espy rat

she/her transwoman, artist, rat. gay for my gf lav @mothkoi0. Currently homeless. Anything helps. Kofi: ko-fi.com/espyrat

[espyrat]

Sopping Wet Rat - 5/24/2026

[espyrat]

breakfast of transbians > nobodyratgirl

5/23/26

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Eating salted pickles in place of meals, two stereotypical trans girls.

Why are our stereotypes so embedded in being unhealthy and the ironic acknowledgment and pseudo-critique of that behavior?

this is just a quick silly comic based on a really excellent pun lav made, but I feel it warrants some disclaimer. Trans girls deserve to be healthy, ALSO the stereotypical "hearty american breakfast" was invented by Sigmund Freud's nephew to sell more bacon and eggs. So their inclusion as symbols in this comic is just to signify the idea of "breakfast" I wish i could distance myself from the initial intent.

Similarly, we should take trans women's struggles seriously. Our symbols and language for discussing issues in our community are just embedded in this attitude of "haha the trans woman and her salt cravings"

idk, maybe I am propagating this stereotype here, or at least demonstrating its relevance by actually eating just straight salt somedays. But if I am at the very least I want to draw attention to this:

please trans girl if you have to hear it from someone, you dont need to keep joking about how unhealthy you are please just go eat something good and take care of yourself. 💜

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+ [ eventually we will eat 3 meals a day ] +

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[espyrat]

Rat Experiments Lain - 4/11/26

(based on serial experiments lain)

[espyrat]

prom/dream > nobodyratgirl

5/22/26

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I never went to dances, being deadnamed in my dad's oversized button-ups while hugging the gym's walls awkwardly was reason enough not to consider it.

I ran away before prom, but were I there, if i allowed myself the escapism. If I gave myself the chance to dream, my trans sisters surely must be there alongside me.

it is a nice fantasy, but as all dreams must, we wake to the stale mundane world of hard truths. I never went to prom.

(my entry for trans prom 2026 hosted by @zaigg)

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+ [ Until we can take back ] +

+ [ The years they've stolen from us ] +

+ [ We'll always live like we're ] +

+ [ -Hopeless kids ] +

+ [ But when we're with all our friends, ] +

+ [ can we just pretend ] +

+ [ that no one can hurt us? ] +

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[espyrat]

Searching for a Home

5/16 - 5/20

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It's so hard to be mentally ill, trans, and homeless while not feeling hopeless. Rat girl's doing her best, looking for a place to stay the night, ever uncertain of how long it will last. Based on my current living situation.

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[espyrat]

lowkey wanna know your art lore 😭 like how did you start drawing this way

omg thanks for your interest! :D

Coloring: When i think about the mood or theme of a page, really vibrant colors attach themselves to it in my head. Sometimes it keeps me up lol! and then these colors are so compelling I have to use them!

Design & general aesthetic: Ive really been trying to capture the chaos and beauty of life, so im using images and textures and really messy grainy brushes a lot lately. Ive always loved art that feels like someone's scrapbook, intensely personal and deeply human. Art that the more you look at it the more subtle details you notice. None of my art feels complete to me without some extra details, little doodles tucked away in corners, or like extra scribbles and photos!

Line art & style: I really like anime and comics, so thats why i draw expressive faces and simplified proportions. Also, the scenes in anime when the protagonist gets really mad, and the art style has to change to accommodate it are some of my favorites! and I have always wanted to recreate like, the weight of like, Mob Psycho 100 going 100% where like even the medium the story is being told through has no choice but to conform to the rage of its protagonist.

I hope this answers your question, It means a lot to me that you looked at my art with intentionality and thought about it enough that you got curious. That is so meaningful to me! thank you for asking me!

[espyrat]

"Desperate Rat" - 5/15/2026

It feels so impossible to grow from trauma. I feel so guilty, and im so desperate.

But im doing my best at least, ive made it through all my worst moments before. I think I might be okay in time.

I hope this piece captures the feeling well, being in-between uncertainty and disaster, hoping harder than you ever knew was possible.

[espyrat]

Insurance > nobody rat girl

5/11/2026

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Trans people deserve better and easier access to medical care. It should be immediate, free, and anonymous. No buts, no exceptions, to all ages at any request. The desist rate is low enough and the suicide rate is high enough that this is not as absurd a position as it has been claimed to be. Lets be serious and drop the hypotheticals, when people feign "think of the detransitioners", they're demonstrating that they value the convenience of 1 cis person over the lives of 100 trans people. I got my meds. But now they know where I am. I traded safety for my health, that should never be a choice anyone is forced to make. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ + [ Im afraid of what comes next ] + + [ At least I have my siblings ] + + [ We'll make it through this together ] + ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

[espyrat]

apocalypse

They struck something more valuable than gold at the heart of the earth. Soul. The politicians, or at least their shareholders, drank from its ocean as it wept icy aerosol fountains of gushing angelic blood, convinced by their gluttony, "it must defy nature and perpetuate life indefinitely." thoughtlessly repeated in every quarterly meeting, state of the union, "urgent" news report. The markets soared, until overrun overripe and abandoned as the rivers of soul flooded streets demolishing civilization in its abundance, Solemn, swollen, silent, solitude, beneath the CEO's room, it heaved its final labored breaths. Drained of every drop of miracle essence, its heart erupted, pouring out from atmosphere like yolk to a shell. The stillness engulfed even the final flickering star, and now soul is all we are.

Festering gluttony within the wealthy elites will claim bystanders indiscriminately.

Inspired by Neon Genesis Evangelion, Deltarune (especially the roaring), and the singularity.

[espyrat]

Glass Beach > nobodyratgirl

4/31/26 - 5/07/2026 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A week ago, my favorite band broke up. Glass Beach got me through so much in my life. I would blast bedroom community during church sermons in my beaten up hand-me-down 2008 wired earbuds. Play "Glass Beach" on repeat after drawn out arguments kept me up all night. bawl my eyes out to "orchids" in the allotted 1 minute moment of silence after the album ended. I went through a lot in the period of time Glass Beach was together, found out I was a trans woman, had my parents try and force me to be cis, which led me to some dark places, but eventually Glass Beach pulled me back out, Id find my girlfriend on the Glass Beach discord server and we would run away together. Its still hard sometimes, but me and her have been through worse. And we will make it out of this, someday we will be there, safe on the shore, the seaside of Malibu. Each page is inspired by a glass beach album (or adjacent) as well as a song.

Credits to the album designs by go to @daxeart As well as J, William White, Jonas Newhouse, and Layne Smith, the former members of Glass Beach.

Thank you for everything Glass Beach. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ + [ Here it is again / A heart of excitement ] + + [ In the form of a girl who / Hates her life] + + [ As she sits alone, on the floor- ] + + [ -Of her bedroom ] + + [ waiting for answers ] + + [ Wasting time. ] + ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

[espyrat]

Kinda Gay > nobodyratgirl

4/25/26

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One time when I was young, my friend group took an "are you gay test." we were all like, 12. These tests are self report, if you say "i am attracted to the same gender and like rainbows" theyll spit out "gay."

We all took the test and I got, "gay." Then for the next 10 minutes I had to convince them I was straight because they said we couldnt be friends if I was gay.

Later I would fall asleep on someones lap during a sleepover, and they cut me off.

to some people "gay" isn't an orientation, its a demarcation of inferiority.

Shallow friendships aren't worth anything. Find people who love you, and want to be around you.

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+ [ Life can be lonely without friends. ] +

+ [ If you are open to others, ] +

+ [ If you are open minded, ] +

+ [ You will make plenty. ] +

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[espyrat]

voicemail > nobodyratgirl

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Its hard doing all these adult things i was never taught, just making things up pretending to have it together.

You aren't told how to be human, or how to engage with others. Im not sure anyone knows. But Im certain it'll be easier to pretend with practice.

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+ [ Its like im 13, pretending to be an adult ] +

+ [ then I did it for respect and power ] +

+ [ now Im 18, so Im in control now ] +

+ [ But it cost childhood ] +

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[espyrat]

Job Fair > nobodyratgirl

4/25/26

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Its really hard getting a job. I was fired from my last position for being trans. Im looking for work again so I can afford a car, which i need to drive to work. Yikes.

I hope anyone looking for work can find it, more than that I hope you are well off enough to not need to sacrifice yourself for work.

if people are dependent on their job to live, being fired is a death sentence.

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+ [ We're worth more than our pay ] +

+ [ We are valuable, just for being ] +

+ [ Make art, love beauty, live life ] +

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[espyrat]

Childhood > nobodyratgirl

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some parents would rather have nothing then a trans kid.

Not everyone deserves to be a parent, but every trans kid deserves better parents. they chose to create life and still they blamed us.

if your parents don't love you as who you are, they don't love you at all, and they never did.

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+ [ Im sorry, im sorry, you deserve more ] +

+ [ A family, parents, a childhood. ] +

+ [ Our family is our community ] +

+ [ Our trans siblings. ] +

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/We'll always live like we're hopeless kids/ - Glass Beach

[espyrat]

Hyperreality > nobodyratgirl

4/28/26

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CW: Dissociation, Existential

Somedays it feels like i'm just playing a character in my head. It becomes hard to know who I am, and everything I do feels insincere.

A quote that helped me is "we are who we pretend to be" - Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night.

Another is Descartes's rationalism. If you think you are fake, you are probably just authentically the person you think you are pretending to be.

Baudrillard writes about hyperreality, which is when a simulation becomes so realistic, it is real. Im simplifying, but its just more likely you are real, and if you aren't, well your ability to think proves that you are.

--- I think trans people are more susceptible to this kind of dissociative spiral. ---

We learned that we weren't our gender at birth, so what else is fake? I think we've sorta been questioning ourselves ever since. All the best movies on hyperreality are made by trans people, The Matrix, I Saw The TV Glow, probably more. Trans people, the world around you, and your identity, are all real. Remember not to overthink it!

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+ { Reality is what we interpret as real } +

+ { If reality is flawed, we can change it } +

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[espyrat]

Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner > Nobody Rat Girl

4/22/26

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Equipment: Stove, Oven, Pot, Oven Sheet. Cost: 2.25$ per meal. Ingredients: Garbanzo Beans, Rice, Salt

I make little comics with advice directed at trans people, because we are so often struggling or poor.

I hope this is helpful for anyone who needs a cheap recipe. Remember that there are also food banks and snap programs depending on your needs. It isn't selfish to be hungry, you are alive. It's natural. We're going to be ok.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ + { One day, we wont need to worry. } +

+ { We will eat what we want } +

+ { We will finally rest }  +

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[espyrat]

I dont own a car > nobody ratgirl

4/21/26

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If you are poor, homeless, or trans, you may feel powerless, especially if you are all three.

Some take advantage of our weakness and poverty, and because we are so desperate to survive, it's hard to speak up knowing it could cost us our safety.

It is never hopeless. We are weak alone, but strong together. hold on to the people who love you.

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+ { We will make it through this } +

+ { i promise } +

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