The Ruins of My Mind

I'm a multi-genre writer, majoring in English Literature. My interests range from horror, to hentai, mythology, H.P. Lovecraft, Poe, dark poetry, and everything in between. Herein are soime of my current obsessions. If you have questions about me or what's shown here, you can contact me @ [email protected]

[espsalita]

This fucker is killing all of us. Remember his name.

[espsalita]

I’m not sure what made me decide to post this today. it might be because Mother’s Day for me is something difficult. I don’t hate my mother but we definitely did not have a happy past. Many times, my mother manipulated me, lied to me and even used me as a shield against my father’s abuse. Hey, part of me doesn’t blame her. I was there and a convenient target because I was always quiet and not her favorite kid. This isn’t me feeling sorry for myself - this is me empathizing with my mom as more than just a mother but a human being with all the same frailties and follies as anyone else. A lot of people don’t seem to realize that motherhood doesn’t magically turn you into either a saint or a devil. Sometimes nothing happens at all and you’re just the same complacent person you always were. Mothers are women before they are anything else. That said, J. O’Barr’s story always reminds me of the pain that we can’t always hide because it screams until it either makes us crazy or we find a way to express it. Unfortunately, for me, “mother” will always be a synonym for pain. At least I’ve gotten to a place where I can admit it. 

[espsalita]

Since it’s October, I decided to do a series of stills from some of my favorite horror films. This one, in my opinion, is one of John Carpenter’s best. It’s basically an homage to the works of H.P. Lovecraft. Sam Neil does an amazing job given the incredibly “other-worldly” feel of the story. He’s basically Carpenter’s version of Lovecraft’s usual “normal-guy” protagonist who has a natural sense of suspicion about everything. I bet this would have made for a good story plot for Call of Cthlulu.

[combs-mania]

Nice attire Shepard Lambrick My screenshot from the movie “would you rather” I love Jeffrey combs attire :) @fanjeffreycombs @jeffreycombs

[combs-mania]

Best picture i ’ve seen…

[fuckyeahjeffreycombs]

Sheriff Jimmy Fleck, Brutal, 2007

[parkinsmack]

Herbert West.

Re-Animator, 1985. Dir. Stuart Gordon.

[espsalita]

Good scene. 

[thylekshran]

[espsalita]

Good use of shadow here. 

[petersonreviews]

Castle Freak (1995)

“Castle Freak is minor, considering Stuart Gordon’s previous, much more unshakable genre masterstrokes. But the film makes the most of its humble materials, and its 95 minutes thrill. Just don’t expect your next trip down to the basement to be an easy one.”

http://bit.ly/2yE8jIJ

[espsalita]

Great viewing for Halloween. Dark and intense.  

[questionmrk]

robin lord taylor talking about jeffrey combs

[qquark]

[fuckyeahjeffreycombs]

I can’t believe I’ve spent over 6 years running a blog about this man

[espsalita]

I can't believe I DIDN'T know about this man until six years ago.

[espsalita]

I just love red. I know this is late but, happy Chinese New Year, everybody! May the next year bring you happiness, prosperity and friendship.

[espsalita]

This might be out of the blue but, how many of you have read, J. O'Barr's, The Crow.? I know people know about the movie or whatever but the actual book is vastly different. The reason for it's publication, the story, and the characters bear little resemblance to the "action packed, star-studded" film version other than the appearance of the main character. I'm shocked that this is considered only a "cult" thing. The author's inspiration comes from a number of surprising sour...ces: the poetry of Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine, verses from the King James Bible, ancient Egyptian myths and yes, the music of bands like Joy Division and the Cure (Try actually reading the lyrics to some of their more poignant songs sometime. Typical happy 80's fare they are most certainly not). For anyone writing a story about profound loss or sadness, this should be a must-read. The entire process that follows loss/death is something that J. O'Barr understands to an unsettling degree.

[espsalita]

Fear is the plaintive cry of the innocent soul. For the wicked fear nothing...

-me

[espsalita]

No, no, no, no, no! This is not possible. Maybe the others. But not this one. Not now. I don't understand why this woman is gone. I know the facts. But I still don't understand. Especially now when people like her are sorely needed. When I watched the early Star Wars movies as a kid, Carrie Fisher was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. And she was feisty and interesting and damaged and awesome. She was just so real. I didn't even know girls could be real. Before I saw her, I thought all girls had to be Disney princesses. They had to be perfect and silent and never fight back or get angry or even mildly irritated. I never forgot it. I gave up Disney (ironic, since Star Wars has now been kidnapped by that psychotic, slave-run behemoth). I started believing in my own ability to be fierce. I was so much better able to weather all the difficulties in my life than if I'd gone though it like Aurora, walking through my existence in a semi-present coma. I learned that it was possible to be mentally ill and still have value as a human being. I wanted to BE like this woman... and now she's gone. And I don't have the slightest idea what the fuck to do with myself. Fuck this year...  

[espsalita]

[espsalita]