Ehlena: [I gave up working in the PT suite earlier than usual this night. They were about to send me on back anyways when I told them I was done for the night. I was tired and I knew it showed, I was already in my room trying to easily fall asleep in the borrowed bed since I not yet had it in me yet to go back home, the children and I were still at the Manse. Taking up one of the many spare rooms they had here, the young slept much better than I did and it was something I was thankful for. I was not ready to face the emptiness of our home just yet, there was no way it would be the same without my male there. The first few nights Alyne had not let me out of his sight but understood that when I had needed to go down and check on patients that were still recovering from the rescue mission he had to stay put. Half the time both he and Madahlena would be asleep by the time I returned to the room to try and get maybe just a few hours of sleep. Tonight though the moment I drifted off something had caused me to wake up. Something didn’t feel right however and it was the same feeling I had before finding out about my Hellen, my Rehv being gone. Tears began to form in my eyes again as the beating of my heart picked up its pace as I sat up out of the bed. Clothes from the day before still hung against my frame, climbing back out of the bed I moved to where I knew Alyne to be. The sight of his frame there back to the wall gave me some comfort. Awake or not he was there, leaving the door open I moved to the next room Madahlena occupied. Carefully pushing the door open I saw an empty bed. Moving further into the room I could see she left in a haste. I knew mine daughter well, and knew what she had gone and done. I still felt that it was too soon. But we would have quarreled and she would have left after words spoken in anger.
I stood there staring at the empty bed for a few moments as anger grew and after moving from the room I made my way to the main door for the room. It took everything to not slam the door of the room as I left it. Right now there was only one person I wanted to see, one person I felt was at fault of all this. Wrath. Because of him I had not just lost my male, but now the oldest had taken off. She was risking her life with what she was trying to do. Losing Madahlena would most certainly kill me my young were the only connection I had left, the only tie to their father that was still around. I wasn’t sure where I was going at first but I found myself making my way to the same office I had been in before.]
Exhaustion didn’t even begin to express how I was feeling tonight. I had been going nonstop since the night of the mission and if it weren’t for Nalla, Saxton, Mary, and Fred, the doggen, keeping me awake and fed, I probably would have collapsed by now. Even Whiskey had finally decided enough was enough and crashed out on his dog bed in the corner of the room. I couldn’t give in, though. I owed too much to my people. I had sent them out into this, now it was my time to make good on the promise that if they stood behind me, followed my rule, and supported me, I would take care of them and their families in return. At the moment, I had been fulfilling that promise, tenfold. There were many that needed tending to in the med suite, and there were families that had been left behind during this last mission that needed watching over. Nalla, Saxton, and I had been working tirelessly for days on end trying to make sure that anyone that needed legal help, got it. Mary and I had been working to make sure that all those who made it back, and the family of those that didn’t, got the psychological help they needed. Sometimes it felt as if none of it made a damn bit of difference. But, I needed to keep going. I needed to try.
As I looked at the clock, I suddenly realized that I had been pouring over everything from the following night, almost half the day. No wonder why Whiskey had long since given up on me. I began to pack it up for the day and head down the hall to try and at least get a couple hours of sleep when I heard footsteps approaching. The abruptness of the steps as they rounded the doorframe said it all. Dearest Virgin Scribe, give me strength.
Ehlena: [I had not felt this angry since the first time I had gone up to the Colony, the rescue mission for Rehv. The fight I had with the female who had thought to take him from me. Those memories flashed to the forefront as I found Wrath standing there looking far more worse for wear than what I had seen last time. My anger did not dissolve, instead I considered him to be against me because now I was reliving moments of my life that would be bringing me more pain.]
Wrath! You bastard! [The words were out of my mouth before I had given them any thought. Once I was close enough to I pushed at him, not even thinking about anything else. Just the anger and the blame I had at him.] Now not only have I lost my male, my daughter has taken off as well. For a place she will most likely not return from. She is not ready to deal with the horrors that come from that place. [Eyes narrowed as I felt myself losing touch with everything else. Heart pounding harder than it should have for my frame.] If something happens to her [I paused unable to complete the sentence. Losing the momentum from my anger, what reserves I had in energy was quickly leaving me. The simple thought of losing Madahlena so soon after her father just draining me of everything inside of me. Barely whispering the next sentence, not even sure if he heard me himself or not.] Nothing can happen to her, I don’t think I would survive another loss.
I stood there, stoic, as I listened to every word that was spat at me. Ehlena deserved to be heard. When she thrust her fist forward and into my chest, I raised a hand and gently, closed it around her own. It was not with the intention of restraint, only by way of comfort. In a way, I could very much sympathize with what she was going through. I had LW, and he went out and faced off in battle almost every night, and I was terrified for him. In addition, one day, many years down the road hopefully, he would sit on my throne and face all the things I did on the daily. I think that terrified me worse. Either way, our young had very similar lives ahead of them. The difference was, LW’s fate of sitting on my throne was so far out in the distance, and Madahlena’s fate was staring her in the face, and immediately following Rehv’s passing. Salt to an open wound. We all knew how that played out.
Madahlena was doing the right thing, though. Not that I would offer that little thought up to Ehlena. But, she was. The colony was not a stable entity and if they heard about Rehv’s death before she sat her ass on that throne, there would be chaos, and we needed the colony to continue to exist as it had been. We could not have sympaths running around doing whatever they wanted. We needed order up there, and having Madahlena on the throne would do that. She was a brave young female.
As Ehlena’s voice dropped to a whisper, I knew she was running out of steam and I reached out with my free hand, placing it lightly on her shoulder. “We are going to do everything in our power to make sure that doesn’t happen.” I had learned a long time ago, we don’t write checks that our ass can’t cash, and telling someone that something will never happen is one of those checks.
Ehlena: [I was surprised that I wasn't flat on my back after my hands had hit his chest. I had not paid any attention to if we were alone or not when I went off on him. The hand covering mine didn't hold the threat of retaliation over the hit I had made with the shoving I had attempted to do, even when I was at full strength I wouldn't have been able to move him.
I swallowed hard as the silence sat there between us, it could go in so many different ways. I was expecting his own anger to come forth, matching my own. It's what I wanted, anger and pain was all I associated with right now and it made no sense that others weren't feeling the same. My daughter just made herself grow up further than her years with her actions, I was fully aware she'd be the one to take over when Rehv planned to step down.
The hand on my shoulder pulled me out of those dark thoughts bringing me back to the reality of the here and now. It was Wraths own hand that rested there, not one of the Brothers preparing to handle me for the way I just treated our King. The words he spoke were general and really didn't seem to be much of a promise. He couldn't honestly tell me that no harm would come her way. But damnit those were the words I longed to hear. Since I knew that Rehv wouldn't be coming back, I could feel my heart break again each time I had that thought.] Those words are not good enough, even if that's all you can offer. Too much loss, too much blood has been spilt already. Hers can't be added to it, there's already a hole inside me. That nothing will be able to replace.
Ehlena was angry, and rightfully so. Madahlena’s time had come way too soon and she didn’t want to watch her daughter fail, or worse, fall at the hands of the sympaths. They were a volatile community that, if not treated properly, could very well turn on Madahlena. She was strong, though. I had every ounce of faith that she would overcome anything thrown at her. She also wasn’t stupid. She wouldn’t go alone, unarmed, or unprotected. She had this. However, that wasn’t what Ehlena wanted to hear right now. In truth, the only thing Ehlena wanted to hear was that we were wrong, Rehv wasn’t dead, and he was on his way home to her, as we spoke. That was never going to happen again though, and there was nothing I could do to change that.
I had been this situation again and again, over the years. There was never anything I could do to make things better. It was grief, and grief had to run its own course, and everyone’s course was different. The only thing I could do was comfort, which Scribe knew I wasn’t incredibly good at, but I had learned a few things. Honesty, no matter what, was imperative. Any dishonesty, or condescension was never tolerated, and only made matters worse. I also knew not to take any attacks against me, personally. That one was sometimes difficult to remember, but in my heart I knew it to be true, even though I always towed around my own truckload of guilt.
“I can’t promise you that nothing bad will happen to Madahlena. Lassiter, himself… The Scribe Virgin… no one can promise you this. I wish I could. I wish I could promise you that no one else will die. Shit! I wish I could take it all back. Have everyone that died fighting this ugly war come back to us. Those are things that no one can do for us though, and the only thing I know to do is continue fighting, in hopes that we can stop these nasty motherfuckers. I’m sorry for everything you’re going through. I truly am, Ehlena.”
Ehlena: [It only caused more tears to gather in my eyes, I knew he couldn’t promise what he personally could not guarantee. The honesty stung but I had to accept it. At some point. Right now it still wasn’t possible, the ceremony held for him still fresh in my memories and part of the reason I could not sleep. Dropping my head all the fight I had left left me quickly. I honestly wanted to know how Wrath continued to do this. Live without the one person by his side he wanted there more than anything. I remember the answer he gave that night felt like it had just happened, not the time that had already passed.
Moment to moment seemed an impossible task, bringing my gaze back to the face of my king, and also in this point in time a friend that I knew I needed.] I tried going back home the other night, I can’t…. that is not my home without him there. Rehv has possibly without realizing it made my life become something that would never be the same without him. [My voice broke at the end of the sentence, finally saying what I had been avoiding. My life was going to now be without him. No small task because he was and still is the only male to have held my heart. To care for it like it was the greatest treasure in the world because to him I knew it really was. Even as he made sure my scent was always mixed with his.]
I can’t sleep, I’m barely able to function without having thoughts of him. No one tells you that death is so close to being in love. They never leave your mind whatsoever.
Dearest Virgin Scribe, did I remember exactly how Ehlena felt. It took decades for my the manse to feel like home to me again, after Beth’s passing, and it wasn’t long after that I was remodeling in order to switch bedrooms. I just couldn’t live in that room all alone. She haunted me there. She still haunted me, actually. Although, it was different now. At the time, it was as if to torment me. It was my own personal plague. Now, I invite it. The times I spend alone don’t feel right if I don’t feel her presence with me.
Ehlena’s fight drained from her voice right in front of me and I could hear the transition to pain. “Ehlena, you are more than welcome to stay here, at the manse, for as long as you need. You are family to everyone under this roof. We are all here for you. Lean on us.” I paused for a second waiting for a response. When none came I continued, “Listen, if you’re worried about not being the life of the party, look around. You’re not alone. There has been a lot of loss here. No one is expecting you to be anywhere near okay. Be sad, be angry, lock yourself in your room, but stay here, with us. We are so much stronger together, and you are going to need our strength in the coming weeks.” I squeezed Ehlena’s shoulder before dropping my hand back to my side. “We got you.”
Ehlena: Wrath I am sorry. [It was the only words I could get out for a moment. Knowing that nothing was forcing me to do anything other than what I could at the time. Things were never going to be easy until we all healed emotionally as well as physically. No matter how mad I was at Wrath, Rehv and the Scribe herself I knew that wouldn't matter. Looking back up to wrath I gave him the first smile that wasn't forced since that night in his office. No he couldn't see it but there had to be a change in me he'd notice as I spoke again.]
My king your kindness never ceases to amaze me, when right now I should be facing the Brothers for my actions you understand far more than you let others know. The offer to stay here is one I appreciate and until I know how things will be and I hear from Madahlena. [My own hand raised and rested on his shoulder since I doubted hugging would be wise.] Yes we are all going to need each other.
