Esther

All writing is my own. Mostly free verse

[esthermauve]

These clouds look like mountains

These puddles, the sea

Isn’t it strange how something so small

Can mirror everything

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

And we whisper our love,

Though we are young

And naive

And so innocent,

Because it is love.

No matter how fast moving or clumsy,

It is love because

We feel it.

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

Time won’t stop running.

My bed remains unmade,

the freckles around my eyes still move when I talk.

My heart still aches during love songs,

And my eyes slide shut with the sound of rain.

I still sleep with that blanket

I got when I was three.

I still cry on my father’s lap, pressed tightly against the comfort of old movie quotes and memories.

And when I’m happy, when my feet and hands can’t stay still,

I shake and dance around my room,

Till my breath gets haggard and my smile feels natural.

Yet time is running, faster every year

Leaving me breathless, a whirlwind I can never feel

Changing me in the things that matter

But I can never see.

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

August

August will come, with rays of beauty

From amber hair, and cloth dyed yellow

August comes and greets you with her smile,

A brightness so startling

You lose your breath for awhile.

August comes after the rain,

When streets are wet and puddled,

And grass grows greener with the passing of the day.

She invites you into her warmth, and dares you to let go of all that hurt.

She runs her fingers through your hair and tells you

“It’s ok to not be ok for a little while

As long as it passes, and you remember what it is to smile”

And she kisses your face, the bridge of your nose and the tops of your knees

Leaves marks of love all up your cheeks

And she fills you with love and she fills you up right

Until September comes and turns off that light

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

If you want to know me

Take a look at my room,

At the books swallowing up the walls in a leather bound embrace.

At the plants hanging, well fed with sunlight, on my windowsill.

You’ll find me there, in fragments of the things I love.

If you want to know me

Close your eyes and think,

Of sadness, and the graceful fragility of it’s beauty.

Of light pushing through the yellow curtains in the family room.

You’ll find me there, thinking of it, too.

If you want to know me,

Dont look very far.

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

I’m not feeling sad today

And the roses are blooming

And the sky holds white mountains called clouds

And there is laughter in my belly and through these halls

Because I am not feeling sad today.

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

John Mayer doesn’t make me think of you

Not anymore

Not like it used to

So I guess I’m getting over it

A love that belonged solely to me

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

Unrequited

He doesn’t have to touch you

To make you feel him

He doesn’t have to kiss you

To make you fall in love

You do it all on your own

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

Fall

How can you tell when you’re fixing to fall apart?

It starts first in your mind, in the thoughts that paint gray under your eyes

That turn simple into monumental

It poisons your flesh, your lips, your fingertips

It ends at your heart

There you can feel it

There it hurts

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

Destructive

What does a candle love

The flame that it feeds

Or the wick that it burns up

But isn’t that love destructive?

What does the wind love

Your hair when you drive, windows rolled down

Or the oceans it churns up in a storm

But isn’t that love destructive?

What does the rain love

Your face as you stare up to meet it, dressed in your rain boots, your coat

Or the rivers it feeds up to bursting

But isn’t that love destructive?

What do you love

Not your hair, even when it’s curled, even when he runs his fingers through it

Not your face, even when you paint it, not after you cry

Without love

All we are is destructive

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

When I realized

I was walking when I realized that time stopped for no one

That this beach I was on would still be there when I... wasn’t

That these waters would beat even when my heart didn’t

I was talking when I realized that I was no longer a child

That this life of mine was ending, slowly not all at once but ending all the same

That I didn’t love it when it was happening, that I’d taken it for granted

I was crying when he told me it didn’t matter, he told me

That I was living

That it was enough

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

Seventeen

What is it to be seventeen

And grow up wishing

For abstract things

What is it to be seventeen

To not know who you are

But know who you’re not

What is it to be seventeen

To want things that aren’t for you

To chase after them anyway

What is it to be seventeen

To love a boy

You’ve never even kissed

Tell me please

What is it to be seventeen

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

Atmosphere

It’s like a release

A finger slipped free from the strings

Of a heart torn up and twisted

Like the exhale before sleep

Fills those eyes and takes you away

Like everything can move

Now that he’s unhooked you

From his atmosphere

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

Misremember

You gave her your jacket

Or maybe she took it

Either way I can’t help the tide of inadequacy

I feel when you smile at her, the way you smile at me

Or the thoughts that creep up, the loneliness that makes me

Misremember

You misremember when you’re lonely?

Yes, and when you’re sad, but I remember what I saw

This is not misremembering

Not at all

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

i only write when i’m sad

i’ve been so full of poetry lately

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

Everything

why are you in everything

i can't go a day without seeing you

in the music that bleeds from the fuzzy radio in my car

in the quiet of my room, pressed against my confusion and doubt

won't you go away

and let me rest... for a moment

-Esther Mauve

[esthermauve]

Best friend

you’re my best friend

but I’m not yours

and that’s okay

really it is

i’m glad you stepped into my life

glad you let me be strange and awkward

glad you are the same

amber, I am grateful for your friendship

grateful that you’re kind

and small yet mighty

thank you for the waffles

and the laughs

thank you for your shoulder

and your words that lift me

you’re my best friend

you’re everyone’s

-Esther Mauve