Hisana’s feelings for Byakuya
“I’m sorry for depending on you until the end. I’m sorry I couldn’t repay the love you gave to me. These past five years that we’ve spent together have been like a wonderful dream.“
Some people interpret this line as meaning that Hisana did not love Byakuya, or that her feelings for him were based on what he could give to her as a member of a noble clan. I did not read this scene or their relationship that way at all. On a surface level, there is nothing in Hisana’s expression or body language to suggest that she didn’t have genuine feelings for him. She squeezes his hand. She smiles. Her eyes are filled with tears. The idea of leaving Byakuya is very painful for Hisana, but she is doing her best to comfort him, just as he is comforting her.
So what does Hisana mean, that she couldn’t “repay” or “return” (depending on the translation) Byakuya’s love? We don’t get a lot of information about Hisana from the canon material, but based on what we are given, the driving motivation for her actions is guilt. The entire time she was married to Byakuya (and likely before that), Hisana was visiting Rukongai trying to find Rukia “practically every day”, even though those visits were detrimental to her health. This is a character who let their guilt over abandoning a sibling completely consume them. I think it’s safe to say that Hisana’s guilt would have manifested in other areas of her life.
Byakuya married Hisana even though it was against the laws of the nobles and the traditions of his clan, both of which he values very highly. Even though he was either the heir or the head of the Kuchiki clan at this point, there was outspoken opposition to this match. Hisana would have been aware of this. She probably had to face rumors, taunts, and general animosity from the Kuchiki clan and possibly other nobles as well. But because shame and self-depreciation are a strong part of her character (”I have no right to be called her older sister”), she would have internalized all of that resentment. Hisana probably believed that she had dishonored Byakuya by marrying him, and that she had caused him unhappiness by setting him at odds with the familial honor he placed such importance on.
Hisana, more than anyone, understood what Byakuya had sacrificed to be with her and how much support he continued to offer her with the search for Rukia and Hisana’s failing health. She would not have asked him to adopt Rukia and become her sole guardian and family member if that were not the case. When Hisana says, “I’m sorry I couldn’t repay the love you gave me”, she sees Byakuya’s love as something so selfless and monumental, that she couldn’t possibly return it in kind. She was a poor, fragile girl from Rukongai. In Hisana’s mind, there was nothing she could give Byakuya or do for him that would match the depths of the love he gave to her. Hisana did love Byakuya; she loved him so much that she cried over not being “worthy” of his affections. For not having anything more than her love to give. She couldn’t be the hero for him that he had been for her.
The most tragic part is that Hisana was wrong. Byakuya was a noble. He already had power, honor, and wealth. What he needed was a reason to fight. A reason to live. A reason to come home at the end of the day. That was something that only Hisana–and Rukia, by extension–could provide for him. She did return his love, not only through herself but through Rukia as well. And I don’t think Byakuya ever doubted that.
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