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Thoughts and musings

I often find myself awake at night deciphering the meaning of life and what it entails. I understand I’m getting older but the mere thought of potentially losing my grandmother/ parents frightens me. I hold them so close to heart and I cannot fathom the day I’d have to bid goodbye to them.

I’ve already experienced this once with my grandfather in 2014. The experience itself was heartbreaking enough, having to go through numerous of these in my lifetime? I don’t know how I can. Time is passing at such a drastic pace. It’s hard to not overthink. In 2014 I was only a fresh faced 17 year old. Completing my final year of high school. I wasn’t even an adult yet, I was young, sensitive and too inexperienced for the big bad world.

Now in 2018, I’m 21 studying and working full time. 4 years has passed but I don’t feel anymore experienced than I was as my 17 year old counterpart. Time has already passed me by but I seem to be refusing to grow up. But honestly is that a bad thing? Just the mere thought of becoming one of those career driven adults with no care in the world and no love for their families frighten me. Time stops for nobody and anything can happen in any given moment. The family you once took for granted can easily disappear in an instant. I refuse to let that possibility become reality. I want to experience the best years of my life surrounded by those I hold dearly.

2018 has so far been a year of revelations, of stone cold facts but also possibilities. Modifying my preexistent mentality has allowed me to better focus on myself and what truly makes me happy. Eliminating certain toxic aspects of my life has also enabled me to better focus on what’s important, and that is my friends, family and myself.

Goodnight, Ever (finally learning how to take it slow, fully enjoying what life has in store for her).

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