If you find yourself asking, āAm I really a writer? Am I really an artist?ā chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.
Steven Pressfield (via roguepostits)
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@essiedolly
If you find yourself asking, āAm I really a writer? Am I really an artist?ā chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.
Steven Pressfield (via roguepostits)
Me if I go back to therapy.
Bisexuality: what people think vs. what itās actually like
THIS!
#Imwithher
As an african-american bisexual female with immigrant parents, I am terrified. At this moment in time Iām not sure how to fully articulate my thoughts. Last night I went to bed finally at 1am because there was nothing else I could do, and I hoped that sleep would be a reprieve from the tears and sickness caused by this waking nightmare. It didnāt help, and when I woke in the morning reality set in like a dark cloud. Iāve barely had the motivation to get out of bed, shower, or communicate with anyone today. Iām distressed as a women and fearful about what this will mean for the future of my healthcare and reproductive rights, Iām afraid as a bisexual for my LGBT brothers and sisters, as an African-American I mourn for all the people that are constantly affected by racism and discrimination, as a daughter of immigrant parents my heart breaks for the children that fear the deportation of their parents. As a citizen of the United State of America I feel hopeless, and extremely saddened. Iām hoping and praying for a brighter tomorrow. I want to believe in the goodness of people. I so deeply want to trust that those we have appointed to govern this country will do what is best for the good of our nation. I donāt know what will happen next, but I will try not to panic. I will hope and pray, and mourn with those that mourn. I will share goodness and love, and fightĀ to stay positive.Ā āWhen they go low, we go highā I wonāt give up, Iām still with her, and I believe that this is not the end.Ā
#love #vulnerable #trust
Whenever your heart starts to be anxious about the future, preach to your heart and say, āHeart, who do you think you are to be afraid of the future and nullify the promise of God? No, heart, I will not exalt myself with anxiety. I will humble myself in peace and joy as I trust this precious and great promise of GodāHe cares for me.ā
John PiperĀ (via godmoves)
Reasons why I love him.
Iāve been challenged by my friend Jess to complete theĀ ālove challengeā thatās been floating around on Facebook for the last couple of weeks. Originally I was hesitant to to do the challenge because I generally donāt post anything on Facebook. I mostly use it to share things about my work with the Chronicle and Wasatch magazine and my business.( And to creep on other people, Iāll be honest). Iām a pretty private person so I tend not to post personal things about my life on Facebook.Ā Iām also a bit self-conscious and most of the time with things like twitter and Facebook I feel like itād be weird if I posted a status message. I always thing to myselfĀ āwhy would anyone care about things like what I ate for breakfast, or the fact that I went to the gym today?ā Maybe thatās why I prefer Instagram, pictures are easier. Any who,Ā with all that being said I thought it would be a good exercise for me to write down all the things that I love about Ashton. Itās a nice reminder for me about how lucky I am,Ā so here goes:
Day 1: This picture is from our first road trip together. We went to Richfield for a friends wedding, then we decided to stay in town for the whole weekend so we could detour to Capitol Reef for some hiking. It was a great vacation and we learned so much about each other on this trip. I love this picture because itās a great example of how we are together. He lets me be my weird goofy self and even though he teases me for it, he also laughs right along with me. I read somewhere one time that traveling together is a great way to test your relationship. One thing weāve found is that after every trip we come Ā back feeling so much stronger as a couple, and so much more in love. Our road trips Ā are my favorite thing because I love that I can go on adventures with my best friend.
Day 2: Ā This is the meal that Ashton made for me for one of my Birthday/ Valentines day. This is only one of the many amazing dishes heās made for me over the years. Ā It doesnāt matter what time of day it is, heās always happy and willing to cook me a delicious meal, even if heās exhausted after a hectic day at work.Ā Whenever he cooks he always gives me the best cuts of meat, the best portion of food. Thatās what I love about him, he always quietly does these sweet little things for me and they mean so much. Cooking together is something that I really love to do with him, something thatās really special to me is the time we spend together in the kitchen, and then eating dinner together and talking about our day and our plans for the future. For years Iāve struggled with issues with my weight and counting calories and worrying about how I looked. For a time I would never even leave the house without make-up. Being with Ashton has really changed all that, he always lets me know that he loves me and loves my body for just how it is. I am able to be free with him, Iām able to lounge around in yoga pants and eat 10 otter pops and heāll still look at me and tell me that Iām beautiful. I love that about him, it doesnāt matter if Iām dressed up, or dressed down with no make-up on he never misses a chance to let me know how gorgeous I am to him and I never want to take that feeling for granted.
Day 3: Ā I love Ashton because heās a lot of fun, heās never afraid to play around and get goofy. I remembered when we first met I was really attracted to him because he worked with kids with special needs. It really impressed me. I think itās a certain type of person to take on a job like that and he does it with such a great attitude. I love watching him work with his kids, he genuinely loves his job and everyone that he works with always has so many good things to say about him. When I visit him at work for lunch, watching him interact with the kids just melts my heart. He is so sweet, and so good to them, he makes sure they know that what they say and do matters to him. He doesnāt ever treat them like theyāre just kids with special needs. He gives them the time of day, he listens to them, and he takes the time to teach and discipline if they need it. He doesnāt treat them differently from any other kids and I think it makes a huge difference in their lives. Something that Iāve always thought is the cutest thing is that heās very gentle with plants and animals. Even when we go on hikes heās very careful not to traipse over the wildlife or destroy anything. He'd rather take a bug outside and let it go free instead of smushing it. He takes care of the underdog, whether it be a wilting flower, a mouse, or a non-verbal autistic child. I think it really says a lot about it the person that he is and Iām constantly impressed by him.
Day 4: This is our memory board. Iām thinking that I may have to get a new one soon because itās getting pretty cluttered. Ashton and I are both homebodies so the fact that we have so many tickets stubs and tokens from our adventures is more impressive than you might think. I love the fact that no matter what weāre doing together we always have an awesome time. Weāve created so many awesome memories together already and Iām so excited for the new things weālI get to do together as the years go by. We have plans to travel the world together, and I know that we will because weāve worked so hard to make this relationship our number one priority.Ā I know that it sounds cheesy but when weāre apart, even if itās because of work or school I always miss him. Even when we argue, as mad as I am I still want to cuddle with him, while of course still telling him why Iām so mad. ( This makes it much harder to stay angry Iāve found.) After all these years of dating weāve both learned that love is not the only thing a healthy relationship needs. Of course, like any other couple we have disagreements and stupid arguments but weāve come a long way together and weathered through many challenges. Those challenges have brought us so much closer together and even though weāve been through a lot Iām so grateful thatās Heās been by my side through it all.Ā Weāve learned to communicate effectively, apologize when weāre wrong, be respectful, and talk things out. He makes me feel heard and he validates me when I need it. I think those are the things that areĀ going to keep us going strong as we grow old together.Ā
Day 5: Ashton makes me feel confident. Growing up you would have thought that my self-esteem was through the roof because of the way I looked but the opposite was true. In high school I dressed up pretty much every day. You would never catch me in sweats or even jeans. I wore skirts, dresses, heels, or flats. I only wore sneakers and t-shirts when it was required for gym class or marching band practice. If I was running late to school I would sneak way during first period to apply make-up. This continued through my freshman year of college, and then I met Ashton. When we first started dating I was still wearing make-up and super conscious of what I wore because I always wanted to impress him. Over the months though it just started to matter less and less. I remember the first time I took my braids out and showed him my natural hair I was so nervous. I truly thought he would find me less attractive without long hair but he didnāt even bat an eyelash at it. He just told me I looked pretty and we watched a movie and cuddled. Itās always been easy with him, heās helped me to feel comfortable and confident in my skin. Regardless of whether Iām barefaced in PJās, or all dolled up for an occasions he never misses a moment to tell me how beautiful he thinks I am.Ā I wish I could have found this confidence years ago by myself but Iām really glad that heās been such a great support for me. I really need that, because I have bad days just like everyone else. He doesnāt let me dwell on things like my tummy pudge or a pimple, or the fact that I think my eyelashes are too short. I love the fact that we can be out and about and see a pretty girl or an attractive guy and we can make a comment about it with neither of us feeling any jealousy. Itās because we both feel confident in our relationship, and we both know at the end of the day that to me, heās the most handsome man in the world world, and to him Iām the most beautiful girl in the world. His affection, sweet words, and love for me is something that I cherish. As the french say it: āC'est lui pour moi, moi pour lui dans la vieā (It's him for me, me for him, in this life) I truly believe that to be true.
Day 6: This is a really old picture, but I love it because it was such a fun day. Ashton surprised me with a date to build a bear and we made bears that matched us. It was such a cute idea and even now I still go back to build a bear every now and to buy new accessories for our bears. Every now and then he surprises me with things like this. Heās very sweet to me and I love the fact that weāve been able to try so many new things together. When I think about days like this that weāve shared it makes me swoon over him a little. Heās so cute and after all these years I still have the biggest crush on him.
Day 7: This is the day we got engaged. It was such an awesome day. Iām so excited that Iām gonna be marrying my best friend in only one years time. Ashton is such an amazing man, and such a great partner for me. Weāve been through so much together and weāre so much better for it. The thing that Iām most excited for about being married, is the fact that weāll get to keep going on dates for the rest of our lives. Weāll never have to stop adventuring, we can keep having our Harmons foodie nights, we can hike, bike, boat and travel together, try new foods, go for walks, cook together, camp, the list goes on and on. Iām looking forward to every new stage of our lives. Iām excited to grow old with him because I know weāll keep having fun together, and thereās nothing better than that.Ā ā„Ā
If I wanted to just be famous, like be a celebrity, then I wouldnāt do music, because everything else Iāve been offered would probably make me more famous than I am just with my music. Commercials, being the face of brands, nail varnishes, shoes, bags, fashion lines, beauty ranges, hair products, being in movies, being the face of a car, designing watches, food ranges, buildings, airlines, book deals. Iāve been offered everything. And I donāt want to water myself down. I want to do one thing. I want to make something. I donāt want to be the face of anything.
Happy
This past year has included many ups and downs for me. Iāve experienced gaining new friendships and losing old ones. Heartache and devastation. A Paradigm shift, and Iāve realized how painful the feeling of cognitive dissonance can be. Iāve learned a lot of things this past year too, and In going through all the things that I have, no matter how horrible they were, I realized this: I have some truly amazing people in my life,and I am so blessed and so lucky. I need to remember to ask for help and take it when itās offered. Itās been a hard lesson for me to learn, but a really good one. There is no shame in saying āI need helpā and many people have a huge capacity to reach out and do good. I decided that I can no longer sit back and passively live my life based on what others want for me, I need to live while Iām young, I need to follow my dreams, I need to choose to be happy. And thatās what Iāve decided to do. Iām so excited. This year Iāve learned that I am so much stronger than I ever realized, and part of that strength has come from knowing when itās time to learn on others.
āWhen youāre an artist, nobody ever tells you or hits you with the magic wand of legitimacy. You have to hit your own head with your own handmade wand. And you feel stupid doing it. Thereās no ācorrect pathā to becoming a real artist. You might think youāll gain legitimacy by going to university, getting published, getting signed to a record labelā¦[but] itās all in your head. Youāre an artist when you say you are. And youāre a good artist when you make somebody else experience or feel something deep or unexpected.ā
Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking (via septemberwildflowers)