing laundry to pack it again.

I have my travel processes down to a science but I want to find a way to manage the guilt and stress I feel during these times of the year.

[erinkraebber]

I am Amazed by the Ice Bucket Challenge

The phenomena that has become the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is easily the most interesting social experiment I have ever seen. Last week, ALSA reported that donations from  this challenge have topped  $100 million. Where did it all begin? How did it go viral? Why this over anything else? All great questions and I find it so interested to read the different articles that have been written over the past month. I am most amazed by a few elements in particular:

The power of social media

The power of celebrity

The negative commentary about the cause

The number of people who misunderstand the challenge and do not donate

Yes, my family took part and we donated more than we need to purely because the whole thing has me just baffled. Just a month before the #ALSIceBucketChallenge started popping up all over my social feeds, it was #Chillin4Charity efforts from women's basketball programs all over the country. Granted, I work in college athletics and saw a lot of this over the span of a week on the various team pages I follow and I didn't think much of it. Then all of a sudden I saw the ALS version literally everywhere and it hasn't stopped. My family has a number of causes we have worked with as do our employers and I am all for giving if you can to any cause you feel passionate about. I have not (yet) been personally touched by ALS but I now firmly believe in the power of social media and peer pressure. Great cause, sure, but I will not believe that it is the cause alone that has made this accidental campaign so successful. If I were in grad school, this event might just make me want to change my dissertation project.

[erinkraebber]

You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Robin Williams, RIP 8/11/2014

[erinkraebber]

The Milkshake Incident

When I was younger, my family and I had a local restaurant we liked to go to from time to time.  Every time I would order the same thing: A BLT sandwich with waffle fries and a chocolate milk shake and it was amazing. I never really got to have dessert at restaurants but this was my exception and I definitely always ordered the largest size they had when my grandma was with us. A few times we went there and I ordered my usual, only have the waiter sadly tell me their shake machine was broken so they couldn't make any shakes. I would still get the usual minus the shake but it wasn't nearly as exciting. This happened a couple of times in a row so the next time I went (more reluctantly this time), I basically expected the waitress to say their machine was broken. To not set myself up for another disappointment, before I even ordered I asked the waitress if their machine was broken. She had a very surprised look on her face and let me in on a secret- the restaurant didn't even have a shake machine!

I did not understand the significance of this until many years later when I was working at a local custard shoppe during college. We had a shake machine and on rare occasion, it would stop working and I would have to make the orders by hand. I learned it was work and took a lot more time to get it done. It dawned on me that those waiters and waitresses just didn't want to do the extra work so they created a lie that got them out of it. My request was an inconvenience and they found a way out until the one day someone more honest and more hard working (or not as intelligent) let the secret out.

I remember every little detail about the "shake machine incident" because it is a metaphor for issues I come across in my professional life all of the time. I have a very hard time working with people who aren't willing to make the extra effort. I didn't think my request for a chocolate milkshake was that out of the ordinary in the same way that I don't think asking a ticketing professional to pull some additional ticket sales data for me should be a significant request. The milkshake was a key selling feature on the menu and its part of the basic job function to make the shakes as customers order them. Its part of the experience and the customer satisfaction. Providing me with the extra data will allow for better allocation of resources and increased sales efforts. In each case, I would do the work myself but as a customer or co-worker the expectation is that I can rely on you to do your part.

I cannot recall one time in my life where I have told someone I couldn't do something because it was going to be too hard or take too  long. Sure, there are requests that involve things I don't like or take time that I don't have. Do I do my best to find a way to get things done anyway? Sure do. This makes me reliable and a good team player. It can be frustrating to feel like you don't have a team to rely on or that others aren't doing their part to help out the greater good. How do you approach these individuals? How do you motivate without coming across rude?

[erinkraebber]

If you want to lift up yourself, lift up someone else.

Booker T. Washington

[erinkraebber]

Why working moms are frenemies with our breast pumps

Every morning I leave the house for work with so many bags (and one small human) draped across my body that one might confuse me with...

With my two girls, I had two very different "nursing" experiences but after a combined 18 months of breastfeeding while working full time (7 + 11) I absolutely think the term FRENEMY is perfect. I loved being able to provide a fantastic start for my babies and give them what they needed (both nutrition and attention) but lets face it, I despised the act of nursing and pumping. Some love it, but me not so much. I think I experienced the full range of emotions described by the author in going through this process of being the sole nutrition source of a human being. The responsibility of that in itself is enough to make one crumble under the stress but combine all of that with trying to provide nutrition while you are away from the tiny human for any portion of time and its a whole other world of chaos. I am well aware I brought this on myself (sort of, it does take two to create a baby after-all) but my baby was definitely loving the "breast is best" approach so I was going to give it my all until she told me otherwise. My first one didn't care for it much so maybe I did forced it on her but the second loved every minute.

I was very lucky the second time around in that my work place has a nice mothers room with space for all of the ladies who have a serious relationship with their pumps. I was maybe not so lucky because my job involved a ton of travel. This was a completely new adventure and every time I had to be away for any amount of time I spent every moment leading up to the trip freaking out. Breastfeeding is a very hot button issue and there are tons of people wanting to give you their opinion on how to do it, where to do it, why to do it, when to do it.... so I did all I could to get actual info from working moms that have been through it. My work place was full of them and they were a great help. My boss is a father of three so he got it too, still awkward to remind him why I was disappearing or why I was carrying extra bags and ice but not a big deal. I got used to all the extra time needed to wash the parts, pack the freezer bag, pack the bigger bag of all the parts, include dish soap wipes and towel and actually remember to take the whole bag. I quickly had to get over my fear of dumping milk down the drain- seriously, a painful feeling! Once I got over that and learned how to ask for what I needed it got easier. Thinking about all of the random and sometimes gross places I pumped just to either bring much needed milk home or to keep up my supply:

My car

Rental cars

Airport bathrooms- Indianapolis, Dallas, Nashville, Cleveland, Atlanta, Tampa, Milwaukee, Philadelphia

Hotels- not just my own private room but public restrooms or meeting spaces too

Corporate headquarters of businesses I was vising

Event venues- including the parking lot of a football stadium with 2 dudes in the car waiting for me

Now that I look back, I absolutely jumped for joy and maybe even shed a tear of happiness when I started to wean to just bottles of my frozen stockpile. The day I went to work without carrying the extra bag, cooler, bottles was so freeing! The amount of pressure put on parents and moms especially to "do what is best" is crazy but articles like this make it tolerable. No commentary or judgement passed to those who cant or choose not to nurse. No commentary about working vs. stay at home moms. Its ok not to love everything about being a parent. Working full time is important to me and for my family so carrying that pump everywhere became a part of normal life. Gross, satisfying, tiring, happy, stressful working- mommy life and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

[erinkraebber]

In the absence of information, people assume the worst

[erinkraebber]

The Details Can be the Devil

This past week I witnessed a serious fail in direction following and it literally has been driving me crazy every day since.  It all started with the list-serve for our professional organization and a simple email back in November. This email was sent by one of my fantastic co-workers to promote a women's basketball marketing contact list and resource site she is working on. The email was asking for marketing professionals to reply only to her if they were interested and she would follow up with details.  No big deal. She received hundreds of responses to her personal email and I moved on with my email tracking with no issues... until last week.

It was apparent that someone was sorting through their inbox from the last few months and decided not to bother with the instructions and did a classic "reply to all" rather than just the sender. It happens to us all, and again no big deal.  Delete. Then another comes in, then another, and about ten more over a two minute period, then still more!  The constant barrage of emails from peers in the industry not following basic directions was almost too much to handle. Obviously I am not the person that needs to track the info and make sure these people get what they need so my complaining is essentially about having to delete emails that don't apply to me.  Big picture, it doesn't really affect me but the reality is that as more and more people continued to respond to this en mass, the more of a topic it became among the more experienced professionals. No one was complaining about the need to delete these emails but more about how surprising it was that these people could not follow a simple instruction. Not only were they not replying to only the sender of the email, but there were others on top of that constantly reminding people not to use the reply all function. That almost made it worse! Mistakes happen and we all get that but this is reading and following directions at its most basic level and close to a hundred people failed in one day, 3 months after the original email was sent where no one had any issues.

I jumped into the twitter conversation and jokingly mentioned that I would not hire any of those people that cant follow directions but when I think about it, its not a joke at all. Its like addressing your resume to the wrong school or forgetting to include a reference list when the job description asks for one. Read and follow all directions because its those simple mistakes that give the wrong impression and send you to the trash before an employer event really understands anything about you. It may be too quick to judge but it happens all the time. Good candidates don't even get a second look because of a trivial error made when the finest of details are overlooked.

No, I didn't make a list of all of the offenders because I deleted each one without even reading it but next time I just might. I hope each person made a mental note of their error because at this point, it might be a topic of conversation at convention and draw some unwanted attention.

@TracieHitz @morrisewhite3 @aktschuor @brianbowsher @rpr3 Mental note: If you "reply to all" on a listserve I will not hire you.

— Erin Kraebber (@erinkraebber)

February 13, 2014

[erinkraebber]

No Time for Calls

I think I am going to change my cell phone voice mail to something like this: Thank you for trying to call me but my children do not want me to talk to you right now. One or both of them are crying, running around, destroying things, eating, playing on my phone or doing something that might get them hurt. Either text/email me, or try me again in a few years. Thank you.

[erinkraebber]

Power in Tragedy

On Tuesday, I experienced one of those days that you hear about on the news. You never think something like it can happen where you live or to people you know until it does. I was sitting safely 60 miles away on Monday when one student took another students life in the middle of a class on the campus of my alma mater.  While after the fact, we have since learned that this was not like the typical "school shooting" we have come to see too often on the news it hasn't changed the fact that a shooting occurred in the middle of the day, in front of a class full of students, on a campus where my friends and family work, in a place I have been many times, and where I never once have felt unsafe.

Immediately my husband and I took turns trying to reach his parents to confirm that neither of them were in their offices nearby and no one we knew might be involved. I was hooked on the social media coverage to try and get more information about the event and my friends on campus. My facebook news feed was full of messages letting friends and family know people were ok and what they were seeing out their office windows. My father in-law was luckily on his way in to teach his class when it happened so he was quickly turned away and told to get back home. I was desperate for as much information as possible but it wasn't coming from official sources as quickly as anyone wanted. One individual arrested, one dead was all anyone knew for several hours. Campus resumed normal activity at first but was then shut down, presumably after the administration could wrap their heads around the impact this event was having regardless of how isolated the incident was or how quickly the problem was handled.

In the business of sports, we talk often about the power of social media and how it has dramatically changed the landscape of sports consumption. Tuesday I saw the power of social media in the wake of tragedy and saw just how many millions of people, both near and far, were relying on its power. Within minutes there were photos of the shooter being arrested, scenes from classrooms on lock down, view out office windows and more. There were messages from students to parents saying they were ok, links to official releases and live local news feeds. Scattered among the posts and tweets were speculations about the incident including a second and third false report of other shooters and heavy cries on both sides of the gun control debate (an an obscene amount of spam which was annoying). I watched intently as more facts came out and more friends checked in, and as I watched I was feeling a mix of emotions. I was pleased with the university's emergency management response and how quickly and effectively everything seemed to happen. We went through so many drills and tests and policy changes while I was working there and you never really know how effective all the planning will be until it gets tested in a live scenario. This was live and it seemed to be a largely successful process.

And then I was sad and still am sad. I'm sad that current students will never have the feelings of safety that I had as a student. I'm sad for the families that lost sons because while only one was killed, the one responsible will likely have no life left to come back to. I'm sad for those that knew them and for those that witnessed the horrific event. I'm also sad for me and my family, and alumni everywhere. No matter how quickly this issue was contained or what the circumstances were, it happened and it will always be in the back of my mind when we are on campus. We are going with friends to the men's basketball game there this weekend. Will it be the same place or will it feel different? Is it right that we are second guessing our decision to spend so much time there? I understand that this event does not even compare to the tragedies at other schools and in other communities but it doesn't make it any less scary. I've watched all of those unfold on TV and through social media but this time it felt different. I have zero interest in engaging in any debates about gun control, campus security, the quality of my education and the like but its worth noting the amazing power of people when these things happen- people are good and even good people can make bad decisions. The good are strong and resilient and will stand together to make the best of a horrible situation. Those affected in ways big and small will rely on the support of others to help move on. #BoilerStrong

Image of Northwestern University fans at the Purdue vs. Northwestern men's basketball game Tuesday night.

[erinkraebber]

Killing Off Supermom

I'll be honest with you. In my house, the beds are rarely made unless someone is coming to visit. Sometimes I yell. My closet is a disaster and I feel guilty that I work too much. My kids watch more TV than they should. And I simply cannot afford to go all organic right now. There is a sticky shelf in my refrigerator that I keep hoping will evaporate on its own, and this morning I had to send my son off to camp with a PB&J made with frozen waffles because I forgot to buy bread. I'm not perfect. There, I said it. Bye Bye Supermom

I absolutely love this article! It sums up my feelings exactly. As much as I try to dismiss the concept of "mom guilt", I think "parent guilt" is real but maybe affects moms a little more. Not sure who set these standards for what a life with kids is supposed to look and feel like. I want my house to look and feel like a family with 2 working adults, 2 little girls and a dog live there. Full of giggles, smiles, toys, movies, and more amongst the dust bunnies and finger printed windows. Articles like this remind me that its ok to focus on whats real in my life. I only need to be SUPERMOM to my two girls and not anyone else.