Welcome to Me

Somewhere in East Texas

[etxshawty]

Early morning thoughts….is it sad I want to be rescued? At times I just want to be saved. I know and understand that that’s unrealistic. I’m slowly telling myself that no one is coming and that I need to save myself. It’s just how?? It’s just a thought. For the past 6 years I’ve been so lonely. It’s been me and my thoughts. I hate not having people around me for comfort. I hate always being in such a negative place. I know people hate talking to me about the same things….

[etxshawty]

Depressive thoughts

When does it get better. I feel so lonely and dark on the inside. Nothing makes me happy. I feel uneasy most of the time. I hate everything and I feel so negative. I try to “just be positive” but it’s not working. I’m tired of being in the dark all the time. It’s just darkness. No stars or planets to light my path.

[etxshawty]

Daily Thought

I often feel as though I don’t deserve good things. I feel that so much is “wrong” with me. I feel that once I accomplish certain things I’ll finally be worthy of good/nice things like a new job, relationship, etc.

[aniramarinax]

Need.

[astarkey]

[twitblr]

[levamplestat]

AALIYAH HAUGHTON as AKASHA ↷ QUEEN OF THE DAMNED (2002).

[etxshawty]

As an over weight person (400+) I often feel trapped inside my body. I feel that there is a lot of life inside of me but I’m trapped within myself. Being this large does take its toll. I mean I carry it well but as times it feels like a stop sign on my life. I want to do so much and finally feel free enough to be my true self. I want to dance, travel, be fun, be flirty, have a clear mind, etc. i know that loosing weight is the answer but I worry about what my body would look like. Would I have a body that looks like I use to be fat? Is it worth it to still not have my dream body? A lot of the time my mental health is not good either. I feel like I am in a mental fog and I am depressed and very anxious. It makes me not a fun person to be around. I also live in my head a lot. I don’t like reality most of the time. I am not speaking for all over weight people just myself.

[etxshawty]

It’s crazy how you can be friends with people for years and something happens and y’all don’t speak any more. You call and text the other person with no response. It’s okay not to respond to someone but why no explanation? It triggers my anxiety because I just want to know what happened, like why you acting like this? And can it be fixed or not?

[etxshawty]

Random nightly thoughts

I’ve never been someone’s best friend. I feel I’ve always been like a supporting friend but never the BEST friend. I begin to think that the people in my life don’t really like me and that they hate me and their families don’t like me either. I’m always fake with people at times and feel I’ve never had a safe space to be 100% me. I was the friend that was always too loud or too quiet just because I wanted to fit in with others but it cost me a lot. I remember I time where I didn’t have any friends after moving when I was a kid. I was so lonely. Now many years later I find myself lonely often and when I get around others I just want to be heard. It’s so so lonely. I’m think very different from the few people around me and it makes me feel like I don’t belong. I’ve always felt like I don’t belong in one particular place.

[everythingfox]

holy shit

[etxshawty]

😂😂😂

[tikkety-tok]

Black cats ❤️❤️

[ms-cellanies]

I AM IN LOVE.

[etxshawty]

I think I’ve realized why sex is not enjoyable to me. I’ve slept with men I didn’t like. They wanted/liked me. I settled for them but I wasn’t really into them like that.

[etxshawty]

Thoughts

Every time I’m intimate with a man I feel like I overwhelm him because of my size (my partners have been far smaller than me and even shorter but I’m really attractive to taller man that are athletic but feel I can’t have him because I’m a big girl). It makes me very uncomfortable and I can’t enjoy it because I can only focus on the thought of me being “too much”. From my personal experiences It appears they do not know what to do with “all of me” and I can tell, so then I just want it to be over. Which is followed up with me pulling my shirt down over my tummy or even using my arms to “hide”. I just kind of lay there and wait for him to finish so I can totally judge myself and point everything that I think is wrong with me and why it’s so awkward. 🤔

[etxshawty]

 Sex hasn't gotten any better. 

[sweetbabychubby-deactivated2022]

It’s hard being a big girl and dating. A lot of men mistake my weight for insecurity. No one wants to fall in love, they just want to have sex and hide me, until they find someone else. I’ll never settle, I’ll be single forever before I do.

(via

chubbygoddessoflove

)

I disagree, I jus think you haven’t met the right man yet, boys used women like toys and men treat women lie queens. Don’t matter how you look , it’s what inside that counts,.. find your hearts counter point, when you find it you’ll see what a true man looks like. … just saying. …

(via the-retro-one)

You’re right, I haven’t met the right man. Because I know how I want and should be treated. I said it was hard, not impossible. You don’t meet too many people who don’t care about vanity. Unless you’re a big woman, you wouldn’t fully understand the issues we go through to find that right one.

(via chubbygoddessoflove)

[blackwomenconfessions]

It’s embarrassing that I’m 21 and I have not been in a relationship. My friends talk about their relationships all the time and I can’t relate to any of that. All I’ve been are booty calls and wasted gigabytes on someone’s contact list

[etxshawty]

This is so me except I’m 22. I be so embarrassed at times. I be like God what is so wrong with me?? Am I ugly or something. 😐😕

[etxshawty]

now I am 26 and its the same shit

[xoxo3xoxo-deactivated20181227]

[mariposa-nena-deactivated201911]

I’m in love

[talesofablackmale-deactivated20]

Ayeee 🔥🔥