rare

esther alonso. 18. gallagher girl.

[estheralonsos]

intro // google doc // self paras // musings // class schedule

[estheralonsos]

nurdirim​:

“If I cry, you will not see it. I’m not letting you feel terrible,” she decides. It’s impossible for Nur not to cry over this. It’s a sad thing and she’s naturally a crier. Nur can easily come up with any vibe she wants to go for, actually, but it’s like an on/off switch for her, there needs to be a reason for that. Of course, she grins at the compliment Esther gives her. “You do one, too. That way we will be… what’s the word? Twinning. Yes.” 

“well, if you need to cry, do not hold yourself back on my account.” she’d rather nur express her feelings, esther will just feel bad for not also crying, because she’s just not really the type. she mostly cries for selfish reasons, which is about as predictable as possible. “uh, yes, i think twinning is the word.” it’s not a word she’d use either. “okay, now we can smile!”

[estheralonsos]

teflonsos​:

– “ALRIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH. I’LL TAKE ALL OF THE OTHER THINGS, THEN,” he adds with a grin, agreeing to the compromise ! you cannot say he’s not agreeable ! ( he actually is quite agreeable, he’s just annoying first. ) “ because, it was a good idea. people might think i’m cool and copy me. ” 

“have at it, i have nothing else i want to be better at.” even with a modified car, driving bores her. “but i’m not following how the cowboy outfit came to be in the first place.” not that she’ll pretend to fully understand how ricky’s mind works. “how are you feeling? about leaving, i mean.”

[estheralonsos]

wildandwilder​:

Wilder’s not expecting her to disagree and mean it, amused by her obvious tone. “I hear you. Especially to a formal event. It feels, like, fancier.” Wilder’s a hopeless romantic, you don’t have to tell him twice about anything date related. He’s also surprisingly shy when it comes to romance, so every time someone’s planned something nice for him, he never knows how to react. “Is there someone you had in mind? If they’re here tonight, you should say something.” He’s not going to ask who it is, if Esther does like someone specific, but he think she’s a catch and she’s pretty. “You think so?” He turns to try to look at them, but they’re on his back, so it’s hard. “Thanks!” Means a lot coming from Esther who is always dressed so nice. “You look nice at every event, and I don’t know a lot about fashion, but yeah.” Wilder absolutely obsessed with Esther in every awkward way possible, that’s his bestie! 

“honestly, knowing me, someone would have asked and i still would’ve said no.” mostly because esther can’t imagine who she’d want to ask her, it’s more the principle of the thing, and she’s fully aware of how ridiculous that is. “no, no, and i’m leaving anyway, so it’s for the best.” she’d rather meet someone in a place where she’ll be spending more time. “yes, they’re sweet.” the word might sound condescending inherently, but she means it genuinely. he makes things work that others might now. “thank you again.” she’s glowing from the compliments, they’re her favorite thing to receive. “have you seen my brother? he looks... like, if ricky is an adjective, that’s how he looks.”

[estheralonsos]

riaflicke​:

“Can I see it sometime?” Too late, Esther, she asked anyway! Ria was going to be nosy when it was practically set up for her to ask. “Maybe you’re oversimplifying it.” No, Ria knew she was the one trying to make it more black and white… but quitting wasn’t in her nature, even if she was ten feet deep in the hole. “I never realized you came into it to try and change it. Spyhood is a paradox like that, it’s always growing but it’s pretty stuck in its ways.” Cheating and lying. The pillars of the field. The  blonde sipped her drink, she understood, and maybe in another state of mind she’d give more of her own two cents, but instead she sipped again. “Good for you.” Ria didn’t sign up for a lecture, and she didn’t really believe in the whole greater good anyways.

“maybe, if i feel comfortable with it.” esther’s tone is overly polite now, she’s getting a bit tired of trying to explain to ria her reasons for leaving when it’s obvious the other doesn’t care to listen to an alternate pov, and it’s left a bit of a sour taste in her mouth. especially considering she has to keep revisiting her trauma to explain it. she bites back a retort at the fact that she might be oversimplifying it, not expecting ria to understand, she’s made it clear she won’t. “hmm. yes, it should be an interesting journey.” her eyes wander out over the dance floor, retreating behind a wall of civility. “i should probably find ricky soon.”

[estheralonsos]

martinaw​:

“Yay!” Martina squealed, bending down to kiss Esther’s cheek, before stopping herself. What if Esther had to spent the rest of the night with a lipstick print on her cheek? Es might have minded. Instead she pressed her cheek against Esther’s for an air-kiss, one hand cupping Esther’s cheek for a moment. Martina sat in the chair opposite of Esther, smoothing her skirt, tucking her left ankle behind the right, the way she was taught as a child. Esther’s validation cleansed Martina of any doubt that being thirsty for a lot of people is wrong. If Esther didn’t have a type, then surely Martina’s doing something right. Didn’t know what that might be, though. “Going back to Soren being your anti-type, I’m intrigued. I don’t have a type either, because I like options. I think.” She thought about this for a second. Did she have a type? The biggest similarity between PJ and Orion was that they didn’t feel the same way. Other than that, Martina thought they couldn’t be more different. Or perhaps she didn’t know them well enough to know they’re more alike than not. “Having a type’s too restricting, I feel like? Everyone’s a ten in their own way.” She always found what made someone beautiful if she stared at them hard enough. “But seriously, has no one caught your eye tonight? Like, other than your gorgeous date, but she wouldn’t mind if you checked someone else out.” Martina grinned, absently braiding a small lock of her hair that slipped over her shoulder. “Or even, like, do you have any celebrity crushes?” It was such a girlish question to have at this ritzy party, offset with the sophisticated atmosphere, but she liked having a frivolous conversation among grizzly goodbyes. It was the kind of chitchat that she had effortlessly with Aylin, like they’re reading questions from quizzes in a Tigerbeat magazine. Her smile wavered when Esther mentioned Spain. “Are you going back to Spain?” Winging it and saying Esther and Martina talked about it. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to book more flights.” A small smile, tinged with sadness, as Martina forgot why she asked Esther the question. She already missed Esther. “Yeah? Well, now I know I’m right.” Martina waved a hand. “Please, they’re Mamma’s connections. She has, like, a ton of uh-mazing stories, and she knows every celeb on the planet.” Or so Garnet headcannoned. “She’ll be here tomorrow for Mo’s graduation, if you wanna meet her!”

she returns the air kiss happily, before martina continues the topic of types and romance, and esther has to really think about how she feels about all this for the first time in ages. she definitely considers herself a romantic, isn’t anti-love, but she isn’t the best at sorting through her own feelings, too practical almost all of the time. “i think it’s better to have standards, personally. like the bare minimum a person should meet to even be on your radar.” esther’s are, of course, astronomically high, but she’s not ashamed of that, and thinks many people would be better off if they only wanted better for themselves. “celebrity crushes, that’s a tough one.” the further they get into this topic, the more boring esther feels, like she’s just playing the part of a nineteen year old girl instead of actually being one and letting herself have fun with things. does she really not have any celebrity crushes, and how has she not noticed until this moment right now? “truthfully, martina, i think the idea of dating frightens me. i’ve had a few boyfriends, nothing serious, because when the serious part comes, well, it’s all a bit frightening.” she’s referring to anything physical, she almost always hates being out of her chair around people, hates being that level of vulnerable without her mobility and independence. also she hasn’t really considered that she might like girls as well, but it won’t frighten her if she does, too comfortable with the idea of bisexuality thanks to ricky. “to start, yes. ricky will want to see our grandfather. i will too, of course, but the second they start talking about cars i’m mentally checked out. you should absolutely come visit if you can, we can do so much shopping.” and she’ll visit martina too, if martina will have her. “oh my gosh, do you know what i realized the other day? i don’t think i’ve ever told you my middle name is martina.” well, now she has. “i would love to. i’ll have to dress my best.” as if she doesn’t always.

[estheralonsos]

nurdirim​:

“I am leaving the tears for when you officially leave. I do not want to ruin my make up!” She feels the sadness rising, but she laughs it off in an attempt to keep the ambiance light and fun. “My fiercest face? Do I have a fierce face?” Her brows furrow slightly as if thinking, before she attempts one, something she sees model doing on Instagram. “Like that?”

“i hope you don’t cry too much at me leaving, i’ll feel terrible.” esther’s not much of a crier, but she might start to cry if nur does. she’s not particularly sentimental to begin with, but she’s forged some strong friendships this year, and that’s not lost on her. “of course you do, even if you never use it.” nur’s attempt at an instagram baddie vibe makes her smile, but she immediately gives off the same energy for the first photo. “perfect, you’re a natural.”

[estheralonsos]

martinaw​:

“Ugh, his loss.” Martina knew that the confidence and sophistication that Esther carried herself with could be intimidating. However, it was those same characteristics that Martina found herself wanting to impress Esther. “Oh, Es, that’s totally devastating.” She frowned, reaching for Esther’s hands. “I would have asked you if — I just came with Trinity and we…really needed it after everything, like the thing with PJ and…everything.” Meaning the Orion things that Martina confided in her about. “You’re a gem and, like, I’m sorry, but some people do not have the taste to appreciate you. So…if it’s not too late, as my first choice, will you be my date tonight?” Her face became her puppy dog face with pouted lips and gleaming eyes, she hadn’t done that in a while. And she’ll admit quietly it felt a little silly, too young for who she was now. Her expression smoothed as Esther leaned in, not even daring to breathe, brightening at the approving nod. “See? We aren’t so opposite after all. And I mean, really, Esther, what’s the worst thing you’d say you’ve done? Accidentally forgot to tip the waiter? I do that sometimes,” she admitted. Esther was more saintly in Martina’s eyes, she couldn’t imagine her hiding any scary sins. “Right? That’s what I say all the time, things become cliché because people love them! I’m, like, reclaiming cliché. Starting now.” Both hands cradle Martina’s face as she listened, giving Esther’s dress another glance. “It’s worth the love. I’ll have Mamma tell Tony that this piece is a success.”

“oh, i don’t mind. i don’t think i have a type but if i do, it’s not soren.” it doesn’t come out mean, just honest. “martina, please, you do not have to explain anything.” she’s mostly just kidding about not having a date, though obviously she’s not kidding about the part where she deserves to have one. “i’m glad you came with your family, i think that’s really sweet, and i... well, i know you’ve dealt with a lot this year. so if you mean it, of course i’d love to be your date.” the puppy dog pout is absolutely unnecessary, esther needs zero convincing, but it’s endearing anyway, and her smile softens. “okay, actually, i do have to remind myself about gratuity in america. it’s not necessary to their wellbeing in spain.” if gallagher hadn’t put her off, america as a country might have before she got too far into her education here. “otherwise i think i’m a bit boring.” call it a result of trauma at such a young age, her life being changed against her will: it means she’s not much of a risk taker. “i love that for you, exactly the energy you should have.” martina has her own special brand of energy anyway, esther envies her for it a bit. she’d love to not be so reserved, but every time she tries, she just feels silly. “look at you with your connections.”

[estheralonsos]

skylarsfm​:

“then we can find you something else. no worries, they have something for everyone, i’m sure we can find something you’ll like!” skylar responds, feeling confident. they have everything in there anyway, so it wouldn’t be a problem. “we will. i promise. and you have my number, so you can call me anytime. i’ll be a third year as well, so i can get out and everything… just in case you want to meet up.” the blonde smiles, before shrugging her shoulder. “i dunno. maybe. if he doesn’t forget.”

“what would you recommend? perhaps i could get a mocktail version of it.” esther doesn’t have to take all of her medicines every day, so she’d specifically not taken any on the off chance she felt like drinking. “oh, i would love that! i’m not sure what i’ll be doing, but i love to travel, so if i’m in the area of course we can hang out.” she smiles a little at that one. “he won’t forget. he’ll have me to remind him anyway.”

[estheralonsos]

nurdirim​:

“Your last party here should be full of events you haven’t had yet. That way when you leave, you’ll have so many memories,” she decides with a nod. “Of course!” She gives her a smile and helps her inside. “I would never. We can’t ruin the dress and the hair,” she teases back and moves to sit next to her. “What should we do first? Just a regular picture with smiles?”

“i’ll certainly remember this year for the rest of my life.” for better or for worse, really, but esther doesn’t regret coming here. she just thinks it’d been silly to think it’s her obligation to better a field she’d never wanted involved in to begin with. “i have complete faith in you,” she says sincerely, mostly still joking, but meaning it at the same time. “no, no, you look like a model nur, you have to give the camera your fiercest face.”

[estheralonsos]

martinaw​:

Martina pressed a hand to her heart, warding off a swoon. “Totes hypothetical, did you come here with someone? Any threat elim majors I should know about? I am absolutely trying to steal their date and I wanna know who I’m up against.” As if Martina would ever fight anyone. Fighting for Esther did resonate on some level, though, like it’s something she’d do in another universe. “Oh, that reminds me! I’m wearing Pat McGrath tonight! Earth Angel gloss. Are you wearing Miss Patty now?” She hoped they’re all matchy-matchy, though their outfits are on different sides of heaven. “Oh my god, soooo true! White’s cliché, but when a John Galliano dress calls, I have to answer. I wish more people were more creative with their color choices.” She leaned in a little, hoping no one heard her say something critical. “Who are you wearing?”

“no, unfortunately, the only date i’ve had this year was with soren on valentine’s day, and i’m pretty sure he’s literally afraid of me, so that’s nothing.” esther hadn’t wanted it to be anything anyway, and yes, maybe she’s a little disappointed nobody really seemed interested in taking her, considering she thinks she’s flawless. “you would not have to fight martina, you would be my first choice!” obviously. “always. i thought i recognized that sheen.” she leans in a little closer to really see martina’s makeup, nodding in approval. “it’s cliche for a reason, it looks lovely.” esther’s a sucker for the classics and thinks things have stood the test of time for a reason. “tony ward. it’s from a couple seasons ago, but i just love it.”

[estheralonsos]

riaflicke​:

“Do you have a full portfolio ready to go?” Maybe she was nosy enough to want to see it for herself. “No, I didn’t say that.” It was obvious after this year that half the school didn’t have the stomach for it. “I’m surprised you don’t want to stick it out. After the year we had, a Gallagher diploma is a badge of honor.”

“i do, but i wouldn’t call anything in it complete.” she’s mostly just saying that so ria doesn’t ask to see, esther’s not entirely sure she’s ready to show anyone beyond whoever she absolutely has to. “it is not that simple for me.” she gazes out on the dance floor for a second, gathering her thoughts. “my life changed forever when i was shot. and at first, the obvious choice was to pursue the very field that put me in this chair, and do good with it instead. but... i am not obligated to try and change a field just because it wronged me. i don’t want to try and do better just because someone hurt me. i have always loved fashion and art, and i would rather pursue the things i’m truly passionate about than... try and undo what happened to me. it happened, and it’s over, and i just want to move on.”

[estheralonsos]

oofluc​:

“  i  understand .  ”  luc  does  not .  “  rizo .  he’s  usually  my  date  to  these  things ,  and  it’s  his  last  one ,  so . .  anyone  other  than  me  would’ve  be  a  downgrade  for  him .   ”   and  he  refuses  to  bid  farewell  to  rizo  like  that . 

“i believe that,” esther says, mostly because his next statement makes her think she’s more similar to her roommate than she’d originally assumed. “that is very noble of you.” no trace of sarcasm.

[estheralonsos]

teflonsos​:

– “THAT’S NOT FAIR, I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO UPSTAGE YOU SOMETIMES…you’re always outdoing me, ” ricky points out, though it’s light and teasing – he’s always making an impression, sure, but he absolutely thinks esther is the coolest sister. “ well, i guess i can’t dispute nature. i don’t know what to do now. at least i’m the only cowboy. ” 

“unfortunately, that goes against my very nature. you can upstage me in just about anything but fashion, i don’t mind.” and while esther does think there’s something genuinely nice about ricky’s outfit, it’s just like, objective fact that she looks better. “why exactly would there have been other cowboys, ricky?”

[estheralonsos]

skylarsfm​:

“…and the drinks, don’t forget the drinks.” skylar responds, letting out a laugh. “i’m going to miss you, you know.” 

“i don’t really drink but the ones i’ve had are very good, yes.” esther’s a bit of a lightweight and most of her medicines can’t be mixed with alcohol anyway. “i’ll miss you as well, but surely we’ll keep in touch.” a pause. “and you and ricky.”

[estheralonsos]

riaflicke​:

“It’s a school with classes, that’s normal school.” Technically a trade school, but she wasn’t in the  right mind to get into the classifications of institutions. “You’re going to get a degree, still school.” The blonde smiled softly, a real one, “Someone will.” Esther was talented. Ria didn’t often meet people who she truly saw something in, so she’d let the other know.

“then yes, normal school. assuming i get in, of course.” which esther is assuming she will because she’s never really been told no by anybody before and doesn’t intend to start now. “well thank you. i know you don’t quite understand why espionage isn’t for me, but my introduction to it wasn’t great.” to say the least.

[estheralonsos]

jrzimmerman​:

“You could always make your own date,” he said to her, flashing his game before her. “I never have a date for these things so I just bring my game with me.”

it takes her a long moment to realize he means the console itself and not that he’s like, creating a date in the game. unless he is? she doesn’t want to know. “what are you playing? i’ve really only ever played mario kart.”