tumblr dot com
h
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
wallacepolsom
⁂
Monterey Bay Aquarium
cherry valley forever
Not today Justin
Sweet Seals For You, Always
#extradirty
roma★
One Nice Bug Per Day
Claire Keane
No title available
No title available
if i look back, i am lost
Today's Document
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
sheepfilms
No title available
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Romania
seen from United States
seen from Tunisia
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Spain
seen from Brazil
seen from Nigeria
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from South Korea
seen from Algeria
seen from Lithuania
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from China
seen from United States
@eskimothecannibal
i know I am weird and love color coordination in my notes to an extreme but it legit helps me retain info 💾 . . . plus these nails make me feel so on point even though I am legit in my pj's eating cheesy puffs rn 😂 . . . #studysession #killernails #notes #penmanship #notetaking #kokuyocampus #sendhelp #studyingishard #whydidisignupforthis (at Mercer University College of Pharmacy) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLCgr0NggxU/?igshid=84uhfrxb26d2
bless whoever came up with the concept of a sweatshirt dress, because this thing is hella comfy . . . Owlbert in all his glory down at the bottom, he is my lucky item & boy is he trying his best lol (at Atlanta, Georgia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CK6rkDXAq5n/?igshid=ajbkwygac0we
college life goals: rolling cart sits just level with my bed, can be used as dinner tray 🍽 . . . no shame about how this is about to be shoveled into my mouth, my butt is starving . . . #dinnertime #collegelife #lazyhack #gudetama #merceruniversity #owlbert (at Atlanta, Georgia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CKxSXgcArn3/?igshid=6ddruo33p0l0
as an avid lover of the cateye look on the daily, this @tomfordbeauty eye defining pen in shade "Deeper" is effortless to use and I loved the preciseness of my point being so easy, it's usually a hassle lol . . . . . . #TOMFORDXINFLUENSTER #contest #complimentary @tomfordbeauty @Influenster @sephora #nofilter #ootd #studysession #studentpharmacist (at Atlanta, Georgia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CKmNLPOAODP/?igshid=kehya52pb2p7
finally feeling put together and healthy again not out of the woods, but definite improvement feeling elated being back in school and focusing on my dreams 🎆 . . . also my little Owlbert is in the corner, he is my adorable bespectacled owl 🤩 . . #cheesin #ootd #potsie #dysautonomiainternational #facesofPOTS #studentpharmacist #bethebear (at Atlanta, Georgia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CKRdGLFAATw/?igshid=12rhjgxqdx3px
Jaehyun x green for @sana-s 💚
I hate you, but no where near as much as you made me hate myself.
From a letter I will never send. (via bpd-ptsd)
Social Abuse and Communication Abuse: Abuse that will affect the way socialize and see yourself within a social group, and the way you’re able to express and communicate. Bold or copy ones done to you, italicize and copy if you’re not sure! Alternatively, just count how many apply to you and write down the numbers.
Communication abuse:
abuser punishing you for not showing enough interest in what they’re saying
abuser deciding what are appropriate reactions to their words and actions
abuser humiliating you for showing excitement/happiness
abuser shaming you for not showing will to participate when they think you should
abuser punishing you for a certain face expression(s)
abuser punishing you for having a certain emotional reaction to their words and actions
abuser demanding you shut down your emotions except for the ones they find convenient
abuser punishing you for contradicting them/challenging them on anything they say
abuser punishing you for confronting them on their lies
abuser comparing you to others to point out how you’re lacking/somehow worse than everyone else
abuser using any kind of inexperience/lack of knowledge/lack of skill to humiliate and depict you as a failure or an idiot
abuser making you extremely self-conscious about how you look and sound while you’re trying to socialize/communicate
abuser making you feel like everyone is noticing the same faults in you
abuser forcing you to consider how you’re viewed by them to the point of being unable to focus on what you want to say/express/do
abuser watching you when you’re not aware of it and proceeding to humiliate/hurt you for what you were doing while you thought you were unwatched
abuser making you feel like you’re always watched and judged by repeatedly catching you off guard and punishing you for it
abuser disregarding all your expressions of needs and emotions, letting you know that what you want and need is not important, and making you feel stupid for even voicing it
abuser ignoring your expression of pain or repeatedly insisting that you stop expressing it, have no reason to express it and finding your expression of pain an annoyance or a bother or even an attack on them
abuser hurting you even worse in reaction to your expression of pain, convincing you that the more you express it, the more they will hurt you, effectively making you scared of expressing pain and connecting it to further punishments
abuser taking your expressions of emotions as a personal insult and accusing you of hurting them on purpose, or even punishing you for it, just for expressing your personal emotions
Social abuse:
abuser showing off their control and authority over you in front of others
abuser humiliating you in front of others
abuser ordering you around, minimizing your presence and importance, and twisting your words and expressions in front of others
abuser talking in your name to others and making decisions for you
abuser making you seem selfish/cruel/inconsiderate/rude/mean to others if you disagree with their decisions
abuser publicly criticizing your appearance, actions, achievements or problems
abuser talking as if they’re the absolute authority on who you are and what your potential is
abuser talking about you to others as if you’re beneath them, and as if it’s okay to ignore your needs and interests completely, and not feel guilty or concerned about it
abuser encouraging and succeeding in having other people approve of abuse/perpetuate the abuse as well
abuser convincing other people the abuse is for your own good and getting validation for it
abuser having people on their side and rutting them against you
abuser successfully convincing other people you’re just trying to get attention and they should ignore you
abuser spreading information about you to your peers/friends/teachers that humiliates, ridicules, invalidates or villainaizes you
abuser painting a picture of you as a liar, hysterical, too emotional, delusional, crazy, unstable and not to be trusted in order to make sure you will not be believed when you try to speak out against them, or about any issue that bothers you
abuser telling others about abuse and trauma you’ve been thru without your permission/blaming the symptoms you show on trauma of their choosing
abuser telling others you’re abusive/selfish and twisting your intentions and actions to vilify you
abuser telling others about your mental illness, sexual orientation or other sensitive personal information that can easily be used against you, without your permission
abuser isolating you from your friends, support, and community and convincing you that nobody will stand on your side when it matters
abuser punishing you for who you choose to include in your social life and finding ways to make you regret it in order to dictate who you’re allowed to talk to
abuser stalking/eavesdropping/invading your privacy and using information they found against you/to control you
abuser convincing you that even people you thought care about you couldn’t possibly care because of who you are as a person, and shaming you for thinking for a second that you could be lovable to someone
abuser reacting to anything you say as if it was a stupid and unnecessary thing to say, and using it as a proof of you being of less intelligence
abuser continually reminding you how badly will others think of you if you continue doing what they disapprove of
abuser continually finding something wrong with you and pointing out how will others react to it if you don’t change it
abuser lying to you about what others have said about you/what they think of you
abuser deciding how others perceive you and what they think of you
abuser deciding what your place is in society and reminding you to “know your place” if you act outside the role
abuser displaying anger and punishing you if others give you positive attention
abuser denying others the chance to give you positive attention (taking their attention, getting them away from you, interrupting and starting a new topic when they’re trying to talk to you)
abuser making a show of caring about you, only to change it into ridicule and humiliation
abuser putting you in situation they already know is going to end up in public humiliation
abuser having you spend time in an abusive and hostile environment, being forced to endure socializing with people who will take any chance to attack and emotionally abuse you, without the ability to confront them or escape
abuser forcing you to change what you think of yourself based on how they see you, having you look at yourself only from their point of view and deciding it’s who you are
abuser taking away your means of communication (phone, internet, and any other means you would usually use to communicate with others)
If you bold more than 5 of these, you’ve been abused and sabotaged from ever establishing a healthy way of expressing, communicating and socializing with others. In other words, no you’re not bad at expressing, you’re not bad at communication, you’re not at fault for struggling to socialize, this was done to you to sabotage you from ever having a healthy start. (also if you’re struggling with social anxiety it’s very likely abuse has played a part in it, or at least made it worse)
30+
perhaps the first time I have seen certain actions and situations adequately articulated and written out in a way that you can really still feel
doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks of me, especially if the person who despises me the most is in fact me.
there’s little point in listing all the reasons why, no one is going to read this anyway. who cares about what I’m feeling? I don’t want to burden my friends or family with these kinds of thoughts because it isn’t that they wouldn’t understand, I just don’t want them to know what I am really feeling.
How empty all my decisions really feel. How pointless all of this seems. Not that I don’t appreciate them in my life, which I do greatly, I just don’t think I contribute much to theirs. And in reality, you can see that that is exactly the case. Perhaps confessing this on here will help. Admitting how hateful of life I really am. Perhaps it’ll show other people that someone is feeling the same way, or you yourself are feeling the same way, in which case I’m sorry you can relate.
Ben from Parks & Rec is me
Expected
I opened myself up to the person I'm dating. Tried to explain, in the clearest terms, that being ignored is something I just can't handle. That it was used as a weapon against me. It was a form of emotional abuse; ignoring and stifling my existence to the point where I just assumed my feelings and life didn't matter. I made a mistake opening up to that person. Because what to they do? The very thing I fear. I never expect someone to drop what they are doing to send me a message, or call. But it only takes a moment to send a message, to say that you're busy or just update. What do you think when you haven't spoken to me in hours but you're liking other girls posts? Their pages? Actively on your phone but making a point not to speak to me? It hurts. And you don't realize just how badly you've reopened an old wound. Emotional abuse scars you for life. I'm sorry my pain extends so far as to something so insignificant as this, but if you wanted to speak to me, you would've. Yet you didn't.
Resonating
I can still hear you. Every time I close my eyes, your voice pierces the void that I was trying to create. Words thrown at me in spite or anger, stinging my flesh with every syllable. But when I open my eyes, all I have to do is pretend that everything's fine. A façade built for protection; who's, I'm not sure. But your scope of influence still reaches me. No matter how long we've been apart.
even if you manage to control it, at least on the surface, your depression will always try to surge through the barriers you've built; and, like now, burst forth through them unprecedented
No one will read this anyway
There millions of ways people can reach out to one another online. But does that mean someone will respond to you? Notice you? Does that mean someone will genuinely care about what you’re thinking or feeling anymore?
No.
There’s no guarantee.
When the people in your life are oblivious, uncaring, or just generally unaware of the sadness you’re feeling, where do you go to vent?
You go online. You hope that maybe, just maybe, someone in this vast domain can relate, and wants to have a real conversation.
You can write a post that shows how terribly empty and unhappy you are, showing all of your vulnerabilities to a world that can be just as cruel as real life.
There are dozens of posts just like it too. So what makes yours so special? It’s all of your needs, wants, dreams, and ideas; there for everyone to see. You deserve to express it somehow. You deserve to be accepted.
Everyone does. Wish it was possible for there to be someone for everyone, not necessarily romantically, just someone there for you when you need it.
Being vulnerable is hard. But it’d be nice to show my real self to someone for once.
Every Time I try to have a serious relationship
Me: -Asks serious question that involves bf-
Boyfriend: You're being so intense I can't handle it.
Me: Alright -avoids issues or problems to not seem difficult-
Boyfriend: What's wrong? Be yourself. I want you to be upfront with me.
Me: -Goes back to being open and upfront-
Boyfriend: Why are you being so serious? You're too difficult
Seriously wtf do you want man
To give yourself to someone, but to be tossed back, unwanted, is sobering. It hurts more than I can fathom
