Even with all the therapy I’ve had, even with all the self work I’ve tried to do, I still struggle so deeply with feeling like I am ‘enough’. I always used to be really proud and ignorant and say that my upbringing, my childhood, my father and my parent’s divorce didn’t really have a strong impact on me or in how I navigate myself in relationships but I was so, so wrong. When I see how this deep, deep insecurity manifests in my relationships, it feels completely devastating and sometimes I feel really helpless. Last night, after an explosive horrible fight that I caused, I cried more than I’ve cried in all of my twenties combined and J had to hold me and tell me some things I really didn’t want to hear but he also had to repeat to me, ‘You are enough.’ Even if it was meant to be taken as a comforting, loving gesture and reminder…I never felt more broken and fucked up in my entire life. I had hoped at 30 I would figure all this out and I would really believe that I am enough but here we are, approaching 31, still struggling to believe that I deserve good and I deserve love.