+ i'm the man

eugene. prince of the snow and the sun. freshman. part 1 of 2 - easiest way to tell me and my twin apart? if you spot one of us outside, it's probably me. fan of hikes, rock climbing, and generally being a bad-ass. best friends with the crown princess. single and loving it. #free

[eugenethecooltwin]

janelleofthejungle :

You Corondelle boys really take the rules of these games seriously, don’t you? What happens if people start sending Elias gross ones like other guys or your sisters? Do you still want to get passed his leftovers then? I can’t believe you shot me in the head, we should have pulled a Hunger Games like thing and shot each other at the same time. What did you even have left to live for without me? Nothing, I bet that’s what.

You wouldn’t play air hockey and not keep score, right? If you’re not taking the game seriously, it’s no fun! And sending dumb ones like guys or sisters is another example of not taking the game seriously, it’s like playing air hockey with, like, I don’t know, poop or something. Psh, what did I have to live for? In a zombie apocalypse, survival is its own reward. Oh, which reminds me, the laser tag place is having a zombie-night special sometime soon before Halloween - you’re gonna be my partner, right?

[eugenethecooltwin]

starletolivia :

You have to. You’re a prince, someone could murder me and Kristina before we have babies and then you’re the next in line, Beast, take some responsibility! People can be old enough for diapers whenever their like intestines or whatever part of the body that holds stuff in gives out. Okay, sure, if you say so. I’ll put out the memo that she’s like, fair game then, one of the dance boys was asking about her. Cupcake is way high maintenance, why can’t you just be grateful that Phillip took a bullet for boys everywhere by dating her? Ugh, as if I’d let you ever sleep with Reese or Mariah now, you don’t appreciate them enough no matter how cool it would be to have them as sisters.

If someone murders you and Kris, I’m gonna be in jail the rest of my life for murdering your murderer and it’ll be fine, because we still have Eli and Darcy who can split up Corondelle however they want. But damn, I hope that doesn’t happen; Mom and Dad couldn’t handle a double-funeral, I bet, and I would drown in the hugs. But yeah, tangent aside, I’m never going to need responsibility so it don’t matter. A dance boy? You’re going to send a dance boy at Janelle? Fine, whatever, that’s cool, she should date a gay guy or two or whatever, they say girls just look for dudes like their dads so, whatever, that makes sense. Newsflash, Olive, when girls look like Cupcake? Dudes are willing to maintain them. ....Could I sleep with Reese and Mariah? Like, at once and together? Is that a loophole?

[eugenethecooltwin]

phillipofcamelot :

She could kick your ass in a hot way, like, let her tie you up or something. That’s the best way to make it not-embarrassing at all. No one sees him for years at a time and he probably has spiders growing in his mountain man beard, bro. I don’t think I’d aspire to be that guy. I think all my cool came from my mom – like, not the one that popped me out, the other one.

If that’s what you like, no wonder you’re dating Cupcake. She’s crazy. In a hot way. Better spiders in the beard than waking up every morning and knowing your life doesn’t extend beyond a few acres, but hey, everyone’s entitled to their own opinion even in that means the most boring life imaginable. The mom that popped you out is kind of cool, in a dork way. She designed some of your other mom’s tattoos, that’s kind of metal.

[eugenethecooltwin]

[eugenethecooltwin]

phillipofcamelot :

Yeah, that’s a weird rule and it makes me feel like you’re going to end up boning your sister someday. Not that she isn’t hot, but don’t do that, nobody else will ever want to touch you again after that. Yeah, Rory would kick your ass if you tried to do that, bro – not sure why Janelle didn’t kick your ass too, to be honest. I’d have put my money on Jungle Girl. Does anyone actually think Uncle Richard is awesome, though? Your dad always looks like he feels sad for me having that guy’s genes. Just know that I’ve got dibs on Cupcake, other than that you can take your pick.

Ew, yeah, no need to tell me twice. Psh, Janelle wishes she could kick my ass. She’s wild but she’s no much for the Eugenator. I think Uncle Rich is doing it totally right. No rules, no responsbility, no one telling him how to live. It’s just him and the wilderness, no strings attached. Besides, you came out cool enough so obviously there’s game in the genes. Sure, sure.

[eugenethecooltwin]

starletolivia :

You don’t want to get married until you’re 55? Ew, are you one of those people who only wants a wife to take care of you when you’re old and saggy and need someone to change your grandpa diapers for you? Not unless they’re cute and fuzzy, nope! Okay, but what’s wrong with my dance squad? Why are you not trying to score with them? And more importantly, what happened to your little jungle girlfriend?

If I ever have to. I hope it doesn’t happen till I’m super old, yeah, but not because I want a wife for that, gross! I could always hire, like, a nurse for that, and people don’t get old enough for diapers until they’re like 90 or something, right? There are totally people that have a diaper fetish, though, did you know? You see weeeeeird things online, save your innonce and don’t go looking. Janelle isn’t my girlfriend, shut up! She never has been! And please, your friends are cute, but nowhere near as hot as Cupcake and her gang. I wouldn’t kick Reese or even Mariah out of bed but they’re so not first choice.

[eugenethecooltwin]

janelleofthejungle :

Pass. Elias has already handed me off to you for his bed, wed, behead responsibilities, so I’ve got everything but dead covered, and if you kill me I’ll kick your ass.

I didn’t know he could do that. He should pass girls on to me for his bed, wed, behead responsibilites more often, nice! I wouldn’t be able to kill you, though, don’t be dumb. I had a nightmare once that the world turned into zombies and I had to shoot you in the head and I couldn’t do it, so I think you’re safe. 

[eugenethecooltwin]

@janelleofthejungle:

You sure know how to make a girl feel special. If you have to.

Hey, babe, if you wanted me to pick you for one of the other two options instead, all you had to do was ask.

[eugenethecooltwin]

starletolivia :

Beast, are you turning into dad now or something? I swear he’s the only one who thinks they’re actually funny. Yes, I’m saying that literally nobody who’s cool thinks hanging out with your baby sister is cool – unless you’re trying to get a wife like, yesterday, in which case they’ll probs find it super endearing that you’re good with kids. For starters, only wear socks that go up above your ankles if you’re going to tourney practice or going snowboarding, ‘kay? Duh, of course they’re not going to tell you they’re jelly, then word would get back to me and the dancers would know they’ve won the war.

Not for another thirty years, I hope. Or forty, which coincidentally will be the only time I care whether or not people care about if I’m “good with kids” - Darcy’s the closest to babies of my own I’ll ever get, it’s way too much crying and pooping and all that. Uh, okay, damn, a dude really can’t rock his Adidas socks in the house without getting shit for it, huh? I’ll keep that in mind, sis. Yeeeaah, okay, sure. Maybe I shouldn’t be taking cool tips from someone on the dancer’s frontline on the popular girl war especially since I’m trying to score with a cheerleader or two. Or five.

[eugenethecooltwin]

phillipofcamelot :

Nah, I looked it up once, apparently it’s what everybody thinks second cousins is. So like, uh… I can’t think of an example, I just know it’s like something to do with your cousins and their babies. Rory’s also hella focused, and she’s got all these tricks up her sleeve that nobody could even start to predict. And I’m not gonna lie, girls are smarter than boys, man, and she knows that. For real? It’s Auradon, bro, everybody settles down eventually, make sure you snag a hot one before it gets too late. Like, you can wait around a little, test drive a few, but when it looks like other people are starting to settle down, make sure you give your letterman jacket to one so nobody else can take what’s yours.

Cousins and babies, it’s all too confusing. Everyone’s family unless they’re not, that’s my rule. You sound kinda scared of your sister, dude. That’s not very metal of you, come on. No matter how smart girls are, you can’t beat raw muscle - it’s why Janelle lost every time we tried to play chess, whenever it looked like she was gonna win I just threw her over my shoulder and we left to go do something actually fun. Not everyone has to settle down. Uncle Richard is out there in the mountains, seeing things and living life, totally unattached and awesome. I mean, picking someone eventually also doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world, but right now? A letterman jacket might as well be a pair of handcuffs and not the fun kind.

[eugenethecooltwin]

phillipofcamelot :

Yeah, but that still makes melike, a first cousin once removed, donated to other people you’re like, not even related to. You should be glad that I’m telling you not to count it, this means you can say my mom is hot without anyone thinking you’re a perv. You? Show up Rory? Broooo, don’t make me laugh. So true, man.Cupcake was like, my mambo number five, and sometimes I wish I’d waited around a little more before we became a thingety-thing, but she makes it worth it. Most of the time.

I never got the ‘once removed’ thing - does that mean you were my family but then, like, you removed yourself from the family tree? Whatever it means, I can be related to you and not to either of your moms, so I feel totally fine calling either or both of them hot, thank you very much. What? It could happen! Rory is like, what, 5′5? 120 lbs, soaking wet? I’ve got power on my side. I get what you mean, dude. Like, it’s hard to imagine a girl hotter than Cupcake, but the only thing better than one hot girl being all yours? The potential for any hot girl to be yours. That’s why you won’t catch me settling down like, maybe ever. Still, as far as ball and chains go, you got a smokin one, man. Well done.

[eugenethecooltwin]

starletolivia :

I talk about her exactly enough, aka when I’m complaining about my little sister cutting holes in my socks to turn them into Shrek finger puppets, and other than that, never! We’re like, never going to be in high school at the time, why talk about her when there’s not going to be any overlap? Well, you’re going to need to master fuckboi chic now, so I suggest you start caring a little more about your style. There’s more than one group of pretty popular girls, Eugene. And let’s face it, cheerleaders are just dancers who couldn’t cut it, they’re so jealous of us it’s hilarious, really.

Darcy does way cooler stuff than her Shrek finger-puppet shows, which, by the way, get more hilarious with time. It sucks that we’re not going to overlap with her in high school, but that doesn’t mean she’s not still totally a presence in our lives, dude. Unless you’re saying caring about the little one isn’t seen as cool in high school in which case, yeah, I totally knew that, I was just testing you. I have zero idea what fuckboi chic is but eh, you’ll stop me from wearing anything gross so that part’s solved. Uh....I’ve met cheerleaders and none of them seem jealous of you guys, and they so don’t have to be either, they’re gorgeous.

[eugenethecooltwin]

Bed, wed, behead: Janelle, Cupcake, Rory

BED: Is “All of the above” an option? I guess @darlingcupcakepan​, though, since @phillipofcamelot​ is gonna take the plunge for all of us and wife her.

WED: @janelleofthejungle​. If I had to.

BEHEAD: @rorythemvp​, but like, if anyone could survive a beheading, it’d be you, soooo? I’d still totally hit it. Just saying.

[eugenethecooltwin]

starletolivia :

It feels personal! You’re in high school now, Eugene. High school, aka where your cool sister Olivia is. Half the people here don’t even realize there is a Darcy, you’re going to make me look terrible by saying she’s cooler than me when she seems fake to like, all of my friends. Ugh, disgusting. Couldn’t you want something a little more stylish, like a water bottle where I get to pick out a hip design for you, or you know, not something that goes on your feet? As for the Cupcake thing, not a chance. No eleventh grade girl in her right mind would ever go out with an underclassman. Especially not a wanna-be dancer who somehow tricked the head of the tourney team to go out with her.

Then you and Kristina aren’t talking about her enough, duh, because Darcy is very real and very awesome and we should be preparing the world for when she’s old enough to rock their socks off, not hiding her. But if anyone asks me like in the halls, I’ll say you, chill. Stylish is not my forte, sis, you’ve got the handle on that for all of us, but I wouldn’t say no to a bottle, either, I’m an easy guy to please. Daaaang, it sounds like you’ve got some beef with Cupcake - that doesn’t make sense. I thought like the pretty popular girls ran in packs.

[eugenethecooltwin]

phillipofcamelot :

Dude, we barely share genes, chill! I’m sure you’ll be good, but you’re fresh meat, you can’t try and pull rank on Rory, she’d older than you. And she’ll probably murder you if you try to take her title, so like… I’m doing you a favor bro. Appreciate the kind deed.

Our dads are literal bros, I wouldn’t call that barely sharing anything, but fiiine, I see your point. I definitely don’t wanna die at the hands of a girl, especially not before getting a chance to show her up on the field. Dude, like, real talk though - how many cheerleaders did you hook up with before snagging Cupcake? Is it true that tourney players have endless game on and off the field?

[phillipofcamelot]

who do you hope takes over as tourney captain when you leave?

That’s a no brainer, obviously my little sis Rory. She should honestly probably be the captain now, but she’s always been better at stuff than me. I’m not gonna just give her the one thing that makes me feel cooler than her, even if it might make the team better.

[eugenethecooltwin]

Whaaaaat? Your super cool, fresh to highschool, swol af awesome cousin Eugene doesn’t even rank close enough to Rory yet to even be mentioned? I’m hurt, dude. I mean, you haven’t really gotten to see what I can do yet, but have I ever been not awesome at anything else in life? I think not.

[eugenethecooltwin]

@starletolivia :

Seriously? I have to buy you stuff to keep my rightful spot away from the ogre-loving munchkin?

It's not personal, O, you're up there for sure, but Darcy is almost as much of a bad-ass as I am, I've gotta celebrate that somewhere. If you wanna try to buy your way back to number one sibling in my heart, though, I’ve been really wanting a new waterproof skin for my fitbit for tourney practice, and some new sweat socks, mine are all dead. I’d also kill for a new backpack, I didn’t even realize Elias bought like the same one till it was too late and I haven’t cared enough to drag Mom shopping for a new one. Oh, or you could put in a good word for me with Cupcake, seeing as how you’re classmates and I’m finally a real sports dude and thus “worthy of her attention”. I guess that last one isn’t really buying me anything, but it would be a heck of a gift.