𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐄 ( 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 ) ; 𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙘 𝙥𝙞𝙘𝙣𝙞𝙘 ›› 𝐊𝐈𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐍 + 𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐍 .
electric picnic . . . it was one of THE music festival in ireland . one that was on the list of all festival goers from ireland & further afield . one that he , three boys & evan had conned their way into with fake ids , that really shouldn’t have worked on anyone , almost EVERY year since they’d turned 16 . one that had been the source of countless memories that brightened teenage years that were , at times , unbearable . but maybe , most importantly , it had been one of THE dream gigs that he could ever think of landing . because there had been a time in which the found had dreamed of being a festival band . tripping all over the uk & ireland during the festival season . . . it had been the ultimate dream . they hadn’t believed there was ANY other way to kick start their music career officially . & maybe they would have managed just that if mikey hadn’t found them in a nondescript pub in dublin one friday night three years ago & set them on a different path . a path that had consisted of first a tour as an opening band around the uk & then their OWN around europe & the uk all while their first album finally dropped . but though that path had set them up to break successfully into the american scene & allow them the chance to work on NEW music , for the first time in years , for a second album . a part of them had ALWAYS wanted to dip their toes into what still remained a dream to this day . a dream that mikey had PROMISED would one day come to fruition . a dream kieran , for once , wholeheartedly believed would come true . why wouldn’t he ? the past 3 years had been FULL of dreams coming fruition . kieran just hadn’t realised ELECTRIC PICNIC would be the one that would be known as their FIRST festival to land . when mikey had first told them , he’d thought it was a joke . he’d laughed & asked what festival they had ACTUALLY booked . them ? play electric picnic ? NO . he had to be pulling their leg . he HAD to be . but as the lineup was announced , their name was there . printed in bold text among a sea of many others — some of which he’d NEVER thought he’d see the found’s name grouped with . the found was playing electric picnic . HE was playing electric picnic . the festival he’d grown up going to . the festival that was a huge part of why he loved music , of why he’d wanted nothing more than to experience what it was like to play in front of a crowd of THOUSANDS . he’d thought their debut album charting at #1 had been big . he’d thought their american tour had been big . but this — electric picnic . a home crowd . their first ever festival — THIS was in a whole new league . it was truly a good thing that they’d been busy working on their album right up until the last day before they flew back to dublin . back to lorcain . before they started the hour or so drive down to stradbally . because if he’d been left to his own devices . if he’d been left to think about EVERY detail of just what this meant . he was certain he would have lost his head below the waves LONG before he’d stepped foot into the wings of the rankin’s wood stage . it would be a big deal for ANYONE . anyone that was sane in the head would be nervous . being out in front of a sea of thousands that watched your every move wasn’t normal . even when it WAS your job to do exactly that . but nerves had never been kieran’s problem . he could only remember being nervous ONCE in the last two years . & that had been on the first night of their first ever tour . madrid . looking back on it now , it felt as if it was YEARS ago . it felt as if that had been a whole different version of him . which possibly wasn’t all that far from the truth . A LOT had happened in those two years . not only was his whole life different but he was different . & really , there shouldn’t have been a single sign of butterflies in his stomach as his neck craned to get a glance at the crowd that waited for the lights to dim & flicker to life as their name lit up upon the backdrop behind their set up . he’d been doing this for the past two years . he knew what to do . what to expect . he knew that they were GOOD . but there was ONE glaringly obvious difference between the crowd & the usual crowds he stepped out in front of ; not EVERYONE here was there to see them . he’d be willing to bet there were probably people in the crowd that had no idea who the hell they even were . they’d been successful , sure , but the found wasn’t exactly a household name . not even in their own home country . & that thought alone was enough for the kieran that had sat in front of a mirror in madrid all those years ago to creep his way back in . what if no one knew who the hell they were ? what if they went out there to a crowd that gave back nothing but deafening silence , or worse , indifference ? what if he went out there & choked because of it ? sure evan , eloise , nora , mikey & the rest of the other boy’s family members that had made the trip down with them would be there in the crowd . but even thinking about THAT added to that sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach . the type that twisted even confident thoughts into ones that made him want to believe the opposite . evan & mikey had seen them play MANY times . but eloise . . . his mum . . . it wasn’t just some of those in the crowd to hearing the found live for the first time today . it would be the first time eloise & his mum heard them play live in YEARS . since they’d left lorcain & first moved to manchester . the pressure & self-doubt that he’d managed to keep at bay since he’d first found out felt as if it was hitting him all at once . he hardly even registered first eloise & then nora leaving for their spots in the crowd . his fingers worked tirelessly against the metal that encircled his fingers as he twisted them around & around . & he was certain that the pounding of his heart was audible to those that stood around him . because it sure as hell was deafening in his ears . he almost wanted to reach for the ear piece resting on his shoulder & press it into his ear in hopes that it would quieten both the noise around him & the noise in his mind that made it hard to think about anything but the swirling what ifs . but really , there was only one thing that was THAT good at quietening the noise within him . & after nearly 12 years of knowing each other , it should have been NO surprise that she knew exactly what was going on behind what may have looked like composed features to anyone else that didn’t know him .
he’d known she was there . he’d kept her always in the corner of his eye . even as he’d wandered a few steps away from the equipment box she’d set herself upon to get a better look at the crowd . a crowd that was slowly but surely getting larger & larger as their start time grew closer . but still , there was a slight stiffening of his shoulders beneath the fabric of his shirt as skin grazed against skin . though just as quickly as it had appeared with her touch , it vanished with the warmth of her hand within his & the soft greeting that was usually saved for her . his brows furrowed for a quick second but the crease between his brow softened out as his head angled ever so slightly , just enough to allow him to once more catch her out of the corner of his eye , before a quiet hum of acknowledgement reverberated from his throat . it was all he could manage when the crowd & the sickness that rolled in his stomach still commanded his attention . but as he felt her fingers tighten around his hand , piece by piece his attention began to drift . & it wasn’t long before brown beneath a raised brow met gentle coaxing blue . his lips parted as he relinquished a step in her direction . but there was a moment of hesitation as he glanced back at first the crowd & then the three other boys that seemed to have fallen into a round of bickering , “ i should probably — ” his free hand had risen to gesture at the boys but as evan gave another gentle tug on his hand , it dropped uselessly to his side , “ alright . ” saying no to her HAD always been hard for him to do . & really , what would he rather ? stand there & stew in his nervous , break up whatever was going on with the other or let evan pull away from it ALL ? it was a no brainer . evan was ALWAYS his first choice . so he let her lead him off to the side . away from the crowd . away from the other . away from the world . because with the warmth & weight of her hand within his & her voice , light & floating , breaking up the noise around them he could breathe a little easier . he could focus on the words her lips formed around instead of the ones in his head as his eyes flittered over her features even as she glanced towards the steps that led out to the crowd & the space the group that had come with them would watch their set from . “ i mean — i ain’t T’AT surprised ‘bout eloise . always t’ought she had a bit of an edge t’ her . t’ink she’d ‘ave a HELL of a time in t’e pit of megan thee stallion’s set . ” a slight quirk of the corner of his lips curled slightly before they settled once more , “ but my mum ? nora walsh ? FUCK no . ” his head gave a small shake as his fingers tightened ever so slightly around hers , “ t’at’s ‘bout t’e last t’ing i’d ever expect . hell , i’m surprised she actually ended up coming today . ” not that he didn’t want her there . he did . more than anything . it was just that nora walsh was even less of a crowds person than liv was & THAT was saying something . “ t’ought maybe she’d back out last minute but —- ” he trailed off into quiet as he took in a small breath . a slight smile curving the edges of his lips as his eyes flittered away from her for a moment , head shaking lightly from side to side as a tone of amusement lifted his voice from a brief moment as his eyes returned to her , “ you were ALWAYS our biggest fan & believer , huh ? ” & she had been . & it still baffled him to this day just HOW much she believed in them . & though he’d never asked if there was ever a moment in time when she’d ever lost a bit of that unwavering belief , he wouldn’t be surprised if she said there had NEVER been a moment . because for as long as he could remember SHE had been the most solid , unwavering thing in his life . she had ALWAYS been there when he’d needed her , just within reach . & even now , twelve years after the first day they’d met , she was still there . reaching for his hand & providing a tether to keep him solid & real upon the ground . gratitude shone warmly in his gaze as his eyes followed her own as they studied his features . though it was no surprise she saw what lay beneath it . & with that coaxing phrase she’d use time & time again over the years , a breath was loosened from his lips as his nose scrunched , blurring the freckles that had darkened across the bridge of his nose . “ i’m not nervous . ” he started , but before she could argue & point out the obvious he continued , “ i’m a bit fucking terrified . ” once more , his fingers tightened around her fingers . “ i mean , t’is is electric fucking picnic , ev . ” he twisted slightly to look over his shoulder back towards the wings he’d be walking out from in just under 10 minutes , “ we’ve been coming ‘ere since we were bloody 16 & now i’m in one of t’e bands playing ? ” his head shook as he looked back at her , “ it’s fucking mental . i’m ‘ere & it STILL doesn’t feel like we’re really just ‘bout t’ go out t’ere & play to THOUSANDS . it’s t’e biggest crowd we’ll have EVER played , ev . & i — ” his lips pressed together as his free hand lifted to rub his forehead before he pushed the very same curl she’d nudged out & away from his eyes back from his face before his arm fell once more to his side , “ you’d t’ink a few thousand more people wouldn’t be a problem & maybe it wouldn’t be if t’is was one of OUR gigs . but t’e t’ing is —- it’s not . not really . it’s just our SET , one of many , & i’d be willing t’ bet t’ere’s only a couple hundred — & t’at’s only if i’m being generous — people out t’ere t’at ‘ave actually come t’ see US . t’e rest probably ‘ave no fucking clue who we are . t’ere’s probably some people in t’ere t’at even HATE us & are just ‘ere t’ get a good spot for someone t’at comes after . ” the warmth in his eyes had faded just as the curve of his lips had evened out , “ & eloise is ‘ere . . . & my mum . . . it’s t’e first time they’ve seen us play since we left lorcain . what if we go out t’ere & fucking tank it . what if I tank it ? fucking it up in front of people who are gonna have T’IS be t’eir first time t’ey see us is one t’ing . but fucking it up in front of eloise & my mum ? ” his nose scrunched again then , his head shaking , “ i don’t know . it’s just —- maybe i’m not cut out for festivals . ”
she’d been lucky enough to watch from afar , the way the found transformed from a garage band playing in shitty hometown bars to headlining tours in different countries . she was luckier to watch kieran transform into the kind of man she knew a younger version of him would’ve been proud of . he’d come a long way , so much so that it felt a bit . . . foreign , almost , to see him so out of sorts . distant , lost in his own head , a bit fucking terrified . but she understood the feeling as best as she could . it was like the first time she’d stepped away from the artists at disclosure in manchester . manchester was familiar . evolves and the found were familiar . she knew they liked her , and she knew she was GOOD at shooting them . . . but it was different stepping out with a different crowd , different genre , different aesthetic . just like it was different for the boys , she was sure , to step out in front of a different kind of crowd with a different kind of set playing a different kind of show . not to mention the sheer size of the festival they were playing ; electric picnic was no local battle of the bands . she understood why he was in his head about things , but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t try to coax him out of it . luckily , he didn’t seem to be too far gone as a playful suggestion rolled off of his tongue . she squeezed her eyes shut , vehemently shaking her head . “ oh please do NOT say anyt’ing about my mot’er and meg thee stallion ANYWHERE near eloise because she’ll take it as a challenge ‘nd next t’ing you know , she WILL be in t’e pit . . . likely wit’ ruairi along for t’e ride , ” evan laughed , shaking her head to articulate her final words on the matter , “ not . ideal . not . happening . ” but she was happy eloise was there . it was good to see her out of the house , away from work . . . and the found was made up of four boys that she looked after like they were her own . she’d watch and know that the boys she had a hand in raising – in various degrees – were doing incredibly well for themselves . she’d hear ‘ cheer up baby ’ and know that her only daughter was loved . . . and loved well . evan’s gaze flickered over his features , studying the lines that she’d seen transform from soft curves to defined edges over the years . time had given her the privilege of learning kieran’s best kept secrets and most intricate details . she knew how to soothe a racing heartbeat . . . and how to get his heart racing again . she knew how to gently pull him away from the ledge of perfectionism . she knew how to say i love you in a hundred different ways , and she knew how to say it without saying it at all . but so much of that relied on delicate touch , the skimming of her fingertips along his skin or the warmth of her hand tucked into his . that came naturally . easily . words , though . . . even when she knew he might need those most of all . . . often failed her . it didn’t stop her from trying , though ; just took her a little longer than usual to get there . a small crease had formed between her brows , teeth clamping down on the inside of her cheek . not nervous , a bit fucking terrified . she couldn’t blame him . the growing sea of people just beyond the stage was intimidating . so she didn’t address that just yet . “ well , here’s t’e thing about eloise connely , ” evan sighed as her thumb gently moved across the back of his hand , “ she LOVES you . reckon she thinks you’re t’e best thing t’ ever happen to me , ‘nd t’at’s all t’at matters . you could go tone deaf ‘nd lose all your fingers ‘nd never be able to sing or play music again ‘nd do you know what ? she’d love you all t’e same . so there’s no need t’ worry ‘bout her . OR your mam . ” sincerity gleamed in crystal blue eyes as she continued , softly , “ i’ve never seen a parent more proud of t’eir kid t’an nora walsh . you ‘nd liv are everyt’ing to her . you know t’at . ” but still , the nerves were there . it was clear in the tenseness of his body , the breathlessness of his words . “ for t’is next bit , i don’t want you t’ hear me as your girlfriend or your best friend or even a fan of t’e band , really , ” she shifted , eyes still trained on his despite the chatter of the crowd growing busier as time for them to enter stage got closer , “ i want you t’ hear me as someone who has worked wit’ ot’er artists . wit’ live shows . a professional in t’e music industry ‘nd an avid concert goer : you can be a good musician wit’out being a good performer , ‘nd you can be a good performer wit’out being a good musician . ” a smile pulled at her lips , dimpling her cheeks as she looked over him , “ take me for example ! i can’t carry a tune . don’t have t’e patience t’ really learn any instruments . but i can work a crowd like it’s nobody’s business .”
" like 40% of my job is watching artists perform live , seeing them in a setting t'at requires them t' be a musician and a performer , and take it from me -- as a professional , not your girlfriend -- not all of 'em are both . it takes a real talent to be both ." she tore her eyes away from him , glancing over his shoulder at the stage , the crowd beyond , the instruments and people in between . " kiv has always been both . she's got a killer voice , but she also knows how t' put on one hell of a show . ruairi's pretty good at it , too , but t'at's because t'e only committed relationship he's ever been in is wit' his drum kit and . . . " her lips pressed together , suppressing a smile as she lightheartedly tacked on , " he's a born comedian , y'know ? both of 'em -- good musicians , good performers . and then there's you . " she shifted forward , taking the smallest step closer as she untangled their fingers . hands empty , she placed them gently on his chest . " and remember , t'is isn't evan connely , t'e girlfriend , best friend , big fan , so on , talking . t'is is evan connely , who works a different kind'f job in the SAME industry as you talking , " it was then that she gathered up the fabric of his shirt , not so much tugging him closer . . . but rather , tightening her grip to keep him tethered . " YOU , kieran , are a great musician . yes , your voice is great . yes , you're great on guitar . but those lyrics . when we were younger , you were SO good at building up mile high walls , 'nd you've gotten better at letting those come down , but to everyone who doesn't know you that ' enigma ' persona you joke about still stands . you keep your private life pretty private . you keep pieces of yourself separate from what you give audiences . and your lyrics are windows into all of that . a glimpse beyond the rockstar gig , y'know , and the realness of that . . . really shows when you sing live . " she let go of his shirt , but left her hands resting gently against his chest . " again , t'is is my PROFESSIONAL opinion -- " she gave him a pointed look , despite the subtle signs of a smile at the corners of her mouth . evan wasn't exactly sure how to make it clear that this WASN'T bias . there were plenty of times that she knew she was , in fact , biased . but when it came to his music , his stage presence , his career . . . it was never just because he was kieran . every bit of praise he got was well deserved . " people are drawn to that authenticity . it makes you attainable , but still just barely out of reach . and it makes you human , just like them . . . just like the crowd . it's easy to feel a connection wit' someone like t'at , someone real -- even if they're a stranger standing on a stage . " once again , a faint crease appeared between her brows . her gaze flickered away from him again , back to the crowd , " and t'at's all anyone wants , in'it ? connection . to feel a part of something . and to be able to provide t'at feeling as a musician -- as a performer -- it's incredible , kieran . and it's exactly what you do , every time you go onto a stage or step into an interview or so much as pick your guitar up . it's really , really impressive . and i reckon it's t'e reason t'at , even if they didn't come to see the found , they'll be leaving wit' t'e band's name tucked in their back pocket t' add t' t'e queue on t'e drive home . " her brows raised as she looked back at him and offered a subtle shrug of her shoulders , " t'at's just my professional opinion on t'e matter . now , my opinion as your girlfriend -- . . . " evan's cheeks dimpled with a smile that teased a hint of flirtation as her hands moved to slip into his once again , " it is so easy to fall in love with you over and over on a regular day , but when you're out there . . . doing something you're so good at and feeling CONFIDENT about it ? " her eyes flickered back to the stage before looking upwards , head tilted backwards as it shook side to side , as though to show her loss for words . when evan looked at him again , her face was warm with a smile only really brought about by the thought of him . " on t'at stage , i'm willing t' bet next to no one can help falling in love wit' you . " her eyes flickered over his features , and even then she could feel a swarm of butterflies flutter about in her stomach . she lifted one of his hands to her lips , leaving a quick , gently kiss on his knuckles before letting it fall between them once more . " you're very dreamy , kieran walsh . it's a bit of a problem , really , " she said softly ; and it was the truth . it was a problem . because sometimes she forgot that she was lucky enough to live in this reality . there would be no waking up to an empty bed , wishing he were there . she could get lost in him the way she'd get lost in a good dream . it was easy to do , that much was clear by the way she'd tuned out the world around them to focus solely on him , making sure he was okay . . . and properly talking his ear off . sometimes the words never came . sometimes there were too many . her cheeks began to warm at the though , and she cleared her throat as she looked down at their feet . " t'at was really just a very long way of saying . . . t'at stage is just another stage you BELONG on , kieran , " she met his eyes again , smile softer than before , " 'nd just because t'e crowd didn't necessarily come t' see the found , doesn't mean they won't be leaving a fan . " she took a deep breath , chest rising and falling -- golden pendant gleaming in the natural light against her skin . " if i were you , i'd just worry about not embarrassing mikey in front of your ma . he's got quite t'e crush , you know . . . 'nd t'is little band of yours is pretty much his sole money maker these days . you flop out t'ere , she'll t'ink he's crazy or got poor judgement 'nd take off . " the smile on her face , the gentle squeeze of his hands . . . she hoped he knew she was only joking . but for good measure , she asked , " what can i do ? aside from a rambling pep talk and a joke in poor-ish taste , what do you need me t' do t' help ? "