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[eveisnep]

inside my war would be a good title.

[jrugs]

[lettodie]

Mood

[oodnam]

[24kblk]

david alan harvey, 9/11 spectators. nyc. 2001.

[forgivewhatburned-deactivated20]

[eveisnep]

My writings are about multiple people. if you want to know it's about you just ask.

[eveisnep]

 Do you still have love for her? yes Do you still love her?

I do, just not the same. Would you do the same again? I wouldn't fight so hard and do everything anymore. It's a. I love you. I love my peace more so and have my own boundaries now. I don't want to blur it again just because I have these emotions. What do you want? I want to accomplish my dreams and ambitions and if it's the cost of love. I'm fine. is that healthy? I'm not sure. I'm healthier now though. I have my health back. my mental. my time. my calmness. Why did you let it all go? Because I felt if I didn't do it at that time I would have lost it. You don't have it anymore so what now? "you lived before me so you can live after me" "I can ofc that's just reality. I've lived before you, after you, it just won't be the same" one decade later. I'm learning to live after you. It feels weird. I guess D was right. all this just becomes that. a list of words.

[eveisnep]

Why was tumblr the first think that popped into my writing to type to open? weird. lol.

[eveisnep]

anon is back on feel free to message me.

[eveisnep]

looking at your mesasge 6 years ago

"When someone's been gone a long time, at first you save up all the things you want to tell them. You try to keep track of everything in your head. And then if you're a writer like I am, or maybe as forgetful as I am, you begin to make little post-it note reminders in your phone. Sometimes, I'll be driving and I'll jot a word down that I can refer back to to trigger the memory - in the case that I forget. But after enough time, when I look back at the list of words, it begins to look just like that. A list of words.

I love you, even before 3 years..." I wonder why is it that when I think about love. to be in love. you would come to mind. the second person for me to tell that i'm in love with. I don't know if you still check on me on here. it's been a decade. I just checked on you today because I saw this message when I was trying to find another thing..... Where am I at in life right now? I'm working to build my own business. I.... I honestly don't even know what to say anymore. I guess it's just words huh hun? .... I'ma just leave it at this.

[eveisnep]

I have half the mind to check on d. but also what's the use if there's a post. what if she changed her bio. what would i do? I have work to do , businesss to build, adn. idk. just right now there's no space for a relationship. .... even if I wanted her and if she wanted me. is it even okay? lol. we're older now and we have idfferent lives than when we met. I need to keep moving forward.

[eveisnep]

one day. that day is not today.

[eveisnep]

ngl sometimes I think london checks on my profile somehow but often times I think. well it's been done. it doesnt matter if I see her anywhere. I just have to keep enjoying and living my life. :)

[eveisnep]

I thought about checking on you. but it's been almost a decade now. we're old. you probably have a husband and kids. it's crazy how I can't believe you still check on me. to make a vague post and see the change. I still want to see you. but I also know it's not the best thing . I should just appreciate what ever it was. thank you. for everythign you taught me about love. about how someone could hold such a space and such fire. I've learned to tame that fire. anyawys. thank you. I still have this piece of rock that I found on the beach when we were supposed to meet. you ghosted again that day and I never saw you until you reached out four years later. I was with someone at that time. someone who was in front of me. I didn't know if you were serious. then you finally let me go. at that time I was worried that if I was in your city i'd accidently see you adn i'd drop everything. for that year I avoided that city. even MK stores thinking I might see you because you managed a few stores. I also had the thought of going to them and say hey. does so and so work here? or if you have any info? I have a gift for her. can you jsut let her know this kid was real about his love for her? that's all. she doesn't even need to know the name just know that there's someone who supports her no matter what and still has love for her. anyways let me leave this as is.

[thempress222]

get to know my heart atleast damn

[eveisnep]

What if it was Milpitas instead of SJ? what if it was her messaging you all this time? what if it was both? I guess at the end of the day. it doesn't matter because it was on anon. so what of it? also. I've taken off the space for searching me. it's more so SJ that would be looking at me and being on anon. anywhooo. keep on moving forward. you have a lot of work to do mate.

[babbyygirrrl]

The scariest version of me is not angry, it’s silent. Just done explaining, done caring, done trying. When I go quiet it means something inside me finally gave up.