why the FUCK does seungmin still have schedules if his legs still so bad that he has to use crutches??? it’s been like 5-6 months bro what the fuck is happening at div1????
YOU’LL NEVER GET AWAY FROM THE SOUND OF THE WOMAN WHO LOVES YOU
➪ pairing : kim juhoon x reader
➪ summary : after juhoon broke up with you, you try to heal whilst he realizes how much he really misses you.
➪ other notes : perhaps entering my juhoon era, my spring break is also officially over so i have to return to the trenches and suffer :( and also slow down on writing sadly.
when juhoon broke up with you, he felt an immense guilt but also relief wash over him. he loved you, there’s no lie about that. but he also knew that if the public ever found out or even had an inkling that you two were together in the same group, you’d never hear the end of it. so he broke the news to you, proposing you guys go back to just being friends instead.
it broke your heart, but you tried not to react badly and for the most part you succeeded. not because you don’t care but if you throw a tantrum, it not only rattles the remaining relationship you have with him but it also shakes the group’s relationship as well. that being said, you quietly cried yourself to sleep, with his bed a few feet away from yours.
when the others found out, they were surprised to say the least. you swear that martin reacted worse than you did, tears even forming in his eyes. but within a week, the breakup is soon forgotten and things go back to how they were before. well except for you and juhoon of course. nothing ever officially goes back to normal.
you still sit next to him during breaks. you still occasionally laugh at his jokes. you still make it seem like everything’s the same. but despite your efforts, there’s always a visible gap. juhoon doesn’t reach out for you anymore, tries to not even look at you. whenever his hand accidentally bumps yours, he immediately pulls it back like you’re burning him.
it hurts you, a lot. maybe it’s because you always thought that the two of you really could be friends, should anything happen. sure it’s not like you’re aggressive or violent but you’re not friends, you’re acquaintances, just roommates with history. you don’t cry anymore, there’s no point to it when you know that things won’t change. and when you think you’re starting to heal, juhoon feels like he’s finally starting to fall apart.
it happens one night when everyone else is profoundly asleep after a long day. keonho didn’t even shower, something you’re sure he’ll regret in the morning. you’re in the kitchen, attempting to wash out a stain off your shirt, not wanting to use the bathroom sink since it’s too loud. and that’s when you hear someone walk in, their feet pitter pattering on the cool floor.
you turn, not sure who you were expecting but your eyes widen when you see juhoon. “oh,” is all you say before turning back to the sink. “sorry if i scared you,” juhoon says, grabbing a cup from the cabinet. “it’s fine,” you reassure him, scrubbing at your shirt a little harder. juhoon fills his cup with cold water from the fridge, wanting any sound to fill the awkward silence.
you’re waiting for him to leave so you can go back to day-night dreaming. instead, juhoon stands to the side, trying to peep at what you’re doing. “what are you doing ?” he finally asks and you sigh. “seonghyeon got a stain on my shirt and it didn’t come out in the washer and i couldn’t sleep,” you explain, grumbling at how the stain is spreading instead of disappearing.
“need help ?” he offers and you shake your head. silence once again fills the space between you two. “i was actually wondering if we can talk,” juhoon coughs and you freeze. “about ?” you resume your scrubbing. “for closure about…everything,” he seems almost unsure. “i don’t think we need it,” you rebuttal.
“well i do,” he sets his cup on the counter. “just leave it alone juhoon,” you frown and you hear him let out a small breath, almost a sigh. “it’s clear that we both have residual feelings and it’s healthy to talk it out,” you grimace at his words before letting water fall onto your shirt, soaking it, but the stubborn stain is still loyal to the fabric.
“i’m not mad juhoon, i’m actually doing better than before. i guess i don’t want to talk about it because it feels like those old wounds will open up again, just when i started to close them.” you confess, cringing a bit at your words. “you’re doing better ?” juhoon asks almost in disbelief.
“i’m accepting it, trying to strain out the positive in a negative situation,” you try scrubbing again, this time with more gentle but purposeful strokes. “i didn’t want to hurt you,” juhoon whispers but you finally look at him, not a glance, a full look. “i know,” you reply before your gaze returns to your shirt, eyebrows furrowing. “but i still did,” he grips the end of his shirt.
“look, i understood your fears and anxiety and why it led to us breaking up…but it doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt,” you admit as you spray more cleaning solution to your shirt. “i’m sorry,” juhoon apologizes, starting to bite the inside of his cheek. “it’s okay, what’s done is done,” you shrug, it’s better than crying in front of him.
that being said, the stain is finally coming off which makes you smile. “you should go to sleep, i’m about to wrap up anyway,” you advise him as if nothing just happened. you half expect juhoon to walk away slowly, guilt overwhelming him. “i cared about you a lot, i still do, i love you, so please never think that my feelings for you weren’t strong,” he sniffles, tears forming in his eyes.
you pause for a few seconds before letting water run over your shirt once again, stain finally gone. you squeeze your shirt, wringing out any excess water. “well, it doesn’t matter anymore anyway,” you look at him, a small smile on your face. juhoon’s mouth opens slightly but nothing comes out. you turn off the sink and with that, you walk away from juhoon and leave the kitchen.
juhoon came in here in hopes to reconcile your relationship or at least part of it, only for you to essentially reject him. he feels tears run down his face as he dumps the remaining water from his cup into the sink, not bothering to wash it. why didn’t you fight for him ? why didn’t you fight for the relationship ? and most importantly, why did he allow his doubts overwhelm enough to break your heart and also his in the process ?
Summary: Chan's at the studio and your home alone.
Chan let out a small sigh. He shook his head lightly as he leaned back in his seat. He was trying to get this song sorted. He wanted to go home; Binnie and Ji had both headed home hours ago. But here he still was, working on this damn song, trying to get the arrangement right. He took off his headphones and rubbed his face. A ping turned his attention to his phone.
Sugar on My Tongue🍯: Channie! When are you coming home? I’m lonely without you. 🥺
Chan couldn’t help but smile seeing your text on the screen. He picked up his phone and unlocked it to text you back.
K-Dilf 🐺: I’ll be another few hours, Honey Bear. This track won’t finish itself. 🙃
Sugar on My Tongue🍯: You don’t know that. Come home, and we can test that theory!
K-Dilf 🐺: Honey, we both know that’s not how it works. I’ll be home later. Okay?
Sugar on My Tongue🍯: No! Not okay. Innie’s at Minnie and Lixie’s dorm. I’m bored and alone! In an EMPTY dorm! Come home! Pls pls pls! 🥺
K-Dilf 🐺: Baby, get some sleep. I’ll be home later. I promise. Why don’t you run yourself a nice bubble bath?
Sugar on My Tongue🍯: Sent 1 image.
Sugar on My Tongue🍯: Wanna come home now? ❤
Chan opened the image and almost choked on his own spit. There you were, dressed as his favourite Genshin Impact girl, just more revealing. You were playing a dangerous game, and you were winning. He blinked before saving his work and turning his laptop off.
K-Dilf 🐺: You can’t just send pictures like that whilst I’m working, my heart.
Sugar on My Tongue🍯: Why not? I know Bin and Ji already went home.
Chan sucked in a breath as he put his laptop in his bag.
K-Dilf 🐺: DON’T talk about the other members right now. Stay there, I’ll be home soon.
Sugar on My Tongue🍯: Yipee! I can’t wait.
K-Dilf 🐺: No touching before I get there.
Chan put on his jacket and turned off the lights before leaving the studio. He locked the door and walked away, heading to his car. You always got exactly what you wanted. He always gave in to you. How could he not? You were his heart. The woman of his dreams. He’d give you the world if you asked him to.
Chan walked to his car and unlocked it. He put his bag inside and got into the driver's seat. He started the car and strapped in. He sent one last text before he drove home.
K-Dilf 🐺: My poor, baby bear. Must be lonely having the dorm to yourself. I’ll be home soon. Don’t worry. Maybe this time will stick. Maybe this time, we’ll make it so you're never lonely at home again.
Genre: flirting, getting together, pre-relationship, secret identities, hint o angst, panic, overthinking
Word Count: 2.4k
Summary: Could you fall for someone strictly over text?
What if all of this was fake?
How could Chan know if what he was feeling was actually real?
A/N: >:) You don't need to read this part to understand the fic as a whole! This is just a bonus look into Chan's Thoughts between part 3 and 4 <333 hehe enjoy! No screenshots in this part LOL
(masterlist) | (part 3) -> (part 4)
Normally after a work out, Chan felt relaxed. It helped clear his mind, to refocus on whatever he had on his plate.
Right now, though, his mind felt like it was coated in fog.
He honestly wasn’t sure how he made it back to his hotel room. Next thing he knew he was standing in the bathroom, under the rain of the shower head.
He blinked, feeling the world come back in focus around him.
God what was he doing?
He was really just, texting a random girl and trusting it?
What if she knew who he was? What if he was being blind sided? Was he being an idiot? She could be a sasaeng!
His thoughts spiralled as he went through his shower routine.
Chan considered himself someone who was good at reading people. Her friend had seemed nice enough, but he had never even met this girl. All he’d seen was some pictures of her-
-which she was very pretty in.
Sure she was fun to talk to. I mean, he hadn’t even realized how long their phone call had lasted until she pointed out the time after he yawned. It just felt so natural to chat with her. Hell, he got a little excited every time his phone buzzed on the off-chance it was a text from her.
But what if that was her plan all along? What if she knew exactly who he was and was just trying to learn more about him to get him to let his guard down? She already had one of his phone numbers. What if she shared it online? What if she’d recorded their phone conversations?
It’s not like he told her secrets about his job, but he hadn’t exactly been checking his words constantly either.
The shower faucet squeaked softly as Chan turned the water off. He pushed open the shower door, snatching up one of the fluffy towels nearby and quickly drying off his body.
He needed someone else’s opinion on this.
The second his hands were dry enough, Chan was unlocking his phone and going to his contacts. Before he could overthink it, he clicked on the one person’s name who he knew would give it to him straight.
Minho.
Chan wrapped himself in the towel as he headed back out into the main room.
It took a few rings before he finally answered.
The voice that came through the phone was rough with sleep. “You better be dying, hyung,” Minho grumbled.
“I’m talking to this girl and I’m worried she’s a sasaeng,” he blurted out before his mind could catch up.
Oh yeah, fuck, it was probably like 6am back in Seoul.
“I- shit, I’m sorry Minho, it’s not-”
“Stop,” Minho grumbles. He sighs and Chan can hear some shuffling on the other end of the line. “Just… give me two seconds.”
Chan sits down on the edge of his hotel bed, his free hand fiddling with the edge of his towel. He should probably get dressed. It was late for him too, but honestly he knew he couldn’t sleep with all of this running through his head.
As he was about to stand up, he heard Minho huff through the phone. “Okay, start from the beginning.”
“So you know how I was in the States recently?”
Minho hummed in affirmation.
“Well one of the evenings, I decided to go out to a bar. It was just a local place, I wore simple clothes and a hat, and I sat at the bar and drank a bit.” Chris ran a hand through his hair as he recalled the night. “Honestly it was nice. I chatted with the bartender. No one bothered me. I was just a guy.”
“Eventually this girl came up to the bar to order a drink. She was pretty, ya know? But also I wasn’t like interested interested in her.” He shrugged even though Minho couldn’t see it. “She ended up striking up a conversation with me, and when she said she had a boyfriend, I honestly felt relieved?”
“I’m guessing this isn’t the girl you’re worried about then,” Minho mused.
“No, but she’s related,” he replied. “We kept chatting, and it was really nice. It’s half of why I go out, I just want to connect. She was traveling for work, too, apparently, so we bonded over that.”
“And then she got this look in her eyes,” he continued. “I mean, I can usually clock when someone recognizes me. They all act one of a few ways, but this wasn’t that look. She sort of looked… like Seungmin before he starts to be a little shit, you know?”
Minho snorted, and Chan chuckled, too.
“She asked me if I was single, which instantly threw me off. I was worried she was going to ask to fuck, still, so I told her I wouldn’t help someone cheat.” He huffed as he remembered her offended look. “Thankfully that wasn’t what she wanted and she swiftly told me so. No, apparently she thought I would get along super well with her best friend, so she wanted to check before she showed me pictures of her.”
“So you saw pictures of this girl..?”
“I did,” Chan replied. “God she was so pretty Minho. I don’t know. Maybe I was more drunk than I thought, but I agreed and then I had her number.”
He thought for a moment and Minho waited patiently.
“I didn’t text her until the next day. I’m not- I thought maybe I should give it a shot,” he admitted. “I think… I’ve always had this idea of a perfect romance. How you just, meet someone at the right time, and that’s your person, you know? I thought, ‘maybe this is that sign,’ so I figured it was worth a shot.”
“So did she give off weird vibes when you texted her?”
Chan huffed. “No, she didn’t even know my name, but she was so sweet. Like, her friend had let her know that she’d given her number out, but that’s all she knew about me.” He paused, licking his lips. “Honestly, it’s been really nice talking to her. I… I truthfully hadn’t even considered that she could be a sasaeng until today.”
He stood up and started pacing the room.
“But, I mean, this whole time I’ve been thinking about the chance that she knows me. Like, she hasn’t seen my face yet, and I’m worried how she’ll react if she does! I was trying to figure out how to bring up Stray Kids organically. I mean, we have over 100 million listeners monthly across all of the streaming platforms- it’s not out of the realm of possibility that she knows who we are. I didn’t exactly want to blindside her with that, and I wanted to make sure she was comfortable with that, too, if she does know who we are. I just…”
His mind is racing. “I managed to ask her today what her taste in music was, and she did mention Stray Kids.”
“Only Stray Kids?” Minho asked.
Chan shook his head. “No, she mentioned a lot of groups, and not all of it was kpop, either.”
“Did you ask who her bias was?” Minho teased.
Chan felt his cheeks heat up. “Ah, I mean, yeah.”
Minho laughed.
“I was curious!” Chan whined. “She didn’t even want to tell me at first, but she did admit it was me.”
That made Minho focus again. “Like you you?”
“No, she said Chan. She knows me as Chris.”
He heard a sigh through the phone. “Okay, so… what about all of this has you concerned?”
How was he not getting it?
“What if this is all a ploy!” he practically shouted. “What if she’s known this whole time and her friend was in on it? What if she’s just using this to try and get secrets from me? What if… What if…”
What if the slow excitement he got every time she replied was made up?
What if none of this had been real so far?
Minho sighs again. “Okay. First, you didn’t see any pictures of you at that bar circling, right?”
Chan slows his pacing. “No, none.”
“So the odds of a sasaeng knowing you were there are low,” Minho continues calmly. “Not impossible, but we know the odds of them being around seem to go down out of the country. Anyways, I think her admitting she likes Stray Kids and biases you is actually a good thing. I don’t think a sasaeng would do that,” he huffs out a laugh, “though, who knows what they’re thinking half the time.”
Minho pauses. When he continues, his voice comes out a bit softer. “I don’t think you’re wrong for being cautious, but I do think you’re over reacting a bit hyung.”
“I…” he trails off, finding it hard to voice what he’s feeling.
Minho hums softly. “Why don’t you just do some digging to ease your mind?”
It was true, they had contacts. Sure their company didn’t do much about paying customers, even ones who made his members wildly uncomfortable, but Chan had made it a point a few years ago to start keeping records of these things for his members safety.
They had names. They knew the “problem people” more often than not.
It felt wrong to do that to her, without her knowledge, but at the same time…
If this was all fake, then this would bring that to light.
And if it was real-
“Yeah okay, I’ll do that,” he agrees with a sigh. “Thanks Minho.”
“Hm, I’d say anytime, but I’d prefer you not to have a breakdown in the middle of the night again,” Minho mused.
Chan huffs out a laugh. “Sorry.”
“You would’ve just ruminated on this and not gotten any sleep if you hadn’t called,” Minho pointed out flatly.
He wasn’t wrong.
“You know we’re here for you.”
“I- I know…” he breathes. “I appreciate you guys more than I can express.”
Minho hums, staying quiet for a moment. “It’s okay to be afraid of feeling something,” Minho tells him softly yet firmly, “but if anyone deserves this, it’s you hyung.”
God he always knew how to get to the heart of the matter.
“Thanks for letting me talk it out,” Chan says.
“You mean panic?” Minho replies.
“Hush,” Chan grumbles.
“I’m going back to sleep now.”
“Sorry,” Chan says again.
Minho just huffs. “Don’t be stupid next time and we’re even.”
Chan snorts. “Love you too, Minho.”
“Safe travels, see you in a couple days,” Minho says around a yawn before the call disconnects.
Chan sets his phone aside as he slips his boxers on and climbs into bed finally. His mind is still too awake, despite the late hour, so he decided to draft an email to their contact in the company. It was a member of their media team. He did some back end stuff for them when they asked, and had been for a few years.
It was someone he could trust with this task, and who would keep it on the down-low, too.
He made sure to include all of the pertinent information, including her phone number, her name, and her friend’s name, as well as what timezone he thought she was from. He explained his concerns and asked him to keep him posted.
Then, he scheduled it to send at a more reasonable hour, so he’d actually be in the office whenever the email came through.
With that done, Chan finally made himself lay down in bed.
There was nothing else he could do now but wait.
And wasn’t that the kicker?
So he put on one of the ASMR videos he’d tried the other night that had successfully helped him go to sleep.
One of the ones that Y/N had suggested.
He shook his head, dismissing the thought as he closed his eyes.
Eventually he succumbed to sleep.
He managed to ignore his texts throughout the day. Luckily, he was able to focus on some work-related tasks to keep his mind off of the fact that he wasn’t constantly looking for texts from Y/N.
But she still ended up texting him shortly after lunch.
He couldn’t help himself. He opened the text.
“hey, morning! hope you managed to get some sleep last night and that you have a nice day today too :)”
He stared at the text for longer than he’d like to admit.
His heart hurt a bit not replying, but he had to know first.
He wasn’t sure if finding out would make it hurt less.
Every buzz made him check his phone, praying that it was an email giving him the answers to his burning question.
It wasn’t until the end of the day that he finally got the response.
“Re: Search Request
Chan,
I looked into both people you sent me information on. Based on all records I was able to access, including additional diving into social media accounts linked to the names, neither raised any red flags.
I was able to find Y/N’s Instagram account, and utilizing that I was able to cross check fancall backups to confirm that people who shared her first name didn’t share a resemblance. Additionally, based on the phone number you gave me, it doesn’t appear she has won any fancalls in the past before, either.
If there’s any other information you have on them, I can dive further, but I am fairly confident neither have been an issue in the past. Not enough for us to notice, at least.”
He read the email twice. And then a third time.
She wasn’t anywhere in the system. She hadn’t even won a fancall before.
Not that fancalls were the end all be all of a sasaeng, but-
Fuck, could this all actually be real then?
Some part of him wanted to panic, press further until he found something. It couldn’t be this easy. Dating had never been this easy for him.
Unless she was the one he’d been waiting for this whole time.
He took a screenshot of the email and sent it to Minho.
He responded back instantly.
Contact name: Lino
Lino: and why are you texting that to me instead of texting her back?
Chan huffed at the text, rolling his eyes fondly.
His phone buzzed again.
Lino: i know you haven’t done it yet, stop overthinking
Chan worried at his lower lip. Yeah, he should do that.
Now he just had to think of a decent apology for not texting her sooner.
"In the end, art is like a branch of a tree that can connect everything in life something you can relate to and something that can be related to. I make music, and someone else works in fashion, so you might wonder, “How are these even connected?” But art carries deep emotions and stories from life. It may not resonate with everyone, but at least it can be listened to. That’s how I see it" -Felix DAZED KOREA.♡
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