As if your parents could stay away from each other, even if they were divorced and secretly half-siblings. They’re, like, harder to separate than those finger-trap thingys. I thought global warming was supposed to be a bad thing? But?? Warmer weather is better, sorry science!
Your mom is crazy cool! Mine is just crazy….and then sometimes cool, but I’m not complaining. In public. Eugene is your brother, brothers and sisters have to be close even if they have nothing in common, but like neighbors don’t have to be! I can’t imagine what the Charmingtons and the Darling-Pans have in common, like, at all, it’s so weird! Boo! I’m not allowed to be the spare, I reject this theory!
People don’t usually, but they could still come out the other way! And besides, it aren’t like there are that many gay guys out there (off the top of my head I can think of like one dwarf kid and Erica’s brother Eddie maybe, neither of whom are cute enough for Sherbert), they’re a non-renewable resource and the lack of options might change his mind!! And ugh, yeah, okay, Heath and Adam are dreamy but they’re too much older than us, they’ll never pay attention to us! And Phillip’s taken, Hurricane’s adorable but a baby, and Christian is Sherbert’s cousin! If I ever did things with him, it would blow my chances right in the foot!
I like, can’t decide if that’s romantic or creepy? They’ve been together so long though, I feel like it must be romantic. And I do sort of like both of them, even if I’m mom’s favorite and Darcy’s like, totally dad’s. Right? I mean, sorry some people can’t take the heat, but like... just stay inside in the air conditioner if you’re going to be such a wimp about it.
Oh, obvi not; I mean, she’s got fairy godmother genes, everyone knows she could take out her wand and blast you into thinking you wanted to be a cheerleader if she wanted so like, kudos to her for letting you follow your dreams. Um, so not true; when you’re commoners like Queen Emily was, you need your neighbors to like you because your houses are so close together that they might make noise and ruin your beauty sleep, or like, you might have to leave them a key to water your plants because you have no servants to do it for you when you’re out of town! Sorry, I don’t make the rules; I guess you just have to take auditions seriously instead of like, running around being a pretend Indian.
Um, except Sherbert’s not that cute? Don’t let his ice-cream name fool you, all the Darling-Pans are sort of uggo if you really pay attention, even Cupcake. Plus like, I bet he could just use his Lost Boy Leader Powers to order them to all have an orgy if he gets desperate, he’s not going to change his mind and want the V, Mariah, get over it! Um, Adam is like dating a girl our age, so obvi we’re not too much younger. Philcake is like so on the brink of death, why does nobody see it but me? He’ll be so available before he leaves for college, just wait. The baby thing is def a turnoff, but Christian’s like... cute. And totally sappy, I’d probs even date him, honestly, he’d buy me flowers like all the time. Def the superior Darling.
