evakain

🌻 23🌻 meanjin 🌻 they/them🌻

[evakain]

logging back on to tumblr again after so long is always so comforting

not matter how much time passes and no matter how much terrible shit is happening in the world, SOME HOW tumblr still feels like the comforting, fandom trash pile that is was back when i joined in 2013

i'm sick of twt (fuck u elon) and it never filled the hole that tumblr did

maybe it's time to return home

hey i'm eva / kay / evakain / kaitlin / any of the various names i've used over the years on here

i'm 26 now, which is wild, still gay as ever, now extremely trans (they/them) and somehow still semi-functioning

this blog truly feels like a diary and memory box from my teenage years and it's wild to look back on

not sure if I will stay here if I return - there's so much fuckin baggage on this blog lmao - but i hope any of yall that are still floating around on here are well <3

[userkoo]

jeon jungkook: singer, dancer, producer, and a master of dramatic toast delivery

[evakain]

damn yo

so much has happened in june already and it's only the 15th

personally, professionally... in basically every facet of my life

interested to see how much continues to shift and change, and what happens, by this time next month

I'll be 24 then (wow)

some very exciting things happening, it's nice to see some hard work paying off a bit

[evakain]

not sure if tumblr is truly dead or if I just need to find new people to follow because like 2/3 people are the only ones who show up on my dash

this is basically just a void to scream into these days lmao

[jung-koook]

jungkook rubbing yoongi’s neck when he talked about his ost for the game 🥺

[userkoo]

will there be aliens in our game?

[evakain]

I had a dream about you tonight after all this time

It’s been awhile since that’s happened, I think cause I saw a photo the other day that reminded me of back then and of you.

Usually my dreams of you are filled with sadness and anger, you usually hate me in them. This one was different. We reconnected, after all this time, and there was kindness and love for each other in a way that wasn’t romantic, but more because we spent a big period in our lives together, a big chuck of time that changed my life. We reconnected and talked and laughed and smiled and it was so fucking lovely to hear how you’d grown and changed and how life had treated you.

We talked about our old friends, what they’re all up to now and if you keep in touch. We talked about our families and our careers, about our current friends and just about where life had taken us.

I held your hand, it was still small, scarred and freckled beyond belief, and we just talked. And it was so nice.

And then I woke up.

After all this time, I still care so deeply in my heart for you. I hope you’re happy. I hope life is treating you well. Part of me does wish to see you and just talk to you again one day, I’m so so curious about where the world has taken you, but I know that’ll probably never happen. I woke up and I was sad that you I might never see you again. This town is small but for some reason, I’ve only run into you once since it all happened. Our circles are so so different these days.

But, you’re still in my heart. I hope you’re well. I’m all grown up now, would you believe? Older than you were at the time. You’d be 26 or so now I think. Thank you for everything you gave me and taught me. You changed my life in many ways. Forever grateful to have loved you. Forever sorry of the way it ended.

[jung-koook]

jungkook loves hugging his hobi hyung 🥺

+

[sugaftrm]

life changed after experiencing this yoongi ...

[evakain]

Just send me a follow up message you know, then I would’ve confirmed because I’d simply forgotten I hadn’t sent that text

But I get why you didn’t want to do that

But also

Testing people to see their replies and shit is kinda dog when u know the person is going through shit

Just be real and send a follow up

Whatever

On we go

On we go

With like 2 friends and a wealth of people who don’t give a shit I exist 🤷

Hey at least I have bts to bring me fun psuedo-serotonin, I guess lmao party party wooo

…

Yeah cool

[evakain]

like

I truely understand

I do

I’ve been shit and that’s your own right

Just kinda sucks, I’d just tried this week to do better and had a date booked and all

I’d mentally confirmed the time

Was keeping it free

Forgot to send the damn message with everything else going on this week

But it’s okay

On we move

On we move

[evakain]

…

and we MOVE

and we KEEP ON MOVING

…

Yeah

[evakain]

:|

[kuuipobangtan]

A lot of y’all forgot about Yoongi slapping a heart on his ass in the middle of a performance and it shows

[evakain]

not me coming up with a new au

and then realising it's basically 'dream daddy dating simulator' but polyamorous

lmao

[southfarthing]

the pure MAGIC of fellowship of the ring is unparalleled... the unbelievable comfort of the shire... the heavenly healing of rivendell... the awe of the argonath... the sheer wonder of the halls of khazad-dûm.... the haunting memory of the ruins of men and elves scattered across middle earth .... the power of hope in the companionship of nine unlikely travellers...... the incredible faith and devotion and love overriding all the terror and hurt...........

[beckettmariner-deactivated20200]

You ever invite your coworker to watch you give birth just to spite a racist

[linguisticparadox]

Okay howmst the fuck has a ship doctor in the far future never handled a birth without the father present? Are sperm donors and gay couples and trans women no longer a thing in the bajillionth century CE?? :/

[thatoldantique]

I while understand the frustration with erasure sometimes it helps to look at things through the cultural context of when something was made. Star Trek the Next Generation was made in 1987, this particular episode I believe aired in 1988 a time when a future where the husband was always present for the birth would have been amazing to many of the people watching the show as men had only been allowed to be present for the birth of their children for 10/15ish years at that point in the US.

Women (and many men) fought for decades with hospitals to even have men allowed in the delivery room during the early stages of labor, which can last for several hours, and hospitals only began to give in to their requests in the 1960s but even then they would be kicked out of the room by hospital staff before the actual birth took place. So many of the couples watching the show would have had to go through labor without having/being allowed to support their spouse regardless of their wishes. Having the child’s father present for the birth only began to happen in the 1970s and 1980s. Which means most people watching this show either went through birth without the support of their spouse, were not allowed to support their spouse during the birth of their child, or their own mother’s went through that during their birth.

A future where the husbands were always present for the birth was still a little crazy to consider in the late 1980s. A good kind of crazy for the people living in that time, it showed a future where the wishes of the couple were finally consistently listened to by medical professionals as a result of the actions of people during their or their parent’s lifetimes. And it does that by also subverting it in allowing Data to step into the role of the father when the father was unknown and/or unwilling/unable to fill that role (I’ll be honest my knowledge of Next Gen is a bit spotty and I have not seen this whole episode, just a piece of it at family Thanksgiving). The woman’s desires as to how she would give birth are listened to and respected, something that still doesn’t happen in many hospitals now and would have been seen as even more revolutionary then. So while it isn’t perfect I think this scene was actually fairly impressive for its time and cultural context and shows a future that many people of that time would have seen as ideal.

[cannon-fannon]

I think this kind of contextual understanding and analysis is really important because things that look antiquated now were revolutionary then. I remember reading that the mini skirts in Star Trek TOS were legot just in fashion (about 64’ ish), one of the actresses (the one that played Rand) requested they be in the show and both her and Nichelle Nichols said they didn’t see them as demeaning but liberating in that time and context. Where as NOW it looks like ‘sexy male gaze’ but then it wasn’t.

[elfwreck]

Miniskirts are comfortable and easy to move in - unlike longer bulkier skirts, which had previously been required for “modesty.” And unlike the approach of “we’ll just put them in pants,” miniskirts made a statement that women crew-members weren’t being treated like men. Miniskirts were a way to say “I can be an attractive woman, wear comfortable clothes, and still look professional and do a serious job.” 

The clothing for that message today would be different. 

[prismatic-bell]

This is also why the bridge crew of TOS may seem “tokenistic” today. When it came out, the Cold War was in full swing and “Soviets” were maligned and hated, Black people could not count on their right to vote being honored, and mixed-race people (like Spock) were called horrible things like “half-breed” and “zebra.” A white man was in charge of the ship, but Gene Roddenberry was fully aware that a chunk of the viewership read him as queer, and did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DISCOURAGE THAT READING, at a time when “homosexual activity” was illegal in the United States!

By today’s standards, “one of everything? How tokenistic.” In 1966? “A Black woman, a Russian, a man from multiple cultures, and a man who loves differently, all top of their fields, all working together and finding common ground to learn, grow, and help where they can? What a wonderful future!”

[charismat1c-megafauna]

Also I’m sorry but like. A show also featuring a Japanese man who isn’t a stereotype but part of the crew, having a Scottish character be a part of the central cast (idk if I need to get into why this is important, but considering how England has continuously tried to erase Scottish culture and identity, and the stereotype of Scots as bumbling bumpkins, etc, its kind of nice to see a Scotsman who’s the best of the best at his job).

Moreover, a lot of kids watched this show. MLK himself contacted Nichelle Nichols and asked her to stay on the show when she was considering leaving, because “you don’t have a Black role, you have an equal role,” and there wasnt many Black role models on tv. I can only imagine how Black kids, Asian kids, and mixed race or mixed culture kids felt seeing people like them on tv. Hell, seeing Uhura on screen is what inspired Whoopi Goldberg as a little girl.

Also, yeah, its easy to look back and say ‘damn, fathers weren’t there in the delivery room? What assholes’ but no like they legitimately were not allowed in there.

[gayahithwen]

Tiny correction: while George Takei is Japanese, and while Sulu thus looks like what we in the 20th-21st century consider to be an ethnically Japanese man, Hikaru Sulu was Pan-Asian by design. His last name is not Japanese. And Roddenberry designed him like that intentionally, because while there was a lot of anti-Japanese sentiment in the US at the time (I mean, hell… George Takei himself spent years in Japanese internment camps during WW2), there was also a lot of other anti-Asian sentiments, and Roddenberry intentionally put ALL of it on the character of Sulu.

Like, all the years of anti-Chinese racism in the US? Sulu. Anti-Japanese sentiments left over after WW2? Sulu. Korean War in 1950-52? Sulu. The Vietnam War, with Johnson in 1965 (a year before TOS started airing) choosing to start sending American troops into the conflict? Sulu.

Sulu was Roddenberry’s desperate attempt to show all Asian people as inherently worthy, inherently human, and yeah, he probably put kind of too much on Sulu’s shoulders, but it was the 1960s and Roddenberry fucking cared about representation, so he did what he could.

Just, you know… a little bit more historical Star Trek context

[kaleighbytheway]

Back to the gifs; her smile when Data offers himself! She was happy with her friend, then the doctor commented, and her response was essentially “I was going to say yes to him anyways, but now I’m saying yes partially to spite you.”