my core values: authenticity, caring, happiness, growth
In January 2014, I attended a program called LeaderShape. It was very vaguely advertised as a life-changing (and free!) retreat for UC Berkeley’s engineering students. The impact LeaderShape had was both immediate and gradual. I’m still thinking about it, almost a year later. I was given the opportunity to reflect a lot about myself and who I am and how I communicate and what gives me meaning and passion. One of the things we did in LeaderShape was decide what our “core values” are. This is one of those “gradual” impacts. I didn’t revisit my core values until maybe nine or ten months after LeaderShape. Through revisiting them, I’ve realized how important understanding your values is.
It’s not easy to think about what your CORE values are. What do I value most? Jeez what a question. It’s also not a static thing. Your core values can grow and change. But to me, integrity means following your core values. An example of showing integrity is not cheating on a test. However, that is assuming that honesty is a universal core value. If a person doesn’t believe in honesty, then cheating on a test is fine, right? Well, integrity, or following your core values, is a really cool way to get yourself back on track if you feel like things aren’t going your way.
I’m going to share my core values. It’s going to look like ranting with a general theme. I’m going to try to place them in an order so that they make sense, but these core values really blend and speak to each other. My core values are important to me, and I have them written on my whiteboard in my room so I can always remember them.
Authenticity. I’m going to talk about authenticity first because it was the core value that made me start to revisit my core values. It wasn’t for any particular reason. It’s actually a little trivial/gossipy. Some groups of people value authenticity more than others. But authenticity is something I pride myself to have a lot of and do well at. A lot of people tell me that I’m always myself no matter what. I want to be confident in who I am in a person, and not apologize or be embarrassed about it. It’s really hard to do sometimes, especially as a female in college. In a sorority, no less!
To me, authenticity means remaining true to who you are no matter what. I’m also talking about authenticity first because I guess authenticity means following your core values no matter what, whatever those are. But it’s also smaller traits. You know those kinds of people that you just want to BE, or be around? The people that have some characteristics that you want to emulate for yourself? And maybe if you spend enough time with them, some of their coolness will rub off on you? I wanna be that kind of person! I want to exude “lead by example.” I love camp because I get to be this kind of person and get paid for it.
I also have learned about myself in the last couple years that I am an introvert. I’m not painfully shy or all that quiet. Introverts are really misunderstood. I prefer smaller settings for social interaction. I need alone/recharge time. I also like to be crazy and silly and let other people know my opinions on things I think strongly about. Being an introvert is okay. You can be a leader and be an introvert. You can be in a sorority and be an introvert. You can be a camp counselor and be an introvert.
Authenticity is an important reality check to give yourself in moral dilemmas. Am I being myself? Am I acting in a way that I’m proud of? I want other people to be authentic too.
Caring. This is a core value that was not on my original list. Originally, at LeaderShape, I said my core value was “respect.” However, YMCA helped me realize that I like the value of caring more than respect. To me, caring is respect with an action plan. Being caring is understanding and respecting every person, and then going out of your way to show people you understand and respect them.
Speaking of YMCA, at camp, we always talk about the four core values of caring, honesty, respect, and responsibility. All the campers know these core values and think about how they apply to their lives. I liked to ask campers and counselors alike what their favorite of the core values were. I knew from the basically that my favorite was caring, because I thought caring encompassed the other three values. To be caring, you have to be honest and respectful of others, and take responsibility if you are not. I carry a bracelet on my backpack (that doubles as a small camp shrine) that says caring.
I am a very maternal person. I like to care for and help people so that they can achieve their goals. When I see someone that I know I might be able to help, I feel compelled to help. I love being an older member in my sorority, because I have the opportunity to take some of the younger members under my wing and help them navigate their college experience. If you are my friend, I will bend over backward to care for you if you need it. I am OBSESSED with camp and being a camp counselor because I can see the impact I’m making on my campers and it’s really incredible to watch.
I’m not caring because I think it’ll put out good karma, or because I’m paying it forward or something. I literally feel compelled. And I get such a joy out of being caring. I prioritize it. Literally the happiest I am ever is when I’m at camp, with the opportunity to care for these kids so they have the best experience and learn the most. I will drop everything if a friend approaches me who is upset or seeking advice. I take my phone off silent on Friday and Saturday nights (and sometimes Thursdays) just in case anyone needs me.
Happiness. This one is vague but really important to me. Happiness is really hard. I’ve encountered a lot of unhappy people. I’ve encountered a lot of negativity. All my campers knew what “PMA” stood for because I’d chant it all the time. Positive mental attitude. Like I said, it’s not easy to be happy. You have to work at it. But then it should be someone that everyone values! Being happy does a lot of good for people. It makes you physically and mentally healthier. Mental health is so important.
I think happiness is so important to me because it’s been somewhat of a quest for me. My only source of happiness during my senior year was the prospect of going to Berkeley. My freshman year at Berkeley was AMAZING, but my sophomore year was pretty horrible. I’ve done a lot of work on myself to make things different, and happiness is at the forefront of that. You gotta do what makes you happy! Work hard, play hard is a good saying, as long as you’re working on things that making you happy, and playing with things that make you happy. To me, putting a ton of effort into the physics 7 series was not working hard in a way that made me happy (fuck the physics 7 series). Though, delayed gratification can lead to happiness… To me, going to a frat party on a Friday night is NOT playing hard in a way that makes me happy.
Happiness is a value not just for me, but for everyone. This is again where my values are speaking to each other. I can be happy by being authentic. I can spread happiness by being caring. I’m happy when people around me are also happy. Is that because I help spread happiness, or their happiness spreads to me? Both?
I value happiness way too much to be an engineer. An engineer’s work brings happiness in a different way. Not like I see the happiness of kids at camp, or my friends when we’re all hanging out together.
Growth. Everyone says you grow up so much in college, and as confident little shit high school student, I thought I pretty much knew myself and couldn’t imagine what kind of growth I could experience in college (well, okay I’m not giving myself enough credit...I just couldn’t fathom what kind of growing was to be done). LeaderShape helped me realize how much I love growing. I’ve been keeping a daily journal since May 2012 and I talk a lot about things I’ve learned, goals I have, etc. But I never really was able to verbalize how much I liked growing until about a year ago. I’m obsessed with growth! I like taking an experience and decomposing it to the little lessons I can gain from it. Every time I have a big growth breakthrough, I get really excited for all the new things I’m going to learn about myself.
I’m really proud of how much I’ve grown in college. I really like myself. I’m not sure everyone can say that. I like the way I think. I like my sense of humor. I like my core values. I like what I want to dedicate my life to and I’m proud of how I got to this point in my life.
I’m putting this as my last value as a way to say “to be continued…” Like I said, caring was evolved from respect. I used to think I was extroverted and now know I’m not. I used to think I wanted to be an engineer. I don’t know what in the world I’m going to do when I grow up.
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