A/n: written to the quote at the end of Lana Del Rey’s song “National Anthem”
And I remember when I met him, it was so clear that he was the only one for me
I was sitting alone in a small coffee shop gripping my mug for warmth while scrolling through my phone when he walked in. The bell at the top of the door rang, the winter wind sweeping him inside. I watched him closely as he walked up to the counter ordering; studying his features. He looked around, instantly locking eyes with mine. I sent him a small smile before taking another sip of my coffee.
“I’m Ethan Dolan” he introduced himself.
We both knew it, right away
The summer breeze combed through my hair as Ethan drove. His hand resting on my thigh the other clutching the steering wheel. I watched him, laughing as he belted out the words to our favorite song. The sun hitting his features just right, almost as if he was glowing. Our laughter filling the air; he was mesmerizing. Our bodies soaking in the summer sun as we laid on the beach together that afternoon. He would scoop me up and carry me unwillingly into the icy water. My screams of laughter annoying everyone around us. It was as if the only people on the planet were him and I, he was the only thing I cared about.
“I love you” he confessed to me as we watched the sunset.
And as the years went on, things got more difficult, we were faced with more challenges
The nights always ended in arguments. I became insecure about myself, and would accuse him of cheating. Rumors floated around about him and a girl constantly hanging out. At first it was just hearsay, and then the pictures started to surface. She was beautiful, way more than I expected. He insisted that they were just friends, but my jealously always showed. He never lost faith in me, even with my accusations. He came home one night his eyes filled with sorrow.
“She kissed me” he cried.
I’ll never forget the look in his eyes as he repeated those words to me over and over again. Tears streaming down his face as he begged for my forgiveness.
Things started to get harder. Ethan was always busy trying to come up with new content for their channel. When the opportunity knocked on their door for another tour, they couldn’t miss the chance to accept. That night we sat down and talked; laid everything out on the table. He told me he thought it was best to go our separate ways. With him being so far away, and our relationship being so fragile he didn’t think it was going to last. I watched him as he talked; not saying a word. Studying his features for the last time. The way his lips creased in a frown, the way his eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to find the right words to say, and the way he played with his fingers and avoided my gaze. I longed for him to look at me, to reassure me that I’ll be fine on my own. I didn’t want him to leave, after all I loved him.
“Please don’t go” I cried.
Try to remember what we had at the beginning
It was strange when we met again. I remember sitting in that same coffee shop where it all began. He looked happy, almost angelic. When he caught my eye, he had to do a double take. Then he gave me that smile, that same small smile that awoke the butterflies in my stomach. It was almost a year since our last conversation, but for me it felt like yesterday. We talked for hours catching up on each others latest adventures. He was just as how I remembered him, throwing jokes left and right. I didn’t remember the last time I smiled or laughed like I did that day with him.
“I missed you” he admitted. It warmed my heart to hear him say those words.
He was charismatic, magnetic, electric and everybody knew it
The twins were invited to an award show since they were nominated for best comedians. My arm wrapped through his, I smiled as we walked down the carpet while photographers took our pictures. I listened as he got interviewed; the way he talked sent chills down my spine. Just by the sound of his voice filled my body with a desire. I watched him laugh with Grayson the paparazzi calling there names to get there attention. He looked at me on the sidelines, calling me over.
“They deserve to see how beautiful you look tonight” he whispered in my ear.
When he walked in every woman’s head turned, everyone stood up to talk to him
Ethan insisted on taking me out to a really nice restaurant. We were both never ones to be materialistic, but he said for this occasion it was a must. We were celebrating the Twins’ accomplishment of working with MTV on bringing back TRL. To be on tv was their dream since they were little. Ethan dressed in his best clothes, and I put on my nicest dress. When we walked into the restaurant, hand in hand, everyone began asking him questions on their success. When the waitress arrived to take our orders she couldn’t take her eyes off him. I couldn’t lie, Ethan was extremely captivating just from the way he presented himself. When Ethan caught me starring at the girl, and her staring at him he let out a small chuckle.
“You’re the only person I need” he said, kissing me.
He was like this hybrid, this mix of a man who couldn’t contain himself
One of the things I loved about Ethan was that he was always so carefree. We went on a road trip to visit the place he knew I always wanted to see. He had so much energy and excitement filled in him it was a sight to behold. He was always so at peace when we went on trips like this. It was as if he could leave all his problems behind. I knew things were hard on him; he struggles so much to make people happy, and sometimes he forgot about himself along the way. We camped out in a deserted spot watching as the stars slowly appeared. I cuddled next to Ethan on the blanket we shared as we stared up admiring the night sky. Talking about the simple things, and reminiscing. I grew tired and wanted to head back to the truck to sleep, but Ethan held me tighter.
“Let’s just stay like this, for a little while longer” he pleaded.
I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him
For him the nights grew long. He hardly slept because he stayed up with Grayson while they came up with new video ideas. He constantly stressed about wanting everything to be perfect for his fans. That’s what he though they deserved, something perfect. He would wake up in the middle of the night, tossing and turning. Trying to relieve himself of his worries.
“I want to give them the best.” He told me; talking about his fans.
And in that way I understood him
It was the best moment of my life, the one I could never forget. The doors opening to reveal the room full of people as they stood up. Down the long aisle way there he stood, our eyes meeting. His smile was from ear to ear as he watched my father walk me down the aisle. He held my hand helping me up the steps. His hazel eyes pouring into mine as he read his vows out loud to me.
“I promise to love you until the rest of my days” he spoke. My heart beating and taking in every word he said.
“I promise to be there with you through all your hard times” I spoke back to him.
It was the happiest day of my life; the day I married Ethan Grant Dolan.
I remember we walked hand in hand down the streets of Los Angeles. He had the biggest smile etched on his face, and I can’t even remember what our conversation was about. I could still see the color drain from his skin as his eyes stared straight ahead. Once Ethan pushed me behind him It all happened so fast before I realized what was going on. I can still hear the screams of everyone around us running. I peeked from behind Ethan to see a man pointing a gun straight at him.
I loved him, I loved him, I loved him, and I still love him
He tried pushing me away getting me to run, but I didn’t want to leave him. Before I knew it I heard the sound, the sound that I was dreading. Ethan collapsed on the floor in agony; the man disappearing into an ally. My screams for help where the only thing that could be heard on that empty street. I rested his head on my legs; one hand on his wound, the other on his head.
His eye stared up at me. What shocked me the most was that he wasn’t frowning, but he had that same small smile on his face. His brows furrowed together when he tried to move. He lifted his hand up to my check rubbing it softly. I looked down at the wound on his stomach, and all I could see was red.
“You know I love you right?” He breathed out.
I held his hand on my cheek letting out a small chuckle through my sobs, nodding vigorously. I heard the sirens in the distance.
“Don’t leave me, okay.” I begged.
His eyes slowly shut as he let out his last breath. The sirens growing louder and louder as I sat there crying into his lifeless body.
gummygunk
romaincrisis
pixelskylines
