What Do I Do With All The Gold On My Fingers @pocket-deer-belly - Tumblr Blog

Hey so like. I've seen a few times this thing where a somewhat-well-known online "cis man" will play around with (trans) femininity while being like "ha ha but I'm just a feminine guy don't worry about it" and then later announce they're trans.

And the thing is they always seem kind of annoyed if not offended by people implying they might be trans? Like "why can't I just be a feminine man".

And I'm not sure how to deal with this like... On one hand it ties into transmisogynist talking points to go "it's ok to be a feminine man", on the other hand, not doing that is directly contradicting their express wishes for how you talk about it.

I guess the solution is to just not talk about or to these people about their gender, except personally if they're my friend. But I was interested to hear if you have any two cents to add to this.

(Also sorry if this comes off as a gotcha. I'm trans fem myself, I just genuinely don't know this stuff.)

i think for a lot of transfems (myself included), playing with aesthetic femininity (especially online) is nothing compared to admitting there's something not male about you. The first is treading knee high water, it's mildly risky but not that scary, the second feels like jumping from a cliff into unknowably deep waters. It's the femboy problem of people openly liking transfemininity so long as the person performing it doesn't admit their womanhood. It's the way that seeing that stuff around you constantly affects your own ability to perceive yourself. This is even worse if you have any popularity at all, even worse if you have so called allies constantly calling you "really progressive for a cis man".

I don't know exactly what would've helped me. What really cracked my egg is a conversation i had with my friend where i kept insisting i was fine with being a man until she told me "only fine? like, you're willing to put up with it? but is it what you want? would you choose something else if you could?" I think you have to make disavowing manhood no longer scary, maybe help someone recognize within themselves an ambivalence about their gender. all the strangers telling me its okay to be a girl or to stop being a man was nothing compared to a close friend pointing out to me that my feelings towards my own assigned manhood sounded lukewarm at best. you have to make the prospect of abandoning manhood unscary so deer like me don't spend 8 years in egg mode going "haha i like girly things and i really really strongly relate to the trans woman experience but like, that doesn't have to mean anything!" I don't know exactly how to push through someone else's internalized transmisogyny. It's an experience that feels really hard to describe even as i've experienced it.

vespervex

I will preface before giving my perspective that while I am not transfem, I have in fact experienced this specific moment in time when I was exploring transfemininity and I definitely resonate with this idea.

I honestly think that question of "are you sure you're just okay with being a man?" was the key to allowing me to experiment with gender and transitioning. I dunno if I'd call it "scary" but it definitely felt like gender was something that was hard-coded into my psyche until the question of "are you okay with being "just okay" with your assigned gender?" made me go "wait, you mean most men are enthusiastic about being men?"

That idea definitely instilled a curiosity in me to explore, paired with the knowledge of "it's fine if you want to try being a girl." That is what helped me personally feel comfortable taking transfemininity out for a test drive. having a few trusted friends who assured me they would support me no matter what I chose also helped immensely.

That's my perspective as someone who has transitioned but ended up realizing it wasn't for me, maybe it's different for transfems who stayed with it. But I resonate a lot with that initial trepidation of not being sure if I even could or should try

chillyfeetsteak

there should be more options than suffering via employment and suffering via unemployment

spacehunter-m

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littlehimedanshi

the depths of mahiros repression is truly really really funny and so real. shes so eager to be a girl and so eager to love girls and will act on it constantly, but she cant ever think about it or she freaks out and tries to go back into the egg. she flips back and forth between joyfully engaging with her girlhood and trying sooo hard to assert her alleged Totally Impenetrable Masculine Identity that she waltzes into affirming her girlhood so often. yes you are a lesbian sweetheart. you were so scared of becoming gay you didnt realize you became gay.

littlehimedanshi

One thing I keep thinking about is how afraid Mahiro is of getting specifically “found out”. There’s zero way this could happen, but she still is terrified of being outed as being “really a guy” and experiencing transmisogyny specifically in the form of immediate accusations of being a disgusting pervert, etc.

Theres absolutely zero ambiguity. Mahiro is a trans girl, she’s just repressed.

sailatina2-deactivated20251222

The only trans women who get uptoots on reddit and pushed by all the social media algorithms are a bunch of skinny white girls, and the more conventionally attractive the better. To be honest I'm quite sick of it. What most consider white beauty, I call ugly. More importantly, unrelatable.

Look at all the famous trans women in video games. Bridget, Poison, Birdo, Vivian, Madeline... you're either a white girl or an inhuman. Well, what about the popular trans girls in real life? All the funny comic artists, the youtubers, and even the actual celebrities and politicians? White white white white.

This confuses me. When I visit family, I see people who look like me. When I go to the park, to school, the store, there's always someone like me just around the corner. And the trans women- the trans PEOPLE I meet irl? Mostly brown! The majority!

And yet somehow, someway, every single tgirl on the internet is seemingly the same flavor of vanilla every single time. Now I know tumblr is a uniquely white place, but this is still prevalent everywhere else. It is not reflective of reality. It makes me sad. Every time I turn on the TV or go on my phone, I don't ever see myself. All those feel-good transition timeliness or waaacky personalities. Just a bunch of... people who aren't me. If there was literally just 1 trans Latina with any popularity, I probably would've figured out my transness sooner. You know how hard it is to navigate those feelings when 80% of resources are through white eyes?

Aaaaand don't think you're off the hook, TMEs. Gay men, I can see your ancient Rome-loving woman-hating James Somerton leather nazi sons of bastards! And cisbians, don't think I didn't notice your renaissance painting cottage core copaganda female rage in a plantation with mediocre pop music asses too! And trans men... put the fucking Rocky Horror down right now. That lack of melanin will kill you.

All in all, the kkkweer kkkommunity has quite the sizable white supremacy problem. If you want my advice, for one make friends who arent white. BOOST them give them attention! And money! And dont place some emotional burden on them. Be normal jeez. Put a Black doll in that indie game you're making. Read some racial political theory... contemporary theory too, not just old stuff.

notahorseindisguise

if you live in {Not USA} and you make a tumblr post even slightly referencing what time it is where you live you will literally always have to deal with the "lucky 10 thousand" who dont fucking know what a time zone is

notahorseindisguise

crabussy

some people live places where summer autumn winter and spring do not exist like they do in the northern and southern hemispheres. which is why those tags say "not northern hemisphere". to include people who live on the equator. welcome to the lucky 10 thousand!

crabussy

hi hi! I understand your scepticism, but I lived Here for half a decade:

and nnno we don't call it "winter" when it's december even though we're TECHNICALLY in the northern hemisphere. because it is 35+ degrees during december and 35+ degrees during july and 35+ degrees every other time of the year as well. so it doesn't really make sense to reference the typical northern/southern seasons when you live right on the equator!

we DO reference seasons as a CONCEPT but it wasn't summer/autumn/winter/spring. it was wet season/dry season. that's it.

#on stream i got someone going 'what kind of ungodly hour are you streaming at'#it was. 11 PM.

pronouncingitwang

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

yokowan

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

le-jardin-inculte

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

shithowdy

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

whitachi

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

araceil

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

everything i google is fucking AI overviews how do i turn it off and get fucking sources jesus fucking christ

ventismfsblog

thebearhog

How my fatcation is going so far.

pocket-deer-art

Vivian - Sailor of the isles, on a house bobbing the waves. A diet of mostly salt grilled fish does a body good. Vivian lives a life quietly ungrounded from the small island town, spending most of his time fishing and ferrying people between islands for a small amount of cash.

pocket-deer-art

Jelle - God knows we need more fat bisexual electricians in this world. Jelle is the darling handyman in town, flirtatious and romantic and above all his services reasonably affordable. Not many are brave enough to cruise on the job so thank the heaven's stars he stepped up!

pocket-deer-art

Frederic - A small town baker, some days are overwhelming and some days are far too quiet. Rent hangs over his head like a knife and he stumbles over his words, his head is in the clouds and he's too stubborn to give up on the bakery. Inbetween all the free samples he'll make it somehow.

pocket-deer-art

Eka - known for taking "pretty" pictures that are easy to sell, and the natural area of the island has plenty of that to offer: historical buildings, natural areas, beautiful views. He does weddings and birthdays and whatever else to get by. This career doesn't get a lot of business and also he hates this job artistically. Eka is embarrassed of his true passions and freezes up at the prospect of making a change. There's too much. There's just too much.

pocket-deer-art

Umar - Dress warm, the nights get cold. There's a clearing beyond the woods, just far enough from town where you can hear the ocean and there's no lights. It's the best place in the country for amateur astronomy and nobody comes to this bumfuck nowhere town. You'll bring a thermos can with tea to keep warm. I'll bring my binoculars. I'll tell you where Andromeda is.

pocket-deer-art

Gaëlle - The graceful glaciologist treks across the isles, taking rock and ice samples in the fridgid northern glaciers. The graceful glamorous Gaëlle is somewhat of a fashion model back home, sporting signature simple elegance.

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