𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐄 ( 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 ) ; 𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙘 𝙥𝙞𝙘𝙣𝙞𝙘 ›› 𝐊𝐈𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐍 + 𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐍 .
evan had long since abandoned the idea that HOME was one place . when she was traveling and longing to be home , it wasn’t a particular street name and address she thought about . it was the feeling of a warm body curled up next to her , the sound of a steady heartbeat lulling her to sleep , waking up to a sleepy smile . home was kieran . and ziggy , of course . still , it was good to be back on irish soil . it was good to be back in the house with the pale blue door where her mother was waiting with a warm mug filled to the brim and about a dozen harmless stories that were , truthfully , none of her business . she welcomed each of the boys home like they were her own –– because at this point , they were . lorcain seemed brighter this time around , or maybe it was just nora . seeing her with mikey never ceased to bring about a kind of joy that was CONTAGIOUS . it was particularly bright when they were all together . evan swore she had never heard laughter quite as infectious as when eloise and nora could be heard laughing together in the spacious kitchen of a new home that nora had made entirely her own . when they were all together like that , it felt like a glimpse at the rest of their lives . . . and evan was perfectly happy with the life they were living . the boys had been diligently working on their album , with plenty of long days in the studio but none too frequent . still , evan could count the times she’d fallen asleep on that beat up leather couch waiting for them to finish on one hand . it was both nothing and everything like the first time . nostalgic and hopeful for the future all at once . they worked like a well oiled machine , and though this was the second time around . . . evan didn’t think she’d ever tire of watching them work . it was something she’d never be able to do : put words down on paper then string them together to a melody that had been dancing around in one of their heads for days , weeks , months . it seemed they were only getting better , too . their newest single had done just as well as that debut album . . . the found’s fanbase was growing . intimate shows played around europe sold out in minutes ; people began lining up as the sun rose on the morning of the show . she’d tried her best to go with them when she could . why wouldn’t she ? in a couple months , saint valentine would make the trip over the pond , and she’d be on the road with them for some time after . but nothing compared to the found . nothing compared seeing the boys she’d watched grow up through the lens of her camera . NOTHING compared to being there when the final song was played , when the encore came to a close , when kieran came off stage with a crooked smile and damp curls , eyes never leaving hers no matter how many people reached to pat him on the shoulder or shake his hand . next time , when i try t’ be selfish wit’ you , he’d said in new york , DON’T LET ME . and she hadn’t . it’s why she’d carved out so much time for a trip back to ireland . this wasn’t just any show , after all . this one would be played on a festival stage . . . in front of a crowd that may or may not have come with seeing the found in mind . just a little over an hour outside of their hometown . . . a little UNDER an hour if ruairi was driving . electric picnic was always one last goodbye to summer . most of her memories of it had little to do with the music and everything to do with fake ids , piggyback rides from ruairi , and wishing the ride home was longer as she dozed off on kieran’s shoulder . it wasn’t just any festival show . it was their first , and it was one that hit close to home . there was a bit of added pressure , being so close to home . . . but maybe a bit of comfort , too , in the fact that their families had made it out to support them . eloise was more than happy to take off work ; evan couldn’t remember the last time her mother had managed to get away from the hospital for a show . nora was there , beaming with mikey nearby . ruairi’s parents had made the short trip , as had adam’s brothers and the oldest of conan’s sisters . they had their own little army of support , ready to rally around them .
despite it all , evan could feel the nervous energy swarming around the band . she saw it in the way ruairi’s fingers drummed familiar rhythms against his thighs and the way adam wouldn’t stop running his hands through his hair . and kieran , well . . . they were LINKED UP , after all . it didn’t take much for her to realize that he was at risk of slipping too deep into his own thoughts . as minutes passed and show time approached , evan watched as eloise gently patted his shoulder as she said : ‘ you’re going to be great , love ’ . . . before addressing all four boys with a ‘ break a leg ’ . quickly followed by a stern finger pointed directly at ruairi ‘ NOT literally ‘ . she watched as their instruments were diligently set up on stage . from her spot perched on an equipment box , she could even get a glimpse at the crowd as it became sparse for just a few minutes before filling up quickly again . she watched as pride sparkled in nora’s eyes before she , too , followed down a small set of stairs and out to get a better view of the show that would take place in just ten or so minutes . and she watched as all four boys took nervous looks out at a crowd that wasn’t necessarily there for them . soon enough , adam was trying to neutralize ruairi and conan as they bickered in whispers over god knows what . . . and it gave evan the perfect opportunity to steal a second with the frontman of the band . it seemed rare to see him nervous nowadays , but that didn’t mean she didn’t recognize the moment it started settling in . he was older now . . . more experienced . . . more confident , for sure . . . but the look in his eye was strikingly similar to the one she’d seen reflected back at her through a mirror in madrid , TWO years ago .that european tour had launched them towards an album that debuted at #1 , a headlining tour in north america , and a highly anticipated sophomore album . things had only gone up for the boy who worried at the rings encircling his fingers , alone in his dressing room . . . and yet , here he was – home in ireland and STILL lost in his head . she quietly slid down from where she sat and slipped behind him . “ hey , you , ” she uttered a soft greeting as one hand slipped into his , the other coming to rest gently on his forearm . in the pause that lingered aftwards , she leaned over and left a quick kiss against his shoulder , and then she gave a slight tug at their intertwined hands . “ c’mere a second , will ya ? ” taking a step backwards , she lightly pulled him along , coaxing him further away from the crowd and the boys and center stage where he’d be in no time . EVAN had no doubt that the moment that guitar was in his hand , things would fall into place , but whether or not KIERAN believed that was an entirely different question . he could get so caught up in his own head sometimes . but she couldn’t blame him , really . this show in particular was a BIG deal . she might’ve been nervous for them as well . . . if she hadn’t been certain they’d end up on a stage like this since they were just kids sneaking in . “ what do you reckon our younger selves would say , ” she began in a light tone , turning to face him once they were far enough away from the boys , “ if we went back and told ‘em t’at SOMEDAY . . . eloise connely ‘nd nora walsh would be wanderin’ around fucking electric picnic ? ” she glanced towards the steps they’d disappeared down as her grip on his hand relented , leaving only loosely intertwined fingers in the space between them . “ would’ve shocked t’e hell out ‘f me , ” she shook her head , turning back to meet his eye , “ not you boys though . figured you’d wind up here someday . ” her head tilted slightly as she studied him . it was hard to imagine a time they’d walked these very festival grounds years before , with so many unsaid words keeping a fair distance between them until the crowd got a little too thick and he reached for her hand . now , she could’ve pulled him closer if she wanted . but instead of wrapping her arms around him and pulling him in , she gave him a little breathing room . though it didn’t stop her free hand from reaching up to lightly push away a curl that threatened to fall into his eyes . “ where’s your head at , hm ? ” evan asked softly , voice lowering as her gaze flickered over his features , “ i haven’t seen you nervous like this in a long time . ”
electric picnic . . . it was one of THE music festival in ireland . one that was on the list of all festival goers from ireland & further afield . one that he , three boys & evan had conned their way into with fake ids , that really shouldn’t have worked on anyone , almost EVERY year since they’d turned 16 . one that had been the source of countless memories that brightened teenage years that were , at times , unbearable . but maybe , most importantly , it had been one of THE dream gigs that he could ever think of landing . because there had been a time in which the found had dreamed of being a festival band . tripping all over the uk & ireland during the festival season . . . it had been the ultimate dream . they hadn’t believed there was ANY other way to kick start their music career officially . & maybe they would have managed just that if mikey hadn’t found them in a nondescript pub in dublin one friday night three years ago & set them on a different path . a path that had consisted of first a tour as an opening band around the uk & then their OWN around europe & the uk all while their first album finally dropped . but though that path had set them up to break successfully into the american scene & allow them the chance to work on NEW music , for the first time in years , for a second album . a part of them had ALWAYS wanted to dip their toes into what still remained a dream to this day . a dream that mikey had PROMISED would one day come to fruition . a dream kieran , for once , wholeheartedly believed would come true . why wouldn’t he ? the past 3 years had been FULL of dreams coming fruition . kieran just hadn’t realised ELECTRIC PICNIC would be the one that would be known as their FIRST festival to land . when mikey had first told them , he’d thought it was a joke . he’d laughed & asked what festival they had ACTUALLY booked . them ? play electric picnic ? NO . he had to be pulling their leg . he HAD to be . but as the lineup was announced , their name was there . printed in bold text among a sea of many others — some of which he’d NEVER thought he’d see the found’s name grouped with . the found was playing electric picnic . HE was playing electric picnic . the festival he’d grown up going to . the festival that was a huge part of why he loved music , of why he’d wanted nothing more than to experience what it was like to play in front of a crowd of THOUSANDS . he’d thought their debut album charting at #1 had been big . he’d thought their american tour had been big . but this — electric picnic . a home crowd . their first ever festival — THIS was in a whole new league . it was truly a good thing that they’d been busy working on their album right up until the last day before they flew back to dublin . back to lorcain . before they started the hour or so drive down to stradbally . because if he’d been left to his own devices . if he’d been left to think about EVERY detail of just what this meant . he was certain he would have lost his head below the waves LONG before he’d stepped foot into the wings of the rankin's wood stage . it would be a big deal for ANYONE . anyone that was sane in the head would be nervous . being out in front of a sea of thousands that watched your every move wasn’t normal . even when it WAS your job to do exactly that . but nerves had never been kieran’s problem . he could only remember being nervous ONCE in the last two years . & that had been on the first night of their first ever tour . madrid . looking back on it now , it felt as if it was YEARS ago . it felt as if that had been a whole different version of him . which possibly wasn’t all that far from the truth . A LOT had happened in those two years . not only was his whole life different but he was different . & really , there shouldn’t have been a single sign of butterflies in his stomach as his neck craned to get a glance at the crowd that waited for the lights to dim & flicker to life as their name lit up upon the backdrop behind their set up . he’d been doing this for the past two years . he knew what to do . what to expect . he knew that they were GOOD . but there was ONE glaringly obvious difference between the crowd & the usual crowds he stepped out in front of ; not EVERYONE here was there to see them . he’d be willing to bet there were probably people in the crowd that had no idea who the hell they even were . they’d been successful , sure , but the found wasn’t exactly a household name . not even in their own home country . & that thought alone was enough for the kieran that had sat in front of a mirror in madrid all those years ago to creep his way back in . what if no one knew who the hell they were ? what if they went out there to a crowd that gave back nothing but deafening silence , or worse , indifference ? what if he went out there & choked because of it ? sure evan , eloise , nora , mikey & the rest of the other boy’s family members that had made the trip down with them would be there in the crowd . but even thinking about THAT added to that sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach . the type that twisted even confident thoughts into ones that made him want to believe the opposite . evan & mikey had seen them play MANY times . but eloise . . . his mum . . . it wasn’t just some of those in the crowd to hearing the found live for the first time today . it would be the first time eloise & his mum heard them play live in YEARS . since they’d left lorcain & first moved to manchester . the pressure & self-doubt that he’d managed to keep at bay since he’d first found out felt as if it was hitting him all at once . he hardly even registered first eloise & then nora leaving for their spots in the crowd . his fingers worked tirelessly against the metal that encircled his fingers as he twisted them around & around . & he was certain that the pounding of his heart was audible to those that stood around him . because it sure as hell was deafening in his ears . he almost wanted to reach for the ear piece resting on his shoulder & press it into his ear in hopes that it would quieten both the noise around him & the noise in his mind that made it hard to think about anything but the swirling what ifs . but really , there was only one thing that was THAT good at quietening the noise within him . & after nearly 12 years of knowing each other , it should have been NO surprise that she knew exactly what was going on behind what may have looked like composed features to anyone else that didn’t know him .
he’d known she was there . he’d kept her always in the corner of his eye . even as he’d wandered a few steps away from the equipment box she’d set herself upon to get a better look at the crowd . a crowd that was slowly but surely getting larger & larger as their start time grew closer . but still , there was a slight stiffening of his shoulders beneath the fabric of his shirt as skin grazed against skin . though just as quickly as it had appeared with her touch , it vanished with the warmth of her hand within his & the soft greeting that was usually saved for her . his brows furrowed for a quick second but the crease between his brow softened out as his head angled ever so slightly , just enough to allow him to once more catch her out of the corner of his eye , before a quiet hum of acknowledgement reverberated from his throat . it was all he could manage when the crowd & the sickness that rolled in his stomach still commanded his attention . but as he felt her fingers tighten around his hand , piece by piece his attention began to drift . & it wasn’t long before brown beneath a raised brow met gentle coaxing blue . his lips parted as he relinquished a step in her direction . but there was a moment of hesitation as he glanced back at first the crowd & then the three other boys that seemed to have fallen into a round of bickering , “ i should probably — ” his free hand had risen to gesture at the boys but as evan gave another gentle tug on his hand , it dropped uselessly to his side , “ alright . ” saying no to her HAD always been hard for him to do . & really , what would he rather ? stand there & stew in his nervous , break up whatever was going on with the other or let evan pull away from it ALL ? it was a no brainer . evan was ALWAYS his first choice . so he let her lead him off to the side . away from the crowd . away from the other . away from the world . because with the warmth & weight of her hand within his & her voice , light & floating , breaking up the noise around them he could breathe a little easier . he could focus on the words her lips formed around instead of the ones in his head as his eyes flittered over her features even as she glanced towards the steps that led out to the crowd & the space the group that had come with them would watch their set from . “ i mean — i ain’t T’AT surprised ‘bout eloise . always t’ought she had a bit of an edge t’ her . t’ink she’d ‘ave a HELL of a time in t’e pit of megan thee stallion’s set . ” a slight quirk of the corner of his lips curled slightly before they settled once more , “ but my mum ? nora walsh ? FUCK no . ” his head gave a small shake as his fingers tightened ever so slightly around hers , “ t’at’s ‘bout t’e last t’ing i’d ever expect . hell , i’m surprised she actually ended up coming today . ” not that he didn’t want her there . he did . more than anything . it was just that nora walsh was even less of a crowds person than liv was & THAT was saying something . “ t’ought maybe she’d back out last minute but —- ” he trailed off into quiet as he took in a small breath . a slight smile curving the edges of his lips as his eyes flittered away from her for a moment , head shaking lightly from side to side as a tone of amusement lifted his voice from a brief moment as his eyes returned to her , “ you were ALWAYS our biggest fan & believer , huh ? ” & she had been . & it still baffled him to this day just HOW much she believed in them . & though he’d never asked if there was ever a moment in time when she’d ever lost a bit of that unwavering belief , he wouldn’t be surprised if she said there had NEVER been a moment . because for as long as he could remember SHE had been the most solid , unwavering thing in his life . she had ALWAYS been there when he’d needed her , just within reach . & even now , twelve years after the first day they’d met , she was still there . reaching for his hand & providing a tether to keep him solid & real upon the ground . gratitude shone warmly in his gaze as his eyes followed her own as they studied his features . though it was no surprise she saw what lay beneath it . & with that coaxing phrase she’d use time & time again over the years , a breath was loosened from his lips as his nose scrunched , blurring the freckles that had darkened across the bridge of his nose . “ i’m not nervous . ” he started , but before she could argue & point out the obvious he continued , “ i’m a bit fucking terrified . ” once more , his fingers tightened around her fingers . “ i mean , t’is is electric fucking picnic , ev . ” he twisted slightly to look over his shoulder back towards the wings he’d be walking out from in just under 10 minutes , “ we’ve been coming ‘ere since we were bloody 16 & now i’m in one of t’e bands playing ? ” his head shook as he looked back at her , “ it’s fucking mental . i’m ‘ere & it STILL doesn’t feel like we’re really just ‘bout t’ go out t’ere & play to THOUSANDS . it’s t’e biggest crowd we’ll have EVER played , ev . & i — ” his lips pressed together as his free hand lifted to rub his forehead before he pushed the very same curl she’d nudged out & away from his eyes back from his face before his arm fell once more to his side , “ you’d t’ink a few thousand more people wouldn’t be a problem & maybe it wouldn’t be if t’is was one of OUR gigs . but t’e t’ing is —- it’s not . not really . it’s just our SET , one of many , & i’d be willing t’ bet t’ere’s only a couple hundred — & t’at’s only if i’m being generous — people out t’ere t’at ‘ave actually come t’ see US . t’e rest probably ‘ave no fucking clue who we are . t’ere’s probably some people in t’ere t’at even HATE us & are just ‘ere t’ get a good spot for someone t’at comes after . ” the warmth in his eyes had faded just as the curve of his lips had evened out , “ & eloise is ‘ere . . . & my mum . . . it’s t’e first time they’ve seen us play since we left lorcain . what if we go out t’ere & fucking tank it . what if I tank it ? fucking it up in front of people who are gonna have T’IS be t’eir first time t’ey see us is one t’ing . but fucking it up in front of eloise & my mum ? ” his nose scrunched again then , his head shaking , “ i don’t know . it’s just —- maybe i’m not cut out for festivals . ”