My thoughts on Oliver and why he’s the reason Call Me By Your Name is so painful.
Hey guys welcome to my Ted Talk. I could write a separate book about it, but I’ll try to be as brief as possible. Bear with me, that’s Oliverology 101.
First things first, the book confirms that Oliver was just shy as hell. He was 24 and has probably never felt anything for a man before in his life, so when he meets Elio and starts to feel SOMETHING towards him, he’s just scared shitless and continues to hide himself even though he KNEW Elio feels something too from the very beginning (vide: the book, when Oliver says he knew since Elio blushed during like 1st week of his stay). A few other examples:
When he touches Elio’s shoulder and instantly backs off because he’s scared he’d damage him somehow.
Just before their first midnight balcony meeting he smokes weed because he doesn’t know how to chill the hell out – it’s been underlined in the book, but you can also see that joint it in the film.
The thing that kills me the most – his “I want to be good” by the Monet’s berm – it reprises after their farewell, when Elio’s father says “he [Oliver] was good, and you also are good”. Honestly, it broke me. Oliver was like a son (son-in-law) to Professor, who was more understanding than his own father, who - as Oliver said once – would’ve probably sent him straight to the correction centre.
The Bergamo (or Rome, in the book) trip is the beautiful exclamation of their love for each other. Everything seems so simple and, by Oliver’s happiness you can suspect he feels completely free and in harmony with himself – he might even consider that things could stay like that if he’d stay in Italy forever. You can see his pain only in the last frame before the railway station scene – when Elio is sleeping and Oliver, while watching him, tries to grasp the fact, that this is their last, very last time together on these terms.
And now, to the most important part that’s been omitted in the film – the epilogue after Oliver leaves.
When he comes back for Christmas, engaged, he is trying to cut all ties with Elio because he feels it’s wrong - he KNOWS he will never be able to lead the life the way he’d want to - because of how he was raised, because of his job, because of where he lives. And this is so heart-breaking by you just know he’s hurting. That scene where he lies on the bed with Elio and the
dialogue happens??? He knows Elio’s background is so much more liberal and I bet my ass he’s painfully jealous about it - because Elio got a literal blessing from his father to live his life as he wishes, and Oliver just can’t.
Then, their phone call 5 years later, when Elio is so sure Oliver’s forgotten – he hasn’t, his voice breaks over the phone because he’s with his sons and he feels like he can’t go any further talking to Elio.
And then they meet at the university after 15 years. At first Oliver doesn’t recognize him (or he doesn’t want to, which is also possible), but when he does, he gives Elio the hog “that he couldn’t give him that Christmas”. They speak about themselves on metaphorical level – as about the kids from the past they’ve heard about, not about their past selves. Elio realizes that he’s pushed Oliver out of his mind but seeing him in person brings back everything and he’s scared he’d feel something again. Oliver, on the other hand, knows everything about Elio, all his current work including things that he would’ve had to look for in the web. In his cabinet, he’s hung both their souvenir from Rome (about which Elio’s completely forgotten) and that Monet postcard. And he’s written “Cor Cordium” on the back of it, what says just EVERYTHING. And, mind you, he refers to his adult life as a “parallel life”, because he knows he “should” live this life, but he knows and WISHES he’d stay in Italy those 15 years ago. And just keep the thought that they will remember that particular kiss in Rome/Bergamo for the rest of their lives.
And the last thing – the last few pages from the book – when he comes back to B. 20 years later – he kind of flirts with Elio again, but they both know they’ll never go back to what they had. They reminisce about that summer 20 years ago, Oliver tells Elio that “he’s like him” AND that “he remembers everything” and the ending is left open. Who knows, maybe Oliver called him by his name while getting to that taxi? I hope he did call Elio by his name and I choose to believe it.
That is all my friends, we can all proceed to cry now.