the hellsite records

30 and living in the land of oz. a pretentious crazy cat woman, miscellaneous music, the internet. i spend like 98% of my time on tumblr, and thus i have no social life and have become incredibly boring. wanna know more? click the "about me" button above this. and for considering followers: follow at your own risk.

[gothredy]

[realitycheckviolence]

Reminded me of 2006 when all the hurricanes blew through Florida. This is exactly how the beach looked

[landsccape]

[fozmeadows]

Watching my toddler figure out how to language is fascinating. Yesterday we were stumped when he kept insisting there was a “Lego winner” behind his bookshelf - it turned out to be a little Lego trophy cup. Not knowing the word for “trophy”, he’d extrapolated a word for “thing you can win”. And then, just now, he held up his empty milk container and said, “Mummy? It’s not rubbish. It’s allowed to be a bottle.” - meaning, effectively, “I want this. Don’t throw it away.” But to an adult ear, there’s something quite lovely about “it’s allowed to be a bottle,” as if we’re acknowledging that the object is entitled to keep its title even in the absence of the original function.

[legit-writing-tips]

Another good post to read for those writing small human characters. 

[jennytrout]

My son was about three when he came to me in the middle of the day and said, “Mommy, there’s a knight behind the bush.” I thought he meant a toy knight or something. So I follow him outside and he goes, “Listen. Do you hear it? It’s night behind the bush.” It was a cricket. A cricket was standing in the little patch of shade under the bush, chirping. So, my son saw this dark area with accompanying nighttime sounds and decided, okay, well, that is a night right there. Their brains are incredible.

[deleted20211121]

My little bean knows she’s two, constantly saying proudly ‘I’m two!’ And the other day she saw this very frail old lady who looked one foot in the grave, pulled a face and said ‘oh shiiiit. She’s three.’ I almost screamed.

[cantnotknope]

I live in Korea and have a lot of international friends, and the same is true with language barriers in adults. 

*Looking at a bowl of pears* “Can you please pass me the… apple’s friend?” 

[masterofbirds]

OH SHIT SHE’S THREE

[thrivinghigh]

waiting for mama

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

I’d love to see a version of Julius Caesar where he takes the beware the Ides of March warning seriously like “oh shit. good heads up man thanks” and he goes into it with his own knife. He calms down a bit when he see’s all his best friends like “yea, the squad is here and everyone is strapped. nice”

[amicus-noctis]

“If music be the food of love, play on" ― William Shakespeare

Painting: "Suonatore di liuto" by Caravaggio

[filthburger]

[skidfarts]

I wish i had mutuals who lived near me im actually sad about this. id dox myself just to hang out with someone

[fkartwigs]

Hair by Louis Souvestre

[teaboot]

HELP I was at the sex shop w a platonic bestie and they asked me who the dude from the christian big boat myth was and I was so blown away that they couldnt remember that *I* couldn't remember and we just stood there surrounded by dildos listing off old bible guy names trying to figure it out like queer kids in a conservative boomer comic

[luckyladylily]

So the thing is boobs really do be jiggling. If having breasts has taught me anything it is that the ladies frolic. I don't even have that large of boobs but every time I go down some stairs all I can think about is that stupid quote about boobing breastily down the stairs or whatever it is because God Damn.

But anime and video game boob jiggling is like. The most uncanny valley shit I've ever seen nine times out of ten. You would think people this horny about tits would have actually looked at some but I guess not.

What we really need is some pervert to compile the ultimate visual guide to boob bouncing physics that's just like 500 hours of meticulously organized videos of breasts of different size and shape and under different fabrics bouncing around from a wide variety of physical movements so horny game devs can finally get it right and I don't have to be creeped out by women who appear to have surgically implanted softballs in their chest under skin made of rubber bands.

[hopeless-eccentric]

humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

[adurot]

I have just learned that Mountain Goats are NOT, in fact, actual Goats.

[adurot]

I have never heard of this band. I AM in fact referring to the animal.

[adurot]

But wait, there’s more!

[adurot]

[stars-bean]

The Mummy (1999) dir. Stephen Sommers

[ghost-in-the-library]

watched maleficient last night. has anyone explored the economic and material ramifications of getting rid of all your spinning wheels in one blow. you’re back to drop spinning now, and it takes roughly 6-10 hours of spinning for the yarn to allow a single hour weaving. everyone ought to be spinning, kids included. the housekeepers should be spinning. people waiting for their wares to sell should be spinning. guards on duty should be spinning. i must believe the only reason we don’t see all this spinning on screen is bc the camera loves watching the king’s descent into madness, which i agree with. that man is spinning something, but it ain’t fiber.

[white-throated-packrat]

Any version of Sleeping Beauty that includes the lines "they outlawed spindles" or similar is one where the kingdom suddenly has an economic crisis because no one can make cloth or rope and they have to import it from outside at great expense.

[howtobangyourmonster]

The 1987 Cannon Movie Tales: Sleeping Beauty adaptation did actually address this, the kingdom’s clothes were falling to tatters, there’s a dance sequence in a ballroom where you can hear the fabric tearing, and they discuss needing to import fabrics from other kingdoms.

[reluctanttree]

i know everyone posts this one cause its just so well written but im still going to cause damn

[filmphotofranz]

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