A mali estremi, estremi rimedi.

Salve! My name is Sofia. I am an artist and photographer. I hail from Italy, but Maine's beauty captivated me, so here I am! I have a dog, Rocco, and a love of fine wine and literature.

[chasseurdeloup]

Yeah it's a pretty good name. And not sure if they're talking about the pirate place or not. It's something about a Booty. Bottom's Booty or Beautiful Booty, I can't remember. I just know it looks horrible and the food is probably worse.

[estremirimedi]

Beautiful booty? Are you sure this isn't a strip club with a seafood bar? To each his own, but I suspect the food tastes horrible and the clams…need I say more?

[stardustonthebay]

I'm okay! Super okay.

[user is aware that this is probably a lie and that she is not okay]

The apple bruise doesn't hurt so much anymore!

[user is grateful this part is true]

[estremirimedi]

Good! Did you throw an apple in return? I don't know about the tradition of Palm Pommes, but if someone hit me with an apple I would return the favor.

[necrosemancy]

And it looks like Morticia Addams decorated yours. Love it though, I wish I could pull off a dark dramatic look. It washes me out, unfortunately. I'm pretty good with Halloween costumes, so it shouldn't be too difficult.

[estremirimedi]

Grazie! I have always admired Morticia Addams. She lives her life with no regrets and loves deeply. And I think you could be Goth Barbie if that's what your heart desires.

[recoveringdreamer]

Yeah! I never get people who are mean all the time. It seems exhausting, you know?

[estremirimedi]

Chi trova un amico trova un tesoro. It translates to "who finds a friend finds a treasure." I feel like I've already found a treasure in this city.

[longislandcharm]

Whatever you do stay away from The Codfather. It says it's upscale but it's ridiculous and the service is terrible.

[estremirimedi]

Codfather like The Godfather, except with fish? Too bad about the quality of the restaurant. I find that more people tell me to stay away from places than to actually try them. What would you recommend?

[enthrallinglyeden]

Thank you, my thoughts exactly. If you dislike a certain book just leave your review online like a normal person, or if you want to clean up the mystery ceiling drips then just use paper towel like a normal person.

[estremirimedi]

Do you have security cameras? Perhaps you can catch the culprit of the act and ban him for life. Or I could cut off his hands for you.

[necrosemancy]

Ok so classic movie monster mode... That would be a solid take, I suppose. Boring though. Someone has to find a way to make zombie movies more aesthetic

[estremirimedi]

Sì, but with a little brio! Looks like Barbie puked on your blog. I'm sure you can figure something out. Tanto maledetto rosa. Mio Dio.

[recoveringdreamer]

Of course! Small towns are better when people help each other out, aren't they?

[estremirimedi]

Sì, much better. It makes life more enjoyable.

[bladesandtrades]

Which was it, the general air of friendliness or the murders?

[estremirimedi]

The murders of course!

What brought you here?

[chasseurdeloup]

You might be a little bit disappointed by this town, then. Can't say I've found anywhere that's exceptional. The Bread Cemetery is a good choice for baked goods. Definitely avoid that pirate restaurant.

[estremirimedi]

The Bread Cemetery. What a strange name for a bakery. I like it. Pirate restaurant? Is this the seafood place everyone's talking about?

[stardustonthebay]

Oh! Okay!

I am sorry that you had to deal with him though.

[estremirimedi]

Enough with him. He doesn't deserve your attention. How are you? How's your apple bruise?

[estremirimedi]

Time: Nearly 20 years after Sofia's death. Content Warnings: Domestic abuse tw, murder tw, drooling tw (spit mention)

"Death, suits you dear sir; Like a beautiful coat but then without all the fur. I wonder would it fit me? What do you think I'd prefer?" ― Tamino

He was old and smelled like shit. His movements weren’t quite as calculated as they had once been, and a younger woman, a nurse, wiped food from his chin. It was the view Sofia had seen for several nights as she stalked in the shadows observing Victor, her ex-husband and the man who had brutally murdered her nearly twenty years ago. And once his caregiver had left for the evening, the hauntingly beautiful woman stepped forward into the light, “You look like shit.” Her Italian accent dripped thickly from her tongue as she slowly made her way to the chair he was sitting in.

With a single finger, she patiently dragged it along his arm tracing an invisible line up his shoulder, neck, and head, letting it dig into the soft skin of his cheek as she leaned in close and whispered in his ear, “Do you remember this? It was one of the many pieces of my body you hacked off that night. You can still see the scarring. A permanent wedding band and a reminder of the hate that I live with every single day.”

Hearing him moan and seeing a change in his facial features, Sofia felt the lightest of jolts in his attempt to control her and keep her at bay, “You fool. You’ve grown too weak. And yes, I know what you are. Your kind. You weren’t exactly silent on the matter in all your rambling while you tortured me for a solid year. But don’t worry, Victor. Your death will be much quicker. As for painless, well, that I can’t guarantee.”

With a slight, devious smirk etching itself across her lips, Sofia moved back to the corner she had come from, locking the door, before pulling an axe from the shadows, “I hope you like the heat, because even Satan himself, will not be able to find all of the pieces to put you back together again.”

As Sofia pulled the axe back and began to hack away at her ex-husband, she took pleasure with each piece that separated from his body and after nearly an hour of disassembling him, the undead woman roughly reshaped his body on the bed and covered it with care, “Til death do us part, right Victor?”

Sofia gave one last look over her latest work; her head slightly cocked to the side as she took in her masterpiece, before spitting on her art.

La vita è fatta così, Testa di cazzo!

[estremirimedi]

[some-celebrity-stuffs]

Happy Birthday Monica Bellucci

September 30

[stardustonthebay]

Oh gosh, I'm sorry about the ex-husband- I mean, glad he's an ex? Right?

[estremirimedi]

Don't be sorry. That man was a Judas pig. He can rot in hell.

[necrosemancy]

Ooh interesting- what kind of zombie costume are we talking? Have I met any zombies? I don't want to offend is it possible to culturally appropriate zombies the fact that i can't just google what is zombie culture is actually criminal

What are you envisioning?

[estremirimedi]

Scary, a bloody mess like in the movies. Think George A. Romero. Such stereotypes, we're associated with! Fottutamente ridicolo!

[stardustonthebay]

Cavalota. I like that.

I'm going to hope that the apple is cavalota.

[estremirimedi]

It all depends on what you believe. Thinking positively can work wonders. Take me for example. I wanted my monstrous ex-husband to be torn into a million little pieces. And it worked! Obviously it was by my hand. But you don't need to know that.