[dozydawn]

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Playbook: How To Cultivate Self-Regard (In Every Area Of Life)

How to live with self-respect in every aspect of life. Here's your ultimate guide to living in your dark feminine energy.

Living with self-regard (or self-respect) means understanding that you cannot pour from an empty cup and the importance of making yourself your #1 priority. Feeling your best also has a domino effect. You become a better friend, boss, sibling, parent, child, lover, etc. when you feel comfortable with yourself and content in your own skin. Of course, some of these practices will apply to more than one area of life (ex. Sleep improves your physical and mental health and a good night’s rest can also be considered an act of self-care), but these principles/examples are divided up to streamline these tips. Enjoy xx 

Areas of Life: 

Career

Self-Care/Self-Development 

Finances

Physical Health 

Mental Health/Emotional Well-Being 

Sexual Health/Sexuality & Sensuality 

Relationships (All Types - Friends, Family, Work, Intimate) 

Career: 

Discover what you love: Find the subject matters, industries, and a way of adding value that lights you up inside. Take a job or get creative in your methodology to make this area of interest into your career.

Set clear goals: Do I want to work at a particular company? What position/title? Do I want to go out on my own – who are my dream clients, work volume, lifestyle, business structure, income? Write all these details down and strategize small, practical daily tasks/habits to reach your goal.

Build an indispensable skillset: Research, case-building, copywriting, strategic planning, computer programming, sales, data analytics, etc. Learn transferable skills to guarantee you'll always have something valuable to bring to the table in our ever-changing world/work culture. Start with one and accumulate more as you work towards self-mastery.

Know your worth: Negotiate – your salary, rates, workday structure, corporate benefits, PTO, etc. Never let someone have you begging for breadcrumbs or the bare minimum.

Speak up (when necessary): Communicate – clearly, directly, and assertively. Don't let someone walk all over you. Finish your sentences with certainty even if someone tries to interrupt you while you're speaking. Advocate for yourself, whether you're trying to secure a promotion, a new project, a proposed solution for a client, or taking a necessary break. Also, know when it's in your best interest to stay silent. Ensure your integrity remains intact. The truth of a matter speaks volumes.

Organize your day (Prioritize!): Set yourself up to win by outlining your priorities first before others' tasks and projects consume your mind and calendar. List your top 3 to-dos for the day that are non-negotiables for you and will inch you closer to your goals. I recommend the Productivity Planner for daily use.

Keep records: Have email records and call notes regarding every interaction and decision written down. This practice enables you to stand your ground when necessary and saves you a lot of trouble.

Set boundaries: Proudly affirm your 'no' to a project, any disrespectful comment, or too many nights of overtime work. Schedule and stick to your breaks and the time you clock out (within reason, of course). Never allow a company or endeavor to run you into the ground at the expense of your mental or physical health.

Make connections: Cultivating a network of mentors, colleagues, and peers in the same or adjacent fields is priceless. These connections can lead to new opportunities, provide a healthy and productive space to explore ideas, or generally vent and exchange advice. Strike up that conversation at lunch or an event. Follow up with a LinkedIn request or thoughtful email. You never know what this conversation might lead to and the opportunities it can bring.

Self-Care/Self-Development: 

Create daily/weekly rituals: Establish ones that add a little joy and streamline your day. These habits can range from a 10-minute yoga or meditation session every morning, to practicing morning pages or a daily shadow work prompt, reading 10 pages daily, getting your steps in, and planning your tasks, lunch, and outfit for the next day the night before to creating a weekly house-cleaning schedule or meal planning. Discover systems that allow you to put yourself first and set you up to win the day.

Find ways to feel beautiful: Create luscious skincare, shower, and hair/makeup/nail routines that make you feel like a queen. Invest in well-fitting, high-quality wardrobe staples. Make your favorite cup of coffee or tea daily. Keep your signature scent on hand. Exfoliate. Invest in matching pajama sets.

Indulge all of your senses: Light a candle. Put on a moody playlist to relax, focus, unwind, or turn you on – any melody that suits the occasion and gets you in the zone. Take a bubble bath or do a face mask. Relish in a warm beverage or a healthful, comforting meal. Use silk pillowcases, hair ties, and bed sheets. Pamper yourself with small everyday luxuries.

Expand your knowledge: Make it a priority to read a few articles and 10 pages of a book daily. Being educated on different topics and the world provides you with personal fulfillment and enables you to enter into a wider pool of conversations. This practice also strengthens your mind, sharpens focus, and helps your brain relax.

Explore your interests: Learn what subjects and activities light you up inside. Whether it's painting, dancing, tennis, spin classes, learning about ancient world history, politics, fashion, science, etc. Take time to study and practice in these areas of interest.

Embrace your creative side: Write, read, draw, create a mood board, explore Pinterest or Tumblr, style outfits, organize a section of your room, cook a new recipe, make a playlist – any fun activity that ignites creativity.

Plan dates for yourself: Take yourself out for coffee, lunch, a shopping date, or even a mini vacation. You deserve to enjoy experiences and derive pleasure from enjoying these life moments without worrying about anyone but yourself.

Remember to rest: Getting 7-8 hours of sleep nightly and taking breaks is essential for productivity and overall well-being. Never feel guilty for allowing your body and mind to recover. Neglecting rest only backfires if you're playing the long-term game.

Finances: 

Know your income/expense ratio: Ensure you know exactly how much money is coming in and going out every month. Create a personal balance sheet to audit your financial well-being.

Track everything: Keep a record of every stream of income and where every dollar is going – expenses, savings, estimated taxes, investments, charity, etc.

Have a set emergency fund: Between 3-12 months of expenses should be ready in a high-yield savings account at all times. If you have a family or are self-employed, aim for 6-12 months of necessary savings to stay sane. Saving this amount of money takes time. Be patient, and cut back on frivolous expenses if needed for the short term. It's an act of self-care.

Invest (especially in a Roth IRA or backdoor Roth IRA): Set one up through Vanguard or Fidelity ASAP if you have not already. Don't underestimate the importance of compound interest on your financial future and security.

Automatically pay yourself first: Automate a portion of your paycheck to savings and your investments, so you never see this money. Pay yourself first before spending (on anything but necessities).

Always max out your 401K employer-matching: Make sure you know what percentage your employer will match and always meet this investment requirement. Do yourself the favor. It's literally free money.

Only spend on your essentials & what you actually enjoy: Invest in pleasurable items and activities strategically. Only spend on additional experiences and products that add value to your life. Cut unfulfilling expenses.

Read about personal finance/speak with your brokerage firm: Take time to read about these topics and learn everything your parents didn't teach you or were not taught at school. Use licensed professionals (CPAs, brokerage firms, etc.) as a resource, too, for your personal goals.  

Use savings plug-ins/discount codes 

Physical Health: 

Cook/eat healthy meals: At least 80% of the time. Focus on eating whole foods and a (mainly) plant-based diet. I've been vegan for 10 years and it's done wonders for my body, skin, and mental clarity.

Drink plenty of water daily: Set a target of ounces = to your weight in pounds. Incorporate lemon, lime, orange wedges, or frozen berries if necessary to keep this habit interesting.

Find workouts you love: Whether that's low-impact like pilates, yoga, walking or dance classes, spin classes, weight-lifting, etc. The best exercise routine is the one you can gladly maintain.

Make daily movement a priority: At least 15-30 minutes daily. I aim for 10-12K steps at least 5 days a week.

Limit processed foods, alcohol, cigarettes 

Step outside: Get at least 10 minutes of sun daily, weather permitting. Always wear sunscreen.

Sleep Well: Aim for 7-8 hours (Create a sleep hygiene routine!)

Maintain proper hygiene: Shower daily, moisturize, wash your hair on your necessary schedule, brush your body from head to toe, etc.

Do pelvic floor exercises: It does wonders for your bladder and helps to satisfy your libidinal energy.

Go to your annual appointments: Primary doctor/Obgyn/Dentist/Dermatologist

Mental Health/Emotional Well-Being: 

Meditate: Some of my favorite ones are linked HERE (for anxiety), HERE, (focus/productivity), and HERE (feminine/sexual energy).

Journal: Do a daily shadow work prompt, gratitude journal exercise, or practice morning pages (stream of consciousness journaling for 3 pages every morning).

Read: 10 pages of a self-development/psychology book, at least 3-5 articles, or a chapter of a fiction or non-fiction book. Daily.

Take breaks: A 10-minute walk, a real lunch break, listening to music, making coffee. Something pleasurable to recenter your focus and energy.

Discover movement you love: Walking and dancing are your best friends.

Keep your space clean: Wipe off all surfaces and put things away daily. Keep your desk organized. Clean and put away the dishes before bed. Stick to a house cleaning schedule.

Make to-do/bullet-point lists: For every area of life – work, chores, groceries, other items you need, wishlists, activities, and hobbies you want to pursue

Schedule and plan out your week: House cleaning, laundry, work project management, email time blocking, appointments, beauty routines, workouts, etc.

Create non-negotiables: Sleep, daily walks, a healthy dinner, your skincare routine, a 15-minute shower – whatever must-do rituals you need to look and feel your best every day.

Connect with your inner circle: Make a deliberate effort to stay in touch and catch up with those who are loyal and have your best interest at heart. Make time to chat on the phone, send a text, or better yet –get coffee, lunch, drinks, or dinner weekly with at least one person who you know makes your life richer in some type of way.

Put restrictions on social media/screen time: Use your settings to limit your time on certain apps (Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok, Facebook, etc.). I set mine for 2 hours a day. Stop checking email right before bed and first thing in the morning (at least try really hard not to –I'm so guilty of this one!).

Give freely: Be generous with those who you love, mentors, and mentees. Everyone appreciates when you put a little effort into giving someone a small thoughtful gift, doing a kind gesture, or lending an ear. It makes you feel good and can make someone's day, week, month, or year.

Set boundaries: Take time for yourself – to recharge, indulge in solo activities, have some fresh air, breathe, or sit in silence. Give freely with no expectations, but never overextend yourself. When seeking to know whether you're striking the right balance between giving and gatekeeping your energy ask yourself: Am I being kind, or do I feel like I'm losing a piece of myself when engaging with this person/attending this event? Be honest with yourself. Listen to and follow your initial gut reaction.

Go to therapy: If you can afford it, weekly (or bi-weekly, monthly) sessions are a game-changer for self-discovery, emotional regulation, and general happiness/life fulfillment.

Sexual Health/Sexuality & Sensuality:

Let go of shame: Internalize your right to pleasure. Claim ownership over this aspect of your life. It gives you confidence in and outside of the bedroom, so you move through the world with a magnetic aura and powerfully feminine energy.

Own your sexuality and preferences: Embrace who and what you're attracted to. This principle extends from your sexual orientation to your libido, turn-ons (fantasies, adult content, steamy memories, etc.), preferred positions, kinks, and devices. Sexuality and arousal are so personal. Allow yourself to be free of stigmas for the things you do in private. No one needs to know how you derive pleasure behind closed doors (unless it's a partner who's involved, of course).

Make time for self-pleasure and exploration (at least weekly): Understanding that you're in control of your own pleasure is empowering. Learning what you like is essential for sexual gratification – whether you're alone or sharing the experience with a partner.

Allow the mind-body connection to be your friend, not your enemy: Sex starts in the mind, so this point is important for climaxing. Get out of your head and into your body. Learning to enjoy your own body is a sign of self-respect.

Keep everything clean & hygienic: Only wash inside with water (no steaming!), clean any toys, and use protection. Safety and self-regard go hand-in-hand.

Find products & habits that make you feel beautiful: Invest in lingerie, sheets, perfume, body lotions, candles, wine, etc. that make you feel confident while in the mood.

Engage in playful & creative activities: Don't be shy about (safe and consensual) experimentation (I'll leave this to your imagination) and activities to build up tension, like a romantic dinner or a dancing session beforehand to make this area of your life more exciting and fulfilling.

Relationships: 

Communicate expectations: Clearly and often with any individual in your life. Listen and respond. Don't react. Validate emotions when necessary. If someone cannot do the same, understand that it's almost always a sign of projection. Remain calm and confident in yourself. Always command and show up to others with the highest level of respect.

Have empathy, but not at your own expense: Live with respect and consideration for others, but remember your life is for YOU. Beware of guilt-trippers. Don't take the bait.

Set boundaries: Uphold them unapologetically. Seek to understand others' needs and boundaries, so you can be considerate of their needs too. Empathy and kindness come from a place of self-respect. They are not the same people-pleasing.

Be generous (but don’t overextend yourself): See above in the mental health section.

Be true to yourself: Authenticity is essential to personal fulfillment. Live in your uniqueness. Remember: trying to be someone else doesn't work, she's already taken. You have so much value to offer this world. Let your queen energy shine through. Live your truth. Remain self-assured. Be unapologetically you.

[firstfullmoon]

“I was twenty-one, and I was trying my hardest to be permeable, to be alive to other people’s sufferings, but I didn’t know how to stop being permeable when it was pointless, when it was ultimately narcissistic, when it did no good. I felt, monstrously, that there was no boundary between my situation and the larger situation, between my tiny injustices and the injustices everyone faced. I was so naïve, and violence seemed to be everywhere: a bus thundering through my village at night hit a person and kept driving; a drunk man threw a child against a wall. It was the first time that I fully understood myself to be subsumed within a social system that was unjust, brutal, punitive—that women were suffering because men had dominion over them, that men were suffering because they were expected to perform this dominion, that power had been stacked so unevenly, so long ago, that there was very little I could do. 

This resulted in a state of mind that felt delusional and paranoid and underwater, so much so that I’m still not sure what exactly happened, whether I was overestimating or underestimating the danger I was in in any given situation, whether I was imagining the boys at the market who grabbed me as I walked past them on a side road, or the extra twenty minutes I spent in the cab begging the driver to take me home—or if, in the fifteen seconds that elapsed between my host father kissing me and me calling my friend, I had somehow simply imagined, or, worse, somehow instigated, the whole encounter. I was furious when my administrator blew me off, and I buried my anger because I understood that I was being entitled; I had it so easy compared to every local woman I knew. But even the suggestion that I was making something out of nothing made me wonder if I was, in fact, making something out of nothing. I started wanting things to happen to me, as if to prove to myself that I wasn’t crazy, wasn’t hallucinating. Spiky with resentment, I glared at men who looked at me too closely, daring them to give me another even to write down in my little secret file of incidents, daring them to make visible the dawning sense I had of women living in a continual state of violation, daring them to help me realize that I wasn’t making any of this up. I wish I had known […] that the story didn’t need to be clean, and it didn’t need to be satisfying; that, in fact, it would never be clean or satisfying, and once I realized that, I would be able to see what was true.”

— Jia Tolentino, from “We Come from Old Virginia,” in Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion

[paradoxarchive]

i am too in love with life, i don't want to die (i cannot fathom the absence of living)

arthoesunshine | sunlightafterdark | joseph cambell | mary oliver | amy krouse rosenthal | joseph brodsky | unknown | gregory orr | colette, tr by matthew ward | anaïs nin

[heavenlyyshecomes]

hi my reader friends lithub has a new syllabi section that has some great (u guessed it!) syllabi from much beloved writers like ocean vuong and ross gay here's the full list that i have already added half of to my tbr:

ekphrastic poetry with victoria chang (featuring works of john ashbery, joy harjo, paul tran)

the literature of obsession with julia may jonas (obsession as transformation, destruction, catharsis and form)

place, space and landscape with alexandra kleeman (featuring didion, okorafor and hernan diaz)

lyric research with ross gay (books that combine research with an "I" like nelson's bluets or christle's the crying book)

hybrid poetry with ocean vuong (traditions, innovations and possibilities featuring bhanu kapil, rimbaud, clifton)

multigenre experiments in form with paul lisicky (for writing that explores connections between genres)

reading about writers with peter ho davies (books that teach the craft and give writing advice, think 'the outline' trilogy)

speculative women with lina maria ferreira cabeza-vanegas (a look at speculative works by women writers like jemisin, butler, k le guin)

writers and the world with viet thanh nguyen (rankine, baldwin, and coates)

sports and contemporary writing with sam lipsyte (exactly what it says on the tin)

[heavenlyyshecomes]

november reads

Why do we love to pathologise normal behaviour online?, james grieg, i-d

The rotting internet is a collective hallucination, jonathan zittrain, the atlantic

Searching for lost knowledge in the age of intelligent machines, adrienne lafrance, the atlantic

State of waiting, caitlin dwyer, longreads

In time I find strength, in time I get caught in the memories of food, hamnah khan, porridge magazine

What lies beneath: the secrets of France’s top serial killer expert, scott sayare, the guardian

Has self awareness gone too far in fiction?, katy waldman, the new yorker

The original cyborg: asian women and the machinations of power, kelly pau, bloodknife

The strange life and mysterious death of a virtuoso coder, brendan i. koerner, wired

Is bruce hay the most gullible man in cambridge?, kera bolonik, the cut

Why we're drawn into darkness, robert macfarlane interviewed by steve paulson, nautilus

The girl in the picture, nile capello, the atavist magazine

short fiction:

dark, warm heart, rich larson

a forest, or a tree, tegan moore

abraham's boys, joe hill

sleep, you black eyed pig, fall into a deep pit of ghosts, kirsty logan

[robertcapajpg]

some articles i enjoyed recently (faves are bolded) 

the genesis of blame, london review of books

the narcissism of queer influencer activists, gawker

there’s no moral imperative to be miserable, james greig

the cult of the imperfect, umberto eco

susanna clarke’s world of interiors, the new yorker

your camera roll contains a masterpiece, the new yorker

are you a baby? a litmus test, haley nahman on substack

prestige television and the moral life, article & podcast ep

how tv became respectable without getting better, current affairs

the cultural revisionism history, gawker

have we forgotten how to read critically?, dame magazine

found images, real life mag

nostalgia for nostalgia, real life mag

on internet & technology

google search is dying, dkb on substack

what lies beneath, real life mag

how the tiktok algorithm figures out your deepest desires, the wall street journal

the great offline, real life mag

nameless feeling, real life mag

i’m not there, real life mag

[genesisgrace]

Get Your Morning Started 🤍

I bet you already read dozens of morning routines but maybe I can offer you a few different tips and tricks with my step by step morning routine.

waking up early is essential to make the most out of the day. If you aren‘t an early bird, try different kinds of alarm clocks (light, nature sounds, etc).

After waking up make sure there is some water on your nightstand and drink it. Start hydrating!

Try to avoid your phone as long as possible - no one needs your attention that early in the morning. Be considerate and put your attention on yourself!

Don‘t make your bed. Srsly! Open your window and air your bedding first. Making your bed right after getting up is a safe place for mites. While ventilating the bedroom you can go the bathroom, prepare your drinks/breakfast, journal or meditate. Make your bed 30 min after leaving your bed.

Meditate. Light a candle or incense sticks. Roll out your fitness mat and choose between guided meditations or non guided meditations (I recommend guided for beginners, you can find some on YouTube or Spotify) meditation is key try to stick to it daily!

Journal for organisation and personal growth. 5 to 10 minutes only (!!!) there are many journals out there, I personally use the 5 Minute Journal but any journal would do. You can use a plain notepad and look up journaling ideas on pinterest I really don‘t want you to spend money on stuff you don‘t necessarily need just for the aesthetic.

Move your body honey! Do a YouTube workout or go for a run. Walk your staircase up and down do whatever you feel like doing but try to ignore your lazy bum trying to make you skip this. Get stared on this one you can thank me later.

Breakfast, baby. Nutrition and hydration is non-negotiable! Have your vegetables and fruits, drink your coffee or matcha, don’t forget to drink your lemon water. Don‘t skip breakfast to loose wait angel. Your organs need the calories to function during the day so treat yourself with love and consideration.

Keep calm and moisturise. Quick shower or wash to get ready for the day. Skincare is everything. I’m currently investing (and testing) Korean skincare for myself but a few products are key: cleanser -> toner -> antioxidant serum (vitamin c) -> eye cream -> moisturizer -> sunscreen

Make up and dress up. Find your personal style you feel comfortable with and you‘re good to go. You can look up outfit capsules on pinterest for wardrobe ideas. In terms of make up I personally think less is more. Mascara, lip oil, some rouge on the cheeks and vaseline and you‘re fine. I personally prefer a sleek hairstyle.

Listen to podcast. This step is easily combined with breakfast or getting ready. I‘m currently listening to Confessions by Anastazia but I’ll probably make a playlist with my fave podcast episodes from various podcasts and share it with you.

Bisous!

[valorascult]

Holistic Glow-Up Checklist

Healthy skin starts within

Address hormonal imbalances

Invest in getting blood work done to find out what you body has too much of and too little of (this saves you time and money. you may be using vitamins you don't even need)

Incorporate skin-loving ingredients into your meals

Eat a balanced diet

Eat fermented foods (Kombucha is your bff)

Cultivate self-awareness & compassion

Keep a journal

Engage in regular self-care

Sync with your cycle

Get ready for bed before you're tired

Do the shadow work

Invest in your personal growth

Enroll yourself in classes you've never taken before

Read the books you've been putting off

Develop useful skills

Pick up a new hobby

Embrace Mindfulness

Practice breathwork (I use pranayama and use youtube vids to guide me)

Set aside time for meditation

Frequently go on 10min+ walks

Always pause and reflect

Create morning and evening routines

Limit screen time in the evenings and about and hour after you wake up

Use blue light filters (you can shift you phone / laptop to night shift)

Take time in the mornings to relax, meditate, lay in silence, be mindful of your body during this time, allow yourself to feel that your body is working

End the day with a calming, restorative nighttime routine

[iwritesnortsintragedies]

Ressources for DND Newbies

Image formats will be in the For DND Newbies tag.

All PDF formats are downloadable from google drive.

If you find these useful, please share them with your friends and don't hesitate to let me know if there are things that could use some clarifying. Have fun!

Content lists

Note: the Spell Cards section is under construction. Resources not yet made will be in red.

Dungeons & Dragons for Newbies

Volume 1, per page:

An illustrated recap of the dice used to play DND.

Defines: ability scores, modifiers, HP, AC, DC, Proficiency, Saving Throws and Death saves.

Defines: flanking, advantage, disadvantage, melee range, critical hit/fail (+ nat20 & nat1), area of effect and ranged spell attack.

Definitions of: initiative, combat rounds, movement, action, bonus action, reaction, attack of opportunity.

Volume 2: Level 1 cheat sheets

Artificer, Barbarian, Bard, Blood Hunter, Cleric, Druid, Fighter, Monk, Paladin, Ranger, Rogue, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard.

Recaps how to calculate HP, weapons attack, spell attack & spell DC.

Explains spell slots, sums up proficiencies for the class, and has the text for the main feature on the second page.

Volume 3: Summary of all conditions in the game.

Blinded, Charmed, Deafened, Exhaustion, Frightened, Grappled, Incapacitated, Invisible, Paralyzed, Petrified, Poisoned, Prone, Restrained.

Spell cards

From the basic rules

Artificers

Bard

Clerics

Druids

Paladin

Ranger

Sorcerer

Warlock

Wizard

From the Player's Handbook

Artificers

Bard

Clerics

Druids

Paladin

Ranger

Sorcerer

Warlock

Wizard

From Xanathar's Guide to Everything

Artificers

Bard

Clerics

Druids

Paladin

Ranger

Sorcerer

Warlock

Wizard

[sosuperawesome]

Lily of the Valley Dice // URWizards on Etsy

[thingsworthsaving]

"It's the great mystery of human life that old grief passes gradually into quiet tender joy."

-Fyodor Dostoyevsky, from The Brothers Karamazov

[randatattoos]

Drew a lil wallpaper ❤️‍🔥

[skipthisvoid]

Made this bloomcore iPad wallpaper to match my April bullet journal theme. Feel free to use it for your iPad too!

[valorascult]

What to plan at the beginning of each month

- Mani / Pedi

- Hair trim every two months

- A facial

- Date night by yourself or with your s/o

- A day spent completely by yourself

- Deep clean room

- Write down important events for the month in a calendar

- Spa day

- One breakfast / lunch / dinner with friends

- Pick a day to learn something new

- A day / weekend spent outdoors (hiking, camping, kayaking, grounding)

- Deep condition hair with mask

- Give yourself a new routine

- Throw away things (or people) that no longer serve you

- Plan your month goals in a journal

[fizzykiss]

Taxidermy dollhouse by Brooke Weston

[heavensghost]

you don’t have to belong everywhere