2021. I know this won't hit but I needed to let it out.
I was on a self destructive path when I was younger. So much bullshit just to pretend I had some kind of relevance in my own life I felt I had to make a statement but now looking back fuck was I a dumbass kid. I deliberately dived head first into bullshit just to pretend I was something I knew I couldn't be. I was a geek a nerd a weirdo who was into some really fun shit but I wanted to be hard. Well I got the experience I wanted and it made me no better and no less. I became so far from what anyone who knew me I was I became bitter hateful angry and I took it out on the world I no longer gave a shit about anything or anyone I reveled in the chaos so much so I created chaos where there shouldn't have been any. I was lost and honestly I still am but for some reason some higher power gave me an anchor. In August 16 2021 just days before my birthday my baby girl was born. I was gone I didn't care about me about my baby momma about anyone hell ill even admit that at the time I didn't care about her. But when I saw her for the first time a switch went off. I'm still lost but I know every time I became to far gone I just gotta see her face to set me straight. I love and hate who I am. The geek the nerd the guy who use to read fanfics to escape my reality. To the guy who embraced that reality of how i lived in the streets and let it consume him. But I'm also a dad who loves the little girl who gives him cuddles and hugs him when she's sad or scared, who watches avatar the last airbender on YouTube because we're both a little special lol. To the man I became because a little girl looks up at me and tells me I love you daddy. I wish I could go back to being that kid unbothered by the world but at the same time I'm a dad who would never give up the love of a little version of me and the dummy I fell in love with for anything. Love u bbby girl Malaya. My little princess.